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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Jacked92 Need help, not sure if I’m being insecure
  • replies: 3

Hi I’m fairly new to sharing how I am feeling. I have been battling depression and anxiety for around 12 months now. Me and my wife have been together for 10 years and have 3 beautiful kids. 8 years ago when my oldest son was 1 year old, we were sepe... View more

Hi I’m fairly new to sharing how I am feeling. I have been battling depression and anxiety for around 12 months now. Me and my wife have been together for 10 years and have 3 beautiful kids. 8 years ago when my oldest son was 1 year old, we were seperated for about 2 months, in that time I was a mess and attempted suicide. I had always suspected she had slept with someone else during this time which she has constantly denied. Until a few days days ago when I found out my suspicions were true, the sex bothers me a a little but not as much as the fact that she lied to me about it for so long. am I being stupid? how do I overcome the sense of dread, I feel like I can’t trust anything she says anymore. I put on a brace face at home and pretend everything is ok. But I am spiraling any advice will help

bimmadude101 Broke up with girlfriend but now have intense feelings of missing her
  • replies: 2

Hi peoples, I broke up with my ex around 5 weeks ago but we still talk almost every day, however over the last couple of days i had proposed that we stop talking for a few months. I knew it was going to be tough as i spent almost a year with the girl... View more

Hi peoples, I broke up with my ex around 5 weeks ago but we still talk almost every day, however over the last couple of days i had proposed that we stop talking for a few months. I knew it was going to be tough as i spent almost a year with the girl but i thought i needed to do this to distance myself from her. The reason i am trying to distance myself is that i have been feeling really jealous and clingy especially when i know she's out partying. I guess i feel bad for being so up and down with her... one minute i don't need to be in contact with her but some days i just can't stop messaging her and being very clingy. Its been 3 days since we stopped talking and i am feeling intense feelings of missing her and wondering if i made a big mistake. Everything reminds me of her and i have never felt like i have missed someone this much before. This confuses me because in the relationship my feelings were not very strong for her and the reason i broke it off was that i was worried my feelings wouldn't develop. I guess i regret this as i did not give myself a chance to think about the situation and i guess i just made an impulse decision to break it off one night. I have been asking to catch up with her because i would like to discover if my feelings have changed around her and maybe that my feels are stronger towards her but she does not seem to interested in seeing me. In all honesty, she tells me she is happy and i want her to be happy so im not sure whether i give myself time to be distant from her aor if i should act on my feelings as it might be too late in the future. Any advice is welcome.

Yenny I found my boyfriend is addicted to pornography in social media
  • replies: 4

My partner is 34 years old and I am 23, we lived together a few months ago, our relationship has been perfect! We have 1 year together, We met by tinder, and from there we fell in love. I always knew that there were many messages from women on his sn... View more

My partner is 34 years old and I am 23, we lived together a few months ago, our relationship has been perfect! We have 1 year together, We met by tinder, and from there we fell in love. I always knew that there were many messages from women on his snapchat and after a while I asked him because I also found pictures of girls, but he kept doing it. I had a lot of mistrust after that, so after a few months I checked his cell phone and found he harassed women asking for nude photos and he also sent nude photos, it was very disappointing for me and after that he apologized and we had a week reflecting on that and he said he would not do it again. Months later we went to live together and I thought that he was going to change until I found videos on his cell phone with unknown women, although I do not know if that was before we met or it was recent, I had them deleted and I told him to be careful with what he had on his cell phone and that he respect me. unfortunately just the day of our anniversary a few weeks ago I found again looking for girls unknown on Instagram, screenshots of their profiles where their snapchats appeared and then added them to talk to them and sexting and exchange all kinds of pornography among them . He has too many girls in his snapchat. After that I made him delete his snapchat so that we would not have any more problems in the relationship, this really is tiring me. The next day I was cleaning a bit in the spare room and I found another cell phone with lots of videos of teenagers talking to him and sending him all kinds of nude photos and videos , I even saw that they were recent because I got to see our New Apartment. This has me very disappointed, I do not know what to do about it, I went to the psychologist, this is affecting my mental and emotional health, I keep thinking about it all the time, I do not trust him, I cry often and I'm even afraid, I have come to feel alone because he is the only person I have here in Australia since I am from South America, and the truth is that we have many dreams and many goals to accomplish and do but this is really changing my way of seeing him. I do not want to leave it not only because I love him but because we are so committed to our house, our plans to me to stay in this country. He says he loves me and shows me with some actions, but behind my back he cheats me on his social networks. I pity too much. Help please, advices

