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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Mr K Single Dad, childcare, schools, family administration help i'm lost and don't want my kids to suffer. Advice please?
  • replies: 2

Hi BB, so the separation happened, I've got a new home (Rented) set up, no concerns with bills etc re that aspect but there is a massive blackhole where most people know how to arrange childcare, centerlink, medicare, etc. I don't know what I'm suppo... View more

Hi BB, so the separation happened, I've got a new home (Rented) set up, no concerns with bills etc re that aspect but there is a massive blackhole where most people know how to arrange childcare, centerlink, medicare, etc. I don't know what I'm supposed to do, my wife handled all this stuff and now that she's off living her single life i'm trying to pick up the pieces but don't even know what questions I need to ask. Any and all tips, tricks and advice welcome and wanted.

Failsafe Resetting a friendship
  • replies: 6

I couldn't think of the exact title to describe my issue but I'll try to explain. I have a friend that I was very close to, both of us were candid and open with each other. Over time this has changed and until very recently it was something that I st... View more

I couldn't think of the exact title to describe my issue but I'll try to explain. I have a friend that I was very close to, both of us were candid and open with each other. Over time this has changed and until very recently it was something that I struggled to grasp fully and accept. Treating him in the same way I always had, expecting the same support, and then being hurt and upset when it wasn't forthcoming. Typically this wouldn't result in anger or poor behaviour but I'd feel the need to explain or justify everything and generate long passages to do so. After I'd feel embarrassed so I'd pull back or send short general chats a few days later but then anxiety would build and I'd reach out for support again without learning the lesson that he had changed his role. Recently I asked him if he still wanted to be in contact with me, or if he prefered I stopped reaching out. He responded by saying he definitely didn't need me to stop but he wished our interactions were more positive. I'm now awaiting my first appointment to head to counselling to work through some newly generated issues as a result to COVID changing my life and previous coping mechanisms. I've joined this forum to give me an outlet for my anxiety or disruptive thoughts in the meantime and I'm trying to focus on tangible goals to improve the things that cause me anxiety or to feel inadequate. Our last interaction was me thanking him for all his assistance recently and letting him know I was going to get some help to work on adjusting to my new way of life. His response was to say he was glad he helped and was sorry he couldn't do more but he hoped I understood. I would like to try to focus on it being a casual friendship with me seeking support from more suitable channels. I wrote 3 replies to the response above and stopped because I can't come up with something that conveys a positive tone to let them know I understand what they want and respect their boundaries, somehow it seems accusatory or passive aggressive which is not it's intention. I also don't want to be fake and act like my issues have left. I have no idea how to do it succinctly and respectfully in a way that comes across positively (which is how I intend most things but it doesn't seem to translate). I was considering just leaving it, or perhaps finding an opportunity to speak in person so things translate better. (we mainly converse via text which isn't my first choice, but is his preferred medium) Any thoughts?

Upside_down Emotionally absent family and friends
  • replies: 13

Hi all. I’m new here, recently went off social media & with everything going on in the world I thought it would be helpful to join the discussion here so I’m not so isolated... also hopeful a reader may have some advice for what I’m going through. Ha... View more

Hi all. I’m new here, recently went off social media & with everything going on in the world I thought it would be helpful to join the discussion here so I’m not so isolated... also hopeful a reader may have some advice for what I’m going through. Has anyone had experience with family/friends who are emotionally absent? Ive gotten to a point of wanting to cut ties with my mother and sister because I have tried to express my feelings/needs in a respectful way but end up being either attacked or ignored. I have spent the last few years persisting with treatment with little support from them, and the more time that has passed the more I’ve realised how their behaviours are impacting my recovery. I’m unsure how to communicate with them and would appreciate any help thanks for reading

S1980 Depression and being 'ghosted' by a friend
  • replies: 1

I have been struggling with feelings of depression, loneliness and isolation over the last few months because of Covid and working from home. I made the effort to meet new people and make new friends which has been great at times. However last week o... View more

I have been struggling with feelings of depression, loneliness and isolation over the last few months because of Covid and working from home. I made the effort to meet new people and make new friends which has been great at times. However last week one of my friends who I would chat with every day has suddenly stopped replying to any messages for no obvious reason. In the depressed state I am in I am finding myself so consumed by feelings of worry and guilt, what did I do wrong to make this friend ignore me? I can't seem to function to do anything but worry about this, check my phone for any response but nothing. I don't know why it is getting me so much I hate the feeling of possibly having hurt someone. But I come on so strong when I'm emotional and may have sent too many 'reaching out' texts that I sound like a possessive freak. I wish they would just respond so I know what I did wrong and can make things right. I can't work or focus on anything while this is hanging over my head unresolved.

