Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Em_bee Friends with benefits break up
  • replies: 8

Hi, new poster here. I recently was left by my 'friend with benefits' that is a self admitted commitmentphobe. Can't hold a job, girlfriend or where he lives. He dumped me by text message because he was 'confused' and is now ignoring me. We spoke eve... View more

Hi, new poster here. I recently was left by my 'friend with benefits' that is a self admitted commitmentphobe. Can't hold a job, girlfriend or where he lives. He dumped me by text message because he was 'confused' and is now ignoring me. We spoke every day at length, and like me also suffers from depression. I reached out after this saying I really wanted to meet to chat and say bye for closure, but he said he doesn't need closure. I'm struggling to accept this and it's really pulling my self worth down. I didn't want anything more than what we had (neither did he) and I knew he would make a terrible partner. How can I stop continuing to idealize this in my head as something I want when I definitely don't. I've gone a week without contacting him, it's taking alot of self control. I have been diagnosed with ptsd, depression and anxiety. Thanks for all advice in advance.

Maikru Difficulty relating with others... and now...
  • replies: 1

I've been struggling for the past few months with a variety of factors causing me to find it difficult to relate to others, including family and friends. My absence and fogginess has been clearly noticed by others and in particular has taken a strain... View more

I've been struggling for the past few months with a variety of factors causing me to find it difficult to relate to others, including family and friends. My absence and fogginess has been clearly noticed by others and in particular has taken a strain on my family and marriage. On a daily basis I feel like I'm on the edge of an abyss and just can't find space to be a truly available and centred husband and father. I've basically just been getting by, which differs from how I was in the past. At this critical juncture of time, an ex of mine (one of those you never seem to get over), who is from overseas, has reached out to reconnect with me. It might seem innocuous, just a "Hi, how are you" message, but my intuition (and past experience) tells me it's more than that. I have a particular history with this ex, where we spent a short and extremely intense period of time together 20 years ago, and then broke up for reasons that were never quite clear. After that short period of time together I admit to pursuing her, first to to resume our relationship, but then as friends when it became clear she was suffering from depression and unable to be in a genuine relationship with me. This ended up being unhealthy for us both. I only wanted to be with her and when I would get close she would end up running into someone else's arms. The worst part was that deep down we both knew that we would only be happy if we were with each other. Despite both sides trying and dreaming of it working (changing countries, jobs, etc), we both made that unspoken decision to move on with our lives (at least on the surface) rather than keep hoping and praying that things would somehow work out. I can't speak for her, but I made a conscious decision not to have her in my life anymore because of the pain it created that we weren't together. Why I'm writing this post is that I'm really torn about replying to her message. This is someone I know I will consciously and unconsciously love for the rest of my life. I am tempted to write back to her, but fear that even though we have other lives now (we both have spouses and children) that I'll likely get sucked back into that space from the past and feel compromised and dependant which is exacerbated by the fact that I've been struggling lately. I don't want to dishonour this person who I feel is likely my one soulmate in this life, but am concerned about getting into a highly charged contact when I'm in such a vulnerable space. What should I do?

onlinefriends Hi, I am looking for advice on how to get over or ‘let go’ of an abusive family history…
  • replies: 3

Hi, I am looking for advice on how to get over or ‘let go’ of an abusive family history… I was the youngest of two, raised by a physically and verbally abusive father, a neglectful/absent mother (who was also a victim of the same abuse), and a older ... View more

Hi, I am looking for advice on how to get over or ‘let go’ of an abusive family history… I was the youngest of two, raised by a physically and verbally abusive father, a neglectful/absent mother (who was also a victim of the same abuse), and a older sister who was my father’s favourite and who basically got anything and everything she could ever want - we had two very different, incredibly seperate childhoods (despite having grown up in the same house - for example, my mum stayed home and breast fed my sister the first two years, but when I was born, I was put in daycare after two weeks because my mother told me that my father forbade her to breastfeed me, or wake up with me at night, and that she had to work and leave me in daycare) My question is… I am feeling a lot of anger that I cannot express, as both my parents have passed away (separately, they were divorced) in the last couple years, and it has brought up a lot of memories and realisations that I van’t talk to them, or do anything about now. I also cannot talk to my sister (I have tried, but she thinks I am lying, as she didn’t experience anything like what I did, and has no idea of what it was like for me when I was alone with my father). Anyway, I want to ‘get over it’ and forget about all of them, but I have lost so much - my confidence, relationships, trouble at work with authority figures, etc. that it is hard for e to ‘just let go’ without being so angry about it all! I was hoping someone could please shed some light and help steer me in a direction to find a way to stop being ‘their victim’ and feeling sorry for myself and begin living my own life completely without any trace of feeling or memory of them… I am not looking to ‘forgive’ - just accept that I was unlucky to be born into that family and move on - very practical and ‘logical’ approach (as I also have Aspergers ) Thanks!

