Struggling with my partners distant and depressed moods

[Winter_Dai]

My partner and I have been together for 1.5 years, for a good chunk of that I have spent away on deployment.

Her mother has never accepted her being attracted to the same sex - she is extremely narcissistic and bipolar. She plays mind games with her and sends her presents on her birthday and Christmas but neglect her any other time and tell her she’ll never love her again, there’s no way they’ll ever be the same again etc.

My partner has never been a good talker and finds it hard to communicate her feelings, I often have to pry it out of her what she’s feeling and what’s upset her.

We recently had a bad day the other day, she said she needed go through everything alone without my support ie breaking up. She doesn’t have much other family. I’ve tried getting her help through beyondblue and they directed her to headspace but she doesn’t have any drive or motivation to do anything about it. She is extremely distant and won’t hug or kiss or speak to me like she used to.

I’m completely at a loss as to what to do, I’m trying to be patient and understanding but I’m also so heartbroken I can’t stop crying or having panic attacks over the fact she wants to leave me because of the hurt her mother is causing. She says she’s numb and doesn’t want to exist.

This hurts way too much.

[smallwolf]

Hi and welcome to beyond blue.

My reply may not give you the answers you are looking for thought it might give you an insight into things...

We, who suffer may not want to talk about it with our significant others for a variety of reasons - embarrassment, guilt, shame, afraid of saying something that may make them overly worried or ...

Perhaps the greatest reason is fear - if your relationship with others had been judged such that you felt you had to keep thoughts and feelings to yourself. And these thoughts carry on with you through out your life.

Some of this may resonate with your partner.

Perhaps the trick for you then would be getting past these trust issues. Which may not be easy, may take time and your actions to show her a different side of humanity of people like yourself who are caring, accepting and nonjudgmental. While you can be genuine in these words for her may hard to believe based on experience.

I would have said listening is helpful but you mentioned it is hard get her to open up. And yet silence and being with the other is beneficial. And telling her about the possibilities.

There are also resources on the website about talking to and supporting partners. You might want to check these out.

This must be a very frustrating and sad time for you, trying to be there and feeling rejected at the same time. Pick your time to talk - nothing to lose and everything to gain?

Tim