Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

noraenorvas Need Help - Destroying friendships and family relationships
  • replies: 3

Hello. First post. Reaching out because there's something happening that I can't control. I've had childhood trauma, and more recently a shocking divorce after 10 years last September. It took its toll on me mentally and I've been struggling with anx... View more

Hello. First post. Reaching out because there's something happening that I can't control. I've had childhood trauma, and more recently a shocking divorce after 10 years last September. It took its toll on me mentally and I've been struggling with anxiety/depression. Moreso the anxiety. It's been a year and I am deliberately lashing out and being difficult towards friends and family. I find myself being tactless and rigid and mean so that it causes conflict and strain. When I realise it is happening, I don't stop it. I have an anger/sadness inside me that wants to end my relationships with friends and family. It's not just anyone, it's people I have resentments for or perhaps unresolved issues. It's like I'm sick of trying and I just want to destroy it all and cut out the issues. I'm not abusive, or anything, it's just verbal conflict. Instead of resolving things, I just charge and dismiss. I feel an anger start to fuel up inside me and it just wants to push everyone away, so I become arrogant and use accusatory language. Having a mix of anxiety, depression, anger and sadness is new to me. I'm just sick of everyone's shit, honestly. I need peace. I'm self aware enough to know that that peace will come from the inside, not the outside. I guess I just wanted to talk about it and get some advice that this is (somewhat) normal or common and that I can fix it.

Imogen000 Help me stop repeating the story over and over in my head.
  • replies: 3

Hi, I am in a blended family situation. I am the second wife and we have a baby together. We are financially stuggelling and have been for a few years now and it's getting worse. My partner did a binding child support agreement with his ex that is wa... View more

Hi, I am in a blended family situation. I am the second wife and we have a baby together. We are financially stuggelling and have been for a few years now and it's getting worse. My partner did a binding child support agreement with his ex that is way to generous and now the kids are in high school he pays half of that too as part of the agreement. One household is very well of with overseas trips every year, top schools go out for dinner 4 nights a week, holiday house etc and we are up to our eyeballs in bills. The kids hardly see us and when they do they expect the same lifestyle of going out for dinner with Dad as they have with Mum. My husband will never tell them we cant afford it. We cant get any help with family tax benefit A or B as my Husband earns too much and it does not take into consideration that so much goes to the other household. Look there are a lot of issues that upset me about our blended situations and repeating them here is probably not the answe,r it is just repeating what is ruining my days every day. Going over the story in my head. Going over the situation in my mind on repeat. I look like I'm watching tv but I'm not, I'm going over the story in my head. I need serious help to stop this, its ruining the beautiful time I should be having with my daughter and effecting my relationship. Some help and insight appreciated.

Possum_Magic Daughter hates me.
  • replies: 3

My husband died of cancer, after four years of battling, when my daughter was fourteen years old. She was numb and blank- faced during the ordeal and our marriage even failed at the end, as he lost hope and became surly and rejecting. She wouldnt tal... View more

My husband died of cancer, after four years of battling, when my daughter was fourteen years old. She was numb and blank- faced during the ordeal and our marriage even failed at the end, as he lost hope and became surly and rejecting. She wouldnt talk to anyone, even our psychiatrist for families of the terminally ill. She was always loved and cherished but spun out of control, rejecting us all and going from relationship to relationship, drugs and losing custody of her own child. I love her dearly but she blocks me on her phone, Facebook and emails. Once she was almost-friendly - for two weeks around her birthday. She’s sold everything given to her (for ice, I suspect. I think she wishes it was me who died instead of her dad, which I understand, but you can’t control those things.She calls me toxic and negative, I think for countering her threats when they became illegal. The violence was incredible. In hindsight, I think those texts were drug-induced. I keep her in my prayers and my door is always open to her, but she totally blames me and won’t talk to me on any level. On the other hand, some of my friends think I must have been a neglectful parent. I know I need to let her go, but she’s my daughter. I can’t block her from my life for I’m afraid a day might come when she needs to contact me. I’m not upset on the surface. I’ve worked hard to rebuild my life, but deep down, I miss her.

Auchenflower Depression ruining my relationship and sex life.
  • replies: 3

My partner and I used to have sex daily and be affectionate with each other. I used to be super excited to see him after work and always was happy with him. But in the last six months it’s all stopped and I have no idea why. I don’t show much affecti... View more

My partner and I used to have sex daily and be affectionate with each other. I used to be super excited to see him after work and always was happy with him. But in the last six months it’s all stopped and I have no idea why. I don’t show much affection, I get so easily frustrated now and snappy. Sex is gone, we haven’t had sex in a long time. It’s breaking my partners heart and I want nothing more than to bring that spark back but for some unknown reason I just can’t. I hate being touched and just want to sleep and not have sex. Has anyone got any advice? Nothing has triggered this to all stop so I am lost as what to do.

