Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Bluefire Should I leave?
  • replies: 5

I'm considering right now leaving my husband who I have been with for 19 years. Yesterday by chance I happened to see him parked a few suburbs away from home (after finishing work in the city) and walk into a seedy thai massage parlour, I was complet... View more

I'm considering right now leaving my husband who I have been with for 19 years. Yesterday by chance I happened to see him parked a few suburbs away from home (after finishing work in the city) and walk into a seedy thai massage parlour, I was completely shocked and tried to call him but he refused to answer I waited in the carpark and missed him coming back a different way but I called him again to see if he would lie as he was late home and we had places to be. He lied and then continued to lie, which is what he does, He's never admitted anything even when I've seen things with my own eyes. Now there has been a lot of lies over the years which I've known 100% are lies and I guess because I love him so much I've stored them away, I've never forgiven or forgotton but just stored them. over the years his affection has dropped off and he isn't interested in sex (very rarely) he says he has low sex drive and that it's him not me. lately he's been quite nasty and angry in the way he talks to me and over the years (when drunk) always threatens to leave me and that he's not happy - I've always questioned this the next day and he denies he feels this way? I'm very confused and it will be difficult to leave due to finances/ properties etc and I've always ended up staying but things aren't getting better, I don't trust him, I can't rely on him and he shows no interest in doing fun things with me much these days he just does the things he likes - alone. I've told him I want to leave and and first he was angry now he says he loves me and always will and wants to support me even when I go - I feel like he'll never change and I've invested nearly 20 years into this relationship - do I leave?

Brasha ADULT DAUGHTER DISOWNED ME
  • replies: 4

So it would appear that I’m one of “those” mothers, the ones who apparently expect too much & take too to the point that my daughter has no more to give i grew up in a sexually abusive home, one my own mother didn’t know about until I was much older.... View more

So it would appear that I’m one of “those” mothers, the ones who apparently expect too much & take too to the point that my daughter has no more to give i grew up in a sexually abusive home, one my own mother didn’t know about until I was much older. For many years I blamed her for not protecting me and well, my life choices have been less than desirable for most of my life. When my eldest was about 6yrs old I met my 2nd husband - he was (and still is) a narcissist. I was so wrapped up in my own depression (from my childhood trauma & the abuse from my first husband) that I just didn’t see what this man was like. He was emotionally abusive to my daughter (and to me) but I just went along and defended him at every turn. 2 more children later I eventually saw this man for what he was and I left. I finally sort professional help and for the most part “I am better” ..... my daughter now 24 has over the past several years had digs at me over not protecting her and recently she had has made some pretty awedul life choices of her own. Anyway, I thought my mother & I AND my daughter & i had sorted things a long time ago between us all but alas a few days we had a falling out (as families do) - my daughter got involved and I pretty much told them both off because it seems that’s OK for them to tell me how to live but not ok in reverse. The response was my daughter texting me saying she “doesn’t want to hear from or see me again - she’s done with the shit” i feel like she’s actually never forgiven me for not leaving the narcissist asswipe earlier and this falling out is just an excuse to tell me to piss off, something I feel she’s wanted to say for such a long time. im heartbroken but to a degree I understand why she has never forgiven me. I’ve never forgiven myself. My plan is to do exactly what she’s asked for - leave her be, move on with my life and wait ..... for the day that maybe she comes around ?? From experience- does anyone have any advice to offer? Do you think she’ll come around or will she hold onto this resentment for me ?? nb: we have all, as a family had many years of councelling which is why I believed we were all cool

45987 Should you deal with or cut off family who don't accept you?
  • replies: 8

I'm having a hard time dealing with my family because they do not accept me and tell me off because: I'm not social and don't have friends or a boyfriend, and prefer staying home and studying. I'm not super skinny: I usually exercise around 4 times a... View more

