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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Whyisme1973 Need advice, is wife emotional abuse to me?
  • replies: 10

So the situation is over the last year I have realised my wife has continually abused me for much of our marriage. A year ago my life changed completely when after 45 years I met my Birth Mother (im adopted). All of the negative self image, self hatr... View more

So the situation is over the last year I have realised my wife has continually abused me for much of our marriage. A year ago my life changed completely when after 45 years I met my Birth Mother (im adopted). All of the negative self image, self hatred, anger and constant low level depression left me. I felt like a fog cleared from my mind and felt generally content most of the time. Fast forward to now and I have happily been walking and exercising most mornings, so feel healthy and look healthy. Have a quiet self confidence now and generally don't care what nasty people try to do me, water off a ducks back and all. But I don't enjoy coming home to my wife. We have a 13 yr son together and she has a 23 year son living with us too. So I am asking am I right is seeing all these things below as abuse? I am watched with surveillance in every move I make. If I am cooking dinner, I am told from the lounge I am doing it wrong, don't do that, don't add that, don't set the temp to that. I used to enjoy cooking, now I dread it that much I try to put my back to her so she can't see what I am doing. Name calling and sniping. Anything that I did or didn't do is saved up, and when I walk through the door, I am interrogated or asked did I forget something, or my favourite - don't you have something to tell me? I am told I never listen to her, and when an event comes up I am scolded for not remembering it. Ok so maybe sometimes I did forget it, but not all the time. This issue I am sure she has differently reality to me. When I said one day "that's your reality, not mine" it got me thinking, is she gaslighting me? If asked a question like have you seen something or do remember something, I answer honestly yes or no or as best as I can. But that is never enough and after asking the same question 3 or 4 times I start getting angry. Its like I am 5years old and caught out by a parent lying. Ok yes I raise my voice in anger, but that is a frustration anger of being taken for a liar. Silent treatment has been increasing in frequency. There has been times now when it is triggered by my looking at her "the wrong way". After a I finally give in and ask what's wrong. Answer is usually nothing wrong with her, I was the one giving the silent treatment. Huh? Other times its mostly about non-compliance with her wishes, or if I know for certain I am right when accused of something and stand my ground firmly. So I decided not react and last night she slept in the spare room. Help?

Sunny2567 First love
  • replies: 3

Hello, I struggle a lot with my mental health, but last year I really hit an all time low. I got with my ex 2 years ago who happened to also be my first love. I had to go back to my home country for a few months so we were long distance for a while a... View more

Hello, I struggle a lot with my mental health, but last year I really hit an all time low. I got with my ex 2 years ago who happened to also be my first love. I had to go back to my home country for a few months so we were long distance for a while and just before I was due back to Australia in September 2019 he broke up with me and said he wanted to be alone and didn’t want the responsibility of someone else. I was distraught and unsure whether to come back or not and it seemed like he was ok to never see me again if I didn’t come back. It’s been 7 months since we broke up and since I’ve been back in Australia and for the first few months I was constantly trying to talk to him and see him but not getting anything from him. He just seemed to be getting on with his life just fine whilst he had completely de-railed mine. I still see him from time to time as he lives with my best friend and her boyfriend (I was suppose to move into their flat when I came back from my country), but every time I see him it just makes me feel sad and reminds me of all the horrible feelings that I felt when he broke up with me. I just constantly have a feeling of not being good enough and having no confidence in myself to find somebody else. My friends tell me I could do so much better than him, but I didn’t want anybody else. Even though I’ve started to try the dating apps, it hurts me so bad to know he may be doing the same and has forgotten about me. I’m really struggling to find a way to forget or get over the whole situation completely and it just makes me sad to think he’s over it already and I never cross his mind anymore.

