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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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KatD He’s not meeting my needs
  • replies: 1

My husband is quite selfish and short tempered. Blames others for everything instead of taking responsibility. I don’t like to ask him to do things around my house as everything is a huge effort and he just cracks the s***s when doing something. He g... View more

My husband is quite selfish and short tempered. Blames others for everything instead of taking responsibility. I don’t like to ask him to do things around my house as everything is a huge effort and he just cracks the s***s when doing something. He gets annoyed so easily. A big issue is that he does not make any effort to satisfy me sexually as much as I’ve discussed with him, shown him and tried. He says he’s sorry but does nothing about it. I love getting him off in different ways and he physically turns me on. I’m quite sexual and experienced as 9 years older but he has no stamina. He has never made me orgasm in six years. He lasts one minute if I’m lucky. I feel like we don’t emotionally and physically connect. I have this bizarre strongest attachment to him although I’ve left him 10 times to return upon his perseverance. We have a lot in common and I’m really attracted to him. I do however go in cycles where it’s all good, things improve, then I realise that s*** isn’t great and then I leave. We don’t live together as I love having my own space and home. This works for us although is unconventional. My first husband was emotionally abusive so I have found my strength and need my independence. I spoke to him tonight yet again about me not being satisfied. He yells “for f*** sake I was going to get that stuff” referring to the tablets to delay ejaculation but was costly and I was worried about safety. I explained he could use his hands etc and make some effort and that I was sick of masturbating. I told him I feel like he doesn’t care about me as I talk to him about it and he just gets on the defensive and angry. He fumbles around when manually ‘stimulating’ me and rarely gives me oral. Argh I don’t want to be in an unsatisfied marriage yet I love him. His selfishness is obviously not going to change though sadly. He has made no effort with his son. Has not seen him for weeks and not for Easter. I told him he should buy him an Easter egg and go see him but he didn’t. So sad. No effort with his daughter either. Just occasional phone calls. He has no relationship with his children whatsoever and that’s his choice as mothers have never got in the way. My children are my world. Every single day. My first priority. He absolutely loves my children but how can a father not want to see his children?? Sorry for the rant and if you got this far thanks for reading. Advice is greatly appreciated please from an outsiders perspective.

MumOf2boiz Not sure if emotional abuse or not .... can they change?
  • replies: 9

Hi all, First time posting here so thank you for reading this (sorry it’s a bit long!). basically I think my husband has a few narcissistic traits. He can’t see it and I feel like that just makes it so much worse..... I’m so sick of feeling belittled... View more

Hi all, First time posting here so thank you for reading this (sorry it’s a bit long!). basically I think my husband has a few narcissistic traits. He can’t see it and I feel like that just makes it so much worse..... I’m so sick of feeling belittled and practically ignored but we have two little ones together (a 21 month old and 5 month old). So I don’t know what to do... Basically My husband and I have been together for 8 years (married for 3) and I loved him dearly at the start. There were red flags but I told myself because of his troubled past/childhood that his frustration/ anger wasn’t his fault. However, now that we have kids and I have started on anti depressants, I’ve realised the truth. I’ve gained the self confidence to realise that my boys and I deserve better. ESPECIALLY my boys. I only want the best for them and I don’t like them seeing how my husband treats me. We’re seeing a counsellor (only had two sessions) but I still feel like he’s not trying to change. his behaviour includes, name calling (he has tried hard to stop this one), talking down/dismissing my feelings, gets super defensive over everything I say, never takes the blame for anything, it’s always my fault, I Honestly feel like he gets annoyed when I’m happy, he’s easily frustrated and gives me the worst attitude, and it’s always about him. If he’s tired, he won’t help out, if he’s Had enough of an outing we have to stop what we’re doing (we went to dreamworld and because he’d had enough we all had to leave). I feel like I’m always saying it’s not about you anymore, it’s about our two boys but he still doesn’t get it! I think the most upsetting thing was when I went through my postnatal depression, I said I needed more from him and I felt like he wasn’t there for me at all and that hurt ALOT. My brother in law noticed the depression in me more than my husband.... I guess, all I’m wanting to know is, can they change??

