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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Giggity Pregnant, depressed husband cheated
  • replies: 15

I’m looking for advice from people who’ve been depressed themselves (especially men) or been through infidelity during pregnancy. 2 weeks ago my husband confessed he’d cheated on me for a couple of months. I’m currently 31 weeks pregnant. Devastated ... View more

I’m looking for advice from people who’ve been depressed themselves (especially men) or been through infidelity during pregnancy. 2 weeks ago my husband confessed he’d cheated on me for a couple of months. I’m currently 31 weeks pregnant. Devastated does not begin to describe it. He genuinely seemed appalled by himself and said he’d done just what his old man did and he hated himself for it (long history of family hurt there). I’ve suspected for a long time he’s been depressed: we’ve had an AWFUL lot of hardship to deal with over the past 13 years. I’ve been the breadwinner for most of it, which has at times meant me working a f/t job plus a p/t. It’s been a very hard life for both of us, we’ve both been very down. Trouble is, he shuts off from everything. I get more and more frustrated, end up shouting at him for not helping around the house and making more mess I have to deal with. I don’t like it and clearly it’s just made things worse but I feel SO let down. He’s been an absolute island through this pregnancy, even though he assured me beforehand he wanted this. I was very sick at the end of my first trimester (pneumonia). He was very concerned about me but was his usual fairly useless withdrawn self. I’ve been heartbroken I haven’t had support and love. He has been interested but not actively supportive. He was very honest about it all, but the thing is seeing him break down and cry was the MOST emotion I’ve seen from him in years. I jokingly (sort of) call him zombie. I was relieved he was letting it out, even if he has ruined my first prego/mum experience. He said it made him feel like he could escape his life and problems. Which I totally get. The other woman was disgusted when he confessed to her and asked to contact me to apologise, which she did after he told me. It’s definitely over. He then had a few days of worrying suicidal behaviour which I talked him down from. Now he says he’s not sure about anything. Not sure if he loves me...and I’m left hanging, waiting for the “verdict”. He developed feelings for her but is not sure if it was HER or just feeling free of all the shit. He assures me he wants to be a father but doesn’t want to “let me down.” I’m afraid he’s only doing anything out of obligation and am trying to support him as his job is literally on the line (he’s let his whole life slip) and he’s required to work enormous hours to fix it. I’m walking on eggshells but angry and lonely. Needless to say there is now no affection from him.

HappyMan05 Im lost- I love my wife and love my kids even more but am sick of feeling like I'm carrying the whole load and am all alone
  • replies: 3

Hi Im really not sure where to go in my life right now -for years I've been unhappy with what my wife expects of me and how everything is left up to me to get done and I'm just exhausted and think maybe I should be getting a divorce as I know (becaus... View more

Hi Im really not sure where to go in my life right now -for years I've been unhappy with what my wife expects of me and how everything is left up to me to get done and I'm just exhausted and think maybe I should be getting a divorce as I know (because of years of trying )my wife won't change! I really am torn as I'm scarred to leave my kids because I love them so much and want to be there for them and am scarred of what happens after a divorce.I am also worn out of years of not having an intimate relationship with my wife- I'm lucky if I have sex once a month or so -and she makes me feel belittled and that its such a hassle for me to even ask her -so of course it makes me feel even worse.I stay awake at night due to this making me upset most of the time and I also think I suffer from anxiety as well(to embarrassed to see a doctor though) -as for the last 3 or 4 years I have trouble falling asleep cause all I thing about is the safety of my kids or something happening to them and I'm also consumed about thoughts of how I will die . I work my ass off at work to get as much overtime as possible to help with the shortfall of our finances as I'm left to control it all as my wife has never wanted anything to do with it and says its my job yet in the 10 + years she has worked she has never given me her pay to help with the finances and makes me feel like an ashole even asking for some of it !She just calls me a tight ass and embarrass me if I try to ease up on the spending as we have been going backwards for years as I can't keep up even with working six days a week. I know this sounds like petty stuff to most but as I'm getting older (mid 40s) I feel if nothing changes I'm going feeling lost and alone for the rest of my years!

