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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Romy Sudden breakup
  • replies: 20

Hey all, My boyfriend of 7 months just suddenly broke up with me. It was a total shock to not only me, but also my family and friends, and his family. Our relationship was amazing, we had so much fun together, we respected each other, we cared for ea... View more

Hey all, My boyfriend of 7 months just suddenly broke up with me. It was a total shock to not only me, but also my family and friends, and his family. Our relationship was amazing, we had so much fun together, we respected each other, we cared for each other and we loved each other so much. He recently has finished university, and has no job and no money. He called me saying he was worried about a trip we were going on coming up, because he had no money and felt like he would have a bad time. I reassured him that it was only a 2 night trip and I had money saved up. Anyway, the same night he called me again, I thought in regards to our trip... he broke up with me. We live an hour and a half away from each other which is why it was over a phone call. A couple of days later he saw me in person to talk about it. He states that he doesn't feel as strongly about me as he once did, he loves me and cares about me, but not enough for a relationship, he thinks the spark is gone. I told him that after 7 months, the spark does diminish. We are comfortable with each other now, we enjoy each other's company and we love each other - the honeymoon phase is over and that's ok. Anyway - his mind was made up and it was over. We ended it on good terms, I told him I wasn't mad at him, but he knows that I am really struggling with the breakup. His mum has since made contact with my mum - she has said that she has no idea why he has done this. She said that he has been so happy since meeting me (and I'm his first girlfriend), and she agrees that he is panicking about his future and not thinking clearly. She hopes for my sake that he will change his mind and realise he does want to be with me. I am devastated, but after hearing that, I have been given hope that we may end up together one day. But, this makes me sad at the same time, because I don't want to live in false hope if it may never happen.

KayKay23 In-Law Problems
  • replies: 7

Hi, This is a long story, so I’ll try and keep it short. My fiancé’s sister absolutely hates me, for no reason at all. She told me that she didn’t want me at her wedding, even though I had been engaged for nearly a year by the time her wedding happen... View more

Hi, This is a long story, so I’ll try and keep it short. My fiancé’s sister absolutely hates me, for no reason at all. She told me that she didn’t want me at her wedding, even though I had been engaged for nearly a year by the time her wedding happened. She constantly says horrible things behind my back and is extremely competitive. She is that competitive that she told me she got pregnant so she could have a child before me. She also can’t handle other people having attention on them. At my engagement party she announced her pregnancy- which then made the whole night about her instead of my fiancé and myself. The part that makes it worse, she is having this baby at her parents house with her husband. She brags about the $90K she has in her bank account, she does not pay for anything at her parents house and expects them to pay for everything with this baby. The parents are that ‘blind’ in this situation that they kicked my fiancé and I out, even though we are both uni students with no income and no savings in our bank accounts. They also kicked out my fiancé’s other sibling who is in a very similar situation as us. Im at the point where I avoid my future sister in law as I can’t stand her constantly talking about herself in a competitive way. But sometimes I can’t avoid her, with Christmas coming up and the baby’s due date soon. I want to cut her out of my life completely, but I am aware that at this stage it is impossible. Ive tried everything to ignore her and not let it get to me. But it has, that’s way I’m writing here today. I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like she tries to rule my life and currently makes me feel unhappy and gives me so much anxiety.

Magnolia_Tree New dad fear of failure
  • replies: 5

Hi there this is the first time I have ever posted on this type of thing. My wife and I recently had a baby in September this year. A baby girl we were both convinced it was going to be a boy as both sides of the family are all boys. Anyways I have b... View more

Hi there this is the first time I have ever posted on this type of thing. My wife and I recently had a baby in September this year. A baby girl we were both convinced it was going to be a boy as both sides of the family are all boys. Anyways I have been feeling these waves of frustration and Stress when trying to put the baby down to sleep and she is crying I get tense and angry. My wife try’s to help me but I don’t want to hand the baby back to her because I feel like I failed and my confidence is at an all time low . I know the baby must feel my stress and tension maybe that’s why she can’t settle. Today I tried putting her in the sling and it was just a disaster. She was crying and screaming. Then my wife put her in the sling on her. Few minutes later baby’s asleep so I just felt like shit really. Often I feel defeated as soon as she starts crying but still don’t want to hand her over as I want to prove to myself I can do it . So that can’t be helpful for the baby either These feelings only come up when I am trying to settle the baby. No other times. does anyone else have these experiences of such stress ? I have found it tricky to articulate on here exactly how I am feeling but often it’s a sense of frustration and fear of failure maybe? Thanks for reading my experiences and if anyone has had a similar experience I am worried that there might be more to my issue than I think .

