Unheard

[mcc_meow]

first, please excuse my english

Husband and i are married for 9 years. Both Christian faith. I have just realised how much he had emotionally manipulated me. I used to be very expressive of how i feel with my past relationship. With him, i just learned to keep it all to myself because whenever I would try to, he’ll just point out that either I do or say the same thing but he doesnt react the way i do. Sometimes, he’d make it about him that I hurt him for thinking or feeling that way. Over the years, i have learned to keep things to myself cause whenever id open up, same thing would happen. He’d make me think that I am wrong or he’d get angry or upset because I made him feel that way. But he never truly listen or try to understand how i feel. Sometimes, when we would have long arguments/conversation, even before i could explain or express myself, he’d already have assumed something about me or what i feel. I feel so unheard and not validated. Our friends often tell me that i need to tell him or converse with him. But how do i really do that when i dont really feel heard? And every time i would test waters and open up about how i feel, everything goes back to it. It just breaks me more. I already struggle enough with putting words to how i feel, but most if not all of my efforts are just crushed. I often wonder now how it would feel if someone just listen and understand how i feel. To be heard and validated. I dont even need solutions or advice because most of the time, i have already doubted myself and convinced that im wrong thinking or feeling something. How refreshing would that be. 

[Sophie_M]

Hi mcc_meow,

First of all, a very warm welcome to the Forums. We hope this can be a safe and supportive space for you to continue sharing what’s been happening for you.

We’re so sorry to hear about how you've been treated in your relationship. You absolutely deserve to feel heard and validated, and not experiencing that can be incredibly painful. It can really affect how we see ourselves and leave us constantly second-guessing whether our feelings are valid.

Is there anyone you feel comfortable talking to about this? It’s a lot to carry on your own, and you don’t have to go through it alone. If you’d like, it might be helpful to chat with one of the lovely people at 1800RESPECT. You can reach them on 1800 737 732 or via their online chat. Beyond Blue counsellors are also available 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 or online here.

Thank you again for your courage and strength in sharing your story here. Please feel free to let us know how you’ve been going this week. We’re here to support you and to remind you that your feelings are valid and worthy of care.

Kind regards,
Sophie M