Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Katie11 Dealing with a husband with depression
  • replies: 7

Hi this is my first time posting. I am married to a amazing man who suffers from PTSD and depression. This has been our journey for the last 5 years and I am reaching the point where I am starting to realise I don’t want to have to deal with this any... View more

Hi this is my first time posting. I am married to a amazing man who suffers from PTSD and depression. This has been our journey for the last 5 years and I am reaching the point where I am starting to realise I don’t want to have to deal with this anymore. we have beautiful children that both them and I have been impacted previously by his depression (his anger, meltdowns and disengagement) and everyone now walks on eggshells now and again wondering what the day will be like. When he is low He becomes selfish and treats me like I am nothing (the way he talks and ignores me). I have been nothing but supportive juggling our life and work. We fight over me trying to engage with him and getting him to communicate. I get so lonely having to constantly deal with this. I just want the man I married back. It breaks my heart when the kids get worried about what mood he might be in and they are truly amazing kids. His behaviours have broken my heart to the way he treats me and the kids when he is low. We don’t deserve this. When he is not feeling low he is a great father. I just don’t know how to deal with him and his depression anymore. I look at him and think he isn’t even trying anymore. He wants to sit in his depression. He doesn’t want to cuddle or anything. His medicated and has mental health supports. I get angry and frustrated because I am so positive about life and it’s worth living and having fun. He’s just a negative Nancy and is pulling his family down. Would love some advice as getting to the point where i can’t deal with him anymore.

Samvv The changeover
  • replies: 2

I'm pregnant and single, I'm 35 and until the pregnancy began I didn't matter to me. I never had anything to live for and I chose to be a mother because if I didn't, I wouldn't have gone on living anymore, I didn't see the point. That life, that pers... View more

I'm pregnant and single, I'm 35 and until the pregnancy began I didn't matter to me. I never had anything to live for and I chose to be a mother because if I didn't, I wouldn't have gone on living anymore, I didn't see the point. That life, that person is fading away and thank god, she had no hope. God has given me a new heart through my son. I have 3 months to go, left his abusive father and have fought so hard for my baby, even fought myself for him. He is such a gift to me. I am writing with a BUT, but... who is he? I honestly scare myself with this thought: imagine one day someone rang the doorbell and you answered to find a baby on the doorstep with a note saying you are the mother. You can't argue, can't avoid the DNA says it's yours and the father is nowhere. You've been nothing but a depressed flaky bum all your life until this moment and you have absolutely no idea how that is all going to change for the sake of this helpless innocent stranger who already knows you and loves you, but you don't even know who you are anymore. The person I was is gone like some whirlwind snatched her away and left me in her place... A mother? A single mother? How the heck am I going to be a mother when I often forget I am even pregnant? I have to remind myself I'm not making preparations for some short term visitor. I am reminded when he kicks me. Sometimes, like right now I feel so out of my depth, so vulnerable. I'm jobless, no car I've just left abuse and come out of homelessness, come out of running and hiding, years of it. I have support but I know this is really all on me. I am 35 and still have not worked out a future but I will do anything not to fail him like I failed myself and there is nothing left standing in my way. I'm just sitting here once again crying with fear where nobody else can view my weakness and I know that's only natural. If I show my weakness to the people in my life they will prey on it and I've got to be smarter than that. Only 3 months to go and I still can't believe this is happening, I wake up every day and remind myself this isn't a dream. I am so confused inbetween this changeover between my old and new self. I like the new better but id be a liar if I said I knew who she is. I have no idea who I am becoming, and it's all so heavy sometimes. Does any of this make any sense to anyone? If only I could put into proper words how completely mind boggling this is.

Josiah_P Can't move on
  • replies: 1

so my ex broke up with me on valentines day of this year and we still live together until I move out soon. I just can't seem to get over her, I still love her. There are lots of reasons for this one main one being that I moved interstate to be with h... View more

so my ex broke up with me on valentines day of this year and we still live together until I move out soon. I just can't seem to get over her, I still love her. There are lots of reasons for this one main one being that I moved interstate to be with her and gave up my old life for a new one. She is chatting to someone on social media and i can't keep myself from being jealous (not the right word but the closest I have). I try my best to tell myself that it is over and she is no longer my concern but It doesn't seem to work. It doesn't help that one minute she is talking and treating me well and then the next it is like she doesn't even know me. It is making me feel super down all the time and I just wish that there was a way to forget and not care. Or even just a way to block it all out.

adamc My Family Found my Explicit Photos
  • replies: 2

I'm 36 and a few months ago when I fell in love with a Chinese woman that I was talking to online, I took some explicit photos of myself for her using my parents' phones and she loved them. She even took some of herself for me. Now, I remembered to c... View more

I'm 36 and a few months ago when I fell in love with a Chinese woman that I was talking to online, I took some explicit photos of myself for her using my parents' phones and she loved them. She even took some of herself for me. Now, I remembered to cut and paste the photos off the phone into a private folder on my computer yet yesterday my family found a few still on their phones. I had to completely deny any knowledge about them or having done them, especially when hearing mum say things like "They're disgusting" and "It makes me shudder when I think about them." The woman in question wants nothing more to do with me which I'm perfectly fine with. Not because I said or did something wrong but because I would no longer be talking to her on a site where either you pay by time or AUD300 a month just for 1500 daily transaction characters. She found emailing to be too slow.

