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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Becca_Maria Suggestions for online Marriage/Couples Counselling
  • replies: 8

We have tried many marriage counselling sessions, so far they havent worked. We dont have many couples counsellors in our area and the ones we do have, have very long waiting lists!! Can anyone suggest some online services which may be able to help. ... View more

We have tried many marriage counselling sessions, so far they havent worked. We dont have many couples counsellors in our area and the ones we do have, have very long waiting lists!! Can anyone suggest some online services which may be able to help. I am quite desperate as I am in a very bad place mentally (suicidal thoughts etc) and husband has told me the sooner i get out and find a place to rent the better. We have 4 kids and he will hold it over me and tell me to move out without the kids

Guest_1584 Could be a major issue with my lady , not sure what to do in it. Thoughts ?
  • replies: 82

As a few know from my other thread l met someone new about 10mths ago and again thanks so much for the help and thoughts back in that thread too it really helped . Unfortunately we have a could be a pretty big problem and l just dunno what to do abou... View more

As a few know from my other thread l met someone new about 10mths ago and again thanks so much for the help and thoughts back in that thread too it really helped . Unfortunately we have a could be a pretty big problem and l just dunno what to do about it or how to look at it. You see she moved over to oz with her hubby 6yrs ago but they split up 2yrs later and divorced . he changed and got violent, nother story. Anyway they'd done visas and we're all set and approved but 3mths ago she got a new letter from immigration and they're reviewing their visas because they got divorced. better not go into details here but the whole thing is now the lawyer can't say whether they'll still approve her original visa or if she'll have to go for a whole new visa if the decide now something wasn't right . Her and her h paid 14,000 for their applications 7k each , the most ridiculously dearest visa in the whole damn world that l can find by almost triple and ridiculously hard , most other countries in fact are only 3 and 400 dollars or euro . Well they were approved and basically just waiting on the official stamp so to speak and that was it.Butttt, so if she does have to reapply guess what , they don't refund the first 7k, she's gotta pay another 7k. as if the first wasn't enough, what a scam.. Anyway , l know how it might sound but nope it's all 100% legit l've seen all the original stuff from her and her ex 6mths ago because she was going through it all and showed me and l've seen the new letter even went with her to the lawyer and heard the whole story directly from him too. l dunno wth to do . l mean we have a beautiful relationship l'd think marriage later for sure if it kept on like this but atm it's only been 10 mths and if it was any other country l couldn't care less about 3 or 400 bucks. But if it does come to that then we'd have to find about 8k all up l don't have it ex and me habe forked out a fortune on d's school this year and braces , she doesn't have near enough , l just dunno. And whatever we are , we just haven't been together long enough for me to tryst the whole sitch anyway yet. Now l'm scared to let things go on with us right now because if worst happens there's nothing we can do, she'll probably have to leave the country and we bth end up broken hearted . The lawyer says she could know in a month or 18mths no way to tell.

Jane17 Is my husband cheating?
  • replies: 7

3 weeks ago my husband (39) lost his job along with several others from his work. Another girl (22) was also made redundant. Since then they have developed a 'messaging' relationship and have seen each other at least 2-3 times a week. We have a 3 yea... View more

3 weeks ago my husband (39) lost his job along with several others from his work. Another girl (22) was also made redundant. Since then they have developed a 'messaging' relationship and have seen each other at least 2-3 times a week. We have a 3 year old daughter going to day care while i am attemting to work from home and now they both have spare time. I have snuck a look at his phone to attemt to understand the nature of their relationship. for the first 2 weeks they were sending hundreds of memes to each other a day but after bringing it up this has reduced slightly. Tonight i was suffering major anxiety after he spent the afternoon with her - (told to me because i asked). After he fell asleep i went to look at his phone and he had changed the password. He claims they are just friends, and admits that it has been a bit full on because of the circumstances (covid/ iso). She has a boyfriend however from the messages i read they are not happy. Ive asked him to cut it off but he said he really clicks with her and wants her as a friend. I can't sleep and im racked with anxiety... what do i do?

