Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Nik76 24 years and nothing to show for it.
  • replies: 4

My wife and I have separated after 24 years. We never had kids but did have 2 cats for 17 years. The last 5 years, things have been slowly going downhill. We started drifting apart, not doing things together, arguing all the time and disagreeing over... View more

My wife and I have separated after 24 years. We never had kids but did have 2 cats for 17 years. The last 5 years, things have been slowly going downhill. We started drifting apart, not doing things together, arguing all the time and disagreeing over finances. We tried a UK holiday in 2018 to try and find our spark but it didn't help. We've always been faithful to each other but the bickering has just been getting worse. The final straw was over a money disagreement. A petty argument with harsh words spilled and now I sit in an empty house with no furniture or kitchenware. The heartbreaker for me though is that we just got 2 new kittens in January to try and help with the relationship as it's been 5 years since the first cats passed away and maybe they were the glue in the relationship. But it was too little too late. Now the new cats are caught in the crossfire and have no idea why suddenly their play area is completely bare. I have no support network to fall to as we always were enough for each other and never needed anyone else. We were each others best friends. She has now moved back home to her parents house but my mother died years ago and my father took it really hard so I have no one. I'm struggling with going on at the moment. I've had thoughts which I never would have dreamed I'd ever face and it scares me a lot. I know that it will eventually work out but I just feel so lost right now.

Joey_jo_jo New to this but not to problems...
  • replies: 5

Hey, All my life I've not been good with recognising or communicating my emotions. I'm married with a child and my wife and I have had a lot of issues with me not sharing my feelings which has impacted our sex life and intimacy negatively to the poin... View more

Hey, All my life I've not been good with recognising or communicating my emotions. I'm married with a child and my wife and I have had a lot of issues with me not sharing my feelings which has impacted our sex life and intimacy negatively to the point it's non existent. We saw a marriage counsellor a few years ago and things improved fo a while but now they're back to where they were before - if not worse. We had a big fight about it the other night, the house is extremely tense between us now. I've asked to go back to the counsellor but my wife didn't think she was very good so I asked her to find someone and make an appointment for us. That's happening Monday (not sure when the appointment will be). What can I do now, today, to both get myself mentally prepared? It's like my mind goes completely blank when the anxiety gets this high, I can't even think to speak. Like I fully shut down. What can I do today, to start to open up communications with my wife too? She is shutting down as well so we're like to silo's existing in the same space. We're both pretty good at putting on brave faces for our child though. I think there's not too much awareness there that things are that bad between mum and dad. Any help would be awesome.

BBUser44 Recently separated and not coping well
  • replies: 11

Hello I broke up with my partner of over two years a few days ago due to him completely shutting down on me for the last few months. I am struggling to cope. At times I have trouble breathing and I feel so empty. I am so confused and angry and can't ... View more

Hello I broke up with my partner of over two years a few days ago due to him completely shutting down on me for the last few months. I am struggling to cope. At times I have trouble breathing and I feel so empty. I am so confused and angry and can't stop crying. I moved a long distance away with him to start a new life and now I am alone with no family or friends. He was supposed to be my best friend. I moved out without furniture or a car and have had to start again. He said he would never leave me with nothing if we ever broke up so I trusted that and sold my furniture and my car. I haven't had any contact with him but I am so tempted to try and find out why he did this to me. I know this will not help and only prolong the pain. How do I stop feeling like this? I do know in my heart it is for the best but right now I can't imagine having to move on without him in my life

Marty9 Ending my engagement.
  • replies: 1

Hi first time posting My partner and I have been engaged for about 1.5 years and together for a total of 4 In the past few months a lot of stuff has happens that I am still not ready to talk about, but in short, three very major events were hidden fr... View more

