Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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02patrol Lonely and hurting on the inside.
  • replies: 1

Hi I'm new here and it's hard for me to talk about my problems. I have been without friends or partner for many years now and I'm finding myself struggling to cope with the loneliness I have BPD and depression and on top of the I have OCD so it's not... View more

Hi I'm new here and it's hard for me to talk about my problems. I have been without friends or partner for many years now and I'm finding myself struggling to cope with the loneliness I have BPD and depression and on top of the I have OCD so it's not fun trying to control all the emotions that I deal with ever day. I used to have mates and a fiance but all my mates seem to move away stop talking to me even if I tried to talk to them and I found my fiance cheating on me so that ended the relationship after 11 years of being together I am.also trying to help my mum and dad as they are really sick and in doing so brings back memories of watching my sister die of cancer so that is also hard for me. I'm finding it hard to be motivated or even want to wake up in the morning as I feel there is nothing really left for me.

mpatt My gf left me at my most vulnerable
  • replies: 31

I have been battling depression for four months and one month ago my gf left me. And after speaking to certain people I now know that I was in a controlling, emotionally, digital and abusive relationship, she once physically abused me. Which I forgav... View more

I have been battling depression for four months and one month ago my gf left me. And after speaking to certain people I now know that I was in a controlling, emotionally, digital and abusive relationship, she once physically abused me. Which I forgave her instantly because I loved her. The reason she hurt me was, she went through my laptop “claiming to check my privacy settings” and went straight to me blocked list. I had 50 females blocked because I didn’t want to get screenshots of friends with her asking who they are. When she saw this she got upset and then blamed me for having so many women that I probably slept with blocked. The next day she asked me to explain every person on the list, after 10 people she gave up and said give me your phone. I had always said, no worries you can go through anything as I have nothing to hide. When she went through my phone she worked out I went on 3 dates in 2017 not the two dates I said. I completely forgot about the I had at the start of the year, she then found a message I sent my brother two years ago and accused me of being disgraceful to every women. It was a minor personal joke with my brother. She made me feel so bad about everything, yelling at the top of her lungs, and I’m extremely passive and avoid confrontation. She then proceeded to do a Facebook search and saw I liked a photo of my ex girlfriend two years ago, she was in a photo with my mates wfie ( we broke up 5 years ago). She accused me of being a promicuous man as I was chasing her two years ago while chasing my ex. I haven’t spoken to me ex in 5 years. When she saw this innocent liked picture she walked to me abused me. I laid on the ground in shock and disbelief. I never thought anything like this would come from her.

Marty_w Adult son having problems with my mother
  • replies: 7

Hi All, By way of background, I am a male in my mid-30s and my wife is due to have our first child in 2 weeks. My father passed away 20 years ago and my mum has never remarried. I have 3 other siblings. My mum and I were close in my teens and early 2... View more

Hi All, By way of background, I am a male in my mid-30s and my wife is due to have our first child in 2 weeks. My father passed away 20 years ago and my mum has never remarried. I have 3 other siblings. My mum and I were close in my teens and early 20s, however things changed when I was 23 and had my first serious grilfriend. She was so difficult towards me and made it clear that she didn't approve of the relationship. She made my life extremely difficult during that period and the relationship ended after a few months. Things sort of returned to normal but unfortunately this pattern repeated 2 other occasions when I had serious girlfriends. I met my now wife 4 years ago and things were a little strained between us but we muddled along. However, before the wedding there were 2 blow ups with my mum being offended by 2 fairly inoffensive statements my wife made about the sort of dress she would like my mum to wear. When I told my mum that my wife was pregnant, my mum went really silent and cold. She was good the last few months and even bought us a pram. However, the last week my mum was so awful to me (on my own birthday as well). She said that I was selfish and that my wife & I didn't include her. She then said that I wouldn't treat her this way if my dad was still around and that my 3 siblings are so much more considerate and caring. This argument started when we were 10 minutes late to dinner as we had been visiting my wife's nephew who was just born. This unpredictable and hostile behaviour is so hard to understand. It hurts me so much and I don't think she understands just how bad it makes me feel. My siblings don't cop the same treatment, and the only real difference I can see between them and me is they have all largely been single their whole lives and don't have to juggle so many competing demands. I have tried so hard to be kind and understanding to my mum and always make time to see her once or twice a week just by myself. But it seems like this is never enough and I am not sure how long I can keep this up. Any advice on what may be causing this and how I should deal with it would be appreciated. Thanks.

brightlights18 Partner is almost granted visa but talk of going to UK when we're older
  • replies: 3

Hi all, I just need some clarity on something my partner mentioned a few days ago. I'm Australian and my partner's British, we have been together 4 years and both in late 20's, he is on a partner visa which should be granted in the next few months. W... View more