Dana123 Clingy boyfriend or is it just me? Relieved after breaking up!
  • replies: 7

Has anyone ever had experience with a clingy partner? How much clingy-ness is too much? I was with a guy for a few months and initially, I liked him a lot. But it got to the point where I just found him too intense. He said I love you within 3 weeks ... View more

Has anyone ever had experience with a clingy partner? How much clingy-ness is too much? I was with a guy for a few months and initially, I liked him a lot. But it got to the point where I just found him too intense. He said I love you within 3 weeks and would constantly buy me gifts. I don't know why but I felt soo suffocated. I felt like I was constantly on edge if I didn't reply to him within a few hours. He had mentioned to me how important communication was and we both compromised in terms of how much affection we give. But a few days ago, he mentioned that he needed MORE communication. I had called him 5 out of the 7 days that week and we texted on average about 8/9 times a day. I just lost it, told him that he was asking for too much. I work full time and sometimes come home with a migraine. I didn't call him one night, because I was out with a friend. He told me that I could have called him instead. Mind you, we were seeing each other a minimum of twice a week. I think he was expecting that I drop everything for him. I know he would do that for me, but I don't think that's healthy at all! I broke it off with him because I felt sooo suffocated. I told him that this is how much I could give. He had convinced me that there was something wrong with me and that if I loved him, I would communicate more. I explained to him on numerous occasions that I need to recharge sometimes after work and can't be on the phone for hours (he was expecting that of me). Does this sound like a clingy person or is there something wrong with me? To be honest, I felt soooo relieved after breaking it off! I don't think I realised how suffocated I was. I told him that he was pushing me away. He said that I should find it endearing that he wants to talk to me more. Is there something wrong with me? Or was he really too clingy?

Flinders_Anxiety Narcissistic Abuse & Anxiety
  • replies: 3

Almost 3 years ago I left my Abusive Narcissistic Husband of 12years, I packed up my two young children and moved out. In the few months that followed I was plagued with crippling Anxiety and tremors, that wasn’t really addressed. up until that point... View more

Almost 3 years ago I left my Abusive Narcissistic Husband of 12years, I packed up my two young children and moved out. In the few months that followed I was plagued with crippling Anxiety and tremors, that wasn’t really addressed. up until that point I had believed that I’d never had Anxiety before, but I’ve come to the realisation that it has always been with me (constantly feel unworthy, overthink, and needing validation), and that both of my parents have narcissistic tendencies and now I believe they may have conditioned me to not only accept the behaviour of my ex but I enabled him as well. Ive always had a close relationship with my mum, and now I’m struggling with how to address it, and now I’m wracked with guilt for distancing myself from my mum, but I don’t want to be manipulated anymore

Peppa62 Relationship advice , boys night
  • replies: 8

Little back story I have been with my boyfriend 10years. At the end of last year I found some things on his phone (apps secret snap chat account) and it devestated me. He claims he never physically cheated but was communicating with other girls. Fast... View more

Little back story I have been with my boyfriend 10years. At the end of last year I found some things on his phone (apps secret snap chat account) and it devestated me. He claims he never physically cheated but was communicating with other girls. Fast forward to now and we are trying to work it out . He has a boys night coming up which is fine but I just asked for a few “conditions” I guess. Like call me to collect you, no drugs (his mates do them) and I’m not comfortable with him going back some ones house after the night out even if it is his mates. We then had a big fight because he said I’m putting rules on him and when I do that it makes him want to do it more , which seems crazy to me why do something that you know will hurt your partner ?? He then said this is part of the reason everything went wrong last year. I stop him from doing stuff. Which maybe I once did but I’m trying to be understanding and ok with him going our without me (even though it makes me trust issues spike) but if he could just work with me in regards to a few boundary’s it would put my mind at ease . Am I being unreasonable ? Any thoughts on how to talk to him without him blowing up and arguing with me? Seems a silly thing to argue about but the trust is broken and he can’t understand the hurt.