Guest_925 My friendship is suffocating me
  • replies: 1

Hi, I hope this is an okay place to post this. I'm a teenage girl with anxiety (lifelong, but recently worse) and depression (started developing ~1 year ago), and I'm having a friendship problem. I have this friend, we'll call him L. We've been frien... View more

Hi, I hope this is an okay place to post this. I'm a teenage girl with anxiety (lifelong, but recently worse) and depression (started developing ~1 year ago), and I'm having a friendship problem. I have this friend, we'll call him L. We've been friends since primary school and have now been at different high schools for a few years. I used to consider him one of my best friends. Now, it ruins my day to think about him. L always wants to hang out. Like, every weekend. I don't think he has any idea that he has such a negative effect on me. I'm making up excuses every week as to why I can't meet up. Because being around him is suffocating me. I can't relax when I'm with him, I'm always tense. I get home on a Sunday after hanging out with and cry for ages. I cry just thinking about having to hang out with him. It physically and mentally exhausts me, on top of the fatigue I already have to deal with. Unlike the lightness and moments of calm that my other friendships give me, he drains me completely. I never want to see him. I only have negative emotions connected to him. And now I don't know what to do. I feel guilty about thinking/feeling these things because he hasn't actually done anything wrong. He's not mean to me, at all. He always wants to hang out because (I quote) he "really likes it" and "it's a highlight" (which really doesn't make me feel any better). But he makes me so unhappy. I get a stab of panic every time I see he's sent me a text. He clearly values our friendship a lot, but at the moment it's ruining my life. I'm just so lost on this.

Jurani Unsure of what to do?
  • replies: 4

Hi, I've been in a relationship for 4 years with the same man. I have my own house and he rents, his lease is about to expire. He's had a very tough life so far. I'm trying to cope with what he's been through so I'm deciding right now whether or not ... View more

Hi, I've been in a relationship for 4 years with the same man. I have my own house and he rents, his lease is about to expire. He's had a very tough life so far. I'm trying to cope with what he's been through so I'm deciding right now whether or not to let him move in with me. I'm not 100% sure though as he appears to have issues which haven't been dealt with. I'm very understanding, but just recently lost my mum. This is adding to the anxiety that I'm feeling. It seems different issues keep arising which are preventing us from moving forwards into a positive lifestyle. This is concerning me alot? His lease runs out in 2 weeks. He was supposed to be moving in 12 months ago, but I've delayed it. I don't know what to do? I've already stalled this once, I can't keep doing it. He's now under more stress because of this. Should I defer this again, or should I let him move in and hope that it all works out? What should I do ? Thanks. I have to say I'm very understanding, but it's draining me to the point of exhaustion.