Widowedmumof3 Does a relationship give you an identity?
  • replies: 6

I have been seeing a man on & off for almost a year now. He is in his early 50s, lives at home with his parents, he suffered a job related PTSD breakdown around 6 years ago. I am in my late 40s & have 3 kids (2 in their late teens, the other 13). My ... View more

I have been seeing a man on & off for almost a year now. He is in his early 50s, lives at home with his parents, he suffered a job related PTSD breakdown around 6 years ago. I am in my late 40s & have 3 kids (2 in their late teens, the other 13). My husband passed away 2 years ago. When we first began seeing each other I was still coming to terms with the loss of my husband as were my children. He was extremely caring, wanting to "counsel" me, to be a "better person", he would listen intently. I am very empathetic, I do always look for the good in others & I am guilty of fence sitting and keeping the peace. I have been working on for myself since my husband passed away to find my inner strength, to be there for my children, to grow & to be in control of my life. Our happy relationship didn't last long, then it turned almost narcissistic (as mine & his friends told me) he tried control every decision that i would make, selling my home, parenting my children. When I did not take his advice he grew angry and would lash out verbally. Things came to a head & inevitably he lost the majority of his friends & me, as they felt he was abusive and disrespectful. We broke up for 4 months. During this time I regained my strength. I joined the gym, I studied mindfulness. I was healthier physically, mentally and emotionally than I had been in years. But he was always on my mind. So I contacted him, he had done very little with himself during this time. His brother had taken him in, to "protect" him. We were happy. We both agreed we would take things slowly, keeping things between us until we made sure we were in a good place. We have had many ups and downs again. For me, I feel pressured to bring him into my home, which should be a natural occurrence, but I am fearful with his personality type, he can be extremely upfront & judgemental; my kids wont tolerate that, they don't think highly of him anyway. I have tried to help him, as he is not happy in his life, suffering job related PTSD he has lost all identity but he wants someone else to find it for him. His happiness is upto everyone else. He has lost his identity in our relationship and therefore this is why he is so negative all the time. I dont believe this is true, you shouldnt be identified by your relationship?? Am i wrong in thinking this? I am at a loss as to what to do. I dont like being pushed, i have explained this, but my past, my feelings are all excuses to him. I feel worthless, maybe I am as he says.

opuses Feeling useless......My son is in jail....... (TRIGGER WARNING - sexual assault)
  • replies: 5

Hello, I don't know who to talk to about this that might understand. Am hoping someone here is going through something similar and we can discuss together. My son at 20 years of age was accused by his gf of horrific sexual assaults, the stuff you onl... View more

Hello, I don't know who to talk to about this that might understand. Am hoping someone here is going through something similar and we can discuss together. My son at 20 years of age was accused by his gf of horrific sexual assaults, the stuff you only hear about on the crime channel, and worse and has been held in remand for over 8 months now whilst awaiting lawyers to get their act together etc etc. I'm lost as to what to think. Did he do these horrible things or didn't he? Is she lying to get back at him for something etc...all these things constantly go through my mind and after 8 months am no closer to figuring it out. I like to think I can read people well but this one has me stumped for the first time in my life. I also like to think I'm not too biased given he's my son, fair is fair and if you've done wrong you need to pay. I think my problem is I don't know which one to believe, so I can't move forward in my feelings. I'm worried she's accused him over spite but then again I'm scared he did do these things. Which one is worse????? He's always been angry and hot headed as a teenager, disrespectful at times and all that but this is a whole new level of I don't know what! You think that you'd know if these things are happening in the room next to you, which is where she's saying they all happened, with serious physical wounding which in the whole 10months that she lived with us, we never saw. Anyway, the lawyers tell us a women can send a man to jail purely on her words. WHAT? I can't begin to understand the injustice in that. Someone's word is not evidence and I do understand these crimes usually only involve two people but, how easy is it these days for a woman to say "he did this" and with nothing else, he gets sent to prison?? So, I don't know what to think, my partner is very supportive but it's not his child so he's not feeling what I'm feeling and would love to talk to people who may have gone through something similar......