Rach94xx Relationship - abortion [Trigger warning: abuse]
  • replies: 2

Hello, Im not sure where to start, I had a relationship for 5 years it started off fine he was really sweet and caring however as time went on I would get moments where he became extremely angry and aggressive towards me, mainly verbally. Then after ... View more

Hello, Im not sure where to start, I had a relationship for 5 years it started off fine he was really sweet and caring however as time went on I would get moments where he became extremely angry and aggressive towards me, mainly verbally. Then after the moment he would be sorry and go back to being nice. This continued but I noticed the angry periods would start to last longer and nice periods were once every few months . He would always say he wouldn’t be nice often as so it was a treat when he was. He eventually became physical on three seperate occasions. Anyway after years of this I broke up with him, he sobbed and said he would change and kept contacting me to the point I gave in , we started a sexual relationship again and I wanted to be with him. during this time I received a diagnosis of endometrosis and has to undergo a surgery, I stopped my birth control two weeks before the surgery and stupidly had unprotected sex. I had surgery then found out 4 weeks later I was pregnant, I was happy and he was happy. my ex and I purchased a property together whilst we were in the relationship and he told me to fix the relationship I need to sign over my share of the property for no money even though I contributed half. When I refused he became highly abusive screaming he was going to take me for full custody he has no respect for me, it’s my fault I’m pregnant and insulting me and he wanted nothing to do with it. I was devestated however two weeks later he became supportive again. We went to scans together, gender reveal he bought a teddy for the baby would buy me dinner this lasted two weeks and I was hopefully. Then we had another incident where I tripped and fell walking my dog. he screamed at me that he was taking my dog he is dangerous and if I refused he was done . He screamed at me for 30 minutes that I’m a piece of sh@t selfish and he was done with me, he also physically assaulted me. And has cut me off since then. at this point I became distressed and booked an abortion. After going to the clinic three times and leaving as I part of my didn’t want to do it I finally went through with it, I could feel the kicking as I went under. now I’ve feel really empty, sick and guilty I want to take it back. I feel guilty I’ve hurt my ex by getting this abortion as he was excited it was a boy. I feel like a complete monster and just want to sob.

Jarrodvalley92 How to assist girlfriends mental health and improve relationship with her mum
  • replies: 4

Hi all, I much appreciate anyone who atleast reads or flicks a reply Im having an issue understanding my girlfriends anxiety and negative thoughts and also her relationship with her mum. They are very similar in personality which I find makes them cl... View more

Hi all, I much appreciate anyone who atleast reads or flicks a reply Im having an issue understanding my girlfriends anxiety and negative thoughts and also her relationship with her mum. They are very similar in personality which I find makes them clash at stressful situations. Her mum to be briefly described, I get along with quite well. She has helped us a lot with our house when we renovated and any financial advise we needed as she’s a banker. Very smart and business driven, she comes across as a control freak towards me and my partner when it comes to literally anything we need to do. She never seems to be able to relax around us or simply come visit without talking about jobs we need to do around the house etc. Nearly everything we talk to her about has something to do with money or that we can’t afford this. Which creates many arguements between her and my partner. Having that said that my partner gets often upset with the fact that it is impossible for them to see each other without argueing. We are also 6 weeks pregnant with our first baby and still haven’t told her parents because we’re both afraid for a negative response or that her Mum will not support it and be happy for us. i spoke about this with my partner this evening, I said how I’m so over how her and her mother cannot both chill out, relax and just enjoy life because it’s so short and not worth living like that! Her response was “ I don’t enjoy life, I feel like I’m put on this earth to constantly please my mum.” This obviously breaks my heart to here her say this. Especially being pregnant with our first child which I’m over the moon about. I however am quite a positive person, generally happy and find the light at the end of the tunnel whenever I deal with my own issues. But really am struggling to comprehend her mindset into saying things like that she isn’t happy. I feel like the problem is between both her and her mum. My partner refuses to speak to a professional about this as she feels it won’t help because “they won’t understand, they don’t know us or care” and I know her mum would be offended if I told her that she stresses us out. I just thought I’d give this a go if anyone out there has a similar issue or some general advice from one friend to another. It would mean the world to me Regards, Jarrod