I'm having a hard time dealing with my family because they do not accept me and tell me off because: I'm not social and don't have friends or a boyfriend, and prefer staying home and studying. I'm not super skinny: I usually exercise around 4 times a week but I have a BMI around 25 as I can sometimes eat too much. My part time job isn't good enough for them: The only thing I could get was pushing trolleys which I actually prefer because I don't like dealing with customers, plus despite the fact I'm not skinny I'd say I'm reasonably fit from going to the gym, but because I'm female it's not considered good enough. What would people recommend? Should I just deal with the fact I'm not good enough for my family (+ any suggestions to learn to do this), or should I try to move out? I'm on ~$400 a week, the lower range of rent is around $300, but I'm not really sure how much I'd need to live by myself. Thanks for any suggestions

Dungeonella I try to make friends but only get rejections
  • replies: 4

Hi all, I was in a long term relationship that has recently ended. Within this relationship, I (stupidly) pushed away the friends I did have and gave my all to this girl. Now that it has ended, I feel as if there is nobody to call my "tribe." I reall... View more

Hi all, I was in a long term relationship that has recently ended. Within this relationship, I (stupidly) pushed away the friends I did have and gave my all to this girl. Now that it has ended, I feel as if there is nobody to call my "tribe." I really struggle with social anxiety, however have a need for human interaction and social relationships that just don't seem to want to appear. I have tried to make friends through work, through my regular cafe, and by using online forums but each time I put myself out there, I only get rejected and this is leading me to believe I am going about it the wrong way. I try to adapt my strategies to initiate some form of conversation, but they all seem to fail. I'm nearly 26 and realize that making friends once your an adult can be difficult for everybody, and also that most people my age either have their tribes already formed, or are focused on their careers or creating a family. I guess I am posting this with the hope that somebody out there has some ideas or suggestions as to how to go about making friendships once your grown. If anyone has any advice, I'd be forever grateful. Thanks for reading this if you have, and if you have an idea, I'm all ears! Thank you Beyond Blue world, Dungeonella

Sabre89 Advice/ Answers about a relationship
  • replies: 3

Hi, This post is a little bit different but I am writing it with a heavy heart and in hope for some answers. I was with my partner for over two years. I know it sounds cliché but I was in honestly the greatest relationship. We never fought, it was ea... View more

Hi, This post is a little bit different but I am writing it with a heavy heart and in hope for some answers. I was with my partner for over two years. I know it sounds cliché but I was in honestly the greatest relationship. We never fought, it was easy, we always had fun and it was very loving. We recently broke up and I don’t understand why and no one (my friends, his friends, my family) saw it coming or understands why as everyone felt the same way about us as I did. I know he has always had anxiety, but he used to tell me he wouldn’t know what he got it over or it would usually come after a weekend of drinking. He struggled giving or receiving compliments. After dating for over a year I asked if he loved me because he hadn’t told me yet. He told me he had tried to say it but he couldn’t get the words out. After dating for a few more months I got a lot of anxiety myself over the fact he couldn’t tell me he loved me a we broke up. One week later he told me he loved me and that during our week apart he was miserable and had 2 breakdowns and he come to the conclusion he loved me. Everything went back to normal instantly and I felt stronger than ever. Recently I asked him is he still got anxiety over us and he said yes. He told me he wants to be with me, he loves our relationship, but he wakes up in the morning and the middle of the night asking himself if he’s wasting my time. He has also since revealed he can’t tell his parents he loves them and they have an wonderful relationship. I know he has an issue with expressing his words but I never really noticed it was that bad as he always express love through other means. A week after breaking up he applied for a job rurally, got it and left his whole life behind. We’ve spoken since he’s been up there and he isn’t doing very well. After trying to get answers from him he finally admitted he does miss me, thinks about me being there every day and just wants to book a flight for me to come up but then also says there’s no point in telling me that stuff because it doesn’t help anything and just makes me more upset. I feel like he is trying to suppress his feelings for me and not being real with himself. I love him and I know he loves me because he wouldn’t do the stuff he would have if he didn’t. I guess I am just trying to get answers as to what he is going through for some closure. I miss him, I love him and I don't know whether I should leave him alone or fight for us. Thank you.

