Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Mike1990 Depression in the relationship, confused and wondering what to do.
  • replies: 1

Hi all beyondblue members, I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for the past 18 months. Both her and I are 28 years old and have enjoyed being together all the time. She opened up to me about her depression at the beginning of our relations... View more

Hi all beyondblue members, I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for the past 18 months. Both her and I are 28 years old and have enjoyed being together all the time. She opened up to me about her depression at the beginning of our relationship and I didn't let her depression get in between us. Throughout our relationship, as I thought I was doing, was supporting her through her toughest of times, always making sure she sees the positive side of life and always encouraged her to see her psychologist regularly regarding her depression. Everything went well up until I met with her mother, ever since then, things started to go down hill. Her mother said to my girlfriend that I remind her too much of her father( ex husband) and that I look like a control freak?????Little does she know about me and it upsets me that her mother judged me to be a person of negativity. Her mother was caught lieing a few times, where she rang my girlfriend and manipulated her in believing that other family members had al ot to say about me, when she asked her mother to tell her what others thought, she would insist my girlfriend to ring them up and find it out herself. When my girlfriend did that, no one of the family members said anything about me and confirmed with her that her mother was playing games, to the point she got into an emotional break down over it. Not long ago, my girlfirend sent me an email whilst I was out camping, I didnt respond to her text because I had no reception but as soon as I got home she sends me a break up text, which to me seemed as if she was influenced to do that and the only person I could think of is her mother being behind it. The other day, my ex and I met up for coffee to talk things through and I told her that she didnt mean to break up with me whilst she said that she felt confused and didnt know whether it was fear of being alone and depression made her choose to be with me and thats why she broke up with me. I told her that her mother was behind the decision and I could tell by looking at her, wanting to ruin our relationship. Now my ex is confused and scared to confront her mother that her and I are still seeing each other, I told her to take it slow and we could reconcile, but i feel the urge to go and see her mother, just to open up to her to let her know how much I really care about her daughter, I am confused and I want to save my relationship, this also happened to her brother in law and he confronted her mother too.

UnknownFurby Has my father made my anxiety worse?
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So i read somewhere that being without a father can have a big impact in your life, this year my mother and I moved an hour away and my father won't travel to see me, he always said that he has no patrol money so i have to go there... but due my anxi... View more

So i read somewhere that being without a father can have a big impact in your life, this year my mother and I moved an hour away and my father won't travel to see me, he always said that he has no patrol money so i have to go there... but due my anxiety going back means bad memories , so i thought about asking him to put money aside and at lease try and see me 1 once a month, do you think this work??? When i was back at my hometown i usually saw him nearly every fortnight-ish but now i only seen him so far on my birthday ,his birthday and the once when he wanted to see a movie and decided to invite me... OH and on Easter i lost all trust in him... Long story short what happen is that they had to fix a fence (Auntie, my father and pop) anyway they said they said they might come and see me Monday after Easter if they have time ,i said that is fine ,anyway couple days later his GF son son (so grandson) are coming on Sunday (Easter) so i was trying to arrange for him to see me some time like before or after but he wouldn't listen so i got depressed and locked myself away for awhile ( i suffer for Anxiety and Depression), and the grandson not his flesh and blood so i was really hurt... anyway back on track without my father spending time with me do you think i could be hurting without knowing??

Mamba Marriage breakup
  • replies: 1

Hi Im having a really tough time as my wife and i have just seperated, i feel absolutely ripped apart, we have 3 kids 12 5 and 7 months, i have been a depressed mess for 18 months and she always stuck by me and helped me so much, we have been togethe... View more

Hi Im having a really tough time as my wife and i have just seperated, i feel absolutely ripped apart, we have 3 kids 12 5 and 7 months, i have been a depressed mess for 18 months and she always stuck by me and helped me so much, we have been together for 13 years and got married nearly 2 years ago, i cant stop crying, im a very emotional person but this is so hard, everything seems pointless, like whats the point of doing anything if theres no one to share it with im really scared about the future as im so use to having my family always there i dont know what to do, i get to have the kids 6 night a fortnight which is great but still feel empty

Asenna Can’t let go
  • replies: 1

Hi there my beyond blue friends. I’m looking for some advice and possibly a bit of knowledge from someone who has been through similar. I know I know, we are all different. My story is a complex one yet I will give you a snap shot of 3 and half years... View more