Skara Damping down a health libido
  • replies: 1

Gday all, Strange topic I know but I've given it a lot of thought and I really don't see any other option to my situation. Only 2500 character so let see how we go. I've been with my wife for over 20 years and married for almost 12 of those and have ... View more

Gday all, Strange topic I know but I've given it a lot of thought and I really don't see any other option to my situation. Only 2500 character so let see how we go. I've been with my wife for over 20 years and married for almost 12 of those and have 2 awesome little girl (6-11). Recently my wife and I had some trouble getting along and communicating effectively and I suggested couples therapy however after 4 months of it being put off I decided to go on my own. I went and saw the GP and got on a health plan and also went to a phycologist. It really helped me deal with some of my issues and feeling and how to work with them along with ways of opening communication doors with the wife and things between my wife and I are pretty good again apart from one area. We have always been a little, how to put it, on opposite sides of the scale, Both of us (well at least I think) enjoy sex however our desire for it is quiet different and always has been (not a recent development). I find it increasingly difficult to handle the rejection to the point where I defiantly wont try and be spontaneous and I even fear to ask. I just live in hope that it will happen or I make subtle suggestions. I find my wife extremely attractive no only physically but personality wise as well which doesn't help matters. We have talked the ears off a donkey on this subject with mixed results often having any improvement that are made quickly return to the old status quo. I find it extremely difficult to deal with these days and it is really affecting my moods and overall happiness, however leaving simply isn't an option as I am still deeply in love with my wife. My question or request for advice is has any one else out there dealt with this by seeking medication to reduce their libido? I really enjoy sex and would miss it greatly however I would rather give it away then feel the hurt of rejection or pressure my wife into doing something she simply doesn't want to do. Its just something that I can't handle anymore and yes I have spoken to my phycologist about this and I have tried to work and communicate on the matter but as they say it takes two to tango and I'm sick of being the lonely bloke dancing on his own. Please any advice from people that have been through this?

doed03 How do you become emotionally independent?
  • replies: 1

I really do believe the cause of my low moods is from me being too emotionally dependent on people. I rely on them for my happiness, helping me through my problems, giving me validation and all that. And when I don't get the response I want, I start ... View more

I really do believe the cause of my low moods is from me being too emotionally dependent on people. I rely on them for my happiness, helping me through my problems, giving me validation and all that. And when I don't get the response I want, I start feeling hopeless and that no one cares about me etc etc. Don't get me wrong, having support externally is not a bad thing, but I want to be able to be there for myself instead of relying on people for this support. I just don't know where to begin.

Moza Losing direction
  • replies: 2

Hi there people. I have been through a few years of losing losing losing. Not much of a writer , but I will give it a go. Started about 4yrs ago , when I lost my identity within my marriage, I felt controlled to the piont whereI couldn't speak for my... View more

Hi there people. I have been through a few years of losing losing losing. Not much of a writer , but I will give it a go. Started about 4yrs ago , when I lost my identity within my marriage, I felt controlled to the piont whereI couldn't speak for myself. I started to gamble to escape from the control , I felt that I was in control of these moments, and it made me feel good. Of course my then wife found out what I was doing , and told me to stop or it would end our marriage , so I couldn't stop what I was doing, and our marriage ended While we were separated my wife started seeing someone else, and I seen them together out the back of our then home pashing. It was so hard to watch. We had been together since we were teenagers, I remember the pain from that day. And it still hurts.. I then left town to head closer to my parents, who were both ill. I was still gambling, and it got worse. I needed to go into a debit agreement to pay off the gambling debit. Mum was very sick and dementia set in , and we , my family and I decided to put mum into a nursing home, where she could get the 24/ 7 care she needed. Well she wasn't there long and passed away. Dad didn't take it well , his health wasn't great either, he had diabetes type 2 , and had a leg amputation, closely followed by a second, and ended up in a nursing home as well. He didn't last long , about 18 mnths, and he also passed away I tried to make a fresh start somewhere else, but my daughter got very ill , and now has to do dialysis every second day. She was following behind in everything that she couldn't organize. She is a single mother of three . I have dropped everything. My full-time job, my girlfriend , and relocated back to live with her to try and turn things around . I have got a job back where I left a few years ago, close to my X wife , and spend my time off helping my daughter. (I work 1 week on 1 week off ). I have also started gambling again .after stopping for a while when I was with my new girlfriend . I am lost once again, and don't know if I can continue to do what I doing. I need more help. I so sad it is all hurting I don't know if what have written, makes a lot of sense. I probably left a lot of stuff out , but I know one thing I an hurting, like I have never hurt before. I am not a bad person. Why does bad thingskeep happening to me

Dragmedown Im ruining my relationship
  • replies: 4

I recently had a miscarriage and than my partner and i moved house. And we have been arguing almost non-stop since. And its becoming such a strain on our relationship. And i struggle so much he is reaching out to a female he works with which i feel j... View more

I recently had a miscarriage and than my partner and i moved house. And we have been arguing almost non-stop since. And its becoming such a strain on our relationship. And i struggle so much he is reaching out to a female he works with which i feel jealous and threatened by. I dont have anyone to talk to and im so down and so alone. But my partner doesnt seem to care no matter how down i get how much i try to tell him in such a dark place, nothing is ever said or done to ensure my safety. And because i try to keep it together all the time, it comes out in little outbursts of anger or 5-10 seconds worth of crying. So the smallest thing can set me off so im whinging to my partner alot. When ive calmed down i always apologise but lately its becoming longer and longer until i calm down. It might be silly of my to think this way but im worried he will get with this female friend at work and leave me... I just dont know what to do, i dont want to lose him but i dont know what i can do to stop arguing with him....

