Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Cabbage_Patch_Kid Anyone else get overly attached to someone they haven’t known for long when depressed
  • replies: 14

I’ve been suffering depression pretty badly for the last 8 months but I’ve notices another side effect is that I get irrationally attachéd to guys I’ve only met or been with a few times. It doesn’t seem to matter whether I think I have a future or wh... View more

I’ve been suffering depression pretty badly for the last 8 months but I’ve notices another side effect is that I get irrationally attachéd to guys I’ve only met or been with a few times. It doesn’t seem to matter whether I think I have a future or whether he’s a decent guy. I recently called time on one such casual relationship as I was getting hurt as he was with others and had no feelings for me. I knew it would not have a future and it was sex based. However I feel devastated and I can’t explain it. My friends and family don’t understand. It’s like we were together for years. This is not the first time this has happened either. I end up scaring guys away. Has anyone experienced this or have any advice. I’ve tried to explain my headspace but he’s not interested. He’s blocked me. In the past it’s taken so much time to get over guys.

Anne74 Feeling rejected
  • replies: 5

I have been in a relationship with an man who is an addict for 4 and a half years, and its been like a crazy rollercoaster ride. I have major depressive disorder and generalised anxiety disorder which is challenging for me to live with on a daily bas... View more

I have been in a relationship with an man who is an addict for 4 and a half years, and its been like a crazy rollercoaster ride. I have major depressive disorder and generalised anxiety disorder which is challenging for me to live with on a daily basis and then add my boyfriends moods to the mix and its crazy making. things go along great for a while and then suddenly he gets angry about the smallest of things and wont talk to me for days. Im left wondering what the hell happend with no communication until he is ready to talk. this does my head in with my anxiety going through the roof and i feel totally rejected and like he doesnt give a dam. I dont know what to do or how to detach with love as the experts say we should with addicts, can someone help me??

Sam145 Unsure on whether it will get better
  • replies: 9

My boyfriend has severe depression and has being struggling heaps over the past 2 weeks. We have been together on and off for about 3 years. It stopped being smooth sailing after the first year. I moved to Melbourne and we did long distance; 4 hours ... View more

My boyfriend has severe depression and has being struggling heaps over the past 2 weeks. We have been together on and off for about 3 years. It stopped being smooth sailing after the first year. I moved to Melbourne and we did long distance; 4 hours away. He never made the effort to come and see me I was always the one going to him. It has been a rocky relationship ever since. The longest we have spent apart, broken up has been a month. He has hurt me so much, he has lied, been unloyal although he hasn’t cheated (that I know of) he has done some similar stuff. We recently broke up and I didn’t talk to him for a month, he wrote me a letter and asked for a second chance I accepted. It has been 6 months and he had been lying from the start. I found out 5 months in that he still had tinder people on Snapchat and was talking to girls he was saying he wasn’t. I have been on edge ever since I found that out. He said he was talking to other girls for support because I wasn’t listening to how he was feeling. I have always tried my best to support him through his tough times. It takes a huge toll on me and I don’t think I can handle it anymore, I’m a happy person and like to have fun. We are very different people. I love him to bits and I’m scared to leave. I don’t like being alone. Recently he has been getting bad. He says he can’t talk to anyone about his problems. He is keeping someone else’s secret and has sworn to secrecy and won’t tell me and he said it is affecting him greatly. He isn’t coping and idk what to do. He isn’t sure if it will get better and I’m not sure how much more I can take and if it is worth it. Idk if it will be the same. Part of me really wants to support him through it and then work us out later but the other part wants to focus solely on me. I’m not happy but I don’t want to be without him. I really want us to work out but I’m not getting my needs satisfied. Do I help him through his problems, put my needs aside help him get better then try work us out or do I just focus on myself and my own happiness? All I really want from him is to be able to spend regular time with him, we both work full time at the same workplace in fast food so we work different shifts. We live in the same town now. I just want to get back to us. He wants me to be happy and to focus on myself and said if that means moving on from him so be it. He doesn’t know if it will get better. I just want to be happy but I don’t want to break up with him. He wants to get better

Lookingforhelp22 Feeling lost/husbands anger issues
  • replies: 5

Hi everyone, I ve just had an MRI as have been experiencing headaches and vertigo - dr thinks I have an intercranial lesion. I also had some blood test results and need an ultrasound as my liver is not great. I m 28 years old and have been really wor... View more

Hi everyone, I ve just had an MRI as have been experiencing headaches and vertigo - dr thinks I have an intercranial lesion. I also had some blood test results and need an ultrasound as my liver is not great. I m 28 years old and have been really worried & havent spoken to my husband much, when I have anxiety I shut down. My husband has been abusive eg. calling me names for ignoring him but I m just so stressed about this & trying to process it all. its only been 2 days & he has anger issues so didnt want to be more stressed by what he might say. should i speak to him more? Any advice would be appreciated x

Juliet_84 Despair over possible MS diagnosis
  • replies: 9

Hi guys, I have been having a tough time recently and was hoping for some words of comfort. Some of you may already know, but a few years ago I suffered a major stroke that almost killed me. My entire right side was paralyzed and I was in hospital fo... View more