KMWA Husband addicted to Porn and finds older women attractive
  • replies: 2

Hi, so I've been with my husband for 8 years. During this time he has had an extreme addiction to pornography. When we first met it would often replace our sex life (I was always up for sex but he would make excuses like tiredness). Because it was su... View more

Hi, so I've been with my husband for 8 years. During this time he has had an extreme addiction to pornography. When we first met it would often replace our sex life (I was always up for sex but he would make excuses like tiredness). Because it was such an issue in the beginning of our relationship I feel as though I get really triggered when I ask him about it. When we were first together I would actually walk into the bathroom when he was having a shower to watch what he was doing. It became really unhealthy for me and I realised I can't do that and I needed to trust him so I did. He can barely keep up with me and my sex drive so I get really annoyed when he just pleases himself. He swears it's nothing to do with me and says that he loves our sex life but I just dont really know what to believe. He said that he stopped watching porn at one stage during our relationship (not sure I believe him). He then told me that he apparently started again after I naturally gave birth to our baby - a year ago. I had stitches and was healing but I was so aware of his addiction that I did everyting to help him so he wouldn't go down the rabbit hole, back to porn. This made me really upset and hurt when I found out he did because I was in pain but I would get him off every single day (I would offer) but that still wasn't enough for him. I'm a big believer in trust and the value it has in relationships so when he promised again I trusted him. I asked him yesterday and he said that he's been watching porn again. He told me contradicting stories and when I pointed it out he tried to turn it on me. I appreciate that he was honest in telling me he's been watchin porn but then he started lying about the facts. The other difficult thing I struggle with is that he has stated to me before that he particulary finds older women attractive. It makes me feel incredibly insecure because i'm not that and it makes me feel like there might be deeper rooted issues. My husband has a very addictive nature. He has been sober for the past 5 years (I left the relationship and he realised that it was a real problem in his life) and gave up smoking 2.5 years ago. I am super proud of him in that aspect. He has had some traumatic things happen to him in his childhood which I think could be contributing to this addiction but I just dont know what to do anymore as it's taking away from our sex life again. It just makes me fearful, i'm so scared of unhealthy relationships.

stekay I've blocked out so many people in my life
  • replies: 5

Hi. So I've come to the realisation that I block out and ghost so many of my friends and it's become a bad habit. A few years back things in my life were falling apart like my job, social relationships and I was drinking to much. One day I decided to... View more

Hi. So I've come to the realisation that I block out and ghost so many of my friends and it's become a bad habit. A few years back things in my life were falling apart like my job, social relationships and I was drinking to much. One day I decided to pack up and move away. I had been unhappy in life for a few years now. I told a handful of close people that I was going away but got off social media, stopped answering my phone and pretty much isolated myself. I had some long term friends who I didn't want to speak to due to having small falling outs with. Then we had mutual friends who I also didn't talk to. People were trying to contact me all the time to find out what had happened to me. I think I have issues with feeling unappreciated by people and over time ignoring people who I thought had wronged me almost felt like a power thing or revenge. I would always think of it as "well this person said this to me or did this to them so they deserve it" and there was a satisfying yet gross felling of them contacting me but me not replying. There's people who I was friends with for years that I have spoken to in 5 years. Doing this almost ruined my friendship with a best friend. I was hurt by something they did and didn't feel appreciated. I ignored them for months with this whole idea of making them see what it feels like. I got in contact with them after a few months and they asked me if everything was fine with them. I told them 'yeah of course' and acted like things were fine. But I realised the next day that I was being horrible by lying about it and making them confused about what had happened. The next day I told them what had really happened and why I did what I did and why I was upset. Fortunately they forgave me and we're still friends. Eve now when I have acquaintances who annoy me, I'll usually just end up blocking them out. Sure they'll do annoying things or can be lazy or rude but I just developed this behaviour where I'm like 'Screw them' and block them out. Over the last five years I've screwed up a lot of things in my life and missed out on a lot of things. It's hard during the lockdown as all my remaining friends live far away and I can't see them and I'm stuck at home all the time and I'm realising how isolated and lonely I am (although I've know this for a whole) and how I've developed this destructive behaviour towards people possibly to save my own feelings of rejection or feeling unappreciated.

