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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Zonnekp Feeling Lonely And Isolated
  • replies: 3

I am married to a very good man and we have an adult daughter. My husband works long hours, sometimes also over the weekend to support us as I have been unemployed for the last 18 months. Our daughter still lives with us, but is busy with her studies... View more

I am married to a very good man and we have an adult daughter. My husband works long hours, sometimes also over the weekend to support us as I have been unemployed for the last 18 months. Our daughter still lives with us, but is busy with her studies and boyfriend. I look after the household. I am feeling lonely and isolated and do not have many friends, maybe because I am a quiet person. I recently tried getting into volunteering, but even that is not working out. I have a few Whatsapp friends who I message often and know that friendships take time to develop, but I crave actual friends.

Jaygray Estranged from daughter and grandkids since new boyfriend on the scene
  • replies: 1

Has anybody helped supported and had a great relationship with their daughter only to have their daughter estrange them for the sake of their new boyfriend? My daughter has done this twice and with grandchildren involved. It has broken my heart to bi... View more

Has anybody helped supported and had a great relationship with their daughter only to have their daughter estrange them for the sake of their new boyfriend? My daughter has done this twice and with grandchildren involved. It has broken my heart to bits. I feel used betrayed and shocked that she would treat me so nastily after all I have done for her and the kids My emotions are up and down and I’m sick of feeling so hurt It has effected my partner and my other daughter, and although they have been supportive, there are times when they get angry with the situation and I feel the repercussions My first point of discussion and advice I need is how to deal with Xmas next week. I presume my estranged daughter won’t come over for Xmas day but go to her new boyfriends for Xmas Should I still send her an invite to Xmas or stay silent How can I even invite her as it is only condoning her bad behaviour? I feel I am wrong no matter which way I act It is also her sons 3rd birthday on the 27th December and I am fearful of jeopardising any opportunity to get an invite to it ps I have only seen my grandchildren once in the last 6 months (2 weeks ago) as she was desperate for a babysitter so she could have mediation with her ex partner and father of her kids Any comments and feedback appreciated

happysky7311 Controlling parents and feeling imprisoned in my own home
  • replies: 5

I've recently finished Year 12 and confessed to my parents recently that I've been dating a guy since April. My mental health issues have stemmed from pressure from parents, feeling imprisoned at home and not being given independence. Both my bf and ... View more

I've recently finished Year 12 and confessed to my parents recently that I've been dating a guy since April. My mental health issues have stemmed from pressure from parents, feeling imprisoned at home and not being given independence. Both my bf and I want to go interstate for uni and his parents allow that, but mine insist I stay with them until I'm older. I'm 18, i want to gain independence, i want to explore the world for myself. More importantly, i don't know how much longer i can stay at home without relapsing into my old habits and how much I'm going to suffer being stuck at a uni i don't want to be and living somewhere that is so triggering for me. My parents don't understand this, and if i tell them this i know they'll think i'm ridiculous and tell me to suck it up (their Asian mentality). I dont trust my parents, they hurt me unintentionally constantly and don't understand me, I've never felt comfortable asking them for help and I've had to seek help from friends (they won't let me out hence i couldn't go to a psych or gp). My bf's parents are fine with him going interstate. Worst case scenario is that i'm stuck here while he goes, and i know we both won't be able to deal with the separation in a healthy way. Being soft-spoken and submissive my whole life I feel hopeless, i can't disobey or overrule what my parents say, but at the same time i'm being tortured by their words. I understand they may think i'm too young, they may think i'm inexperienced in the big world, they don't want to let me go. I understand this. But they're affecting my mental health by locking me in. And they don't know this. I don't know what to do.

bmacca64 The ones you love being the ones who hurt you the most.
  • replies: 2

I have been wondering why is it that the ones that you love the most are the ones capable of hurting you the most. My wife who I have been with for nine years and married for three was diagnosed with what she calls "depression on the cusp of bipolar"... View more

I have been wondering why is it that the ones that you love the most are the ones capable of hurting you the most. My wife who I have been with for nine years and married for three was diagnosed with what she calls "depression on the cusp of bipolar". This was before we met after she had numerous relationship issues and fortunately unsuccessful attempts to take her own life. I absolutely love and cherish this woman but six weeks ago she sat down and said a couple of time honoured phrases "you are my best friend and I love you dearly but I am not in love with you","I'm 44 and have nothing of my own, why did you marry me anyway?" and the old "but you'll still be my friend won't you because I want you in my life" also one that stung "I love our bunny more than I love you." From what was an idyllic relationship she moved out and has been couch surfing at friends homes since. After going through shock, anger and resentment I contacted many of her old friends as well as her mother and they all agreed that it appeared to be an episode similar to those she has had in the past. I have never seen her like this since we met and it scared me. She is medicated but hasn't had a psychiatric review for about six or seven years. She made a doctors appointment to get a script repeat and he fortunately gave her a psychiatrist referral. She came around for dinner tonight, it was great to be around her and she has booked tickets for us to go to the movies on Sunday night. I told her I love her and am always here for her and her reply was "I'm trying. I came around didn't I?" When I asked if she had contacted the psychiatrist her reply was "I will but I don't think I'm depressed any more." It made me think why do the ones you love the most have the capacity to hurt you the most?