Anon_777 Dealing with loneliness and constantly feeling down
  • replies: 6

This is my first post. I've been feeling really down for a few months ever since my ex of my first and only relationship decided to leave me for someone else. I know I have improved but I now feel like I'm at a standstill in always feeling lonely. I ... View more

This is my first post. I've been feeling really down for a few months ever since my ex of my first and only relationship decided to leave me for someone else. I know I have improved but I now feel like I'm at a standstill in always feeling lonely. I have friends and family, and do make time to see them but at the end of the day I always come home to a place where I live by myself and I just feel constantly lonely. Moving or living with others isn't an option as my lease still has many more months on it. I knew the lack of companionship would be hard to adjust to even though it wasn't a very long relationship but I'm growing tired of having no one to share things with. I've always been on my own and I used to be so good at it but now I hate it. I'm at uni full time too but rarely see social events I'm interested in and so I have no idea how to even make new friends. In the first few weeks after I was dumped I spoke to a counsellor for a one off session and they did give some good advice but I didn't really feel like I got a whole lot from the experience to go back. I just want to be okay with my life but find myself hating where I'm at. Everything feels boring and nothing I do to make the day feel interesting ever feels worth it. I just want to not hate every day that comes and I don't know what to do about it anymore.

IVGreen My fiancé left me.
  • replies: 1

Hey, I'm new to this forum but I am just seeking advice. I've been with my partner for 2 years and have been engaged for a year. At the start of April this year, we went to Europe on a trip to visit his family and to travel around Europe. A week into... View more

Hey, I'm new to this forum but I am just seeking advice. I've been with my partner for 2 years and have been engaged for a year. At the start of April this year, we went to Europe on a trip to visit his family and to travel around Europe. A week into the trip, he broke up with me. I cried and asked why and he said that he isn't feeling it anymore and doesn't love me anymore. I asked him why he did it in Europe and he explained that he was hopeful that we could make it work but the thoughts of leaving me were always in the back of his head. He sent me back to Australia and now he is telling me to get out of the apartment that we rent together by the time he gets back. He doesn't seem to be backing down. I truly love this man and he has a history of getting 'cold feet' and leaving and coming back. I'm absolutely distraught by this. I need advice, I hear from friends that I should just leave but that's easy to say when they are not as involved as I am. Any advice? I want to respect his wishes but the way he did it, it's just not like him. A mutual friend of ours was confused and baffled by the way he did it. This is not like him at all and he would never hurt anyone. Thank you for your advice in advance.

Bellia Post sex doubts and confusion
  • replies: 2

I initiated a sexual relationship with a long term acquaintance. It was a brave and nerve wracking move as he is very familiar to me in a small town senerio. I am a single mum who has been able to create a loving relationship with a partner for years... View more

I initiated a sexual relationship with a long term acquaintance. It was a brave and nerve wracking move as he is very familiar to me in a small town senerio. I am a single mum who has been able to create a loving relationship with a partner for years, I thought I would just create a physical opportunity as I really miss sex! but, my body backfired. It was an awkward experience and this man has gone from desperately wanting me to being very ‘nice’ without a hint of the sexual urgency he first responded to my text with. My self esteem has plummeted and I was trying to lift it through this experience!! I feel so hopeless as I need a physical relationship and I don’t seem able to get it. As a single mum I feel so alone and unloved.. I feel like I blew it and I feel self conscious and deeply ashamed and embarrassed. Why did my body do this! But more frustrating is the inability to really discuss it with him as I can see he finds my anxiety unnecessaryvto his reality and needs.. I wanted no strings attached sex, now I’m experiencing an isolated frustration and confusion. It’s horrible