PJ99 How to deal with toxic father-in-law
  • replies: 4

I am having trouble with the way I speak to my father-in-law, and it's starting to cause issues between my wife and I. I have been dealing with depression and anxiety for 7 years after a severe injury, have been to a psychologist and on medication, o... View more

I am having trouble with the way I speak to my father-in-law, and it's starting to cause issues between my wife and I. I have been dealing with depression and anxiety for 7 years after a severe injury, have been to a psychologist and on medication, on and off over that time, and I am on antidepressants at the moment, mainly due to trying to deal with him. I know why I am speaking to him the way I am, it's because he is a narcissist, he treats everyone with total disrespect, he never has anything positive to say, and is the most selfish and self centred person I have ever met. He seems to be slowly destroying my house (that he also lives in, as he is broke) and he is not at fault for anything. His family make excuses for his behaviour, but expect me to change mine, which is extremely frustrating at times. The reason I want to change the way I speak to my father-in-law, is because I am not the person that I am when I speak to him, (if that makes sense) I am not a nasty person (so I am told) so why can't I control my attitude with him, I don't want to play at his level! So, anyone have any tips for me on how I can change the way I speak to him, I know why it happens, it's usually after he breaks or damages something, and I get frustrated. I know I can't change him. I know my wife won't stop making excuses for him, and if anyone does point out he is wrong, he goes into a rage, making life hard for everyone. I know he wants everyone to be miserable, cause that makes him happy. My best defence against him had been to be happy around him, and just brush off his negativity, but I am finding it hard to do that now. Thanks in advance for any input or advice PJ

T45h Long term intimacy issues
  • replies: 8

Hi folks I’m not too sure where to start this. I’ve been with my husband for 10 years & since I had some surgery approximately 6 years ago I have lost all interest in any sort of intimacy. The thought of it doesn’t even cross my mind. This of course ... View more

Hi folks I’m not too sure where to start this. I’ve been with my husband for 10 years & since I had some surgery approximately 6 years ago I have lost all interest in any sort of intimacy. The thought of it doesn’t even cross my mind. This of course impacts on my marriage & Im not too sure where I should start looking to seek help. Ive had a ‘perfect storm’ culminating with work/home/health & i believe I’m now at a point where my mild anxiety is spiralling into more severe, I feel no enjoyment, I cry for no reason (& im generally a very unemotional person) & I’ve tried the conventional activities with my husband to try & reinvigorate the spark to no avail. Have others found couples therapy or sec therapy has helped? I’m so embarrassed & ashamed about all of this & I don’t know where else to turn to. thanks for taking the time to read this. T

Beautifulview Husband so detached and cold
  • replies: 2

I married for the second time about 4 years ago. My 1st marriage ended after 21 years when he had an affair. I was very slow to trust anyone again but H was so loving and caring that when he asked me to marry him I said yes. About 2 years ago he star... View more

I married for the second time about 4 years ago. My 1st marriage ended after 21 years when he had an affair. I was very slow to trust anyone again but H was so loving and caring that when he asked me to marry him I said yes. About 2 years ago he started a very stressful job and became exhausted, withdrawn, uncommunicative and put on weight. I think he may be depressed but he wont talk to me about anything. If I bring stuff up, he clams up and acts deaf. He is now saying that everyone, including me bother him and when I call him out on not talking to me or even looking at me I am adding to his stress. I try to be understanding but my own stress and anxiety builds until I just have to say something to get a conversation started. Last night he said he couldn't give me what I wanted - i was asking for reassurance and hope that things would get better and when I asked why he wouldn't look at me he said he couldn't be bothered with the conversation and he had nothing to say. I'm so hurt and I feel so stupid - like I've let myself down by being fooled by another man who has let me down. I'm ready to leave but have nowhere to go and a 16 year old daughter who looks on him as a dad. I'm sleeping in another room but it doesn't seem to bother him. My heart feels broken and I'm so sad and so alone. I'm not one to open up and tell people my issues. I'll be at work tomorrow pretending everything is ok and that in itself is destroying me.

HELP_1 Neighbourhood dispute
  • replies: 7

Hi All, I am a 46yr old wife and mother of 3. We are having a dispute with one of our neighbours who complains about our dogs barking. They bark about 3 times a day at different times and only about 3- 5 barks each. He says they bark constantly all d... View more

Hi All, I am a 46yr old wife and mother of 3. We are having a dispute with one of our neighbours who complains about our dogs barking. They bark about 3 times a day at different times and only about 3- 5 barks each. He says they bark constantly all day, which they don’t. He only rents a granny flat from the owner of the property. The property owner also lives in the main house on the property. To start off with the property owner was sympathetic towards us but the tenant has told him a whole lot of lies and now he is also putting all the blame of the situation on us. The tenant has threatened my husband with physical violence, and the police are involved. I am just wanting to know how to get this out of my head so I can get some sleep and not go completely insane. I am constantly crying and have no motivation to want to do anything. I am already being treated for depression and high blood pressure. As we own our home it is not just a matter of picking up and moving for us. This is really affecting me as we have never had to call the police or been in any kind of trouble with the police at all and I am finding it really hard to cope with. Please help!