Rjade Not sure what to do
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone. Over the last month or so, I have developed feelings for a co-worker and feel pretty annoyed at myself. I understand that you have no control over who you fall in love with but I can’t help but feel guilty and a little ashamed. I recentl... View more

Hi everyone. Over the last month or so, I have developed feelings for a co-worker and feel pretty annoyed at myself. I understand that you have no control over who you fall in love with but I can’t help but feel guilty and a little ashamed. I recently turned 22 and have been engaged for nearly a year and a half. I kind of rushed into the relationship but I do have genuine feelings of love and admiration for my fiance. We fight quite a lot though and we’re dealing with some pretty major things at the moment. I suffer from severe depression and anxiety as well as a crippling physical illness and I find it hard to see the light each day, even with my fiance by my side. However, when I’m around my co-worker, all of the pain and suffering seems to somewhat subside and I feel all of these positive emotions I haven’t experienced in a long, long time. I know my co-worker cares about me and he allows me to vent my frustrations to him, and I have a slight suspicion that he may have feelings for me too. I don’t know whether I should stay put in a relationship that has some love still left to give but that exhausts the hell out of me most of the time, or if I should bite the bullet and tell my co-worker how I feel. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Knicky Failing relationship, job loss and coping with children
  • replies: 3

I feel like I'm coming undone. I have 2 wonderful children, whom I love with all my heart and soul. But at the moment everything, especially parenting seems like such an effort even though I feel like Im functioning at the bare minimum. Feed, bathe, ... View more

I feel like I'm coming undone. I have 2 wonderful children, whom I love with all my heart and soul. But at the moment everything, especially parenting seems like such an effort even though I feel like Im functioning at the bare minimum. Feed, bathe, school runs, repeat. And Im becoming an angry Mumma, which I hate. Its not who I want to be for them. They deserve better! I lost a second job through no fault of my own, and am struggling to obtain another, so sitting at home over thinking is driving me up the wall. And struggling to find work to apply for to meet my centrelink requirements is causing me mayjor anxiety. My "friend" or lover, (what ever he feels like at the time) of over a year is also a huge point of anxiety, giving attention to another woman who we both know is totally in love with him, he fails to compromise on spending time with her because Im insecure and he wont be told who he can and cant spend time with, saying Im pushing them together and possibly would follow through with her out of spite. Yet he says he wants give "us" a real shot, and we have discussed and argued at length ways to self help and attempt to fix the relationship. I love him so so much and have tried my hardest to make it work, but I feel like Im fighting a losing battle as it always feels as though he will never commit to me and has one foot out the door at every point even though his words tell a different story. My heart so badly want to believe his words because once upon a time there was such a beautiful and amazing connection there. However at the moment he is constantly pointing out my many flaws and crappy coping mechanisms and instead of being constructive, I feel Im always under attack for my personality and who I am. I dont have a strong support network, I only have my Mum that I dont have a close bond with, and of the 3 friends I do have they are not strong friendships either, and I have exhausted them to the point of feeling uncomfortable in reaching out anymore. I feel so sad, lonely and lost. Im at my wits end on how I can please my kids, keep the man I love, and just simply be happy. I feel like life was just meant to be hard for me. Its never easy. I feel like Im always to blame. I dont know whats wrong with me and how I can never have that happy life I desire and try so hard for and keep failing at. What is it about me? I feel like I just want to give up!

bmacca64 My story
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone, I'm a 54 year old male who has been married to my gorgeous wife for 3 years and we have known each other for 9 years. She is ten years younger than me. When we met she informed me of her history of depression and bipolar and whether it s... View more