Hi there my beyond blue friends. I’m looking for some advice and possibly a bit of knowledge from someone who has been through similar. I know I know, we are all different. My story is a complex one yet I will give you a snap shot of 3 and half years. My partner of 10 years left me in the beginning of 2015. We have two wonderful children. The eldest was 5 and my youngest was 3 when she left. Quick back story. I had a nervous breakdown a year before but was diagnosed incorrectly as it being trauma. I was a mess and was still quite very low when she left. She had enough of looking after me and the two children at the same time. I was so heartbroken. I was desperate and broken. I tried to hold on to her and get her back. I just can’t seem to let go. I can’t. She is seeing someone and there are times it tears me apart. I just cannot let it go. She’s on my mind and I need to know what she is doing etc etc. It doesn’t allow me to be present. What do I do. I have severe depression, not because of it but I was wondering whether that exasperates it more. I don’t know. Fab

MayItShine I feel betrayed by my own family
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Hello. This is my first time on here, and I'm a little nervous sharing online but I'd like to reach out for support. I'm about to turn 18. I have had pretty severe anxiety since age 14, and for the last year have had depression. I've been through a h... View more

Hello. This is my first time on here, and I'm a little nervous sharing online but I'd like to reach out for support. I'm about to turn 18. I have had pretty severe anxiety since age 14, and for the last year have had depression. I've been through a heck of a lot of issues with my mental health and paternal parent, but my older sister, older brother and mum have ALWAYS been there for me. They are my biggest support network. Recently I have had my mental health take a deep dive for the worse, and on the weekend my family told me that they were going to withdraw. So mum had been off work with me at home, to basically take care of me. But she said she was going to work. I understand that she has to work, and I'm not trying to sound selfish at all. But since then, she has stopped her support altogether. When she gets home and I try and tell her that I had a bad day and need a hug, she tells me about all the other things that she could be doing with her time. I have had many long talks with her about the way she makes me feel, and every time she says that she is listening to me, but makes an excuse. My sister and brother are the same. I feel really betrayed by them, and as a result my health is literally rock bottom. I have no friends, and without there support I feel so lost. I should probably mention that I have a private psychologist who is trying to help, but he's currently on holidays. I guess I'm just really looking for some people to talk to who might understand how hard it is to talk about mental health.

Kakapo Don't know how to go on with life without my boyfriend (26f)
  • replies: 14

He has been trying the last 2 months to get better, had his first session with psychologist on Thursday (he did work with her 2 years ago too). He's been feeling lost, low self-esteem (can't love himself), and like our relationship is a pressure to h... View more

He has been trying the last 2 months to get better, had his first session with psychologist on Thursday (he did work with her 2 years ago too). He's been feeling lost, low self-esteem (can't love himself), and like our relationship is a pressure to him because he can't meet the expectations of being in a relationship. Thinks I would be better with someone else - even if it hurts him a bit. He's trying to be realistic. Our lease ends in November and he wants to go separate ways to recover and sort his life out (he just lost his job also). He doesn't know if he will be the same or if he will get better by the time he comes through the other side of this. To say I am heartbroken doesn't describe the agony I am in. The pain is worse than when my dad died. My boyfriend was the kindest man I had ever met, driven and funny. He was very intimate. And then he just started slipping away from me. I was emotional and hurt, which pushed him further away. I started seeing a psychologist and taking prescribed anti-depressants to try cope. I have plans to study next year (so does he). That helped initially to know I had something to focus on. But now I don't want to get out of bed. I don't want to go to work. I'm trying not to cry at work. The pain while crying has been so bad I'm having trouble breathing. I moved countries for him and I have no family here. No really close friends. I am so scared and alone, all I want is to be loved again. To have everything you wanted and lose it all, while still in love, is the most excruciating emotional pain I think we can experience. What do I do? I'm crying so hard and am in so much agony, I wish I could just go to sleep and wake up from this nightmare. He's not who he was. I wish he would get better, and would love himself and me again.