Rhicooper7 Too young for a baby or family just being unsupportive
  • replies: 1

Hi i'm 19 years turning 20 at the moment and I am in a relationship with my boyfriend who is 22 turning 23. We have been together for almost 2 years and we love each other a lot, we live together and feel very certain that this relationship is long t... View more

Hi i'm 19 years turning 20 at the moment and I am in a relationship with my boyfriend who is 22 turning 23. We have been together for almost 2 years and we love each other a lot, we live together and feel very certain that this relationship is long term. We have had casual discussions about marriage and kids and both definitely want the same things in those areas, he has mentioned that maybe by the end of next year he would like us to be engaged and get married hopefully sometime within the following year and then start a family basically straight after. That would make me 21 or 22 and him 24 or 25 I haven't told anyone this especially my parents because they have very strong opinions about having kids young and especially don't want me to, they have already disapproved of my choice to move an hour away from them to live with my boyfriend as he cant leave his job and i was in a position to leave mine. I want to live my life the way I want to but i'm scared that my parents will reject me and my baby. Their approval of me is really important and I want them to be proud of me I don't know what to do have my baby and try to deal with their opinions or wait any advice would be greatly appreciated

Daisyxo Struggling
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone. First time posting . Or even reaching out for that matter. I've struggled alot with depression When I was younger, I've over come alot of it as I've hit my late 20s, and I'm pretty proud of myself despite my fluctuation in moods from tim... View more

Hi everyone. First time posting . Or even reaching out for that matter. I've struggled alot with depression When I was younger, I've over come alot of it as I've hit my late 20s, and I'm pretty proud of myself despite my fluctuation in moods from time to time I am happy to be alive . I started a new relationship with a man 8 months ago, we live together now. I can say with a rational mind That i love him more than anything, he's genuinely a great partner to me. But recently I've been struggling with expressing my feelings and when I do he gets mad. And it's begun this cycle , I get upset about something and I'm So down, I talk to him and he gets pissed off because "he can't deal with this" He yells at me, insults me, and then I have to drop it because it's too hard to keep fighting Emotionally . He will eventually apologise for How he spoke to me but the initial issue never gets spoken of. I'm at my last straw I have nothing left in me and I don't know what to do Or even how to communicate with him. I'm constantly depressed . This morning was our most recent fight. He's not at home right now as he had a meeting To get to. I know when he gets home he will not try to understand, or soften all he'll do is yell And i have so much anxiety every time about this it's made me close up.

Frontsideslappy Giving my Partner space and finding it hard
  • replies: 3

Hello, So I’ve been dating this girl for about 3 months now. We met online - know a lot of the same people and common interests. We really hit it off, fell in love pretty quickly. Like nothing I’ve felt with anybody else! Something very special about... View more

Hello, So I’ve been dating this girl for about 3 months now. We met online - know a lot of the same people and common interests. We really hit it off, fell in love pretty quickly. Like nothing I’ve felt with anybody else! Something very special about this one. yet about 3 weeks ago there was an accident outside her house. We saw this poor man die after flying off from a motor cycle collision. Pretty distressing. i guess as a way I coping it threw me back a few years. I became someone I’m not usually. Co dependant and clingy - irritable, short fused. In the midst of this we were getting intimate and I freaked out - couldn’t perform and self harmed myself with slapping and punching and screaming into a pillow. this hasn’t happened in about 5 years - needless to say it’s triggered her from her previous interpersonal relationship. I’m ashamed of how she saw that but I’ve come to terms with it. It’s giving me something to work on - a wake up call if you will. yet a month later and she said she need to take a few days of space - to reconnect and that. Now it’s turned into a few weeks. specially with the pandemic going on I need her the most, miss her the most. she has made is clear when she goes through shit she pushes people away. Which is what’s happening . im struggling to deal with the fact I can’t engage with her. many tips on how long I should leave it? I’ve decided to leave her alone and balls in her court. I feel like it’s not going to work out. should I be prepared for the worst? The whole of it is driving me nuts. She’s someone I want to spend the rest of my life with. I just hope it’s our time

Becca_Maria I love my husband Im not in love with him, what do I do?
  • replies: 11

So we have been together almost 17 years, married 12 and have 4 brilliant kids! I know deep down I settled for him as a string of broken relationships had left me with rejection scars. However, for the most part it worked, i fell in love with him and... View more

