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Am I over thinking or is something wrong.

Community Member


Sorry this is a bit long I am just so upset, depressed and confused.

So alot has happened in the last few months with my long term/long distance relationship. I have been with my bf for almost 3 years and have been back and fourth for college in the USA for about 16 months. But that hasn't been the problem. A few months ago he broke it off agile I was in the USA and lot went down with within myself. Anyway he came back to me saying he was wrong and he over reacted and alot off stuff. Even after everything he said and put me (me no longer wanting to be here) I forgave him. We where good but then he forgot my birthday and also forgot I was coming home. He was out and wouldn't reply to my messages and then he got mad at me becUse I was upset about those other few things. He then wouldn't talk to me or see me for about 4 days. We where better after we talked again and was slightly back to normal. He used to message and want to talk to me alot and want to see me. But he doesn't as much anymore. I know he is different now like we all are and we have been in a relationship for a while and things change. We got into a fight yesterday because I wanted to know if he still loved me and wanted to be with me and if he saw a future with me. A few days before that he said he did but yesterday he got so stressed and uptite Thatcher said he did love me but can no longer see the future with me. He said he use to see it in the next year or so that we would get ingaged but now doesn't. But we talked and he said after he calmed down and he does want that with me just isn't really thinking about it anymore so close. So yesterday was also the last day to see him before I leave for another few months and he didn't really get upset like he used to or hug me or walk me to the door and didn't really even say he loves me because he said its just normal now. He hasn't messaged me as well till 4pm even tho he said he would know the morning and he used to tell me goodmlrning. I just don't know. I love him o much I am just always feeling upset and down and used. All I am wondering is it normal for each other to talk less and not need to see eachbkther more. I could be over thinking and just stressing.

1 Reply 1

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi Lost, welcome

It seems from what you have described, the relationship has been on a decline from his side of things.

During this period it isn't productive to centre your thoughts on relatively minor topics like remembering your birthday or anniversaries. Men are not good at that anyway and it hurts a man to forget but it isn't in a mans makeup to remember those things. Remembering such things has zero to do with a mans love for a woman.

However, showing love and care is in a mans makeup, flowers for no other reason than giving love is, as is saying goodbye and some affection. There appears something wrong and your gut feeling is responding to that.

My thoughts are that you might want to back off a little with communication while overseas and see what happens. You'll know in a couple of weeks if he makes the effort to contact you and ask you if all is ok.

One way love doesn't work. You have to embark on testing his depth of care. If you have doubts then your needs aren't being met.

now, about YOU. Please remember that you, like all individuals has to take care of yourself. People separate and if this occurs you have to allow for a grieving period ….time is a healer. Distract yourself with activities and talk about it to friends and in a forum like this one.