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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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J06 Complex Family and it's depressing!
  • replies: 1

I have 3 children eldest married 2 children, youngest in a stable relationship with 1 child, middle one single gay self opinionated with mental health issues stemming from childhood issues that I did not deal with and which has caused him to be havin... View more

I have 3 children eldest married 2 children, youngest in a stable relationship with 1 child, middle one single gay self opinionated with mental health issues stemming from childhood issues that I did not deal with and which has caused him to be having therapy for the past 25 years. The son doesn't get on with father or youngest sibling but has always managed a relationship with eldest sibling. I've spent years being in the middle of bickering, arguing, verbally fighting between people. Luckily given they live in different states it doesn't occur often, although Christmas when they all love to come home, and for grandchildren it's the only way to spend christmas. So it's a time for me that I love (being a christmas tragic) but it is one fraught with worry, tension, anxiety attacks for me and I don't believe believe people doing enough to monitor their behaviour. I've spoken to people individually but of course it's always the other persons problem. This year because of Covid no one could spend christmas at home but middle child visited and stayed with eldest sibling. All well until middle grandson, just entering his teens and a typical teenager - lazy, untidy prefers to do his own thing, although no problems when it all suits him was disciplined several times by father for not removing himself from electronics and help his mother. Middle son thought punishment banned from electronics and send to room didn't fit the crime, tried to step in didn't go down well and then contacted me to say what had happened and he felt that he had witnessed other similar things that had happened and he didn't feel it was fair as this was what had happened to him and he didn't want to see his nephew go through 25 yrs of therapy. I told him, I had seen the grandsons behaviour which at times was not good and he needed something more than continuinally being spoken to as that didn't worth. Also said son was a good father and that it was not middle son's responsibility and he should not get in the middle. Now I am sitting worrying about what is going on and whether brothers are now arguing, and the only one the middle son can interact with may prefer he not visit if he is going to comment on his parenting. But middle son wants and needs a family and can't see that he is pushing people away Meanwhile I sit and worry myself silly over it because I do know that some of middle sons issues have been caused by our bad choices. Love my children but sometimes wish they would go away

peacock Separation due to Covid
  • replies: 8

Hi, my only son is in the army. I only get to see him at Xmas as he is based interstate. He was in Afghanistan for nine months this year. He was due to have six weeks leave with us from 11 December. He arrived as planned but after only ten days he wa... View more

Hi, my only son is in the army. I only get to see him at Xmas as he is based interstate. He was in Afghanistan for nine months this year. He was due to have six weeks leave with us from 11 December. He arrived as planned but after only ten days he was ordered to fly back to base due to Covid. I am really struggling with this as I have been looking forward to his trip all year. I keep crying and am so sad it is hard to take. I’m not looking forward to Xmas now at all. I just wish we could see him.

Popey Emotional Affair
  • replies: 2

I need advice - sorry it’s long I’ve been married to my childhood sweet heart for 20 years. It has been amazing except we never have sex. (Maybe twice a year if I instigate it). I absolutely adore him and would never ever have thought he’d cheat emot... View more

I need advice - sorry it’s long I’ve been married to my childhood sweet heart for 20 years. It has been amazing except we never have sex. (Maybe twice a year if I instigate it). I absolutely adore him and would never ever have thought he’d cheat emotionally or physically. The other night after a few wonderful days away with our children I thought I’d try for sex. I rolled up next to him and started kissing his neck without any response I tried a few more things and he didn’t more an inch or say a word. I felt absolutely dejected and worthless. (He is still warm to me outside the bedroom occasional hug and I love you). By chance today I had his iPad as it links to our movie tv and the kids have lost the remote so we use the iPad. I’ve never ever snooped on his personal phone or messages before but there was his message app. I opened it and it was him txting with his best friend. My husband was texting about a female who is his massage therapist and goes to the same boot camp as him. My husband was giving his mate a run down of how he feels when she massagers his body. (Not just his injured back). Im all for fantasying but! I think this is more than that. What should I do. I’m pretty sure if I mention the messages he’s going to blame me for snooping and not trusting him. im the main bread winner and cook dinner and breakfast every morning for the children. He isn’t stressed about work or anything like that.

