Unable to stop crying

Jhc · ‎14-12-2019

Hi, my partner of two years who I love so much has broken up with me this week. Two months ago, out of the blue he told me he wasn't happy. We met in another State to where I live. When we met it was like a film, romantic and perfect. After calling and messaging each other for months he then drove from one side of the country to the other to move in with me. He got a job here and seemed happy. I thought we were happy. We talked about and made plans for the future. I met him when I was 48. I felt so lucky to meet him and felt it was meant to be. Neither of us had children or previous relationship baggage. We shared many goals and values. Then out of nowhere he told me he wasn't happy and his feelings for me had changed. He wanted to go back home and see how he felt but didn't want to break up. I was away for work for two weeks and he told me he would wait until I got home. But at the airport he messaged me to say he had already left because it was 'easier for him'. It broke my heart. I came home to an empty apartment with all trace of him removed. Then the next week he called to tell me it was over. Like so many others here on the forum I can't understand how he can just switch off. Only two weeks before he first told me he was unhappy he had pointed to an old couple holding hands and said that will be us one day. I've been through relationship breakups before but at the time I knew that person wasn't right for me. But this time I just feel so incredibly sad and empty that he is gone. I feel I didn't get given a chance to fix it. Now I'm 50 and the future just looks so empty and bleak as I know I'll never meet someone like him again.

quirkywords · ‎14-12-2019

Jhc welcome to the forum.

sudden break up at any age is so stressful and heartbreaking.

As you wrote you thought you would grow older together.

I think the not knowing what went wrong makes it hard for closure as you keep thinking what caused the breakup and could it have been stopped.

You are still in shock and need time and lots of tender loving care to help you.

50 is still young. Crying can help you process all the pain you are feeling. Do you feel the crying is helping you in any way?

Thanks for your honesty in sharing your story.

Quirky

Matchy69 · ‎14-12-2019

After reading your post and can so relate to you.I lost my ex wife that i thought i would be forever.I lost her because she needed sex and i couldnt give that to her became impotent.She went and found someone who could satisfi her which happened to be my best friend.I was really in a mess crying all the time,i really struggled with day to day life.

After a few years of being game enough to talk to people and girls i met someone so amazing,we had the best friendship sharing our highs and lows of life.She was the best thing to happened to me but unfortunately my anxiety really got bad and i thought i was going to lose her friendship and because of this i actually did.I still cry for her every day as well as my narriage.I trying to keep busy and keep my mine off things,trying to move on with my life but is hard.

You are an amazing person and there will be someone special out there for you that will treat you so good and it will happen when you least expect it to.

Jhc · ‎14-12-2019

Thanks Quirky for your reply. No, crying isn't making me feel better, but worse. I guess it is also worse today because I'm not at work trying to hold it together. I'm at home by myself just thinking the same stuff over and over, questioning why. I just want him to come back into my life, to at least give it a second chance.

Jhc · ‎14-12-2019

Hi Matchy69. I'm sorry you are also feeling like this. It's not a great place to be and I just want to wake up from this nightmare. The problem is that I thought after all my previous bad relationships that this one was the one I had waited for all these years. I met him when I wasn't looking for a relationship. We rarely argued. We had a lot of laughs and he treated me so well. It was a massive shock him leaving before I got home and then ending it. That's why I really can't see any hope for the future. I had the relationship that everyone wants and hopes for, and now it has been taken away from me.

Katyonthehamsterwheel · ‎14-12-2019

Jhc said: I'm at home by myself just thinking the same stuff over and over, questioning why.

Hi there

I've recently gone through a break up too and still trying to process it. The whole going over it in your head is honestly the worst. For the first week I had to tell myself out loud to just "shut up!". I couldn't stand it. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Crying doesn't seem to help, but I guess it has a purpose. I know my GP said you've got to let it all out. Don't try and hold it in. If you want to keep talking and sharing, please do. I know how much I needed to do that when it was so raw and painful. My thoughts are with you, Katy

Matchy69 · ‎14-12-2019

Hi Jhc,i too feel like its a nightmare that i just want to wake up from and like you i am 50 and wonder was that my last chance now.I never had a fight with this lady,it was just the nicest thing we had.I have two children with special needs from my marriage and are full on when i have them,it was nice to have someone who understood that my kids were a big part of my life.I feel like their will allways be something missing in my life.I find my self thinking about her and then just crying.

Jhc · ‎15-12-2019

Thanks Katy and Matchy69 for your kind words. I just can't believe here I am again, going through yet another breakup when I thought that part of my life was behind me. It was hard going to the shops today seeing all the happy couples walking around. I keep asking what is so bad about me that the best person in my life has now walked out of it. I know so many people are far worse off than me, and I should be more grateful for the small things. But it's very hard at the moment.

quirkywords · ‎15-12-2019

Jhc

If you browse the threads you will see many are about breakups and does not matter how old you are, if the breakup was a surprise or was a joint decision, breakups are very hard.

I think the best thing is to take it slowly, and be kind to yourself. It takes time and you need to grieve like you would grieve any loss and there is no right way do what feels right.

Keep writing here if it helps as you can see there are people here who are supportive .

Quirky

Nothappyuni · ‎18-12-2019

Hi All,

Brings me to tears as well reading your posts. I had 25 years with a woman I expected to die with, still holding hands. I too am the same age and just like both of you feel that it is a steep hill I must climb to start again, or wondering if I can even start again. Nightclubs are no my scene anymore and internet sites for meeting people are just a joke, truly. Kathy is right when she says you must not think about it, make a mantra for yourself, "I love faulty Towers" or "Game of Thrones is good" anything to take your mind away from the dark thoughts you don't need. There are so many here who have broken up with partners, that I can only conclude there must be thousands out there.