John_s Living with wife who is an alcoholic
  • replies: 12

Hi, have been married 19 years. 2 kids. My wife is an alcoholic suffering from depression and anxiety. The drinking is everyday. Alcohol is hidden throughout home. She continually lies about the hidden alcohol and the fact she has been drinking. I am... View more

Hi, have been married 19 years. 2 kids. My wife is an alcoholic suffering from depression and anxiety. The drinking is everyday. Alcohol is hidden throughout home. She continually lies about the hidden alcohol and the fact she has been drinking. I am starting to lose my temper. I come home from work to find her passed out with food cooking on stove. I have asked her to leave. Tomorrow she will me signing lease on apartment. The kids will stay with me. The kids are my main concern. She will not seek help. I have suggested rehab, counselling etc no use. Any thoughts? When she is not drinking she is a wonderfull person. There appears to be a Jekyll and Hyde personality going on.

missrogue My Boyfriends Mum is Ruining our Relationship and making me depressed.
  • replies: 4

I apologise if this is a long one, but I desperately need advice. So I've been dating this amazing guy for just over two years. He has helped me in many ways with my anxiety/depression, he knew about it from the beginning and has helped me get out of... View more

I apologise if this is a long one, but I desperately need advice. So I've been dating this amazing guy for just over two years. He has helped me in many ways with my anxiety/depression, he knew about it from the beginning and has helped me get out of my shell and do many things I was never able to do. Over-all I've been a lot happier. Before dating him I had a year off working (we're both 23) where I would literally not leave the house because of my anxiety. I had previously been sexually assaulted by an ex, so he also knew to take a lot of things slower than normal which he was very respectful in. Also at the beginning of our relationship, his brother and his brother's girlfriend were living at his parents house with him. She had moved States to be with him. His Mum spend majority of her time gossiping to me about his brothers girlfriend. She was always comparing her and me together, even the gifts that we had given her sons.. the way we acted, everything. Majority of the time, she was praising me and putting her down. I remember one time I was over at their house and the girlfriend had run down the stairs crying and begged us to take her shopping with us so she would be able to leave the house. His mum had just found out they were moving States and the mum had blamed her for taking away her son and ruining their relationship. Fast-foward 6 months, they've moved out and now they are the golden children in his mums eyes. She has "fixed" her relationship with the gf and all is good. Except now I am the hated girlfriend. She has said some horrible things, always makes her son choose her over me. She complains when we spend time together saying that her son "prioritises" me over her. Yesterday was his birthday and she spent the whole night complaining that he had spent some of the day with me and not her. She made a comment that if we were to get married and have children she would be pissed off but if her other son and his gf would she would be fine about it. We both have full time jobs, but her son and other girlfriend are on casual work.. and the gf is currently un-employed. Im at breaking point, there are so many stories i could share about her horrid-ness but this would be an essay (which it almost is) We have plans to move out soon but we can't afford it. There is an option for him to move into my parents house but we can't sleep in the same bed... Please help

mayaduiva New Parent
  • replies: 3

im 38 , and my partner and i just had our first baby together.I love my daughter so much but i get always scared of not being able to be a good parent and my anxiety can reach the roof because i feel all the responsibility of another human soul relie... View more

im 38 , and my partner and i just had our first baby together.I love my daughter so much but i get always scared of not being able to be a good parent and my anxiety can reach the roof because i feel all the responsibility of another human soul relies solely on me. Knowing that, i, myself suffer from social anxiety makes it also hard for me to reach for help in person.My daughter is so gorgeous and healthy but i feel guilty to even feel i need some space sometimes. People can really judge severely as i had few drinks occasionally, and have been slammed to be a bad parent though i love her so much and i just get so worried she can inherit any anxiety from me or her dad.Its hard to say im pretty happy but pretty scared to of how to raise my daughter and how to be the best mum. Hoping to get advises, thank you