Hi all, I just need some clarity on something my partner mentioned a few days ago. I'm Australian and my partner's British, we have been together 4 years and both in late 20's, he is on a partner visa which should be granted in the next few months. We had an argument the other night as he thinks he compromises more than I do in the relationship. He started talking about moving to the UK for a 10 year period in or 40's, I was straight with him and said I don't want to live in the UK (that's where we met, he moved here for me), he got upset saying I proved his point right. I don't believe you should commit to someone who lives on the other side of the world, apply for a permanent visa with them and then suddenly say let's go back to England. He continued to say that it was hypothetical and I should be considerate that he could get home sick and want to see his family. I understand if his parent's were sick that he would need to go back for an extended time and if we had children I would stay in Australia with them until he could return, however to expect a whole family to ship their lives overseas for 10 years due to home sickness- I don't think that's right. If the shoe was on the other foot I would understand that I'm making a choice to form a life with someone i love in another country and I would need to deal with issues like that. I explained how I think expecting your kids to move schools for a 10 year period to then move back to Australia is unfair, they're not adults after all but he didn't agree and simply thought I was selfish. Am I selfish or does my partner need to seriously consider what he wants? Please help me shed some light on this?

lilcherub I'm in a rut
  • replies: 6

In 2015 I left an abuse marriage. It's taken a long time but I'm financially stable and have my 2 boys 4 and 6 full time both have autism and ADHD. I work parttime. My parents help with the kids when I work. I tried finding a relationship last year o... View more

In 2015 I left an abuse marriage. It's taken a long time but I'm financially stable and have my 2 boys 4 and 6 full time both have autism and ADHD. I work parttime. My parents help with the kids when I work. I tried finding a relationship last year only to have the guy break my heart yet again. When life got tough everyone except my parents abandoned me. I've just deactivated fb today I find I use it to take my mind of my situation by looking at the happiness of others online. I cant help but wonder why things happened the way they did. I find myself procrastinating all day when I'm not working and I just become snowed under with cleaning. I'm 38 soon the the loneliness and sadness is exhausting.

Living57 Sick daughter, live interstate, not managing
  • replies: 2

So my depression is up, and my anxiety too, I feel like I have reached the end. My oldest daughter who lives interstate is in hospital. An illness she had as a teenager has come back and now it looks as if she will be confined to a wheelchair for the... View more

So my depression is up, and my anxiety too, I feel like I have reached the end. My oldest daughter who lives interstate is in hospital. An illness she had as a teenager has come back and now it looks as if she will be confined to a wheelchair for the rest of her life and not able to walk. I feel so far away from her and finances do not allow me to visit. I feel so helpless and useless. I asked her do you want me to come and visit and she said no she's fine but as a mother it tugs at my heartstrings. She has a loving husband, two adult children and I know they're supporting her. But it doesn't stop me feeling as if I'm letting her down, after all she is my child regardless of age and I can't do anything to help her. I don't know where to turn or what to do I feel so lost. I have hardly slept alright since this happened it's now almost 6 weeks. I get up and go through the motions everyday but I just worry constantly about her and how she is truly managing. She sounds bright bubbly she tells me she's doing ok but how much of that is just talk. my lack of sleep my lack of eating my depression anxiety and other mental health issues are all building and I'm worried about where he's headed. I've been down to suicide path before I keep telling myself it'll all get better, it'll all work out, it'll all be OK but I don't know. I don't have anyone I can talk to. My fear of going out in public, strangers is so high I am socially isolated. On top of all this my ex husband lives near her and all I hear from him is how I'm not there for her and he and his new wife are. I'm scared not only for my daughter but for myself I just don't know what to do anymore. I know I have to do more for myself than I am but I have no energy. I spent my days worrying constantly. I know she has specialists, doctors and medical care as well as her family but......

JD8 My wife and kids are leaving me and I feel worthless
  • replies: 2

My wife of 14 years is leaving me. I’m absolutely distraught and feel I have nothing else to live for. We began having trouble around 10 months ago where we both identified we had some mental health issues and needed to work on ourselves then work on... View more

My wife of 14 years is leaving me. I’m absolutely distraught and feel I have nothing else to live for. We began having trouble around 10 months ago where we both identified we had some mental health issues and needed to work on ourselves then work on us as a couple. Now she doesn’t want to work on us anymore and has had a wall up between us for months and won’t commit to trying to fix our relationship. I can’t imagine life without her

Poppy66 The man I thought I would marry keeps breaking up with me because of his depression (but makes up a million other excuses)
  • replies: 3

I am currently sitting in a public library absolutely heartbroken and lost. My boyfriend (now....ex I suppose) has broken up with me yet again after going through a series of down days. This is about the fifth time he has done this and each time he s... View more