Larli Another Lonely, Lonely Day !
  • replies: 7

Hi Everyone, I haven't posted for a long time but today is my daughter's 40th birthday and she is my 1st born. She hasn't spoken to me in 10 years and it is a terrible pain that I carry. She has married in that time and she now has a little girl who ... View more

Hi Everyone, I haven't posted for a long time but today is my daughter's 40th birthday and she is my 1st born. She hasn't spoken to me in 10 years and it is a terrible pain that I carry. She has married in that time and she now has a little girl who is soon to be 4 years old. I do not know my granddaughter's name or date of birth and it is killing me. Everyone in my family knows those details and will not tell me which I think is very cruel. I was a very good mother and my daughter and her brother were my life. They are the reason I got out of bed everyday and now, I still get out of bed but I don't have a reason to any more. I just wish the pain would go away. I know that things will never, ever be the same again, so what is the point of continuing? I feel that I have wasted what could have been a good life because I am now old and it is now too late for me.

Littlebluebird Struggling with life
  • replies: 9

Hi, I am new here so I apologise if I am posting this on the wrong place lol. I am struggling so much right now. My whole life has changed since the restrictions came in for corona virus. I am a mum and a wife and after years of putting myself last I... View more

Hi, I am new here so I apologise if I am posting this on the wrong place lol. I am struggling so much right now. My whole life has changed since the restrictions came in for corona virus. I am a mum and a wife and after years of putting myself last I was finally studying full time, volunteering and finding myself in life. In the blink of an eye, everything has changed. Now I could probably handle the changes if my marriage was strong, but we have recently decided to seperate. We are still living in the same house though, and the trauma this is causing with not being able to have space from him is breaking me. He won’t give me space, everywhere I go he is there in the house, sitting and staring depressed. I know he is hurting too, but not giving each other the space is damaging us both severely. I am waking up every morning just dreading another day of the same and I cannot see an end in sight. I constantly feel sick in the stomach. I have always been the type who hates to be cooped up, and I am very soft natured and do not handle conflict well. I just feel so trapped. I need this to change. I know it will not be like this forever, but I’m worried I’m not going to come out of this without some severe emotional damage. my dad only passed away a few months ago also, and I’ve been supporting my mum through this time. I feel like I still have emotions of my own locked away that I refused to let out, because I needed to be strong for everyone else. I have kept myself busy with life and study for so long as a coping mechanism, but now that there is nothing left to busy myself with, it is all crashing down on me and I feel like I’m crumbling more and more each day. I don’t know how I am going to continue on for this next indefinite timeframe until I can begin to rebuild my life.

Chloe_Synder A Rough Breakup
  • replies: 1

Hi, I have recently come out of a rocky relationship where my partner split up with me. We had been dating for eight months, and had so many fun times. Before coming into the relationship, I was aware that my partner was a frequent drug smoker - some... View more

Hi, I have recently come out of a rocky relationship where my partner split up with me. We had been dating for eight months, and had so many fun times. Before coming into the relationship, I was aware that my partner was a frequent drug smoker - something that I had never done or been around. When we started dating, his smoking did not bother me. He never pressured me into it, but he was very adamant that he was never going to quit. I tried encouraging him and persuading him with all the negative effects that the drug was having on his body. I never succeeded. The relationship starting becoming rocky after about three to four months, where my partner would often leave me/cancel plans with me to smoke with his family/friends. It became a common issue and no matter how many times I cried to him or yelled at him about the way he had hurt me, he did not stop. There were a couple of huge blow ups in the relationship during this time where I would threaten to leave him as he was upsetting me so much, but I loved him more than anything and saw so much potential. The only problem was his addiction. In January, my partner did something that hurt me the most - he took a huge amount of a drug that is common at parties/festivals. He did not tell me or anything and when I saw him that night, I cried and yelled at him but he did not seem to have any remorse, until a couple of days later when I told him that I would leave. However, I ended up coming back as he promised me he would never hurt me again. I believed him, but his words did not meet his actions. In February, we had another blow up, and this was all to do with drugs. He would tell me how "I could never accept him" and that he hoped that I would "find someone who would not drag me through hell" like he did. He ended things then and there, however, the same night he showed up to my house, with gifts saying he regretted his decision. Fast forward to March, and everything was going smoothly, but he was beginning to smoke more. I was concerned for his health, so I would commonly bring up how his smoking was unacceptable. He did not recognise the impact it was having on me. After a huge argument, he ended up breaking up with me and I am more than devastated because I want him back in my life more than anything. I begged him to try harder, but he is adamant that he will not come back. It just kills me to think that he chose drugs over me all the time. No matter how much he loves me he will not change.

