Looking for some kind of reasoning

[Purple_butterfly_89]

My ex broke up with me a year ago (he gets anxious and it seems that he just ran from our relationship when it started to get serious….I am guessing, never really had much of an explanation over the whole situation. I was aware of his history with depression and anxiety before the relationship happened. After the break up, we tried to maintain a friendship and, at times he was leading me on. After a couple of months later I said something that he may have found hurtful. He never said anything to me and a week after this he blocked me on social media everywhere, which was quite hurtful to me. I don’t know if it was what I said that prompted him to do it or something else. My mental health went downhill quickly after this. I was an absolute mess. I kept putting him before me, even when we weren’t in a relationship anymore.

When he started to spiral, he blamed work and said it wasn’t me. This went on for about 3 days and he seemed to be ok again for a couple of days and then started spiralling again. He found it hard to talk to me. He kept apologising. I asked him a week into this if he still wanted to be with me and he said that he did. I attempted to have a talk but he said that he just can’t talk about it. With that, conversation over. I should have seen the red flags but I didn’t. I just seemed to trust what he was saying to me. It was 2.5 weeks from the start of the spiral to the break up and he was hurtful a few times but I always put him first and put my own needs aside. It was starting to make me anxious, but I was always kind, respectful and caring. During the break up to now, I have said 2 things to him that he may have found hurtful (was probably a little bit immature of me). Then I hear that some people yell and scream and hate each other during a break up and I wonder why I get this kind of treatment when I have done barely anything to him. Perhaps I should have done that as I may have gotten some answers and he ended up leaving my life. Any attempts to message him has pushed him further away (I have tried 3 times over the space of 8 months, 1 time he responded to a message with 1 line and another 2 times I was completely ignored with the last attempt resulting in me being blocked on his phone) and he pushed our mutual friends away. I guess you can say that he is a runner and doesn’t confront anything in the hope that problems just go away. I never really got an explanation on anything.

[Purple_butterfly_89]

Continues....

There was something that happened recently which he didn’t tell me about when he should have. I heard about it elsewhere, which was hurtful. It took 4 weeks from this incident to hear from him. He just continued to ignore my messages during that time. I ended up being assertive and he finally responded to me. I also gave him an opportunity to tell me what I had done wrong. He didn’t say that I had done anything wrong. He apologised for his behaviour, with no explanation at all. He also let me know that he had come off his anti-depressants and he was working hard to continue that. So I think I am supposed to read between the lines with the last bit as to why he ignores me. I can understand that he would want to maintain life without anti-depressants, so perhaps he may associate me, our relationship and our breakup as something that makes him anxious and that’s part of the reason why he keeps his distance from me and blocks out all communication. As in, literally blocks me. After his message I am now 100% blocked from getting in contact with him. I couldn’t even respond to his message as he blocked me after replying to me.

I know he is the only one who can answer my questions, but he won’t. I guess I want to see how it could be from his side of things and perhaps other people have gone through something similar that can assist me.