Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Ace1988 Covid cabin fever
  • replies: 1

Single mum here to an 11 year old boy. Is anyone else copping a lot of trouble from their kids? My son isn’t coping well at all and unfortunately I’m directly in the firing line. The hatred he has towards me is heart breaking, honestly, I don’t know ... View more

Single mum here to an 11 year old boy. Is anyone else copping a lot of trouble from their kids? My son isn’t coping well at all and unfortunately I’m directly in the firing line. The hatred he has towards me is heart breaking, honestly, I don’t know how long I can deal with it for. He said he doesn’t want to be here anymore and wants to live with his dad, which is not the best place for him to be. mum exhausted, mentally. Every thing is a fight. I understand that our worlds have been flipped upside down. We’ve gone from me working everyday and him being at school and having extra curricular activities to being housebound (with the occasional walk/bike ride and shopping trip), but holy crap it’s hard. My anxiety is so heightened at the moment every morning as I don’t know when/if he will lose it. I’m sick of walking on eggshells. I’ve been lenient with rules and whatnot to try and accomodate for the changes but I still have rules in the house. I’m overwhelmed and extremely upset.

ReeCar123 So emotionally exhausted, fighting against the urge to give up
  • replies: 1

Hi, I am trying to keep some sort of relationship up and running that is strongly impacted by my partner's mental health. He is an avoidant attachment style and has significantly suffered after separation from his wife despite him separating. He says... View more

Hi, I am trying to keep some sort of relationship up and running that is strongly impacted by my partner's mental health. He is an avoidant attachment style and has significantly suffered after separation from his wife despite him separating. He says he feels nothing at the moment and I can see the closeness between us deteriorating. He wants to see me but it is only half a day a week because he has this constant urge to seek "safety" at home. I am trying my best to be understanding and supportive and he is very happy with my support. But I am anxious by nature and I am currently learning a lot about what in my childhood caused me to become an anxiously attached person. I actively challenge my behaviour always reminding myself of what a secure person would do in that moment and trying to self-regulate. I am trying to learn to self-soothe as well. I feel I am doing a lot to work on myself and to support my partner and not cause any unnecessary pressure. But I feel like my resilience is fading away and I am just so incredibly sad and heartbroken. I just cannot see how this will ever get better with him, he is working hard on getting better for himself but it seems so self-absorbed. I have needs too and I told him that. He said I can tell him that and we need to communicate but also that he may need to say no because he feels uncomfortable. I feel I am always giving more than I receive and I am now very confused whether this is just my anxiety talking or whether it is a real lack of him trying to meet me halfway as we agreed. I am just so unhappy but I don't want to give up because we have fought so hard to get here and I feel I cannot leave now. But I cannot go on like this either. How do I become more resilient and more hopeful again. I feel so emotionally drained and I am not very kind to myself most of the time. I thought I was going well in my new-found determination to change for the better now that I understand where my anxiety comes from. But today I feel like I have experienced a massive step backwards and I have just been really unhappy and negative all day. What can I do?

Cara62 My partners porn addiction
  • replies: 4

Well I just discovered that, yet again, a good part of every day my partner spends watching porn and masterbating. This can go on for hours and hours. This is not the first time and I have been thru all of the promises and lies and I just don't think... View more

Well I just discovered that, yet again, a good part of every day my partner spends watching porn and masterbating. This can go on for hours and hours. This is not the first time and I have been thru all of the promises and lies and I just don't think I can do it again. Have we discussed it this time? No, he refuses. Turns it all back on me and my imagination. We were playing with my new phone and we must have clicked voice record, it recorded exactly what went on for 2 days while I was at work yet he still denies. He had an affair in 2018 for 6 months, I found out 6 months later, he attempted suicide which included police with guns drawn smashing doors and finally using a taser. I took him back because I loved him and he has no one else. My family and friends don't approve of my decision so I live two seperate lives, never mentioning anything about him or what we have done so there is no way I can talk to any of them. I feel violated and used. I just don't know what I feel. I am angry and cry a lot. I don't know what to do. I feel useless. I get up and go to work each day wondering what he is up to and who he is spending his days watching. I know I can't compete with his porn images and that any trust that I thought had been rebuilt was only in my mind. Just lost, confused, hurt and angry.