Hi first time posting My partner and I have been engaged for about 1.5 years and together for a total of 4 In the past few months a lot of stuff has happens that I am still not ready to talk about, but in short, three very major events were hidden from me with lies, and deceptions keeping me content for over a month (I had no reason not to trust her) I then became aware of the truth when the police had to get involved... I was told an outline of the events that had occurred from an officer that is known personally to myself and my partner. A police investigation commenced, however my partner was painfully unwilling to assist. After couples councilling, I believed I could put things behind us and my partner promised not to hide things or lie to me again. Yesterday, my partner was out with friends when I got a knock at the door from more police, asking what my partner was doing the night before... i was out with mates so i truthfully didn't know. When my partner returned the questioned her. After questioning one of the officers informed me that there had been another incident. After they left I asked my partner about it and she said it was nothing.. I pushed and she relented, telling me that there had been an incident days earlier and she hadn't told me about it. I am at my wits end... we spoke earlier today, I said I wasn't happy with her excuse for not telling me, she didnt give me any more info... I said I don't think I can cope with this any more and need a break from everything. Lots of tears and yelling/abuse from her and she left to see a friend. So that's where I'm at at the moment. I'm.not sure what the next step is or if I am being unreasonable. I don't feel like i trust her anymore but i still love her so much.

Smithy19 I have just joined - I went off the rails everything I do or see I'd cry
  • replies: 5

Hello one and all iv been looking on this site for a long time but havent joined but i thought i would. Im male 56yrs old i live alone in a lovely litte town in Victoria. Where do i start Well the last 30 yrs i got married in 1991 and i thought id wo... View more

Hello one and all iv been looking on this site for a long time but havent joined but i thought i would. Im male 56yrs old i live alone in a lovely litte town in Victoria. Where do i start Well the last 30 yrs i got married in 1991 and i thought id won tatts we bought a house had 2 kids than we bought aoughter house and moved in to that 2003 all was going great than 2007 she come home one sunday afternoon and said sorry i dont love you and with that we tryed to talk about ti for a week or 2 but she just said no its over so with that she asked me to leave so i moved out to a unit and i got on dsp because i hada roofing accedent about 1988 i ended up having a double spinal fusion in sept 1994 1 month beforefirstchild was born good timing but i had to get it done because i was going to string myself up because i couldent do a thing so back to 2007 while living in a unit my daughter wasent happy with what had happened so wife brought her over to me and she lived with me for a while now i know how she felt because i went thought all this when i was her age and yonger thats aoughter story so i had her for a few months and she went back to live with mum. so all i could think was because of my injury i was no good for her anymore but as it ended up she was having affair well i thought wow the other guy must good than because i could never get sex off her it was a sunday morning wham bam (sorry i shouldent say that) i was more shocked she was having affair than the seperation i was a stay at home dad got the kids off to school cooked cleaned and i was a taxi driver for 28 yrs i evan started my own limo business so i was all ways trying to support but the back failed me. i moved up to this little town in 2012 iv been renting all the time been bloody hard i meet a lady back in 2009 and when i moved up here she moved in wth me with son well we lived togeather for 5 yrs and i was asking her can u asked son to do things like hang towel up wash dishes etc well no and i was getting rather shitty all the time that to the point i was having argyments in my head when i go to bed and i was asleep well id had eught i moved out in 2016 and than moved back in 2017 but the relatonship wasent the same so i moved out again in2018 id went off the rails every thing i do or see id cry. It was jan 5th 2018 i was mowing the lawns and it was nice warm day i watching all these motor bike ride by 2 stopped out front i asked if ok one come over he was sweating rang ambo he died3 min

Whyisme1973 Need advice, is wife emotional abuse to me?
  • replies: 10

So the situation is over the last year I have realised my wife has continually abused me for much of our marriage. A year ago my life changed completely when after 45 years I met my Birth Mother (im adopted). All of the negative self image, self hatr... View more

So the situation is over the last year I have realised my wife has continually abused me for much of our marriage. A year ago my life changed completely when after 45 years I met my Birth Mother (im adopted). All of the negative self image, self hatred, anger and constant low level depression left me. I felt like a fog cleared from my mind and felt generally content most of the time. Fast forward to now and I have happily been walking and exercising most mornings, so feel healthy and look healthy. Have a quiet self confidence now and generally don't care what nasty people try to do me, water off a ducks back and all. But I don't enjoy coming home to my wife. We have a 13 yr son together and she has a 23 year son living with us too. So I am asking am I right is seeing all these things below as abuse? I am watched with surveillance in every move I make. If I am cooking dinner, I am told from the lounge I am doing it wrong, don't do that, don't add that, don't set the temp to that. I used to enjoy cooking, now I dread it that much I try to put my back to her so she can't see what I am doing. Name calling and sniping. Anything that I did or didn't do is saved up, and when I walk through the door, I am interrogated or asked did I forget something, or my favourite - don't you have something to tell me? I am told I never listen to her, and when an event comes up I am scolded for not remembering it. Ok so maybe sometimes I did forget it, but not all the time. This issue I am sure she has differently reality to me. When I said one day "that's your reality, not mine" it got me thinking, is she gaslighting me? If asked a question like have you seen something or do remember something, I answer honestly yes or no or as best as I can. But that is never enough and after asking the same question 3 or 4 times I start getting angry. Its like I am 5years old and caught out by a parent lying. Ok yes I raise my voice in anger, but that is a frustration anger of being taken for a liar. Silent treatment has been increasing in frequency. There has been times now when it is triggered by my looking at her "the wrong way". After a I finally give in and ask what's wrong. Answer is usually nothing wrong with her, I was the one giving the silent treatment. Huh? Other times its mostly about non-compliance with her wishes, or if I know for certain I am right when accused of something and stand my ground firmly. So I decided not react and last night she slept in the spare room. Help?