TJ1624 After almost 15 years of marriage and 2 amazing children I had a breakdown and pleaded for help only to be told my wife wants to seperate...
  • replies: 8

I have been married for almost 15 years to the women of my dreams, we have had our ups and downs and have always managed to get through anything we have faced, I genuinely adore my wife and would give up almost anything to be able to spend my life by... View more

I have been married for almost 15 years to the women of my dreams, we have had our ups and downs and have always managed to get through anything we have faced, I genuinely adore my wife and would give up almost anything to be able to spend my life by her side but yesterday I hit a real low point which various factors contributed to, (stress at work, lack of sleep, viral issues over almost a month) and I was in a terrible mental state and in tears asked my wife for help, her reaction has really crippled me, she told me she wanted out of our relationship and that she has been angry at me for a long time and doesn't like the person she has become because of me.... I am far from perfect I know that for sure but I do adore my wife and try find ways each day to try to make hers better than the day before, i am a very active father and husband and do majority of the housework, taking kids to sport etc and have never begrudged my wife for this, like i said I adore her... I am so far beyond being lost, I really dont know how I move forward, I know I have to for my Beautiful Kids but just can't imagine a life where I dont get to hold my wife each day......

Beharris Feeling alone in my marriage
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My husband is the most amazing person normally but i feel as though he always hates being around me he never likes to do activities with me he was so much more happier when we were engaged but once we married he never seems to look forward to seeing ... View more

My husband is the most amazing person normally but i feel as though he always hates being around me he never likes to do activities with me he was so much more happier when we were engaged but once we married he never seems to look forward to seeing me anymore always says he doesnt have time or his too busy or has too much stress on him .. He claims he has anxiety and always finds excuses to be around other people he's also always so bubbly around others but when we're together he seems bored and unhappy i dont know what to do or how to make our love grow back this is putting a huge strain on me and my son who is an infant as i cant give him my all waking up everyday feeling unhappy. Im also pregnant with baby number 2 am i just over reacting ? Or what should i do ? Because as of now im loosing myself!

freedom2018 Help with moving on
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A few months ago, I left my husband, who I had been with for 9 years. We were originally having problems because he no longer wanted children anymore, and he knew that that was a deal-breaker for me. He thought our marriage was going to end, so he we... View more

A few months ago, I left my husband, who I had been with for 9 years. We were originally having problems because he no longer wanted children anymore, and he knew that that was a deal-breaker for me. He thought our marriage was going to end, so he went and found himself an online girlfriend to cope with our break-up. This all happened while we were still living together, and I believed, still working on our marriage. We have now officially split, although we are still under the same roof. Looking back at our relationship, and doing some research, I now believe I was married to an emotional abuser. I have recently started seeing someone new, who is wonderful and sweet, and so very kind. He knows everything about my previous relationship and is happy to go slow for me. However, I feel like I am sabotaging the relationship now. He is very busy at work so is unable to message me very often during the day. I stress if I don't hear from him for hours on end, and start messaging him constantly. I even am constantly doubting him, asking if we're okay, or if he's busy talking to other girls. I don't believe I am good enough for this wonderful new man, and I feel like I am ruining any chance I have of a successful relationship due to my doubts and self esteem issues from my previous relationship. I feel like I am apologising constantly for my behaviour, and he says he understands and I don't need to worry. But surely he will tire of it eventually?? To be doubted constantly and to have to offer reassurance constantly must be exhausting. I'm not worth the hassle! But I want to move on. I don't want to be like this. I don't want my ex-husband to have a hold over my life anymore. Can anyone provide advice on how I can start to move on, and not be such a naggy cow to the new guy. He does nothing to deserve my doubt.

manoody92 More marriage issues.
  • replies: 11

Well here I am again. Its quite a personal topic this time. I have been mentally unwell the past few months and have been trialling different medications to see what helps. It’s been quite a difficult time. My husband has been supportive of this, eve... View more

Well here I am again. Its quite a personal topic this time. I have been mentally unwell the past few months and have been trialling different medications to see what helps. It’s been quite a difficult time. My husband has been supportive of this, even though he does get frustrated with me quite easily. Things haven’t been great and I’m finding it more and more difficult to connect with him. Tonight I decided to be intimate with my husband. I was trying to enjoy it, but I just couldn’t. I came to the realisation that I just wasn’t finding it appealing or my husband attractive. I cried immediately after wondering what’s wrong with me. I’m taking this as the last sign that my marriage might be over, or I at least need a separation to sort myself out. The only thing making me stay is our daughter. I feel so lost. I see my counsellor Monday, but I just wondered what your opinions are?