Rachylou I'm not sure what to do anymore
  • replies: 2

Hi, I have been married for 12 years and I don't think I can do this anymore. My husband is selfish, controlling and I feel like nothing I do is ever good enough or the way he thinks I should live my life. He recently swore and yelled at me in front ... View more

Hi, I have been married for 12 years and I don't think I can do this anymore. My husband is selfish, controlling and I feel like nothing I do is ever good enough or the way he thinks I should live my life. He recently swore and yelled at me in front of my daughter's friends and I haven't wanted to really much to do with him since that night. When we got home he kept calling me derogatory words. Then the entire weekend I felt like a prisoner in my own home. He wouldn't let me leave the house with our kids and when we tried to go out he jumped in the car at the last minute. He demands they spend time with him even if they don't want to and accuses me of isolating him. He went and stayed with his parents for 2 nights and both me and my kids felt relief and freedom. Then he just turned up saying he needs to see his kids so he's staying. In the time he was gone I was beginning to feel normal but now it's back to feeling scared and alone and crying. I'm tired of feeling like this. I just feel so alone and scared and confused and I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't know who to go to for help. I don't know if I can get help. All I know is that I just don't want to do this anymore. I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry if I shouldn't be posting this here. I don't know where else there is.

G-Karen Living with in-laws and getting depressed
  • replies: 18

A bit of context. I have been married 9 months and was dating my husband for 9 years. Coming from an indian background, it wasn't culturally appropriate for us to live/travel together until marriage. So finally, after waiting many years to achieve ca... View more

A bit of context. I have been married 9 months and was dating my husband for 9 years. Coming from an indian background, it wasn't culturally appropriate for us to live/travel together until marriage. So finally, after waiting many years to achieve career goals, we got married. And boy has it been the biggest change of my life. My husband built a big family home a few years ago, so I live with him, his parents and his sibling. It has been an incredible challenge for me and I'm not sure if my depression is due to my own issues or partly due to our living arrangements. he is convinced they are my own issues. We would love to move out, but we cannot afford it as we have this mortgage. The first few months were great, I know his family well and it was awesome just being together. But over the past few months, life has thrown some curve balls - grandparent passed away, both our dads had massive health scares and we both started new jobs. Suddenly I find myself suffocating at his house. I can't escape his family to have my own space, and I don't have the emotional privacy to deal with everything. HIs family is great and all, however I am just craving some control. I am beginning to feel like this isn't the home of my husband and I, I feel like another child being told what to do by parents and my role is just to slip into their way of living and just be okay with it. It is like being on a reality TV show called family swap! I have to act like everything is awesome when I step outside our bedroom and laugh and joke like everything is fine with his family. I am not comfortable showing what I am really feeling around them and I am struggling to have the privacy to talk to my husband about everything openly because I fear they will know something is going on. This is really affecting our marriage. He can't understand why I can't just try harder to make this place work for me - because we can't financially afford to buy another place and he won't compromise to rent somewhere. When I first had a few breakdowns, he was understanding, but not anymore. he's just over it and thinks I'm being dramatic. I had a breakdown tonight and he left me crying in the bathroom and went to sleep. I am sleeping in his sisters room now and all I want to do is scream, or run off a cliff or do something horribly drastic. I am so depressed. I dread coming home, I stay at work till late on purpose. Pretending like everything is awesome is getting exhausting. What do I do?

lostnotlost84 World Trip ended up with partner relapsing in depression. This time I lose hope
  • replies: 14

I have been together with my boyfriend now for over 6 years, from which the first 3 years were just incredibly amazing. It was not perfect but I was profoundly happy with him. The first man in my life I could see a lifelong future with. We moved over... View more

