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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Wawa Husband wont let me go
  • replies: 3

I separated from my husband just over a year ago. I haven't been happy for years and finally decided i am done. I dont love him anymore. He wont let go, he still tells me i have to give him another chance. He moved back in without my permission, gets... View more

I separated from my husband just over a year ago. I haven't been happy for years and finally decided i am done. I dont love him anymore. He wont let go, he still tells me i have to give him another chance. He moved back in without my permission, gets the kids upset, refuses to leave. Tells me i have to stay with him. I dont want to get nasty and call the police. We talk and i am honest with him, i want to move on. Its like he completely ignores what i day. Or says no he doesnt accept it. I just want to move on and find myself again. How can i get him to leave me alone and let go.....

Sad_Bookworm Lonely
  • replies: 1

I’m 26 and very lonely. I don’t have any friends. I moved from the regional town that I grew up in 2.5 years ago to the city and I’ve never managed to find a group of people I fit in with here. I moved to study at university and I’m very nearly finis... View more

I’m 26 and very lonely. I don’t have any friends. I moved from the regional town that I grew up in 2.5 years ago to the city and I’ve never managed to find a group of people I fit in with here. I moved to study at university and I’m very nearly finished studying now. I tried joining clubs at uni, but I either never really felt that I belonged or something happened that made it difficult to continue with that group. I have struggled with anxiety and depression since I was 16 and have severe self-esteem issues, that makes it difficult to believe that other people want to be near me. This also means that I’ve never had a boyfriend or anything close to a relationship, which at 26 also makes me feel that something must be wrong with me. My family has effectively been my only social support network for a long time now, but I’m starting to really feel like I’m burdening them by relying on them so much. Particularly my sister who I rely on heavily for general social interactions. Lately I’ve also been finding that I’m growing further away from my parents too, most of the time I can barely have a conversation with them without an argument occurring. I don’t know what to do anymore I’ve always been shy and I’ve always had to push myself to do any socialising but now it feels like nothing ever works out. I have seen various mental health professionals during my life, although none at the moment, and I’m currently miles away from where I was at my worse but it feels like if I don’t find a way to sort through some of these issues I might end up back there again.

UncleChop81 Help with a difficult Ex
  • replies: 1

Hi all, I'm looking for some advice about how I can manage or improve the situation with my ex wife. We have kids together, so unfortunately we can't part ways anytime soon, which would be the ideal option. I believe she suffers from mental health is... View more

Hi all, I'm looking for some advice about how I can manage or improve the situation with my ex wife. We have kids together, so unfortunately we can't part ways anytime soon, which would be the ideal option. I believe she suffers from mental health issues, perhaps borderline personality disorder like her mother, but I'm obviously no expert. I'll try and keep the back story brief. We separated 2.5 years ago, after being married around 7.5 years. It was my decision to leave. Our marriage was plagued with issues from the beginning. I stayed for the sake of the kids, because I believed I owed them a "whole family", only to eventually leave for the sake of the kids, when I saw how the constant fighting was beginning to effect them. It's not my intention to simply pass all the blame on, but whenever my ex got upset or angry, which was often, she would force a confrontation with me there and then about it, without any regard for who else was around (which was often our kids). If I walked away to de-escalate, she would just follow and continue. During the relationship it felt impossible to keep her happy, and the smallest thing would set her off. I was walking on egg shells the whole time, and honestly felt like I could never do anything right. I often struggled to understand why she would be so upset or angry, despite honestly trying. It just felt like the she saw everything in a different light to the way most people do. Like she was looking at the world through a pair of "negatively shaded" glasses, almost to the point of being delusional. As an example, if I made an effort to do something nice for her, she would explain it away as "I only did that because..." and put a negative spin on it. And everytime something from our past would come up in an argument, she would remember it in a worse and worse way... Like she was adding a further negative spin on top of the negative spin she'd already put on the event. Anyway, our separation started off more or less amicably, and I had hoped with the relationship over things would improve. But things have been slowly spiralling downwards ever since. The same issues I experienced in the relationship are continuing, to the point now that she can barely contain her anger and bitterness during our custody handovers. It's literally impossible to discuss anything with her, as the smallest thing can cause her to fly into a torrent of abuse; which essentially mean I can't be involved in any decisions relating to our children...