Hi guys, I have been having a tough time recently and was hoping for some words of comfort. Some of you may already know, but a few years ago I suffered a major stroke that almost killed me. My entire right side was paralyzed and I was in hospital for a week and had to learn to walk again, my balance was affected, to simple dexterity things like use cutlery etc. Before the stroke, I had been suffering dizziness for months and told my doctor but they dismissed it. At the time I was concerned that I may have the early stages of multiple sclerosis, it was just a gut feeling that I couldn’t shake, but after the stroke they told me I had a blood disorder instead. I honestly felt so relieved at the thought of not having MS and my future suddenly felt brighter and I dared to hope. I started exercising again, looking after myself, and felt generally happy to be alive. Anyway, fast forward 4 years and it seems as though the doctors may have misdiagnosed me and I may be staring down the barrel of a multiple sclerosis diagnosis again. This feels like absolute torture, I feel as though I’ve had the rug completely pulled out from under me, I just break down in tears from absolute despair when I think about it. I’ve gone back to hating to think about what the future may hold for me. I just wonder how much one person is supposed to be able to take? Juliet

MiVitaLuna Not Sure Where To Put This, Just Want To Run Away
  • replies: 5

I have 4 children and my eldest son is married with 2 children. We have always been a very close family but since he married this girl we have had many family fights and she has tried to pull our family apart several times. She has no contact with he... View more

I have 4 children and my eldest son is married with 2 children. We have always been a very close family but since he married this girl we have had many family fights and she has tried to pull our family apart several times. She has no contact with her own family and has called the police on her own mother and refuses to let her family see the grandkids. So we have had a lot of conflict with this girl. So much so it has caused me so much stress, anxiety and depression. There has been a couple of times where I have refused to talk to her due to her treatment towards me (throwing food across the room at me when called her out on a lie, and having a go at me for not taking time off work to look after the kids so she could go and do her studies. We were trying to save up for their wedding and I could not afford the time off). She also kicked my other son out of their home and called the police on him when he refused to leave until his brother got home to confirm that he could not longer stay there. We later found out she told the police that she feared for her life with him in the house. He lived with them at the time and I can assure you she was in no danger. So despite all the other things she has done that I have not mentioned. They all came to see us for my birthday and she began a fight with the son that she kicked out (he moved back with us). My dad was here and so was my daughter and grandkids. She yelled, screamed and argued that we were not supporting her and that she has every right to kick people and refuse people to see her children. My son retaliated and called her out on her lies and my son who is married to her, began to throw punches at my other son. She has deleted us from facebook, blocked us from seeing the grandkids and I know that she will do all she can to not allow us to see the grandkids. To top this off I currently have health anxiety which has increased since I have found out through several tests that there may be something concerning after my last ultrasounds. I am so scared of anesthetics that I am trying to convince myself to go and have the surgery to get the biopsies but I am so scare of dying that I am too scared to go and get the procedure done. My greatest fear is dying of cancer like my grandmother, yet I need this procedure. This has caused me a lot of stress, lack of sleep and constant anxiety! I feel like I am ready to run. Please help. I am trying to see a psychologist but I have a long wait to get in.

PommyinOz living In Oz and feelings of not fitting in
  • replies: 8

in Oz for a year with Aussie OH & my 10 year old (from a previous relationship). I can't seem to find my way. Ive confidence issues & body dismorphia which can cause crippling fear & neediness. I'm not the type to instigate conversation with stranger... View more

in Oz for a year with Aussie OH & my 10 year old (from a previous relationship). I can't seem to find my way. Ive confidence issues & body dismorphia which can cause crippling fear & neediness. I'm not the type to instigate conversation with strangers & people never really instigate conversation with me unless introduced,once I feel comfortable I can be very funny & Ive been told I can light up a room with my personality but I can get over excited & become loud,over opinionated, sarcastic, I'm 45 & well aware of my flaws I do try to tone it down, but my personality is what it is. Ive had the odd close friend over the years & I would walk over hot coals for any of them,they learn to understand my good & bad points & love me regardless. Ive had times of extreme isolation & although I have my daughter & OH I am feeling really isolated & alone, I have no friends here, its getting me down, I look at women sat in cafes having coffee sat in pubs all laughing & I'm so jealous because Ive never really had that. I thought I would be enveloped by a new family here my OH has two sisters with children the same age as mine, I hoped we would do some babysitting trade offs that his family would embrace me & my daughter but that hasn't happened. They don't seem to like me they are reserved, diplomatic and respectful, there is very little small talk or laughing it is all very serious,they think I'm pilling too much strain and stress on my OH with my "issues" & that I need to sort my life out, that my child is not the responsibility of my OH as she isn't his & If I need a babysitter then I have to find one & pay for one, but I can't afford it & I don't know anyone with kids let alone a teenager who would like to earn some cash. my daughter is very quiet,spends a lot of time on her own, she is always polite but then they made a huge point about her not saying "thankyou for having me" when she left their home, which I said was nit-picking, now this issue is creating problems with my OH because I feel they are trying to get rid of me.I had a job where I worked alone cooking for tradies & truck drivers, conversation was at a minimum so no friendships to be had there. I barely go out socially & if I have spoken to someone its never gone anywhere. I pick my daughter up from school Ive met no mums & my daughter hasn't been invited to birthday parties, she didn't want to have one herself, I think she is embarrassed of me. I really don't know what to do & I'm always crying about it

