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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Cup_of_tea Lonely
  • replies: 3

I am new on here so not sure what to say just found these forums I migrated from uk to Australia 11 years ago and are in a really unhappy marriage, I feel so lonely all my family are overseas and whilst I have friends they are not close friends at th... View more

I am new on here so not sure what to say just found these forums I migrated from uk to Australia 11 years ago and are in a really unhappy marriage, I feel so lonely all my family are overseas and whilst I have friends they are not close friends at the moment my career is really stressful I cope at work but when I get home I fall apart currently completing a separation agreement to move out of my family home I need the separation amount to move out and buy somewhere for my daughter and I feel like I can’t think of anything else at the moment writing this down makes me feel like I am stupid for getting so stressed and I feel like I should get a grip but my mind is just going in circles I think as all my friends an family are overseas I have no one to talk to and writing it down is like telling someone kind of feel like I am going mad

Lost_husband My bipolar wife wants a divorce
  • replies: 19

I’ve been married for almost 10 years now and my wife who suffers from bipolar disorder is on the verge of leaving me. Despite having had all that time to research and educate myself on all things bipolar, I stupidly enough cruised along thinking eve... View more

I’ve been married for almost 10 years now and my wife who suffers from bipolar disorder is on the verge of leaving me. Despite having had all that time to research and educate myself on all things bipolar, I stupidly enough cruised along thinking everything would be fine, that we’d somehow manage to work through her ups and downs because we were madly in love. But of course times change, children come along, work stresses mount up and more importantly, my inability to step up when times got tough have led us to where we are now. Despite her giving me multiple opportunities to make amends and me saying all the right things, about how things will change, I tend to be good for short periods then slip into old cruise control habits. And now she’s had enough, we’re on the brink of separating and the reality is finally starting to sink in that I might be in the verge of losing my best friend and the one woman I’ve ever truly loved. She is barely acknowledging my existence at the moment and I don’t know what to do/how to make things right. I’m willing to do whatever it takes to save our marriage, but I think I may have used up all my chances (who could blame her really after the multiple times I’ve told her I’ll change?!) Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Total_disbelief Feeling down
  • replies: 1

Hi I have been married to my husband for 32 years when about a week ago he came home from work and he is leaving he didn't give me any chance to speak just said he had had about of fighting and yelling when we hadn't had a fight for about a month he ... View more

Hi I have been married to my husband for 32 years when about a week ago he came home from work and he is leaving he didn't give me any chance to speak just said he had had about of fighting and yelling when we hadn't had a fight for about a month he gave me no reason p that than he had had enough and was done when I ask him to stay and work on it together he said no when I ask him if he lived me he said no I don't know how to have a l hide without him

Lost_Wanderer How should I move forward?
  • replies: 1

About 1.5 years ago I split up with my partner who was a narcissist. The road to recovery has been rough with several relationships that didn't work (due to my trust issues) and an increasing alcohol reliance. I've made or thought I made some ground ... View more

About 1.5 years ago I split up with my partner who was a narcissist. The road to recovery has been rough with several relationships that didn't work (due to my trust issues) and an increasing alcohol reliance. I've made or thought I made some ground lately with a sense of peace. Since then I've entered yet another extremely difficult relationship with a direct report at work. Initially I was avoiding doing it but after losing a close friend we connected as she comforted me. The person in question here pushed hard to initiate the relationship. Since then it has been a rollercoaster of emotion with her letting me know she has social anxiety specifically around the thought of this. I feel like walking away is ridiculous as this is the first person I've had an emotional connection with like this in so long, but continuing to try is killing me. Continuing to attempt to make this work is causing me stress, I don't know if I can talk to her about stuff or count on her for support nor where we stand any of the time. In addition to this I run several companies, one of which is going through a very rough patch causing stress also. There are a number of family issues with my extended family with regards to health that I am also attempting to assist with. I'm trying as hard as I can to be a rock for everyone I can and hold everything together but my sleeping has gotten more and more erratic, I've started to feel sick through the day and when eating, and I've been getting headaches. Last night I bumped into this woman whilst catching up with some friends, I didn't know if I would be intruding if I went over so I left it up to her to come to me. She said she would but never did (shouldn't be a big deal). After sitting there and wondering (for about 2 hours) if she would I realised that the only reason I was even still there was to see what she would do. Most the people I liked had left and I was now hanging out with mostly people I neither knew nor liked.