Baja555 Stuck for an apology
  • replies: 9

I cheated on my girlfriend from high school and I recently bumped into her again now 10 years on since we broke up. I struck up a quick conversation but it was very awkward and I left feeling very anxious, I didn't get a chance to apologise to her. A... View more

I cheated on my girlfriend from high school and I recently bumped into her again now 10 years on since we broke up. I struck up a quick conversation but it was very awkward and I left feeling very anxious, I didn't get a chance to apologise to her. A few days later I get a call from her angry husband saying I messed up her life, that she had found it really hard from our break up , I apologised profusely to him and said I was a stupid kid and I'm very sorry for my actions and he accepted the situation but went on to say to leave her alone or he'll kill me. This was 3 months ago and I haven't been able to let it go (I have much better morals now). I think about it all the time and its completely disrupting my life. I'm getting really depressed and cant sleep, thinking I hurt her so badly. I had no idea she took it so hard. I want to apologise to her in an email or message, but fear the thought of me again will just stir the pot (and risks him coming after me). So I'm really lost for what to do: should I send him the message and ask to pass it on when the time is right, or just send her the message directly, or do I leave it alone and let it cool off?

Sparkey8 12 wks pregnant, bipolar husband, abortion
  • replies: 2

I don't know what to do. I am 12.5 weeks pregnant. My bipolar husband is currently crashing after a manic 8 days. He says he can't handle the pressure that i am putting him under. He asked me to have an abortion 2 days ago. I told him just now i woul... View more

I don't know what to do. I am 12.5 weeks pregnant. My bipolar husband is currently crashing after a manic 8 days. He says he can't handle the pressure that i am putting him under. He asked me to have an abortion 2 days ago. I told him just now i would go and see a pre-abortion conselling service on monday and now he is saying that he thinks abortion is not the right thing to do. Right now i can't see how our marriage will last. My self esteem has really taken a beating this week because he blames me for a lot of his depression and really verbally attacks every little thing he can. We already have a toddler and i work for myself in a very stressful and demanding job. I don't know how i would ever provide for two kids by myself. I hate the thought of abortion. I know i couldn't put my baby up for adoption. OH hasn't worked since december and is getting insurance from his super pending a workers comp claim which he thinks will solve all of our problems. He has grandiose ideas that the claim will be in the millions. I don't know if it will even be accepted. The pregnancy was accidental, the morning after pill failed and things with OH were good at the time. I was happy for the first few weeks but now i have no idea what to do. My sister lives interstate and parents are overseas so no support network really. I plan on seeing a psychologist early next week.

HomeAlone FIFO wife - he's not coming home
  • replies: 3

So I've repsonded a few times to posts and, if you're a FIFO wife, and like me searching for other FIFO wives, almost certainly seen my struggle. He works 19/9 and has done for the 2 years we've been together. And 2 years prior to that. It's hard, th... View more