Ruthgada My husband visited a brothel
  • replies: 17

I came to know today that my husband of 20 years visited a brothel with his friend before we got married . He says he was drunk and was curious about sex so went to try out. He says he couldn't get erection, didn't feel good so just spent time talkin... View more

I came to know today that my husband of 20 years visited a brothel with his friend before we got married . He says he was drunk and was curious about sex so went to try out. He says he couldn't get erection, didn't feel good so just spent time talking and watching TV. He then told her to tell his friend who will visit her after him that he had sex. We have 2 kids and not in good relationship and no sex for 5years. I have been asking for divorce and everytime he convinces me saying he will try to be better. Now knowing about this has shocked me and asking him for divorce which he doesn't want to give because he loves kids. This truth has become unacceptable for me. I don't know what to do.

Yelah90 Always the 2nd choice.
  • replies: 1

So my friend will always plan a catch up then say she's busy or try next week. She has done this quite a few times. So today since I've got my car. I said I'll even drive to you today . Since she said next week. She reply she's not home... So I guess... View more

So my friend will always plan a catch up then say she's busy or try next week. She has done this quite a few times. So today since I've got my car. I said I'll even drive to you today . Since she said next week. She reply she's not home... So I guess she out out with other people. .

BPD76 Constantly Thinking About My Therapist
  • replies: 3

I saw a suicide prevention therapist after a suicide attempt. I am female. He is male. I can't stop thinking about him. I can see why as he was so focused on me and everything was about me. My time with him has ended. But I still think of him everyda... View more

I saw a suicide prevention therapist after a suicide attempt. I am female. He is male. I can't stop thinking about him. I can see why as he was so focused on me and everything was about me. My time with him has ended. But I still think of him everyday. I fantasise about him I want him! And I am married with a family. I don't know what to do. I have Facebook stalked him. I don't want to let him go. Even though our sessions ended in January. Not necessarily looking for answers or suggestions, but I just need to say it.

Rebeccaann Met someone while traveling.. had to part ways
  • replies: 1

Hi there, I’m currently traveling in Australia on a working visa and I met a guy. He’s in Australia and is German. We had a 4 month fling (I lived with him for 5 weeks) and we decided to part ways. He is looking to get sponsored to stay in Australia ... View more

Hi there, I’m currently traveling in Australia on a working visa and I met a guy. He’s in Australia and is German. We had a 4 month fling (I lived with him for 5 weeks) and we decided to part ways. He is looking to get sponsored to stay in Australia and once my visa expires I have no way to stay. I’m absolutely heartbroken, we both really miss each other but we know this is for the best. We decided to part way now because if we continued on for another 6 months or so we knew we’d both get hurt even worse.I keep thinking there are ways to make it work, but I think I might just be so desperate for a way to make it work when I know it never would. Were we right to make this decision? I’ve been heartbroken for 3 weeks, I’ve never had such a strong connection with someone before.

SweetAngel Seeing two guys
  • replies: 4

I'm in a sticky situation. I dont know what to do Long story short, I'm still in contact with my ex. He and I are only friends but we kissed/made out the other day. At the same time, I'm also dating a new guy, who I obviously kiss too. Its wrong I st... View more

I'm in a sticky situation. I dont know what to do Long story short, I'm still in contact with my ex. He and I are only friends but we kissed/made out the other day. At the same time, I'm also dating a new guy, who I obviously kiss too. Its wrong I started dating the new guy to forget about my ex. It worked for a couple months, as I've grown feelings for the new guy and I dont want to lose him. But now months later, I am back at missing my ex, and we both want to kiss each other. I know I can only choose one but I dont want to lose either from my life.

