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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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MO95 Getting you partner to understand your illness
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone! bit of background: I have severe generalised anxiety, depression and stress. I have struggled with it for years and finally went and got started on some help. I have a fiancé, who I love so dearly, we have been together for 7years and ge... View more

Hi everyone! bit of background: I have severe generalised anxiety, depression and stress. I have struggled with it for years and finally went and got started on some help. I have a fiancé, who I love so dearly, we have been together for 7years and getting married very soon. He is supportive of me and he knows the extent of my mental health, but at times I can’t help but feel he doesn’t really ‘get it’. i understand how it may frustrate him at times, especially when my mental health gets in the way of my career, it frustrates me to. But I guess my question is, how do I get him to understand why I sometimes need days off even tho I appear “fine” and not “sick”. How do I get him to really understand what’s going on in my head and in my body when I have those days where I just can’t function. I just want him to understand that I’m not just being lazy or being ridiculous. i need him to understand, so that I can stop feeling worse about self on those days.

MannyOrtego Sister obsessed about my psychologist
  • replies: 3

Hi, I have been undergoing therapy with my psychologist for anxiety for a while, and just recently started doing exposure therapy. I had a massive anxiety flare up a few months ago, I realised now after calming down that a large part of it was due to... View more

Hi, I have been undergoing therapy with my psychologist for anxiety for a while, and just recently started doing exposure therapy. I had a massive anxiety flare up a few months ago, I realised now after calming down that a large part of it was due to my sister trying to control me and gaslight/trigger me(we are both adults). I cut off contact with my sister shortly after the flare up occurred. A couple of days ago she saw my car parked outside my psychologist's office and stuck a note on my windscreen. I saw it after my appointment and, I decided to go over to her house and say hi. Everything went fine until she started asking me about what I was doing at the psychologist. She started pushing me for information about which psychologist I was seeing, what I had told the psychologist, and whether I had told th psychologist anything about her. I basically told her that it was private and that I didn't want her knowing the things I spoke about. She started listing off the names of psychologists that work in that office, and asking "Is it person X? Is it person Y" and I kept telling her that I wasn't going to say. She said "You know I am going to find all this out anyway, right?" She is a nurse in a hospital and has previously been able to somehow look up some of my pathology results, even showing me the printed copy. So it worries me that she might somehow be able to access other things about me? Today, 2 days later, she messaged my brother and told him to answer a message she sent me. I had blocked her, but I thought maybe it was something important and so I unblocked her and asked what was up. She started questioning me again about names and details. I am a bit worried about this as she is not respecting my boundaries and keeps pushing it even after I have told her no. What should I do? Is it possible that she (a nurse) might be able to access any of my information from the hospital she works at? Sorry if some of this is hard tor read, I am writing it on mobile.

Ssangcham my gf and i are on a break and im pissed and mad and scared she will break up with me and forget about me
  • replies: 11

my gf of 8 months said she wanted a break but we still saw eachother after a week i told her i would rather not talk to you so your choice is to etiher get back with me now or ill just stop talking to you until you are ready or when i finish my year ... View more

my gf of 8 months said she wanted a break but we still saw eachother after a week i told her i would rather not talk to you so your choice is to etiher get back with me now or ill just stop talking to you until you are ready or when i finish my year 12. so cried and a lot of gave me all her affection and hugged me and held me tight and she told me yes eventhough im only able to see you once a week. back story is my gf and i saw eachother pretty often but due to our schedules and her parents not letting her go out on weekdays to go study at monash which is close for both of us so i can both see her and study at the same time. but it started to lower and we both really started to get stressed out and lost feelings. well after 2 days of getting back together again all her worries came back i did see her for both days but for one day i didnt see her she had these thoughts and i was so confused and annoyed. we have restrictions because we are different shes in uni and im in year 12 still. her parents dont let her go out, we dont have much money to go out a lot and do things that we would enjoy. she always paranoid of being caught which makes her unhappy when shes with me eventhough shes having fun. i told her lets stop talking for while because i was so mad. i still want her i still wanna fight for her eventhough she doubts she will she wont be scared of her parents founding out. what can i do what should i do i love her. but im also mad and depressed i cant stop crying and screaming internally. ive lost motivation of year 12 because of this. i cant let go of her because she was perfect until this happened. why is life so bad for me family problems, have a messed up knee, finnical problems mental problems please help me

ZJ When do you know it's time to leave
  • replies: 4

Hi, I have been with my partner for 6 years now we have 2 young children together. I feel I am ready to leave this relationship but I am scared of what the repercussions are going to be like for my children and myself. My partner for the most of it h... View more