Vintageheart I’m sorry, I’m selfish.
  • replies: 4

Hey Everyone, I’m a newbie here, this is my first post and I’m a little nervous but I thought I would give this a go.. a bit of background info: I suffer from anxiety and depression, I have since I was a kid - (I lost very close relatives due to illn... View more

Hey Everyone, I’m a newbie here, this is my first post and I’m a little nervous but I thought I would give this a go.. a bit of background info: I suffer from anxiety and depression, I have since I was a kid - (I lost very close relatives due to illness) and had trouble dealing with that growing up but always thought ‘this is just the way I am’. It wasn’t until a few stressful events in my life just piled up and piled up (terrible work environment, another illness in the family, a sudden death amongst other things) that I kind of just broke. it all got a little too much and I tried to seek help (seen my local gp) and was told I had anxiety and depression but that’s as far as it went. I never did anything with my referral, I think because I’m not overly comfortable with letting people see my emotions (I have a good poker face) I just have a bit of anxiety following through with it all. But lately I feel so selfish, everything in my life is great - really! Everything just seemed to fall into place the last year or so. Aside from having my dream man, I managed to get the dream house, dream job and my friends are wonderful! yet nothing seems to make me happy. I know I should feel great but the inside of my head is a mess.. I’m not happy with the way I am - I care what people think way too much it consumes my life and I know I am way to hard on myself but If I’m not then Ill feel like I’m not trying hard enough. I’m super paranoid, I always feel guilty and I don’t know why. I have trouble communicating with people yet my job relies on it! And most of all I’m just angry at myself. Angry at myself when I can’t leave the house or go to the shops, Angry at myself for listening to the negativity in my head, angry at myself for feeling this way when I have everything to be happy about, angry at myself because there is always someone worse off and yet here I am with no reason to be sad or anxious. Sorry if this post is long and boring, I just thought I’d try sharing my feelings for a change - I would love to know any tips or advice for loving yourself and life again ! Sincerly C

white-flowers Relationship woes
  • replies: 2

I'm sitting here, crying, having set up the spare bed in our guest room. I don't know if anyone will read this or if I'm posting into nothingness... My partner and I moved in together and you would think it would be a a magical time but it's not. His... View more

I'm sitting here, crying, having set up the spare bed in our guest room. I don't know if anyone will read this or if I'm posting into nothingness... My partner and I moved in together and you would think it would be a a magical time but it's not. His insecurity about my male dominant work life is making it so hard on me. I feel accused for things all the time, even if i bake something for the workplace I'm supposedly trying to hit on everyone I'm working with. I'm not. And now I'm trapped in this house; not wanting any of my friends to know this isn't a fairy tale. I love him but I'm hurting so much right now and don't know what to do. I walk on egg shells constantly. I don't think relationships are meant to be like this but we have a house together now. I don't know what to do.

Bonnie____ Struggling to make friends
  • replies: 3

I absolutely love my job! I’m a female tradie and I learn so much and really do love the work... however being different to all the men at work and at trade school definitely takes its toll. It’s hard to meet people. I’ve had to move to a different t... View more

I absolutely love my job! I’m a female tradie and I learn so much and really do love the work... however being different to all the men at work and at trade school definitely takes its toll. It’s hard to meet people. I’ve had to move to a different town, away from my family. And after two years of not making any friends I’m feeling isolated. It’s not easy to go out and socialise with new people, because I have nobody to go with. I’m in a rural town, so there’s no social clubs or events. I joined a women’s hockey club, but I am much to young so I haven’t been able to make many connections - so I went where I thought young people would be - at a dance school after work... but I was too young to dance with the women (I’m 20 btw) so they put me with the under 16s and I’m not down with the gossip at school so it makes me feel like I can’t be with them either. i work with men around the age of 40, which is awesome because I’m surrounded by so much experience and knowledge... but outside work they are busy with their family and friends... and don’t need to have a young girl from work to hang out with. trade school isn’t the same for a girl as it is for the boys. I am either totally ignored, or I am hit on (until they realise I don’t want it and they too begin to ignore me). Both types of interactions make me feel like I’m different to the rest of the class. our local headspace seems to focus on LGBT kids which is really cool but I don’t belong there... and I’m not sure if I am considered a kid. i want a friend my age. I’m a young mature adult, but not mature enough to belong to adults. ive tried social media but all I can find is boys looking for nudes or a relationship.... I just want a friend and to stop this ever building feeling that I am all alone in the world and that there’s no hope of me finding my place. so until then, it’s another day of getting up to attend work before coming home like every other day to a empty house and nobody to talk to.