Quacker_84 Confused and content
  • replies: 2

Hi, Lately I have felt very content with my own demise, I’m not sure why! My Father died Queens birthday weekend last year after suffering with lung cancer for nearly 2yrs. i am married with 2 kids, but since the passing of my dad I often think about... View more

Hi, Lately I have felt very content with my own demise, I’m not sure why! My Father died Queens birthday weekend last year after suffering with lung cancer for nearly 2yrs. i am married with 2 kids, but since the passing of my dad I often think about suicide. I would never do it (I don’t think) but thought of the thought being there and the numb feeling I have towards dying feels unnatural. i hope this is a phase of grieving but I think I have come to terms with dads death a while ago. I’m really confused I don’t feel suicidal but don’t care if I die today. Strange!

PDC Why
  • replies: 6

I am a 56 yo woman who was married for 25 years. My ex husband decided when I was 50 he didn't love me anymore. I moved away. Meet a man who rocked my world. 4 years together through good times and bad he was diagnosed with a Glioblastoma. Many surge... View more

I am a 56 yo woman who was married for 25 years. My ex husband decided when I was 50 he didn't love me anymore. I moved away. Meet a man who rocked my world. 4 years together through good times and bad he was diagnosed with a Glioblastoma. Many surgeries appt and medications plus finacial hardship his family took him back to NZ behind my back. I was his EPOA + EM. I was devestated as the first I knew was a post on FB. I do not get on with his family. I spoke with him several times but he ended up dying of ? Pnemonia. The family where rude to me as I did not go over. Many reason mainly I would have been on my own in another country. So I did not get to say goodbye. I work in healthcare and was restrictited with my movements. No last goodbye. No last kiss. No I'm sorry for this happening to you. I'm now on my own. Crying everyday..can't get out. Have not many close friends here. I'm alone and lonely. Why why does this happen to me. I'm shattered and do not feel well. Trying to continue to work. But what's the point.

Oldbrew13 Issues with Rejection
  • replies: 7

Hi everyone. First post for me, one which I've been procrastinating about but am now at the stage where I really need some help. I'll try not to go on too long. 7 months ago, my spouse of 20 years left me, completely out of the blue, after I discover... View more

Hi everyone. First post for me, one which I've been procrastinating about but am now at the stage where I really need some help. I'll try not to go on too long. 7 months ago, my spouse of 20 years left me, completely out of the blue, after I discovered he was having an affair. He had cheated on me twice and then, when I thought we were working things out, he was actually with a girl half his age. Apparently it was my fault. I made him stop loving me as I "withheld affection & intimacy". So you can imagine the devastation I went through. I lost 15kgs in 4 months, I couldn't eat/sleep/or function. I cried more than I thought was humanly possible. I felt more emotional pain that I thought I could bear. Suddenly after 20 years I was alone, unwanted, unloved and abandoned. Not a situation I thought I would ever find myself in. Despite the above, I managed to get myself a new job and move my self, my son and my cats to the other side of the country where I have been slowly rebuilding. I started feeling better, eating better, sleeping better. My self-esteem started to trickle back so I decided to dip my toe in the world of online dating. After a month I met someone and we connected instantly. It was amazing. But I ignored red flags because I so desperately wanted to feel wanted and desirable again. Now it's over. He's dumped me and all those emotions from my spouse leaving me have come flooding back. I'm broken again. Has anyone been through something like this? If so, how do you come back from it? How do you deal with the rejection and feeling lime you're utterly worthless and unlovable? I'm just lost and I don't know what to do. Thankyou for listening, T

LonelyLion Lost in Marriage
  • replies: 4

I married my husband because I love for who and what he is. This is inspite of my parents and friends reminding me I deserved better. I truly believed he loved me too. I have always been the person with a better income, I didn’t see it that way at fi... View more

I married my husband because I love for who and what he is. This is inspite of my parents and friends reminding me I deserved better. I truly believed he loved me too. I have always been the person with a better income, I didn’t see it that way at first. I always saw us equally. But he spends pur money for his “hobbies” his rule in life was “live to the fullest” whhy do we need our own house or savings if we are going to die later on. So i kept mum. I had savings before we got married but sweet talks got me getting them and giving it to him because he was do “down” i didn’t like seeing him that way. He asked me to take a loan under my name so he can build whatever it was he was building I reluctantly agreed because i saw he was anout to wxplode in the bank. we had our lid, he loved her... at first as she grew older he also lost time for her. Like a kid who no longer wants his toy. But my daughter loves his dad more than anything in the world so she keeps trying hard for him to notice her. Don’t get me wrong he is a kind man when he wants to. we moved to Australia, and he found new friends who influenced even more to. Not value family. All he wanted to do was hang out woth his friends. I waited i wait. It got to a point where his form of his affection was to make fun of me in front of his friendS. According to him it was banter so I went along, until I lost my love for myself. He always wants to buy things which ai have mo problemabout if we had savings for the rainy day. i also always ask him for help around the house but he says Its too hard. Because of this i slowy lost my affection and intimacy. anyway fast forward now, my marriage i want to save but it keeps falling apart and i blame myself for tjis