So I've repsonded a few times to posts and, if you're a FIFO wife, and like me searching for other FIFO wives, almost certainly seen my struggle. He works 19/9 and has done for the 2 years we've been together. And 2 years prior to that. It's hard, the emotional rollercoaster, the supporting him with his crazy roster, I mean we only really get 4 days of normal a month. I've done everything to sustain him and our relationship. I've tried to bury my struggle and support someone who does 12 hr days, 19 days straight. In fact, thats how we became friends. I work high pressure job, full time, and a single parent 2/3 of the year. And she misses the only dad she's known so much. And we're trying for another but well timing is tricky and his mum said I have to do IVF so her son has no regrets. But I'll be parenting another solo. He tells me he wants to come home. And after 1 year, 11 months together, applied for a much better job, local too! And for a major company in his field. Career wise this would set him up! I mean its a household name! He got the phone screen. He got offered a 2nd interview. But you know, his current employer dropped the same "carrot" they do every 3 months... that they may or may not be moving people to head office, depending on contracts, maybe 6 months from now. So he might get the opportunity to do the same thing he does now, not grow or expand his career and not guaranteed to come home. It seriously happens every 3 months! The new company pays well above industry standard. It offers growth in his career and expands his experience to a new industry, which is really hard in his role. Ive been on the job boards they're very specific. He thinks it will be a difficult decision over whether to take a guaranteed job, that is much better for his career, or wait 6-7 months to find out if maybe he might be one of those selected to work from head office... a conversation we have every 3 months. As someone accomplished in my field and has worked hard to be so im like, career wise this is a no brainer. Knowing that... Makes the next bit harder... Why doesn't he want me? I have never been that person. Marriage was never on the cards for me. I am an accomplished, self made women without a family. Im scrappy damn it. This hurts more than being alone. Sometimes, i wish he'd just leave me. Coz then I could go back to the hard, don't need anyone type. Yeah it would hurt... a lot. But so does being with someone, and alone

Idontknowwhattoput Mother problems
  • replies: 3

Hi all, first time poster, just looking for some advice. Me and my mother have always had a sort of rocky relationship. she is really fantastic most of the time but occasionally she has what i call a "turn" and she changes into someone who i really h... View more

Hi all, first time poster, just looking for some advice. Me and my mother have always had a sort of rocky relationship. she is really fantastic most of the time but occasionally she has what i call a "turn" and she changes into someone who i really horrible to be around. She is incredibly controlling, and she quite often will choose to not remember key aspects in order to make herself seem better. for example, when I had my bridal shower, she did not wish to go because she thought it would just be my fiancees family (whom she does not like). I said that was not a problem, and she didnt have to come if she didnt want to. She was the first person i invited, and i checked 2 other times that she didnt want to go. when she found out her mother and aunt were going, she turned around and said she was being excluded, and was never invited because she didnt get an invitation (she didnt get an invitation because she told me she did not want to come). Events like this happen incredibly frequently. She invited my fiancee, father and uncle to an boys night to celebrate our wedding. I was incredibly happy for her to do this as she had never done anything like it for me, my father or my sisters. I thought she was finally including him. my fiancee, my father and her had several conversations about the event, and he asked if he could bring his father and two of his groomsmen. this was all fine. 2 weeks before the event she had a turn and said that it wasnt happening, and that my fiancee had invited people to her house without asking. I later found out from my sister that my father and mother were arguing about it because she didnt want it to happen anymore. The few people who have an insight to mine and my mothers relationship (my grandmother, mother-in-law, fiancee, grandmother-in-law) have all advised me to try and not let it get to me, but i am really struggling with this. I want to have my mother in my life and i want to have a happy and healthy relationship with her. The only thing left that i havent tried is just giving her everything she wants and putting up with it all but i won't let mysef do that. I have tried talking to her in an environment where she is comfortable, but she just says i am "attacking" her and she immediately walks away and locks herself in her room. I just don't want to feel this way about it all anymore. She takes the happiness i find for myself in life and wrecks it.

Emptyspaces Stressed out from family issues and feel like my low self esteem/insecurity could wreck my relationship
  • replies: 2

I've always struggled with low self esteem/self worth, but last year i had significant struggles due to uni stress and a really toxic work environment where my new boss corroded my confidence and every shift made me anxious. It was an extremely stres... View more