Lisa_H Child with anxiety and possible depression
  • replies: 1

Hi, I hear a lot about mental health in general but how can I help my 7 year old daughter who is diagnosed with anxiety and I suspect that its developing into depression? We are new to the system for an evaluation for any special needs so we don't ha... View more

Hi, I hear a lot about mental health in general but how can I help my 7 year old daughter who is diagnosed with anxiety and I suspect that its developing into depression? We are new to the system for an evaluation for any special needs so we don't have access to any therapy at this moment and our current peadiatrition is closed due to covid 19. She has a really good understanding of what is happening and why we have to stay at home. But she is getting depressed that she can't go to school and see her friends. Her moods are all over the place, she is becoming withdrawn, no longer caring about herself, she is sleep talking mostly about wanting to go to school. Apart from taking to her and providing support for her at home, what else is there that we can be doing to help her? Please help. From a very worried mum.

Gem_85 Feeling very lost
  • replies: 8

Hi all, this is my first post and it’s very tricky to even write all this. I feel so overwhelmed at the moment with so many things going on in my head I don’t even know where to start. I’m so miserable all the time. My husband and I had money and sta... View more

Hi all, this is my first post and it’s very tricky to even write all this. I feel so overwhelmed at the moment with so many things going on in my head I don’t even know where to start. I’m so miserable all the time. My husband and I had money and stability and a nice house. We made some very poor decisions and had to sell our house, go into more debt and now we (plus our 2 year old) are living with my parents. I’m 35 and back home, it’s so embarrassing and all I do is sit and think about money and ‘what if we’d done this differently’ and I’m going crazy. My husband is constantly making me feel awful and I cry alllll the time but my parents seem to like him and have no idea. We’ve only been married a bit over a year and I know we are terrible together & a break up would disappoint my parents so much, I’m just so sad and lost and humiliated. My job is on the line now and so is my husbands, I can’t see a way out of this whole mess. I need help or advice I’m just so low. I think I’ve failed at life.

Holistic_Chick Lost, confused, scared, alone and a prisoner in my own mind
  • replies: 2

Hi, I’m new here, never done this before but finding it really hard to get proper help. Im a mother of two and suffering from severe depression, panic attacks and agoraphobia. my partner and I are fighting and have been for a good year to two years b... View more

Hi, I’m new here, never done this before but finding it really hard to get proper help. Im a mother of two and suffering from severe depression, panic attacks and agoraphobia. my partner and I are fighting and have been for a good year to two years but all the fights involve his mum because she is a liar, very selfish and just nasty. No manners at all and if she wants something done it has to be done right away or the emotional blackmail everyone gets just wow. my partner is not the father of my boys. And all I have asked is for his help to work out what ever his mums problem is but he just wants to bury his head in the sand and ignore and I’m supposed to just put up with it, accept it and move on. Well now his mum has turned the entire family against and I’ve gotten nothing but abuse from them and my partner still doesn’t see the point in stepping up and saying anything. i was starting to see the light again but now I just feel empty and only see darkness. we were supposed to be starting fresh forgetting all past arguments etc and for time being until we sort us out I’ve asked that he tells his family especially his mum anything about us and I won’t ask about them. He couldn’t even manage that for one day and is constantly turning it all back on me. sorry it’s long. lost and confused, please help!

Mjj I don't know
  • replies: 3

Hi, I feel really strange writing this but here goes. I've been with my partner for almost 5 years, we have a house together and are happy. But we don't necessarily display "happiness when we are together. He used to tell me that he works hard and is... View more

Hi, I feel really strange writing this but here goes. I've been with my partner for almost 5 years, we have a house together and are happy. But we don't necessarily display "happiness when we are together. He used to tell me that he works hard and is always too tired. He genuinely falls asleep in minutes at night. I understand that we all get tired but it always feels like there is no effort. It feels like I'm living with room mate instead of a partner. When he gets home he asks me how my day was gives me a kiss etc but then that is all we really talk about. I try to make conversation and I don't get anything back. He always watches stupid videos on his phone and when I say things multiple times I have to repeat myself because his not listening. I simply feel like I am not worth his effort. He will sit out the front of the house and vape while I'm just sitting inside doing other things. It doesnt make me feel connected at all. I have bought this up with him in the past and it's usually "sorry I'm shit, sorry I'm not good enough" coming from him. He tries a little bit for a week then things go back to normal. We do love each other and like any couple we can get a bit snarky at times I just don't know if this is something to be concerned about or if I just accept it and that's just what it is. I just feel like he used to understand me and we shared the same hobbies now he doesn't really care and we barely share any of the same interests.