Hi everyone, I'm a 54 year old male who has been married to my gorgeous wife for 3 years and we have known each other for 9 years. She is ten years younger than me. When we met she informed me of her history of depression and bipolar and whether it scared me off. It didn't and it doesn't as it doesn't define her, it is simply a part of her. I am the major breadwinner, do most of the cooking, housework, getting our medications ready for the morning (her medication for her condition and my heart medications). Things have being going well except for our sex life which plummetted dramatically after about two years together when she had a boost to her medications. As frustrating as it was to have a reduced sex life due to her lowered sex drive, sex isn't everything and we worked through it. For all intents and purposes our relationship was going along swimmingly.............. until a month ago. We never fought, we did everything together and friends always remarked that we were joined at the hip. Every day she would call me three or four times and always finish with those three special words "I love you" and I would reply "you too." Four weeks ago this changed dramatically. I got the "you're my best friend and I love you dearly but I don't think I'm in love with you anymore." Then the "why do you love me anyway, what do you get from me?" as well as "I'm 44 and I'm a burden on you", "I brought nothing into this marriage", "its not you it's me, I need to work out how I feel", "you've done nothing wrong, I just don't know how I'm feeling." All these statements putting herself down. It rocked me to the core. She has now been moving in and out of the house for the past four weeks, staying at friends places and then moving back for a couple of days, sleeping in the spare room. We have no children but we have pets that need daily medications (just like us) so she has been in every day to medicate the animals. She gives me a hug and says "I'm moving out because I can't handle it if you cry because I'll cry and I don't want to cry". She still calls me three or four times a day, when she gets up, when she's off to work, when she's leaving work. This is what she has always done except there is no "I love you" at the end lately. It's been hard and I'm lucky that I have good close friends I can talk to and even her mother who simply said "It's that bipolar". I'm now seeing a psychologist to assist me in working through this as it's so hard.

Burdy Finding freedom from NPD parent
  • replies: 4

Hello here goes.. I'm a 45 yr old woman who has struggled the majority of my life with a NPD mother. I really do not know where to begin to try and explain the last 45 years with her. She parentally alienated my biological father when I was 12, remar... View more

Hello here goes.. I'm a 45 yr old woman who has struggled the majority of my life with a NPD mother. I really do not know where to begin to try and explain the last 45 years with her. She parentally alienated my biological father when I was 12, remarried and then alienated my step sister, she had my brother convinced I was at fault on so many occasions and at one point she convinced him to uninvite me to his wedding as it made HER uncomfortable if I was to be there, she with held my son from me when my husband and separated and then offered him money to go me for custody. She flirted with all my boyfriends and said to one that if we ever broke up she knew it would be my fault. She constantly put me down or laughed at my dreams and achievements in front of company. This is just a small sample and I could go on and on... I have spent years questioning my own sanity, questioning if I am a narcissist and struggling with things I see in myself that take after her as I have always been told I'm so much like her. We have had limited contact over the last few years but after a horrible family lunch on Saturday I really can not continue to do this, it makes me so anxious on the lead up to seeing her then leaves me so angry by the end as she spends the whole time just being nasty to and about everyone. When I pull her up for being nasty I then get a call later from my step father with the guilt trip of hurting the mothers feelings and everything they have ever done for me blah blah blah. I know I should permanently cease all contact. Problem is I still feel guilty to a point, I'm still afraid of hurting her feelings, I'm still dominated by her, I'm still afraid of her I guess. And I worry about my step dad, he is another victim and the only real parent figure I have had. I feel stuck.

Stephyy Depression, how can my husband walk out on our marriage like that?
  • replies: 1

About 4 months ago now my husband went into a deep depression and told me he was unhappy in our marriage. It was like a switch went off that day and he became a different person. He stopped touching me, kissing me, became so cold and distant. I held ... View more

About 4 months ago now my husband went into a deep depression and told me he was unhappy in our marriage. It was like a switch went off that day and he became a different person. He stopped touching me, kissing me, became so cold and distant. I held on as long as I could but he wanted out and I couldn’t change his mind. I know it’s the depression and he will come out of this and realise he’s made a huge mistake. This isn’t the first time this has happened but I honestly thought the last time would be the last time. I can’t believe someone can walk out of a marriage after 10 years, how someone could hurt me like this. I keep messaging him, hoping he will see this is all as a huge mistake, but then I think, what if we did get back together, again, would this always be my life?? This guy who promised to be my forever and always, constantly switching off on me? Surely I deserve better? I know he’s going through something massive but he doesn’t want me there as support, he doesn’t want anything to do with me. Do I just give up?

Maccas1 Confused and depressed
  • replies: 2

Hi guys first time poster. I have had depression and anxiety for most of my life. A year ago I seeked help and was put on anti-depression medication. Over the past 6 months my depression has been worsening. To the point where my wife has told me to p... View more

Hi guys first time poster. I have had depression and anxiety for most of my life. A year ago I seeked help and was put on anti-depression medication. Over the past 6 months my depression has been worsening. To the point where my wife has told me to pull my head in or her and my kids are leaving. which has left me confused so I have seeked help again and talking with a physiologist once a week. Which she said it sounds like I’m soul searching. Now I’m confused even more. I think I’m ready to lose them and focus on myself is that selfish. I just want to feel happy again. I have taken some positive steps and joined a gym as I really loved that pre children. And am starting to care about my appearance again please be honest if you think I’m making a mistake of giving it all up cheers