running_girl Is my mum being unreasonable?
  • replies: 8

Hi, it's been a while since I posted. Things are good. I have a nice partner who I've been with for a year and a half. He lives in his place and I live in my place with my elderly mum who is partially dependent on me for things like showering, shoppi... View more

Hi, it's been a while since I posted. Things are good. I have a nice partner who I've been with for a year and a half. He lives in his place and I live in my place with my elderly mum who is partially dependent on me for things like showering, shopping, dr's appointments etc. I love my mum and I try and go out of my way to show her this. I like taking her out and including her with certain of my social events with friends, etc. She has social anxiety and has no social life except through me. My partner has invited her to things with me and his family on occasion, but not on every occasion. My partner's parents are coming to stay with him for a while and when they arrive he has arranged to take them and me out to lunch. Mum is very upset that she's not invited and explained that she was also hurt when not invited to previous events. She's not stopping me from going but she I can see that she may be beginning to dislike my partner. Is she being unreasonable? Should my partner have invited her to lunch with me and his parents? It's hard for me to be objective and I just feel torn between them. I would really appreciate others' advice and/or opinions. Thanks, Running Girl

Anywhere Overwhelmed with settlement
  • replies: 2

Hi, ive been separated from my husband over a year but have only just gained the courage to go up against him for my share of the house etc. lawyers keep asking for money, I have hardly any hours at a stressful job, etc etc. I’m just overwhelmed and ... View more

Hi, ive been separated from my husband over a year but have only just gained the courage to go up against him for my share of the house etc. lawyers keep asking for money, I have hardly any hours at a stressful job, etc etc. I’m just overwhelmed and on my own through this. So hard not to get down about it all.

Guest_598 He knows what he wants but cannot decide
  • replies: 4

Hi All, my partner knows what makes him happy, i.e. the relationship we have and the dreams of a future with me that he has. However, his ex-wife is causing him to feel a lot of guilt and obligation which stops him in his tracks. He feels so bad abou... View more

Hi All, my partner knows what makes him happy, i.e. the relationship we have and the dreams of a future with me that he has. However, his ex-wife is causing him to feel a lot of guilt and obligation which stops him in his tracks. He feels so bad about hurting people that he stays in a state of indecisiveness. He has gone to numerous counselling sessions with her now during which he told her that he does not love her anymore and that he would not date or marry the person she is these days. However, it makes him feel so harsh and bad, that he cannot get himself to tell her that the one-year separation will remain in tact for good. He will now go and spend two weeks with her and others over Christmas, just to get 100% clarity that the feelings are gone (he doesn't trust himself because he is so confused, but all signs show he has no love and trust left) and in the hope that she will realise that it would not be nice to be with someone who doesn't love her. I think he is hoping for her to say, ok, this isn't working anymore. However, I doubt that will happen because she holds on and forces him into more sessions and time together. I told him that I will have to make my final decision if he still cannot tell me that it is 100% over with her after Christmas. They have no warm interactions, no physical contact, nothing. They live in different states but it is almost like he feels guilty for leaving her abruptly a year ago and now has to give you any opportunity to talk etc. possible. He feels incredibly obligated after over 13 years of marriage but is incredibly happy whenever we are together. His best friend says it is like night and day when we are together vs. when he meets her for the counselling. So, I believe the love is definitely gone and will not return during those two weeks. But how can a man finally get himself to make the decision that he already knows is required? He already talks about selling their house, having to give her lots of money, getting lawyers etc. The only problem is, he does not tell her because he feels guilty, obligated and worried that it will hurt her. And that even though she hasn't been nice to him and she caused a lot of damage to their marriage due to her alcoholism. He is seeing a psych but what could I possibly do to help him get this done? I have been waiting for us for a year. We are absolutely great together but I cannot constantly wait until he finally makes the inevitable decision. How can I support him make a call?