JessCC Mum with depression- how to help her?
  • replies: 4

Hi, I have just joined this site. My mum has been suffering from depression for the last few years. Initially, she put off treating it, as she was caring for my sick grandma. My Aunty (mum's sister) passed away suddenly, shortly after nana's death an... View more

Hi, I have just joined this site. My mum has been suffering from depression for the last few years. Initially, she put off treating it, as she was caring for my sick grandma. My Aunty (mum's sister) passed away suddenly, shortly after nana's death and my mum's depression seems to have gotten even worse. It was a struggle to get my mum to see the GP, but eventually, she went and was prescribed a bunch of medications and sleeping tablets. She went to see a psychologist one time but decided that it was not useful. She is experiencing insomnia, severe depression (suicidality, loss of interest in everything, rarely leaves the house, cries whenever I speak to her on the phone, etc.). My mum lives 2 hours from me. I am finishing uni at the moment. I do not have a car, so I see mum around once a month. Nothing seems to be improving for her- her thoughts and conversation are very dark, she has become very critical and mistrustful of people. My dad lives with mum and he has been helping her, but he is not the most emotionally understanding person and hates going to the doctors himself. I love my mum soooo much and just want her to feel better. I am unsure what to do at this point- do I try to force her to seek treatment? Try to change the subject and get her out of the house as much as possible? Accept that she might not be ready to accept help? I have tried sending her info about doctors, psychologists, naturopaths that I've found but she ignores them. I tried an intervention with my father and I- saying "come on let's be proactive about this and get it sorted out because you can still have many happy years ahead of you", I take her out for lunch and for walks when I visit and she seems like she enjoys it but then afterwards she tells me that she was faking being happy and that she never feels happy. We have long conversations and I listen to her, but sometimes the conversations become very dark and I try to steer her back into the light. It sounds horrible but I often feel like kidnapping her and taking her to a hospital for treatment- obviously, I wouldn't do that, but depression seems to make people their own worst enemies. I have anxiety and have experienced minor episodes of depression, but nothing like what my mum is going through. I hate seeing her so unhappy. I don't want to imagine her ending her life, but believe that in the state that she's in, it's a possibility. I really just want to find a way for her to feel better. What suggestions do u have for me?

Tilly2018 I think I am scared of my husband
  • replies: 10

Hi i have been married for nearly seven years and am contemplating leaving my husband. I am afraid to speak with him about anything to do with our relationship because I fear his reaction. He has always had a bit of a short temper with everything and... View more

Hi i have been married for nearly seven years and am contemplating leaving my husband. I am afraid to speak with him about anything to do with our relationship because I fear his reaction. He has always had a bit of a short temper with everything and I’ve always just accepted that’s just how he is, but this of course makes me cautious of the way I approach him. The only time I find the strength to confront him is usually the day after he has come home from a night out and in his drunken state he has been verbally unkind to me and has on occasion made me afraid of what he might do next. He has never hit me (trust me I would be straight out the door if this ever happened), but I feel I have to just put up with his behaviour in order to avoid provoking him in case he did turn violent. so usually the next day I speak with him about it because I am usually so pissed off. Quite often he says he doesn’t remember saying those things and apologies and for the next week he is as nice as pie, telling me he loves me etc etc. i do feel trapped as he has a lot going on with his work and sleep apnea so I am trying to support him. But every now and then and when situations like the above occur I think what the hell am I doing. Surely this isn’t how a marriage is supposed to be. Am I over reacting or should I just get the courage to say enough is enough! I have considered moving out a number of times but then things have always got better for a while. what would you do?

ashleighnewton0000 Feeling abandoned by friend.
  • replies: 2

Last year I fell out with someone I considered my best friend and we haven't spoken in a very very long time. I have other friends, they've always been closer with me (as I met them in a different stage of my life) but they knew each other through me... View more

Last year I fell out with someone I considered my best friend and we haven't spoken in a very very long time. I have other friends, they've always been closer with me (as I met them in a different stage of my life) but they knew each other through me, only saw each other because of me and whenever there were catch ups I'd be there. Usually organised by me. Since I've fallen out with this 1st friend, she has been making over the top effort to organise catch ups with my friends and always excluding me. What I am most upset about is that I mentioned to friend #2 that I'm seeing a psychologist to deal with losing a friend (that suggests that I'm not coping with it very well doesn't it?) Anyway, a matter of a week later I see friend #2 posting on social media about their dinner that I was very obviously excluded from. I was absolutely shocked that she did that after me telling her whats going on for me. I'm not bothered about the dinner, or that they catch up. I have accepted it but I am still in utter shock that friend #2 totally disregarded my feelings for some likes. Am I wrong in being upset here? Have you had a similar situation? I'm feeling incredibly abandoned, isolated from my old lift and that friend #1 is going above and beyond to make my life hell.