Hi, I have been with my partner for 6 years now we have 2 young children together. I feel I am ready to leave this relationship but I am scared of what the repercussions are going to be like for my children and myself. My partner for the most of it has been a very supportive father and partner in a financial aspect and also emotionally to an extent, Although he does have a very big temper on him. He has pushed me slapped me and hit me multiple times although not recent the memories of it still imbedded in my mind that I allowed it to happen more then once and have forgiven him. I have had conversations with him in regards to the incidents and how sometime the way I shut off in arguments is because of the way arguments have previously ended with us. He keeps telling me that I am the one that chose to stay and forgive and I cant keep bringing the past up He has offered to talk about the past but I cant use it for an excuse as to how I act but I do not want to talk about that with him. I want to and when I asked to go to see a phycologist he told me I couldn't say anything about the past to them else they will take the kids off him and that's not what I want. I have tried to have this conversation of separating numerous times and somehow it gets turned around and I just can't stand my ground and I give in and we are pretending everything is fine. I honestly am so lost at where to start, what to do and who to talk to

whitefeather Road Tripping Australia yet struggling to leave family behind.
  • replies: 1

Hi, My hubby and I have finally decided to take our family of 6 for a road trip around Australia within the next 6- 18months. However, in order to do this, we are leaving behind the only family members we are in a relationship with - my mum (53 years... View more

Hi, My hubby and I have finally decided to take our family of 6 for a road trip around Australia within the next 6- 18months. However, in order to do this, we are leaving behind the only family members we are in a relationship with - my mum (53 years) and little sister (8 years). Our life has been an emotional roller coaster the past 9 years with having to step out of both our families dysfunctional dynamics and dealing with multiple marriages falling apart (including my own parents). My hubby and I have more or less put our lives on hold to help ourselves and my mum and little sister through this season and get healing for our broken hearts. We now feel that this season has come to an end and its time for us to move on. We don't to stay in our current home town and raise our family here, we want to move onto new land and build a new life and leave a new legacy for our kids and future grandkids. We want to travel in a caravan for 1 year first and explore our country while finding a new place to settle. However, we have to leave the only 2 people in our life who I know loves us so much, and are the only family we have that genuinely cares about us. I'm not to sure what to gain from sharing this, but I have battled with this sadness and brokenness and emptiness alone for a long time and I'm just at a point where I needed to reach out. If anyone has similar experiences or insight they can share, I would be very grateful for your words and time. xx

LoisFly Husband has stopped talking to me
  • replies: 13

I have been married for 10 years and up until 6 months ago between in a very loving relationship with my husband. We have always been very affectionate towards each other and loving. I have no idea why hut he has almost stopped talking to me, doesn't... View more

I have been married for 10 years and up until 6 months ago between in a very loving relationship with my husband. We have always been very affectionate towards each other and loving. I have no idea why hut he has almost stopped talking to me, doesn't want to touch me. Doesn't say I love you anymore. He says he's going through a hard time and avoids the house and spends hours at the gym or with his mates. I have no idea what to do and feel devestated that he has cut me out of his life. Help

HowittWest Controlling Father
  • replies: 3

I have a controlling and overbearing father. However, he is not ‘controlling’ in the sense that he prevents my mother and me from doing the things we choose to do. Essentially, he will use “words”, to control us. I’m not sure if it’s a tactic, or whe... View more

I have a controlling and overbearing father. However, he is not ‘controlling’ in the sense that he prevents my mother and me from doing the things we choose to do. Essentially, he will use “words”, to control us. I’m not sure if it’s a tactic, or whether he does it subconsciously, but he’ll use insults and put-downs such as criticism, belittlement, sarcasm, or just outright name-calling to shame us for doing things. Basic things such as: performing a favour for a friend, taking work-off to attend a funeral. Just regular activities that he strangely doesn’t agree with. He also holds grudges and utilises our previous mistakes (or what he thinks are mistakes) to insult us. My father also does this when he’s in a bad mood, or even when he just sees an opportunity to do it. He’ll pick on either myself or my mum, endlessly. Just a string of insults or hurtful sarcasm. The worst part of this is that he also targets the other people in our lives that we (my mum and I) care about, to hurt us. I hope that makes sense, but essentially, to hurt me, he’ll belittle and insult my partner (not to his face, but to me). Or to hurt my mother, he’ll insult her family to her. I don’t spend much time with my friends or my partner because I’m too scared to ask him, to hear his response. My father also controls my spending. I’m in my early 20’s and he has access to my bank account and checks it regularly. If he believes I’ve spent too much, he’ll go into a rage. Essentially, I’m always having to think about whether this action will make him angry. I’m scared of him, because his words hurt me, a lot, and I know that it’s making me weak, mentally and preventing me from enjoying my life. I have full resentment towards my father. His actions are affecting how I'd like to fulfil my life, how I make MY choices. Living with him is difficult and exhausting as it’s constantly like walking on eggshells. However, I also feel like I can’t think this way about him because he provides for me financially. He finances my education and my livelihood. I make my own money, I have an income. However, due to our culture, my father insists on funding these aspects of my life. I just feel trapped. Sometimes I get terrible anxiety, worried about the fact that I may never be able to leave my father’s controlling presence. I also worry about my mother, because it's as if her fulltime job is to manage his temper. Has anyone else experienced this? And what have you done to escape it?