I am currently sitting in a public library absolutely heartbroken and lost. My boyfriend (now....ex I suppose) has broken up with me yet again after going through a series of down days. This is about the fifth time he has done this and each time he spirals down and down until I can't help but check on him. I have borderline personality disorder myself and after a past of ups and downs I am finally feeling good and we have been incredibly happy together. I took so many measures to make sure we had a healthy relationship that didn't involve us becoming dependent on each other. We have helped each other so much -wether its being there to talk, driving over to see one another, forcing each other to go to the gym and generally enforcing healthier mental health habits. The only problem is....whenever he gets down/ 'in a rut', he gets paranoid (particularly about my use of social media) and will pick tiny issues then blow them out of proportion until he thinks its enough reason to break up. Eventually he will admit that he's trying to push me away and I deserve someone better etc etc etc. I only want him. I've tried taking him to the doctor, listening to him, cuddling him at any time he needs, calling his mum to check in with him and brining our dog over to play...each time he feels a little better and is super grateful and loving......then it happens again. What can I do? I am madly in love with this man! I've had other relationships before, but this feels like the real deal to me and I can't bear to see him hurting, even if he's hurting the people who love him right now

Tash93 Getting over an Epic Love - What a joke
  • replies: 2

Hi Everyone, I am not usually the type to seek comfort or support online however, since i have been trying to find different coping mechanisms, this is something i wanted to try. Unfortunately, i have had 3 things happen to me in the last month which... View more

Hi Everyone, I am not usually the type to seek comfort or support online however, since i have been trying to find different coping mechanisms, this is something i wanted to try. Unfortunately, i have had 3 things happen to me in the last month which have caused me to spiral. Depression & Anxiety seem to be what i have gained out of the experience, according to professionals. 1. Relationship Breakdown (Main love) Was in a relationship from a very young age (19). Was with my first love for 5 years, broken up for 2, but still in contact. During the 2 year break, we were seeing and speaking to eachother (rookie move) and we even tried again last year in June to be in a relationship. It lasted a whole 3 months before he kicked me aside again. The relationship broke down because we were young, the trust was tested and he played the victim card. What i mean is, he always said i was in the wrong FOR EVERYTHING. If it rained, it was my fault. And i still loved him. Anyways, when i was overseas in November, he was sending me messages saying "Why can't i love again", "i miss you" etc. Sending me love songs. Flash to a month later, i'm back in Australia and he is in a relationship. With someone else! Who is the complete opposite to me! I'm shattered. He keeps saying "Do you want me to be alone forever!" "You did this" "Your fault" "Don't you think sometimes i ask myself what im doing". Classic. I always thought we would find our way to eachother. Make it through. I saw him as my soul mate, but i guess i wasn't his. Now i'm suffering everyday, thinking about him and this new girl. The hardest part of losing love, is seeing them with someone else. That is true pain. Along with that, when i was overseas i had a family health issue. My grandmother had a heart attack and i was the one who found her. I had to hold her head forward while she vomited all over herself. I had to lose a part of my childhood, seeing her suffer. And i have nightmares everyday. It triggered this depression. Because all i can think about is the sadness i feel for her, myself and everything that happened to me last month. Usually, my character is strong and i always manage to get myself through the hard times. In fact, everyone relies on me to give them advice, help them out...but lately i cannot seem to get myself out of this place. I feel sad, angry, depressed, hopeless, confused, torn, stuck. STUCK. I feel all of those things and i can't seem to find joy in anything. Help

Carolyn_Rae Is he controlling or am I just sensitive?
  • replies: 38

My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly 3 years. I used to be scared of him - as in he was quite critical of how I would go about doing certain things for eg how to make dinner. We purchased a second-hand boat and I don't have much experienc... View more

My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly 3 years. I used to be scared of him - as in he was quite critical of how I would go about doing certain things for eg how to make dinner. We purchased a second-hand boat and I don't have much experience with boats. Each time we have taken it out I have found him to be bossy, critical (not having much patience when teaching me the ropes) and if I do something 'wrong' he belittles me by saying things such as, 'As per usual, your doing things half-assed'. I'm dreading the day we get our motor boat back from getting fixed, as I don't want to go out in it as each time we've gone out, I've felt so stupid, small and dumb. The boat has been away for fixing for 3 weeks now, during which time I've resumed training for a 10k fun run and doing yoga. Doing these things has given boosted my self-acceptance and self-esteem....so much so that whenever my boyfriend talks down, gets bossy or insulting towards me, instead of cowering and saying 'I'm sorry', I've gone the other way and have gotten reactionary. My behaviour is now '....and that's another thing I've done wrong' or getting defensive and angry. My question is, is his behaviour deemed as emotional abuse? Also, how can I find a middle ground for myself - by not allowing his behaviour to dictate how I respond?