Guest_9043 Stuck mentally and emotionally. Need to make a decision.
  • replies: 4

Hi, I'm baffled as to what to do. It is my niece's graduation from Primary School in two weeks. My sister sent me an invite if I want to attend. I want to be there for my niece. At the same time I'm in therapy over long term family abuse. I'm struggl... View more

Hi, I'm baffled as to what to do. It is my niece's graduation from Primary School in two weeks. My sister sent me an invite if I want to attend. I want to be there for my niece. At the same time I'm in therapy over long term family abuse. I'm struggling with guilt if I don't go. I will send her a gift and card marking the occassion. To turn up by myself to a big event with lots of people will be hugely overwhelming for me and on top of my mental health and well being will just be too much on my heart and mind. My sister attempts to make me feel guilty. Yet, she chooses when I was able to see my niece and when I wasn't able too. I still kept in touch with my niece as best I could. I'm in a place where I'm trying to deal with unresolved deep pain over their choices. The past abuse runs rampant in my head when having to make these decisions. I can't have this ongoing stuff in my head. It needs to go as I'm already facing so many difficulties and challenges. I have my therapist and other professional supports but no friends or family. It's all just gone. It's hard on my own.

collie32 I have a problem with lying
  • replies: 5

Hi all, I don't know whether this the right thread to post in but here goes Im really lost at the moment and am just needing some sort of help. My girlfriends and my relationship has been destroyed because of my lying and dishonesty. I feel like I li... View more

Hi all, I don't know whether this the right thread to post in but here goes Im really lost at the moment and am just needing some sort of help. My girlfriends and my relationship has been destroyed because of my lying and dishonesty. I feel like I lie to get out of trouble most of the time but it's now got to the stage where I am creating scenarios in my head to try and cover my lying or at least, excuse it. I had emotionally cheated on my girlfriend a few months back and instead of telling her straight away I decided to keep it a secret until a few weeks ago. It wasn't until she fessed up about doing something which she regretted that I had the guts to tell her. I knew that I should have told her straight away and over time the guilt of keeping a secret like that started to build up. But even still, I didn't tell the whole story, just parts of it. I was scared of how it would have effected her but I think I am more scared of the repercussions. She values honesty above anything else and she is always honest with me even if she knows it will hurt my feelings and I respect that about her but I can't seem to do the same back. It's been going on for the entire 6 years that we have been together that I would tell little white lies to get out of trouble or to avoid conflict with her. This time though was the last straw with her because of the cheating and the lying about it. I've just had enough of being this person who can't be honest with the one person they should be completely honest with. I just don't know what to do to get better. Collie32

No1nosme I want to take a break from my marriage
  • replies: 5

My husband and I have been married for 6 years, together for 10. These last 5 years, I have struggled with multiple addictions that have placed huge financial and emotional stress on our marriage. My gambling addiction caused my husband to find it ne... View more

My husband and I have been married for 6 years, together for 10. These last 5 years, I have struggled with multiple addictions that have placed huge financial and emotional stress on our marriage. My gambling addiction caused my husband to find it necessary to take control of my finances, with my salary being paid directly to our joint account and my every spend monitored. For a short time, this method helped stop the gambling. However, over time I grew resentful at being surveiled and like a child, I would at times rebel. On top of that, I also use recreational drugs. This is a huge issue because he and I have differing views on the subject, and while I can see and understand his point of view, he never even tries to understand where I am coming from. So again, I get surveiled and monitored and told what to do. Because I am studying at the moment, he is heavily supporting me, and whenever I step out of line I get restricted access to the car or the finances. I even get told who I can and can not have in the house...My house. (E.g certain family members). So a week ago, I asked to take a break from our marriage. I explained how there is a huge power imbalance in our relationship, and I needed to be apart so I could prove to myself, and him, that I am capable of making it on my own. I told him I felt as though he relished in how broken I am because it makes him feel superior by being the one who "fixes" me. I absolutely do not want a divorce, he is actually a wonderful man, and I love him completely. But I can't go another 10 years feeling like a worthless piece of crap who is indebted to her super hero husband. I actually explained it a lot better to him last week. I poured my heart out actually. And all he could say was "You just need to finish uni, then things will be better". Ugh Is it viable to have a trial separation? Is that a thing?