I've always struggled with low self esteem/self worth, but last year i had significant struggles due to uni stress and a really toxic work environment where my new boss corroded my confidence and every shift made me anxious. It was an extremely stressful year and i spent many times having meltdowns to my boyfriend and feeling unmotivated, anxious and unconfident. Since then i've been seeing a counsellor to try and rebuild my confidence... and it had been going well for a few months now. I've now reverted back to feeling insecure and unsure of myself, in uni and with my boyfriend. I know it's probably due to my deep worry and stress for my mum, whose life seems to be spiralling out of control and i really fear for her, and also the fact that my boyfriend is working away a lot lately when i really need support. I've tried speaking to my friends for support but i dont want to constantly talk about myself. i feel so helpless and its been making me extra sensitive to my boyfriend. I dont want to constantly burden my friends and boyfriend with my family problems but they're really taking a toll on me. I haven't been getting as much communication/contact as i'd like from my bf, and i know he's busy but it just hurts not being able to talk much because hes tired or hanging out with his work mates. I dont know how to get over my insecurities about him not wanting me when he's away and i've tried so hard to reason with myself that he works all day and needs to look after himself too, but its so hard when im on uni break and havent got enough activities to consume me and take my mind of everything. We talk via text when he's away and there have been times where i know my insecurities are coming through my msgs but i just can't seem to hold back, and then he becomes frustrated because hes working hard and annoyed that i dont understand. Does anyone have any advice? I can't get into a counselling session anytime soon, and i can just feel myself wanting to withdraw from my relationship to give him 'space' because i feel like i'm being too needy, but i know that will frustrate him. I know websites say to 'love yourself and that'll improve your self esteem and relationships' but i feel like i can't. any positive self talk i try and use feels fake and i dont feel better. I dont know how to feel more worth it and its making me upset typing it but i'm just so disappointed in myself because i really did feel like i was getting better and now im back where i started

Jinxy2259 Marriage breakdown
  • replies: 6

For many many years I was in an emotionally abusive relationship with my husband. Tomorrow he is moving out. We have 3 children, 7 and under. I often thought about this day and how I thought i would feel free, but I’m scared and sad and hurt. My babi... View more

For many many years I was in an emotionally abusive relationship with my husband. Tomorrow he is moving out. We have 3 children, 7 and under. I often thought about this day and how I thought i would feel free, but I’m scared and sad and hurt. My babies are suffering and I don’t know how to be the best parent for them. I have been strong for weeks knowing this was coming but tonight I am struggling and the tears are flowing. my husband doesn’t love me and i don’t have those feeling for him anymore, he has put me through hell - so why am I feeling this way?

Stasia71 Want to separate from a narcissistic husband.
  • replies: 22

I’ve been married for 26 years and have 3 children. The youngest is almost 18. My husband and I basically got married because I got pregnant when I was 21. There has been multiple cheating and emotional abuse by my husband early in our marriage and h... View more

I’ve been married for 26 years and have 3 children. The youngest is almost 18. My husband and I basically got married because I got pregnant when I was 21. There has been multiple cheating and emotional abuse by my husband early in our marriage and he has a strained relationship with with our children. I definitely dont love him anymore, and I’ve tried many times to talk to my husband about our issues, and about the relationship or lack there of with his children, he either makes me feel like I’m crazy, and there’s nothing wrong, or telling me that it’s not his fault it’s the kids fault......he refuses to take any responsibility for anything. That’s when I realised that I’m dealing with a narcissist. It fit him to a t. Everything is an effort for him, he will not do things for the kids with a willing heart, he makes them feel like it’s an inconvenience for him. He’s very selfish. I have had enough and I want to leave. I have been listening to an audiobook called “Will I Ever be Free of You?” Which has been so helpful. It’s helped me to understand narcissistic behaviour, and makes me realise I can find the strength within myself to leave this marriage. I’m not afraid of being alone, I know financially it will be a struggle but I think being free of this person will be worth it. I am not looking for another relationship, I look forward to my independence and freedom! I am a little afraid however for when the time comes to actually say the words “I want a separation/divorce” I’m afraid of his reaction, I’m afraid that he’ll get furious and try to make me feel like a wicked person or try to convince me to stay, that he’ll change or that I’m over reacting. I haven’t been to any therapy or counselling, but I think I may need to (although finances are tight) so I can find the strength to deal with this once and for all, so that I can live the rest of my life, happy. That’s all I want, to be happy. I would love to hear from anybody who has had similar experiences and who have found the strength and courage to get out of a bad relationship and find happiness again.