MummaPetal I want to leave my husband
  • replies: 1

Hello I'm so stressed out that I don't know where to begin. I've been married for just over 10 years and we have 2 kids. During this time I've experienced judgement and bullying from his family. My husband has health issues that lead to a severe lack... View more

Hello I'm so stressed out that I don't know where to begin. I've been married for just over 10 years and we have 2 kids. During this time I've experienced judgement and bullying from his family. My husband has health issues that lead to a severe lack of intimacy. He has put on a lot of weight. He doesn't have any friends but socialises with colleagues at work functions. His father has had a heart attack and has diabetes. I've tried to raise my concern with my husband about his health issues because I'm worried and I get labelled as a worry wart or too shallow (re weight). I need to ask for affection. We've had counselling together and my husband says all I need to do is ask him when I need help. However when I do, I feel he doesn't listen or I repeatedly need to ask and explain why or mostly I just give up and do things myself. He isn't aware of his intonation when he speaks and comes across as quite authoritarian. It upsets me. I can't say anything to him without it being twisted around to be my problem. His family are like that too. It's never them. My stress has lead to physical ailments as well. As I've been looking after the kids at home, I don't have any money to leave. I haven't worked in years. I feel so trapped. Can anyone offer any advice? Thank you.

missrogue My parents gave all their inheritance to my eldest brother while they are still alive, I feel betrayed.
  • replies: 2

Hi there, This is something I have been battling with emotionally for a while. My nan passed away three years ago. She had three children left (including my dad) and she left all her inheritance to my dad (which included a home worth about 1.2 mill a... View more

Hi there, This is something I have been battling with emotionally for a while. My nan passed away three years ago. She had three children left (including my dad) and she left all her inheritance to my dad (which included a home worth about 1.2 mill at the time)he told her it was a mistake because her other children would then contest the will, she should leave them something. She didn't and when she passed about 11 months later surprise they contested the will (as they should have). The court proceedings lasted about 6 months. I was never allowed to come with them, instead they took my eldest brother to help them through. After the case was over, they ruled that my dad was to split the profits of my nans house (his childhood home) between the three siblings including himself and the grandchildren (five grandchildren including myself) were to get the rest of her savings split between them (roughly 25k each). At the time of the case, they got an agent to under-value the house to only 900k. All fairly simple, should have been an easy situation. Instead of selling the home, they asked my eldest brother to take out a loan to pay off my dads siblings and children. He had no assets so they paid 20k for his name to be put on the dead to the home as a co-owner with my father. (my other brother and I received no money) I was told that the house would be sold and my brother paid off for the loan he took out. Since then... My father has removed his name from the deed, making my eldest brother the sole owner. When i confronted them about this they said my other brother and i would receive their current home split between us. The home we are currently in would not be worth more than 900k. and the home they just gave my brother is now valued at over 1.5Mill. They are also planning on selling their current home and downgrading to live off the profits because they are now in such a very bad financial situation. I honestly could not care if they kept all the money and did not give us anything, I'd rather them go travelling and live their best life. Its more the fact that they have given my eldest brother SO much and they get to see him financially stable and raise a family. I have had no financial help from my parents, I have asked them for help and been denied. My parents have helped financially towards both my brothers weddings and my mum said today that they would not even have the money to buy me a wedding dress. Every time i mention this,I am told to "get over it"

T-inch So confused
  • replies: 2

Hi all, I have been marrried to my husband for 3 years this year. Been together all up for only 4. We have a 2 year old son. And am 6 months pregnant with our second. I don’t feel that he looks at me the same anymore, he doesn’t touch me the same any... View more