Einna Don't know how to deal with all these emotions
  • replies: 3

I have been with my fiance for 4 years, engaged for half a year. He has cheated on me a couple of months into the relationship with an escort and we've both decided to move beyond this and give it another go. For the past year, our sex life have gone... View more

I have been with my fiance for 4 years, engaged for half a year. He has cheated on me a couple of months into the relationship with an escort and we've both decided to move beyond this and give it another go. For the past year, our sex life have gone south. I'm mostly always the one initiating play time and giving all my efforts which sometimes he shows no interest. He watches alot of porn and pleases himself. At work he will be very busy and don't have the time to respond to any of my messages. I understand if I'm not interested in sex and push him away, it will oh be fair for him to watch porn but that is not the case as I am pretty much throwing myself onto him. I feel very unattractive and unwanted right now. Fiance keeps reassuring me that he still loves me, but what I'm getting is the complete opposite. I've given him the option to leave me so he can be with prettier girls and he's also declining to that. I just currently do not know how to deal with all this emotion right now nor am I getting any closure as to why this is happening. The more I think our wedding way is getting closer, the more it's stressing me out as to whether I should go ahead with it or not. Due to Covid-19 and the lockdown here, I can't even go physically see my counselor at my next appointment. I honestly don't know what to do and feel so lost.

Cantthinkstraightsteve New here and breakup problem
  • replies: 26

Hey.... My gf left 4 days ago....she says it was family reasons...but I suspect otherwise due to the fight we had. 2 years ago I left a boring relationship with three beautiful daughters...and met her 6 months later...since then Its been an awesome j... View more

Hey.... My gf left 4 days ago....she says it was family reasons...but I suspect otherwise due to the fight we had. 2 years ago I left a boring relationship with three beautiful daughters...and met her 6 months later...since then Its been an awesome journey...we moved in together 6 months later...man I'm finding it hard to write thithose 5 children moved in....I couldn't of been a more modeled bf and role model..for her children...I can't go on...I'm devistated

JW__123 My Partner Thinks About Other Women
  • replies: 7

My partner and I have been going through a really rough time the last week and a half. It’s only a semi new relationship and we also moved in together about a month ago. But right now I’m hurt and I don’t know what to think/feel. We use to be so infa... View more

My partner and I have been going through a really rough time the last week and a half. It’s only a semi new relationship and we also moved in together about a month ago. But right now I’m hurt and I don’t know what to think/feel. We use to be so infatuated with each other, always complimenting each other, always saying how much we mean to one another and yes eventually it dies off. My partner has become some what paranoid and slightly angry. He thinks he sees me do something and when I try to talk to him he ends up getting upset/angry I don’t understand. This went on for a few days last week and we had since spoken about how he needs to work on his mental health by getting back into meditation, writing in a journal and stretching (he use to do all of this when we first got together but along the way stopped doing it). He said himself that he has been getting paranoid & angry & he doesn’t really know the reason why. Everything seemed fine & back on track until I did something I completely regret (& I know it was completely a breach of privacy & I’m kicking myself for doing it so please no hate on this post as I was only trying to get an understanding of what he was thinking) I read his last entry in his journal. It was addressing that he’s feeling a lot better mentally, then I got to the part that said ‘I can’t stop thinking about other women at the moment & I definitely don’t want to do that to (my name), I can’t.’ So now I am absolutely heartbroken. I confronted him, apologised for snooping and had a good cry (both of us) as he felt betrayed and I felt heartbroken. He swore they’re just thoughts and he wrote them down as he doesn’t understand them and is trying to get rid of them - but he would never ever cheat or entertain someone else which he swears by. It’s hard as he’s told me how he was in a resentful relationship previously and they had both cheated on each other, but our relationship is nothing like theirs was. So I still get worried there’s a possibility he could. I guess I’m torn on what to do and how to think. I’m gutted he’s thinking about other women, I have a million questions going through my head & now I’m wondering if he’s thinking about them while he’s with me.. I can’t stop crying as the sentence keeps popping into my head. What can I do to get over this? We both love each other, we’ve both discussed how we need time and we’re on the right track to making this relationship better - but I can’t stop thinking about it..