So we have been together almost 17 years, married 12 and have 4 brilliant kids! I know deep down I settled for him as a string of broken relationships had left me with rejection scars. However, for the most part it worked, i fell in love with him and we managed to marry. He is a dairy farmer so from the start I have spent a lot of time on my own raising the kids. I wasnt interested in becoming part of the farm for many reasons. Fast forward and life is tougher than ever, we took a trip around Aus to rekindle a relationship, basically he had to get off the farm if we had any chance in saving ourselves. It was the best year of my life. It felt like we were different people. There was not a question of me begging him to spend time with us (farmers have no spare time) we just spent time together all the time, met new people, swam, sat on beaches, went on bushwalks with the kids, cooked together, ate together, lived together. It was amazing. We came home and still own the farm but both went off separately to work casual jobs so we still had the choice to go off and explore when we could. Fast forward we are back stuck deeper in the rut before we left, we still own and pay off the farm so on top of a 9-5 job my husband is at the farm every other waking minute...even Christmas day (which previously I had to suck up) but now we are at our wits ends. Life it toxic at home, but we are on the other side of building our life, we are in a good financial position and just sold some land and a house in order to buy a house in town (where I want to live to be closer to everything we do, school, work, kids, parents etc). But life has become so overwhelming and we constantly fight and become horrible with each other (more so me, because I am so lonely most of the time when he dosent come home I get so upset) Last night I told him how bad my mental health was and that i really was very very low. After a screaming match he just told me the sooner I got out and rented a house on my own the better. We had a brief break last November in which I came back and tried to mend things as I just didnt want a broken marriage. However, here we are again. He is a good man, a hard worker, a fabulous dad but has no concept or desire to be a loving Husband. I just crave an adult in my life and after spending day in day out with the kids I find I am so completely anxious come the end of the day because I know if he is home I basically have to fight for this attention.

Shompa Is this emotional abuse or do I need major help?
  • replies: 2

I have been married 2 yrs now. It is our 2nd anniversary in 5 days and we thought getting good takeaway and dressing up for a dinner date in our balcony will be a good way to celebrate while staying indoors. We sat down to decide on the menu when som... View more

I have been married 2 yrs now. It is our 2nd anniversary in 5 days and we thought getting good takeaway and dressing up for a dinner date in our balcony will be a good way to celebrate while staying indoors. We sat down to decide on the menu when something really riled up my husband and I noticed he is very upset about something. I nudged him to not feeel upset and angry as we were just deciding then and nothing was set in stone. He got really worked up and started yelling and abusing. I couldn't understand what made him react that way. I tried to reason out with him but he started all the more overreacting. That really upset me and I started sobbing. It always happens this way on our special days. He didn't stop. It was like I was holding myself, but I gave up. It got me so worked up I started throwing things around the house. It has always been this way. It ends up with him telling me I need help.

Guest_33 Devestating Break Up
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I’ve just ended an 18 month relationship today and I’m feeling stupid, afraid and very alone. We met after 2 months of my break up from a 5 year relationship, I know I didn’t allow myself to heal but it just felt right. I was wrong.. 3 months in he w... View more

I’ve just ended an 18 month relationship today and I’m feeling stupid, afraid and very alone. We met after 2 months of my break up from a 5 year relationship, I know I didn’t allow myself to heal but it just felt right. I was wrong.. 3 months in he was talking to his ex girlfriend saying he missed her could get back with her in a second without hesitation, we separated he even spoke to other girls whilst “trying” to win me back, and I caved. I didn’t want to be alone, I believed the promises and lies. Things were good for awhile, I kept the contact and decided that we were better together then without each other, it only lasted a couple months and the same thing happened, talking to the ex. Again I feel for it and put in 200% of myself to make things work.. we ended up moving in together and 7 months of no issues, signed a lease and a month in.. fast forward to now my best friend of 7 years comes over to catch up, we drank and I went to bed first. I went to bed worried something was going to happen, I trust my friend whole heartily and I found out today that he tried to sleep with her, made comments and advances whilst I was in bed. She left and came and told me... I’ve kicked him out of the house and I’ve told my family and him it’s over. Betrayal makes you feel so worthless, it’s so hard to not self blame. I expected this to happen that’s the saddest part, I was diagnosed with severe anxiety from this relationship and I’m in counselling. I’m worried I won’t find the strength to get through this, I’ve been so hurt in my life that I don’t know how I am going to be happy again.