TTorna Emotional Blunting/Detatchment
  • replies: 13

Hi all, Sorry if this is the wrong forum for this, but I couldn't find much related to this issue. I've been dating a very close friend of mine for 6-8 weeks. We've been best friends for about 10 years prior to this. Things were going very well, unti... View more

Hi all, Sorry if this is the wrong forum for this, but I couldn't find much related to this issue. I've been dating a very close friend of mine for 6-8 weeks. We've been best friends for about 10 years prior to this. Things were going very well, until she told family about me and her family reacted badly. This negative response triggered her somehow and now she feels what she describes as emotional numbness towards me. No romantic feelings anymore. I'm very hurt, but she told me it isn't anything I've done, and that she thinks it is her brain's response to a negative response. She wants to stay together and try to work it out, which we have been trying. As far as I researched, emotional numbness/detatchment is a thing but I don't quite understand it and I want to understand it more. I'm not sure if I'm a fool for staying or if it is something that will eventually pass. She keeps saying she was very happy with us before and where we were going before the emotional detatchment for me she now feels. It's been a week and a half, and I have to say it has been very difficult to accept she feels nothing and watching her be distant to me while she tries to also let me know she still wants this to work. I really want to work through it, but I'm not sure if it's just something permanent that has cut her feelings towards me. Has anyone experienced this in family or friends/partners? She says she's not depressed, which I know numbness can be depression, but it seems to be focused only towards me, which I don't get as I was not the one who upset her. I guess my question is: how do you help someone with emotional detatchment/numbness towards you? Thank you.

Pete80 No love for my wife- is it all over
  • replies: 3

Hi first time poster so bit nervous but here goes. I'm Male 40, married for 10 years to my partner of over 20 years with two beautiful kids but....there is more. Ever since the birth of our last child in 2013 I have had sex 5 times with my wife. Thin... View more

Hi first time poster so bit nervous but here goes. I'm Male 40, married for 10 years to my partner of over 20 years with two beautiful kids but....there is more. Ever since the birth of our last child in 2013 I have had sex 5 times with my wife. Think about that. For me sex was such a large part of my life pre kids and i never considered it might one day stop certianly not in my late 30s. I still have a high sex drive and I find it very difficult to be denied time after time. I've turned to porn to substitute the sexual craving because i cannot cheat and I never would. Over the last two years I've become completely detached from my wife. I don't sleep in the same bed, I dont feel any sexual or physical attraction to her whatsoever. It's got to the point that I actually dont want to go anywhere with her. My social life is completely down the drain, I have no friends and basically no life. Apart from my love of the kids and outdoor activities (fishing etc) I have nothing. I cant work out if I'm the cause of this or this is a genuine dislike of my partner. She says she loves me but honestly do not love her anymore. I am a successful professional worker and i am think I am liked at work..I get on better with work colleagues than I do with my wife. I truly do not know what to do. I have discussed this with her but we can never be civil as she just goes on the back foot instantly and throws all back on me. I hate my life at the moment and I really want a solution to this shit. It really hurts me to think about what impact this might have on the kids and it upsets me to think what a life might be like without them all the time. Any help much appreciated Pete

DontGiveUp2 Several major life events at the same time
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone, I'm new to this forum and felt like it would help me a lot to reach out for support from forum members. I currently have anxiety and depression and am on medication. My GP is great and regularly reviews my condition. I live on a farm and... View more

Hi everyone, I'm new to this forum and felt like it would help me a lot to reach out for support from forum members. I currently have anxiety and depression and am on medication. My GP is great and regularly reviews my condition. I live on a farm and am married with 3 children aged 14, 12 and 8. Since mid last year, things have been super tough. We were handfeeding stock and buying drinking water for over 18 months. Then came the fires, followed by the pandemic. It has been exhausting and I don't have much left in reserve. My marriage is under great strain and we are in financial hardship. My life is complicated with a husband who has complex PTSD after working as a police officer. Unfortunately my mum has early onset dementia and is in residential care. She recently became very sick when the nursing home was closed to visitors and we could not see her. After a battle with the nursing home, she was admitted to hospital with a blood clot from her knee to groin and pneumonia. Our family were convinced if we had not pushed for Mums treatment, she would have died. This happened in April and she can no longer walk and has lost a lot of weight. I feel like I can cope with drought, fires, COVID-19, my mental health condition and husband's PTSD - but I can't cope with my Mum being very sick and maybe passing away. Even though I know she has a condition whereby she will continue to deteriorate, it seems cruel and inhumane to allow someone with dementia not be able to get treatment for another illness. I am crying as I type. It is so hard and it doesn't seem fair to have one difficult event happen after the other. I know I can't change things, but it does help to reach out and tell someone what is worrying me.