yayita My partners marijuana addiction
  • replies: 1

I grew up surrounded by marijuana, both my parents are heavy smokers, my dad suffered from drug-induced psychosis and I had a fairly anxiety-ridden childhood due to all the above. Due to those experiences, I have always had a negative stigma towards ... View more

I grew up surrounded by marijuana, both my parents are heavy smokers, my dad suffered from drug-induced psychosis and I had a fairly anxiety-ridden childhood due to all the above. Due to those experiences, I have always had a negative stigma towards marijuana and I have always known that I will never bring up my children in the same environment. From the ages of 20-23, I used to be a heavy smoker, it was an addiction fueled by depression and PTSD from my childhood. Since I first met my boyfriend, I've always known he is a heavy everyday smoker. He doesn't like drinking so has substituted that with marijuana. Since being with my partner I have gone in and out of excessive marijuana use, to none at all. I have thankfully been clean for quite some time now and seem to have fully grown out of the independence I have had with marijuana. My partner is the kindest man I've ever known. Everyone absolutely loves him, he is so easy to get along with, he's smart, gentle and is a person who women dream of. He has never been abusive with me and is basically his sweet self when he is high. As our relationship has progressed, I have repeatedly explained that I do not want marijuana to be part of my life. We fight and argue that he does not want to give it up, that he doesn't have an issue with marijuana, and I make too much of a big deal about it and that it isn't a terrible thing. My boyfriend of over four years told me that he will no longer smoke weed once we have children. I'm 27 now and he has mentioned getting engaged more and more. The thought of getting married gives me anxiety as each day passes. I've expressed all this to him and he always tells me that I "can't tell the future". I aware of this but I don't want to chance all this heartache on when we finally have kids. That could be three or four years from now. Besides from the marijuana addiction, he has also hidden his financial issues from me (i.e. getting loans that he cannot afford - this has happened more than three times now and I've only ever found out by chance, he has never told me and I've always had to confront him about it). Our most recent argument, he mentioned again that he'll be quitting once we have children. He may never quit and I feel that he is only using that as an excuse to keep me from leaving him.

roxy24 Lonely and single
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone, Im just new to this so I hope this all makes sense. Pretty much I have moved out of home and away from my life at home. Some of my close friends came with me however they are all on drugs now. Although this may not seem like a big issue,... View more

Hi everyone, Im just new to this so I hope this all makes sense. Pretty much I have moved out of home and away from my life at home. Some of my close friends came with me however they are all on drugs now. Although this may not seem like a big issue, I am really against drugs as I have an appreciation for my body. This makes me feel like I have lost contact with my close friends and makes me feel like a ‘loser’ because I don’t join them. I am in many sporting teams and have great friends there but I feel like I wouldn’t be able to just call them up and ask them to come over or whatever. So I don’t really know how I’m supposed to be in that situation. I also have many friends at uni, however I wouldn’t say that we would be close enough to hang out outside of uni. My main issue in this post is being single. All my friends are in relationships with someone and I feel like I a just not wanted by anyone. This has resulted me in raising my standards and becoming unrealistic. However, I feel like I cannot lower these standards as I am afraid I will get hurt. The whole single situation makes me sick and so upset, I am just so worried I’m going to be single forever. This sounds so silly but I feel like boys aren’t interested in me, but the ones who are, are just disgusting. This makes me feel worthless and makes me feel like I’m wasting my life away wanting to be in a relationship. Is this normal or what do I need to do?

Wawa Husband wont let me go
  • replies: 3

I separated from my husband just over a year ago. I haven't been happy for years and finally decided i am done. I dont love him anymore. He wont let go, he still tells me i have to give him another chance. He moved back in without my permission, gets... View more

I separated from my husband just over a year ago. I haven't been happy for years and finally decided i am done. I dont love him anymore. He wont let go, he still tells me i have to give him another chance. He moved back in without my permission, gets the kids upset, refuses to leave. Tells me i have to stay with him. I dont want to get nasty and call the police. We talk and i am honest with him, i want to move on. Its like he completely ignores what i day. Or says no he doesnt accept it. I just want to move on and find myself again. How can i get him to leave me alone and let go.....