Ariedne My mother is like a cancer to me
  • replies: 2

Our relationship has been rocky since I migrated to Australia and started living with her and my stepdad and two younger brothers when I was 15. She is the selfless type mother. She tried very hard to love me but I found myself unable to reciprocate.... View more

Our relationship has been rocky since I migrated to Australia and started living with her and my stepdad and two younger brothers when I was 15. She is the selfless type mother. She tried very hard to love me but I found myself unable to reciprocate. In fact I felt her love is a burden to me. I never felt close to her. I respect her as a mother but I never felt any bonding with her. I don’t want anything from her. She can be very unreasonably emotional, accusing and just unpredictable. I spent my entire teen years just being very afraid of her. Afraid to say the wrong thing to set her off, afraid poor grade to disappoint her. Just , afraid. I couldnt even begin to describe the conflicts and frustration we had over the years and then one day I just felt enough and I left home. I started to breath again. The estrangements were on and off. The last one was before my wedding and lasted 3 years. The happiest most liberating 3 years of my life. When she contacted me a few months ago I felt like a cancer survivor being told the cancer is back. No kidding. But purely out of obligation, i had to respond. At first I was planning occasional brunch for her to see my son. But she is not a woman to know boundaries when it comes to her children. Immediately she wants us to have regular Sunday visit. Regular phone calls, messages. And quickly I have to help her out financially, help her deal with all sorts of errens like dealing with strata managers, fixing air conditioner and before I know it, I became the only emotional dumping ground for her. She can call me for hours to an end complaining about my bothers and stepdad, her life misfortune and my mistreatments to her over the years. She will call me when I am at work to ask me the kind of detergent to use on mold. Then she starts asking me if she shoud divorce my stepdad. And when I told her I couldn’t give her the anser, she acts frustrated and disappointed in me for saying that. She has became the cancer of my life again, latching onto me for support, slowly seeping away my happiness and sanity. I know she loves me and she didn’t mean to burden me, but she just couldn’t help it. I am so stressed about her now that every time her id appear on my phone I have the sinking stomach feeling. My heart races and my hands started shaking. I felt terrible I couldn’t love her. Our relationship runs purely on obligation. Im afraid to go to sleep only to wake up next day to her new issues. I wish she never contacted me.

rob727 Relationships, Anxiety and Depression
  • replies: 3

Hello Everyone, I am having a difficult time at the moment. I am having unrelenting anxiety surrounding my relationship of 2.5 years. He is such a wonderful man. One of the most understanding, supportive and gentle people I know. However, I can't sto... View more

Hello Everyone, I am having a difficult time at the moment. I am having unrelenting anxiety surrounding my relationship of 2.5 years. He is such a wonderful man. One of the most understanding, supportive and gentle people I know. However, I can't stop questioning whether we are in love anymore and whether or not I should end the relationship. The anxiety surrounding this thought process is debilitating. Some days I find it difficult to get out of bed, and end up sick and crying because it all feels so overwhelming. My life is in transition at the moment as I just finished my degree and my research thesis, leaving me a little lost for purpose. I had these feelings a little throughout the past two months of completing my thesis, but now that it is done it is like they are back ten fold. When I think about actually ending the relationship I am reduced to tears. The thought of not being able to see him anymore and not having him in my life devastates me and makes me feel even more depressed. However, our relationship feels stagnant. Our libido has dropped off, we are inundated with financial worries and we are about to move in with my parents to pay off debts and save up some money. When I think about all this, I feel trapped and not sure how I got here. Some days I feel resolute in my decision to break up with him. Then others I am overwhelmed with sadness at the thought of not being together. I dont know whether it is my intuition telling me I am not in love anymore or if my anxiety and depression are skewing my view of this relationship. Also the thought of causing him any pain makes me sick. Has anyone else been in the same situation?