AquaSun Frustrated and helpless
  • replies: 4

Hi everyone, I know the value of these forums and as a health practitioner with alot of mental health experience I have referred people to this site. Ironically I have felt helpless to manage my own family situation. I have a great marriage with a ve... View more

Hi everyone, I know the value of these forums and as a health practitioner with alot of mental health experience I have referred people to this site. Ironically I have felt helpless to manage my own family situation. I have a great marriage with a very caring husband but have an adult child with mental health problems who has no insight and refuses to take any medication anymore or seek intervention which makes our life very difficult at times. I'm wondering which forum is the best to post on. I don't want to give away too much as I know our child does occasionally look at this site and they would be very angry thinking I have disclosed anything. Our child lives away but comes home during breaks in study. Covid of course has been disastrous for their year and has seen them at home more this year with reluctance to go anywhere. We both feel as though we are suffering parental abuse and being judged constantly for our lifestyle choices , what we eat , what we wear, what we watch on television and who our friends are. At times we feel sorry for them as they have isolated themselves. Any input would be appreciated. Thank you.

NathanJames People like seeing others hurt *Trigger warning - violence*
  • replies: 5

Don’t really know what to say. I’ve had a lot of issues in the past 10 years and my current partner has always put me down about things and bringing up my step dad which I found dead when I was 15. She will use every bit of ammunition she has against... View more

Don’t really know what to say. I’ve had a lot of issues in the past 10 years and my current partner has always put me down about things and bringing up my step dad which I found dead when I was 15. She will use every bit of ammunition she has against me and use it. I currently have no job due to the coronavirus so I can’t just pack my bags and go like I have been wanting to do. I have spent many nights sleeping in the back of my Ute just to get away but can only do that so many times. I’m starting to black out and tend to start getting more and more violent but also at the same time starting to feel numb and not feel anything apart from anger. Why can I do? She seems to think it’s all a joke and she admits to doing it on purpose to hurt me. I’ve got no one I can stay with and no money to get me somewhere else

Jk12 Physically and mentally drained! Do I leave?
  • replies: 4

6 year relationship, 4 kids (3 step kids) Hes lazy he doesn’t do anything & when I do ask for help it turns into an argument because he takes it the wrong way, I then try and reassure that I’m just asking a simple question, there’s times where I get ... View more

6 year relationship, 4 kids (3 step kids) Hes lazy he doesn’t do anything & when I do ask for help it turns into an argument because he takes it the wrong way, I then try and reassure that I’m just asking a simple question, there’s times where I get called every name under then sun and then it all gets turned around on to me. I’m physically and mentally drained and I don’t think I can do it anymore. Im always worried about his feelings and how he would feel and how it would affect him and his life if I was to leave rather then worrying about myself and my mental health. It’s all just hit me because I had 3 people ask me if I was okay and if I was happy, I automatically said yes and then I had time to actually think about it and then it went downhill from there because I realised that I wasn’t happy.. I do love him there’s no doubt about that but I just don’t think I can do it anymore. There’s more bad days then what there are good. As soon as I ask for help wether it be around the house or with the kids he always responds with so don’t do anything for me or the kids and he’ll get someone else to help him with the kids while he goes to work ( I work aswell mon-fri). I feel like I’ve failed as a parent when he says that and then don’t really see a point on being around them or living with them. I’ve shut down, I’ve done nothing but cry for the last 4 days. I’m bottling everything up because I cannot communicate without getting abused & im constantly feeling like I’ve failed with everything. I just don’t know what to do anymore !?!

This44guy Dealing with rejection and separation
  • replies: 3

Seperating with my lady of 24yrs, married for 10. We called it off Boxing Day night. Still in the same house and have an amazing 8yr old boy. She wants something different in life to us and doesnt have any drive to work on possibly fixing our life. I... View more

Seperating with my lady of 24yrs, married for 10. We called it off Boxing Day night. Still in the same house and have an amazing 8yr old boy. She wants something different in life to us and doesnt have any drive to work on possibly fixing our life. I'm really struggling, i've never experienced rejection like this before and it's destroying me. Matt

Marsia Just saying hi
  • replies: 11

Hi to all, I am new to this community & want each of you to know how grateful I am for the open sharing & honest communication I read here. As I am new, I hope it is okay to share my story. To be brief, this is it - my hubby who drinks heavily shared... View more