Sunny2567 First love
  • replies: 3

Hello, I struggle a lot with my mental health, but last year I really hit an all time low. I got with my ex 2 years ago who happened to also be my first love. I had to go back to my home country for a few months so we were long distance for a while a... View more

Hello, I struggle a lot with my mental health, but last year I really hit an all time low. I got with my ex 2 years ago who happened to also be my first love. I had to go back to my home country for a few months so we were long distance for a while and just before I was due back to Australia in September 2019 he broke up with me and said he wanted to be alone and didn’t want the responsibility of someone else. I was distraught and unsure whether to come back or not and it seemed like he was ok to never see me again if I didn’t come back. It’s been 7 months since we broke up and since I’ve been back in Australia and for the first few months I was constantly trying to talk to him and see him but not getting anything from him. He just seemed to be getting on with his life just fine whilst he had completely de-railed mine. I still see him from time to time as he lives with my best friend and her boyfriend (I was suppose to move into their flat when I came back from my country), but every time I see him it just makes me feel sad and reminds me of all the horrible feelings that I felt when he broke up with me. I just constantly have a feeling of not being good enough and having no confidence in myself to find somebody else. My friends tell me I could do so much better than him, but I didn’t want anybody else. Even though I’ve started to try the dating apps, it hurts me so bad to know he may be doing the same and has forgotten about me. I’m really struggling to find a way to forget or get over the whole situation completely and it just makes me sad to think he’s over it already and I never cross his mind anymore.

Ruthgada My husband visited a brothel
  • replies: 17

I came to know today that my husband of 20 years visited a brothel with his friend before we got married . He says he was drunk and was curious about sex so went to try out. He says he couldn't get erection, didn't feel good so just spent time talkin... View more

I came to know today that my husband of 20 years visited a brothel with his friend before we got married . He says he was drunk and was curious about sex so went to try out. He says he couldn't get erection, didn't feel good so just spent time talking and watching TV. He then told her to tell his friend who will visit her after him that he had sex. We have 2 kids and not in good relationship and no sex for 5years. I have been asking for divorce and everytime he convinces me saying he will try to be better. Now knowing about this has shocked me and asking him for divorce which he doesn't want to give because he loves kids. This truth has become unacceptable for me. I don't know what to do.

Yelah90 Always the 2nd choice.
  • replies: 1

So my friend will always plan a catch up then say she's busy or try next week. She has done this quite a few times. So today since I've got my car. I said I'll even drive to you today . Since she said next week. She reply she's not home... So I guess... View more

So my friend will always plan a catch up then say she's busy or try next week. She has done this quite a few times. So today since I've got my car. I said I'll even drive to you today . Since she said next week. She reply she's not home... So I guess she out out with other people. .

BPD76 Constantly Thinking About My Therapist
  • replies: 3

I saw a suicide prevention therapist after a suicide attempt. I am female. He is male. I can't stop thinking about him. I can see why as he was so focused on me and everything was about me. My time with him has ended. But I still think of him everyda... View more

I saw a suicide prevention therapist after a suicide attempt. I am female. He is male. I can't stop thinking about him. I can see why as he was so focused on me and everything was about me. My time with him has ended. But I still think of him everyday. I fantasise about him I want him! And I am married with a family. I don't know what to do. I have Facebook stalked him. I don't want to let him go. Even though our sessions ended in January. Not necessarily looking for answers or suggestions, but I just need to say it.