Anon64 Help I have BPD and have left my husband
  • replies: 9

I have suffered from mental illness anxiety and depression for as long as I can remember. Recently about 5 months ago I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. This then led to me seperating from my husband of 15 years I’ve moved out with... View more

I have suffered from mental illness anxiety and depression for as long as I can remember. Recently about 5 months ago I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. This then led to me seperating from my husband of 15 years I’ve moved out with a new partner which I didn’t expect to happen. My ex has now found out and hates me badly. He’s heartbroken. We have 2 boys 9 & 6 and it’s been hard on all of us. I keep flipping between wanting to go back and wanting to stay with my new partner (who is amazing and makes me very happy) it just feels easier to go back. I’m in intense mental pain my anxiety is horrendous. The separation was because I couldn’t love him anymore so it’s not fair to stay right? I’m so confused and hurting so much. I was very unhappy in my marriage for a while. I went into shock when me ex yelled his pain and hatred at me and I can’t snap out of feeling like it’s all my fault.

Taurus93 Feel Stuck In Relationship
  • replies: 8

Hey all, I'm a 25 year old woman who has been suffering from depression on and off for 10 years. Last year I gave birth to my son, he is now 16 months and we live in a granny flat on my partner's parents property. I fell pregnant pretty quickly once ... View more

Hey all, I'm a 25 year old woman who has been suffering from depression on and off for 10 years. Last year I gave birth to my son, he is now 16 months and we live in a granny flat on my partner's parents property. I fell pregnant pretty quickly once me and my partner started dating. We both met online and played online games together. He didn't work and neither did I. I lived with my mum and he lived with his parents. Long story short we were both shut-ins basically. I wanted that to change once baby was born. But nothing has really changed, other than the fact that I moved 2 hours away from my family to live with him and our son. I thought he would at least get a job and stop playing video games so much. But he hasn't, he has also developed depression and started taking anti-depressants. He sometimes has mood swings where he will get really angry. I've done everything around the house, beside taking out the trash on my own the past 11 months. It was a struggle to get him to help me with the baby at first. He wouldn't offer to help. I had to ask him, and if he was playing a game I'd have to wait till he was done or found a save point... We had a lot of arguments over this. I just started asking, nagging him to help me. He does help now when I ask but I wish he'd just do it without me having to ask sometimes. We have argued about the house chores recently, since he doesn't work he should help too instead of playing games all day. He's not even looking for work. He's on centerlink payments and expects his job provider to find a job for him. I've told him I'm unhappy, recently I told him I'm falling out of love with him. That cut him deep I think, he said he loves me and doesn't want me to leave. I told him I have been thinking about leaving, about going back to live with my mum. He hugged me tight and started crying, saying please don't leave. I cried too, cause I don't like hurting him. I do love him as our child's father and I used to be in love with him. I feel dumb for saying I'll stay. As he's still just playing games all day and helps at times. I don't know if I should stay in this relationship or move on. I don't want to be with someone who just plays games all day everyday. I wanted us to be a family, not me being his maid and his mother... A psychologist I spoke to last week told me I had two options, leave or learn to live with it. I think he's right. What do you guys think? (posted in Depression thread first. Sorry for double posting.)

Angel_face my husband admitted he is gay after 18 years together
  • replies: 9

Hi, I’m new to this and I’m not sure how to start and if this is the right place to talk but In the last year and a half I had questioned my husband if he was gay after finding a few things, he always denied it to me for so long and said that he wasn... View more

Hi, I’m new to this and I’m not sure how to start and if this is the right place to talk but In the last year and a half I had questioned my husband if he was gay after finding a few things, he always denied it to me for so long and said that he wasn’t. Just recently, I had found something that basically caught him out. He still denied it going away with this person but in the end he admitted that he was gay and he always suppressed his feelings. After speaking to him and finding out everything he did and what he put me through mentally and physically I am finding it really hard to deal with. He told me that he felt like this before we got married which was around 12 years ago and we had 2 kids in that time. I have had so much anxiety, stress and feeling emotionaly depressed about what he has put me through. I thought I had a life ahead with him but knowing now that he’s gay and that he has moved in with this partner has killed me even more. I cannot cope day by day and I don’t know how I am going to move forward in my life! I feel so sad and I’ve got so many different emotions what I’m going through. I never expected after 18 years together he would turn around and say he’s gay. I am really struggling and I would like some advice and help how I can move past this?