Hi to all, I am new to this community & want each of you to know how grateful I am for the open sharing & honest communication I read here. As I am new, I hope it is okay to share my story. To be brief, this is it - my hubby who drinks heavily shared 2 days ago that he tried to commit suicide about a year ago. The evening it happened, he had argued with me & my daughter and then he left the house late in the night. We didn’t know where he was for about 12 hrs and he yelled & abused us before he left that night. I was distraught not knowing his whereabouts that night & was frightened by the abuse & extreme emotions he displayed before he left. He came back the following day & was remorseful & said he regretted his actions. But he told us that he had spent the night in a nearby hotel. We believed him. The other day, due to a new stressor ( and when he was also drunk) he revealed to me that he had taken himself to the local hospital after he started to regret what he had done. While telling me, he was extremely emotional, erratic, distraught, abusive & drunk & told me that it was my fault that this had happened to him. There is more to tell but I am too upset to explain it all. The strangest thing is that he also got up the next day & went to work & now he acts as if all is okay. In fact, he said he feels fine now. I replied to him, that all was not fine but he has continued to go to work, talk to my kids (teenagers) & act as if nothing bad has happened. I am reaching out for someone who can help me - I have contacted a local alcohol & drug support service & they were lovely - I will contact them again soon. But there are many hours in the day, and I really would love to talk to one of you guys - that is, if someone is in a place where they think they can help. Thank you & blessings to all. Hugs to all xx

Princess_Layla Husband emotionally and physically withdrawn
  • replies: 1

Hi all, Hoping to get some advice. I have been with my husband for 13 years and married for the last 4 years. The issue is he no longer feels like having sex with me. It's been so long. We have discussed having children and they have always been on t... View more

Hi all, Hoping to get some advice. I have been with my husband for 13 years and married for the last 4 years. The issue is he no longer feels like having sex with me. It's been so long. We have discussed having children and they have always been on the cards but we can't have children if we don't have sex. He thinks maybe we can do IVF instead so we have kids without having sex? I just can't believe this. Not sure if an IVF clinic would even let two people who could possibly conceive naturally do IVF? Has anyone had this experience? He has told me this year has been hell for him work wise. With covid, his work let a few people off and then his boss quit which led him to a promotion. He was under the pump and at one stage working 12 to 14 hour days for about 2 months. Things are a bit better work wise for him now as they have hire people. He has been doing 9 hour days which is still a lot. Aside from work he does take a lot on. He likes to manage our finances (I'm hopeless at this stuff) and arrange re-financing of loans and what not. We had our rental place up on flatmates, but this year has been hell with trying to find tenants so lots of enquiries, showing people the place, which takes up our time. At the beginning of the year we had the place rented out but the flat mates didn't get along and we became the mediators. Now we have a real estate agent looking after it to take the pressure of us. The thing is my husband says that I'm not very emotionally supportive and don't help that much with these things. I need some advice on how to be a more emotionally supportive wife. I asked him but he always says he doesn't want to talk about it. I feel if I can improve on myself and become a better wife, then things will improve between us. I try and hug him, kiss him but he tells me I'm smothering him. He does a lot for me, but maybe I don't do enough for him. For example last weekend I got a flat tyre. I don't know how to change a wheel so I called him and he caught an Uber and changed it to the spare one. Then yesterday he went to a tyre place and organised for the tyre to be repaired. He is on annual leave now but I'm not as I wasn't allowed to have Christmas off, so I just didn't have time to do it. Also I do work two jobs, an office job Mon to Fri and a retail job on Saturday. I do need to quit the Saturday job to free up more time. Any advice on how to be a better wife Thanks all and Happy New Year!!

KKPop Marriage Crisis - Mental Breakdown
  • replies: 2

I have been with my husband for 25 years. He cheated on me 4 years ago with a random man while he was drunk and I left him. We have since reconciled after his determined efforts to make it up to me, and we have been quite ok since. A few weeks ago I ... View more

I have been with my husband for 25 years. He cheated on me 4 years ago with a random man while he was drunk and I left him. We have since reconciled after his determined efforts to make it up to me, and we have been quite ok since. A few weeks ago I discovered he had a 3 day affair with a woman at work. This was the biggest shock of my life and I have been a nervous wreck ever since. My eyes/face won't stop twitching, I feel pins and needles everywhere, I can barely eat, I feel suspicious and paranoid and have had bouts of extreme grief where I am crying and cannot even stand for hours on end. He says he has ended it and feels very guilty, but he might move out next month to give himself 'time' to sort his head out, and so we can work though our issues. He is willing to go to couples therapy, but we cannot get in to see a psychologist until April, where else can we seek urgent help to save our marriage? I have to go back to work in 1 week, but know I cannot cope if I am a wreck like this. I thought I was stronger than this, but just cannot get the physical symptoms under control, all the twitching and shaking, nor do I know what to do about my husband. I feel in despair and don't know where to turn. We also have 3 children.