imbadwithnames Don't know how to tell my mother that she isn't the victim
  • replies: 4

Hi guys! I have had a very strained relationship with both of my parents for a long time. (Trigger Warning: Abuse) My mum dated an abusive man for 4 years and let him physcially, mentally and emotionally abuse me and didn't step in or do anything, an... View more

Hi guys! I have had a very strained relationship with both of my parents for a long time. (Trigger Warning: Abuse) My mum dated an abusive man for 4 years and let him physcially, mentally and emotionally abuse me and didn't step in or do anything, and instead chastised me for being disrespectful when my friends would tell her that I thought I was living in a toxic situation and both my mum and bf gasslighted the heck out of me. My dad and I are better but we still have a lot of issues with him refusing to take me to therapy when I clearly needed it because he wanted "one normal child" and refused to believe there was anything wrong with me. But this post is about my mother. I live in Victoria, and I am moving back to my home state to live with my dad due to abusive housemates (abuse all around, love that for me) ending the lease in the middle of a COVID pandemic because they know I have nowhere to go. However with the increase in cases and the increase in lockdown this is, obviously, very hard. My mother only started talking to me again after like 6 months when my friend messaged her and told her I was suicidal (I told her in confidence and she betrayed that, but we are getting through that). In the many years I have been in Melbourne she has come down to see me... once? maybe? I do not enjoy being around her and feel a lot of toxicity surrounding her. There has been a lot of forms only she can fill out from my home state to get me in so she has been doing a lot, however every time something new happens, it's my job to comfort HER. Stage 4 lockdown yesterday? Oh she's so upset I need to call her to make sure she's okay (like sure, one of us is going to be homeless and one of us is living in a big house with a pool, which one is struggling more). When I told her I was struggling she turned it into a woe is me party and was like "and I can't do anything from so far way I'm struggling so much" and started crying on the phone. It feels like she is playing the victim and providing no support to the actual victim, me. How can I stop this or tell her she's not the victim?

Rex007 Infatuation in marriage
  • replies: 42

Hi My wife of 17years is infatuated on another guy living overseas. She claims that he is like the brothers she doesn't have but earlier on in there relationship she told me that she had fantacised about him once. She said that it was a mistake and t... View more

Hi My wife of 17years is infatuated on another guy living overseas. She claims that he is like the brothers she doesn't have but earlier on in there relationship she told me that she had fantacised about him once. She said that it was a mistake and that she doesn't think of him in a physical way. However she talks to him twice a day - Every day. I've told her how upset it makes me feel but she just says that she can't control her feelings. It hurts so much that I don't sleep at night. She sleeps just fine. The only reason that I'm still here (apart from our two kids that I love) is t that I still love her. I also know that for t h e l as t few years she has struggled with mental health issues to do with her family. I supported her as best I could through it all The strange thing is that this guy is the total opposite personality type and I know that she would never leave the kids to be with him for so many reasons. I have been seeing a councillor regarding my feelings and we are also seeing a Separate marriage councillor to work on our marriage. His strategy is for us to explore other interests so that we can have something different to talk about. Only I feel with the hurt I'm feeling I'm likely to run off with the first person that showed half an interest in me. It's not what I want. Unfortunately my wife is my one and only best friend which makes the thought of separating impossible to bear. I'm really confused and gave no idea what to do. I'd love to hear any suggestions or hear from anyone that has been t through something similar P,S, I have this guy as my Facebook friend - I feel like telling him to go away because I think he would. But if my wife found out our marriage would be over anyway

Cheryanne Lost
  • replies: 2

I am nearly 60 years old. Was in a very volatile relationship for 15 year’s. I finally had enough with him about 1 month ago. He was not affectionate at all, no cuddles no kisses, nothing, and I’d had enough, so I walked out with my things. We didn’t... View more

I am nearly 60 years old. Was in a very volatile relationship for 15 year’s. I finally had enough with him about 1 month ago. He was not affectionate at all, no cuddles no kisses, nothing, and I’d had enough, so I walked out with my things. We didn’t live together, we had in the past. I would drive 1/2 hour to visit. His daughter lives next door, and she has 3 beautiful children, my grandchildren. They loved me , and I them. They have been banned from seeing me. So I lost them as well. And I miss them terribly. I’m retired. And this virus is so so awful, with everything else going on. I feel lost, so lonely, and just want to curl up and die. And I don’t know what to do.