I have been together with my boyfriend now for over 6 years, from which the first 3 years were just incredibly amazing. It was not perfect but I was profoundly happy with him. The first man in my life I could see a lifelong future with. We moved overseas together, then back to Australia 3 years ago. And that’s when it all started to happen. His and my work struggles ended in him being depressed and seeking therapy after me talking him into it. He got better. Only now, I realized that I was never included in his healing process. In his head (and in mine) everything circled around him. I didn’t see the implications of his behaviours whenever I tried to talk about his therapy he became uncomfortable and annoyed with me. Whenever I used the word "depression" he tensed up and acted like I would blame him. I was never able or allowed to reflect on the impact of the depression on us. So I stopped talking about it and bottled it up in myself. Despite all things and unspoken problems, we departed on a year long trip in our car. One year across Central Asia. Just the two of us. 24/7. Of course it didn't help but only amplified everything. He tried to leave it all behind, I tried to work through it. Complete opposite approaches lead inevitably to fights. And we fought a lot. I cried a lot. The more I tried to reach out, the more he withdrew. Later he said that I "pushed him too far". I ruined the trip for him thanks to us fighting. He withdrew from me, saying there was no love or hope for us anymore. However, despite all this he still didn't agree to end it earlier as planned. He settled in a friendzone routine where we did everything together just with no intimacy. I wasn't allowed to talk about us otherwise he shut me down for the rest of the day. I kept on waiting for him to get more clarity of what he wants Like me, he is lost too but has no ability to look at it through the lens of the bigger picture of life. He kept on apologizing for "everything": the way he is, that he can't do better for us, for me. Again, a blame implemented thought process that does not lead to any good. He appears at times so carefree like nothing is up that I start doubting myself! It must be a coping mechanism but for how long can you keep that up? I am so at lost..and then not. I wonder if his depression remained after his therapy unrecognized in our relationship or if the trip triggered it again and that he is right. There is no hope, I screwed it up (unintentionally)

NOLA2018 Mother & Boyfriend Issues (23F)
  • replies: 1

A few months ago I started dating one of my friends who my parents knew and appeared to like. When I told them that after being friends for years we had been spending more time with each other and thought there might be more. My mother lost it at thi... View more

A few months ago I started dating one of my friends who my parents knew and appeared to like. When I told them that after being friends for years we had been spending more time with each other and thought there might be more. My mother lost it at this, pretty much because she thought he was not good enough up for me and not the right cultural fit for the family. Liking him enough I pushed through the initial resistance that I was met with from my family. It has been months of constantly being emotional and I have felt my anxiety starting to kick in again. Over time my mother has started to accept we are dating, she has made it clear she is not happy about it and still makes snide remarks but says at the end of the day she wants me to be happy. I enjoy the time I spend with my boyfriend and definitely look forward to it, I also enjoy spending time with my family in what feels like normal times again. But underlying all of this every time I feel even slightly happy I start feeling guilty or wondering when my next fight with Mum is. I have also become very emotional crying whenever the topic is breached or even sometimes just when I am thinking about it at work or in my own time. I have also started wondering if I will ever truly be happy/carefree again or has something snapped in me due to not getting support from my family about my decision. Any suggestions/feedback would be very much appreciated.

JJmmaamm Meth addiction destroying my family
  • replies: 3

Hi thanx for reading my post. I have been married to my husband for the last 17 years and we have 3 beautifyl children. We have had our ups and downs but the last 2 years have been absolute hell. My husband is now addicted to meth. Every day is just ... View more

Hi thanx for reading my post. I have been married to my husband for the last 17 years and we have 3 beautifyl children. We have had our ups and downs but the last 2 years have been absolute hell. My husband is now addicted to meth. Every day is just a living nightmare. He is either completely high and loopy or coming down and extremelly angry and agitated. When he is high you dont see him. He stays awake for 3 to 4 days at a time and is actually quite pleasant. Then you just know the big crash is coming. He then becomes emotionally and verbally abusive to myself and the children. He refuses to work and barely earns any money. I am the one that has to support the family and pay the mortgage etc. We barely even talk to one another now. I sleep with one of my kids in the other side of the house so I am not anywhere near him. I have told him to leave on numerous occasions however he refuses to go. I dont have the money to go anywhere as every cent I earn pays for all the bills food etc. My parents live in a 2 bedroom house.and we simply couldnt fit. I dont think I should be the one to go as I am the one that has actually paid for the house and everything in it. I have legal advice and he vant be removed from the house as his name is on the title so effectively half his. Polive wont get involved as no domestic violence. Has anyone been in the same boat and can offer any advice. I just want him gone and out of our lives for good. Thnx for listening.