Hi all, I have been marrried to my husband for 3 years this year. Been together all up for only 4. We have a 2 year old son. And am 6 months pregnant with our second. I don’t feel that he looks at me the same anymore, he doesn’t touch me the same anymore, he is LESS romantic and LESS affectionate. I feel like he is not so supportive of me and he isn’t really there if I need a shoulder to cry on. I have spoken to him about this several times telling him I need affection from him, I need to feel love from him. And the only time he shows me affectionate is when he wants to have intercourse. And I’ve told him my sex drive is a bit low because I’m pregnant and I feel uncomfortable in my body right now and it would help if he made me feel special and not only show affection when he wants intercourse. But he hasn’t done that . He hasn’t done anything at all to make me feel loved even though he says he loves me when our son was 1 week old, he did not help me with night time feeds or changes or support me as I was a first time parent also and left me to struggle on my own. And I think i resented him for it. Up until this day, he doesn’t put our son to sleep, doesn’t change his nappy, doesn’t feed him , doesn’t do any of the hard work of raising a child. Only needs to entertain him a bit after work and to me it looks like he can’t be bothered to do that. He does what he wants when he wants. Example he naps when he wants even if I tell him I’m exhausted. He will end up going to nap with out asking if I will be ok to watch our son. And he will nap for 2 hours sometimes. Where I would never do that to him. I never leave him alone with our son for too long because I think it’s not fair. But I feel like he isn’t considerate of me. I feel like he just expects me to do everything when it comes to our son. And his excuse is because he works and I’m a stay at home mum and I have more energy than him. But doesn’t take into consideration how tired I actually am from trying to entertain our son and look after him instead of putting him in front of the tv which is something my husband would just do. I do love my husband. I just feel unappreciated and I’m worried when this second baby comes. And I’m worried we are not compatible anymore. I’m always mad and upset and in my head I sometimes blame my husband because if he had helped me more when I need it then I wouldn’t be so depressed. I love my son so much and I feel like a bad mother when get into depressive moods

ged12345 Sudden break up
  • replies: 2

Hey all, My girlfriend broke up with me 2 months back and it's still affecting me badly. She was always struggling with anxiety/depression, had a panic disorder and phobias, and was on two anti-psychotics and a hardcore antidepressant (mum was diagno... View more

Hey all, My girlfriend broke up with me 2 months back and it's still affecting me badly. She was always struggling with anxiety/depression, had a panic disorder and phobias, and was on two anti-psychotics and a hardcore antidepressant (mum was diagnosed later in life with schizopheia and was ungood to her kids). She was afraid I would leave her and would often apologise (often overly so). Her sister had a lot of control over her—they lived together but it was my ex's house—and would often insult her and make her feel guilty. I used to be good friends with the sister but she obviously has her own mental issues because she turned around at one point and just started lashing out at me, alternating between acting nice and then lashing out further after making promises that wouldn't happen. My ex promised me she would not lash out at me or push me away like her sister did. I was her first and was very loving and patient with the intimacy side of the relationship but a hiccup earlier on (me asking for an alternative when she said she wasn't comfortable with the first thing, then she did the first thing even though I tried to stop her) hung over the relationship. We talked it out though and things seemed fine. She was not very confident. She had trouble with compulsive spending on clothes and compulsive eating. She was a little erratic, sometimes being quite level and other times being a bit manic and making weird logical leaps (I asked her to enquire more about me during a harder time I was having and she thought I was having a mental breakdown). But sweet and often loving. I gave her the choice to go on a driving lesson, with me, something she was quite anxious about but said she had expressed interest in. I said "get up and come out to the car if you want to go, or stay here if you don't" and she came out. We did some really basic stuff in a car park with my hand on the handbreak the whole time. She was a little teary but I hugged her and we did some breathing. It lasted all of 10 mins. A month later she said she wanted further lessons and I said she could ask me anytime and there'd be no pressure about any of it. The hiccup above and the lesson were two reasons she broke up with me: allegedly I was very pressuring. She also said I was unsafe because I walked towards her while I was angry once after she had accused me of using her for sex (I was going to open the door or hug her depending). There's more...but I wanted to know if this sounds like mental health issues?