Katie11 Dealing with a husband with depression
  • replies: 7

Hi this is my first time posting. I am married to a amazing man who suffers from PTSD and depression. This has been our journey for the last 5 years and I am reaching the point where I am starting to realise I don’t want to have to deal with this any... View more

Hi this is my first time posting. I am married to a amazing man who suffers from PTSD and depression. This has been our journey for the last 5 years and I am reaching the point where I am starting to realise I don’t want to have to deal with this anymore. we have beautiful children that both them and I have been impacted previously by his depression (his anger, meltdowns and disengagement) and everyone now walks on eggshells now and again wondering what the day will be like. When he is low He becomes selfish and treats me like I am nothing (the way he talks and ignores me). I have been nothing but supportive juggling our life and work. We fight over me trying to engage with him and getting him to communicate. I get so lonely having to constantly deal with this. I just want the man I married back. It breaks my heart when the kids get worried about what mood he might be in and they are truly amazing kids. His behaviours have broken my heart to the way he treats me and the kids when he is low. We don’t deserve this. When he is not feeling low he is a great father. I just don’t know how to deal with him and his depression anymore. I look at him and think he isn’t even trying anymore. He wants to sit in his depression. He doesn’t want to cuddle or anything. His medicated and has mental health supports. I get angry and frustrated because I am so positive about life and it’s worth living and having fun. He’s just a negative Nancy and is pulling his family down. Would love some advice as getting to the point where i can’t deal with him anymore.

Samvv The changeover
  • replies: 2

I'm pregnant and single, I'm 35 and until the pregnancy began I didn't matter to me. I never had anything to live for and I chose to be a mother because if I didn't, I wouldn't have gone on living anymore, I didn't see the point. That life, that pers... View more

I'm pregnant and single, I'm 35 and until the pregnancy began I didn't matter to me. I never had anything to live for and I chose to be a mother because if I didn't, I wouldn't have gone on living anymore, I didn't see the point. That life, that person is fading away and thank god, she had no hope. God has given me a new heart through my son. I have 3 months to go, left his abusive father and have fought so hard for my baby, even fought myself for him. He is such a gift to me. I am writing with a BUT, but... who is he? I honestly scare myself with this thought: imagine one day someone rang the doorbell and you answered to find a baby on the doorstep with a note saying you are the mother. You can't argue, can't avoid the DNA says it's yours and the father is nowhere. You've been nothing but a depressed flaky bum all your life until this moment and you have absolutely no idea how that is all going to change for the sake of this helpless innocent stranger who already knows you and loves you, but you don't even know who you are anymore. The person I was is gone like some whirlwind snatched her away and left me in her place... A mother? A single mother? How the heck am I going to be a mother when I often forget I am even pregnant? I have to remind myself I'm not making preparations for some short term visitor. I am reminded when he kicks me. Sometimes, like right now I feel so out of my depth, so vulnerable. I'm jobless, no car I've just left abuse and come out of homelessness, come out of running and hiding, years of it. I have support but I know this is really all on me. I am 35 and still have not worked out a future but I will do anything not to fail him like I failed myself and there is nothing left standing in my way. I'm just sitting here once again crying with fear where nobody else can view my weakness and I know that's only natural. If I show my weakness to the people in my life they will prey on it and I've got to be smarter than that. Only 3 months to go and I still can't believe this is happening, I wake up every day and remind myself this isn't a dream. I am so confused inbetween this changeover between my old and new self. I like the new better but id be a liar if I said I knew who she is. I have no idea who I am becoming, and it's all so heavy sometimes. Does any of this make any sense to anyone? If only I could put into proper words how completely mind boggling this is.

Josiah_P Can't move on
  • replies: 1

so my ex broke up with me on valentines day of this year and we still live together until I move out soon. I just can't seem to get over her, I still love her. There are lots of reasons for this one main one being that I moved interstate to be with h... View more

so my ex broke up with me on valentines day of this year and we still live together until I move out soon. I just can't seem to get over her, I still love her. There are lots of reasons for this one main one being that I moved interstate to be with her and gave up my old life for a new one. She is chatting to someone on social media and i can't keep myself from being jealous (not the right word but the closest I have). I try my best to tell myself that it is over and she is no longer my concern but It doesn't seem to work. It doesn't help that one minute she is talking and treating me well and then the next it is like she doesn't even know me. It is making me feel super down all the time and I just wish that there was a way to forget and not care. Or even just a way to block it all out.