Alove Please help,relationship breakup due to girlfriends anxiety/depression
  • replies: 30

Hi everyone,I need your advice..or opinion. Ok I’m 32 and gay...I was with my girlfriend (my 4th relationship) for a brief 3 months..but there was so much passion and love in that time. She was explicit with me when we first starting dating she had d... View more

Hi everyone,I need your advice..or opinion. Ok I’m 32 and gay...I was with my girlfriend (my 4th relationship) for a brief 3 months..but there was so much passion and love in that time. She was explicit with me when we first starting dating she had depression and anxiety was medicated and saw a psychologist fortnightly. To me I couldn’t tell...she was perfect! Then an incident happened with her family...basically her half sister never wanted anything to do with her all her life and her dad is an absolute asshole who told her since she could remember she ruined his life. She has had anxiety since 16 and is now 25. She told me her triggers and how to help which was to hold her and tell her I loved her. But I would trigger her without even knowing and when she had an attack she got quite snappy towards me. I would get mad because she took it out on me and then walk away. Because I was in 3 abusive relationships before so I thought I was there again. Caitlin never hurt me though. I walked out one night because she had broken up with me 5 times in 3wks but I don’t know how serous she ever was. The night I left she dumped me for good. But I was doing a tonne of research on anxiety and depression and was asking for another chance and she said no she needs to work on herself and not date. Despite me begging for a week she still is mad at me...but then will text asking me to come over and if I can’t make it straight away she loses it! She dumped me a week ago...should I give it time? Can people change with mental health issues? I feel terrible for not being supportive enough. What should I do?

DevineM How to shake parenting guilt
  • replies: 3

My partner left and moved interstate when our child was 5 months old. I moved closer to him when our child was just over a year old. For 3 years I have had no support network. Completely isolated. I have a long list of medical issues including PTSD, ... View more

My partner left and moved interstate when our child was 5 months old. I moved closer to him when our child was just over a year old. For 3 years I have had no support network. Completely isolated. I have a long list of medical issues including PTSD, GAD, OCD, social anxiety and depression which make it hard for me to make new friends. It is exhausting pretending to be fine while raising our child. Without the long story, I sacrificed a lot, multiple times over from pregnancy through to current day. I may be a little bitter about it, some may say that's just what mums do. For the sake of our daughter, I need to move back to my friends and family. I can't shake the guilt, though. I moved to ensure a strong father/child relationship. How can I tear our child away from that? It's a 4+ hour trip and neither my ex nor myself drive. I still love him but it's toxic. Even with a support network I don't feel strong enough to let it all go and deal with all that comes with it.

Jane1234 Dont Know what to do, still inlove with my ex partner even after everything
  • replies: 6

Hi all, with my ex for 12 years, March this year he told me it was over, he had been seeing someone for four months, a month later he wanted to try again. A month after that he told me it was a mistake for him to come back. I left, went to my mum's f... View more

Hi all, with my ex for 12 years, March this year he told me it was over, he had been seeing someone for four months, a month later he wanted to try again. A month after that he told me it was a mistake for him to come back. I left, went to my mum's for a month, travelling an hour to work everyday. I moved back into the house we built, I'm trying to look for a rental, and until finances are sorted. Unfortunately I've been here two months with him. i have applied for 30 houses and been knocked back from each one. He is constantly telling me about the different girls he is dating at the moment there's 8. Then he will tell me he's not inlove with me but still loves me, he wants to stay friends when I leave. He is scared that I'm going to try to wreck he's new relationship. He thinks I am trying to wreck he's life, I don't want him happy, I am trying to wreck he's relationship with my daughter's he's step daughters. He says things like if it wasn't for my youngest we'd still be together. (My youngest daughter was a major handful for the past four years). He blames my youngest for everything and won't have anything to do with her. I have replied with things like you can't blame the kids for this it's our fault. I have also told him if any of these girls meant anything to him there'd just be one not 8. To that he replied I found the right one 12 years ago but that didn't work out did it. He shows me and my daughter pictures of these tinder girls all the time, these girls are at least 10 years younger than him, where I was only a year younger, he feels young and girls need to be under that age or there two old for him. He now has days off work to see these girls and takes them out for dinner which is something he never ever wanted to do with me. That hurts like hell as it makes me feel like I was never good enough. We argue on a regular basis these days over bullshit. I don't know how I'm meant to act, I am still so very much inlove with him, but I don't want to let him know that because of what he's doing and saying. I stay to myself most of the time and try to stay away from him. When he asks me if I have other guys in my life I reply with I'm talking to lots of new people girls and guys but I'm not interested in being in a relationship with anyone. I don't know if its because I still love him, but I think he has more feelings for me than he wants to let on under some of that angry I feel like there's something still there. Friends tell me to move on.

AJ1980 Lonely and don’t know where to go
  • replies: 2

I feel so defeated in life. I had a miscarriage 1 week ago. Went for my first ultrasound and there was no heart beat. I have a 9month old beautiful and healthy girl. But it still hurts like crazy. I have this guilt and failure inside me that is just ... View more

I feel so defeated in life. I had a miscarriage 1 week ago. Went for my first ultrasound and there was no heart beat. I have a 9month old beautiful and healthy girl. But it still hurts like crazy. I have this guilt and failure inside me that is just getting bigger and bigger. I failed as a mother for not being able to give my little girl a sibling and failed as a partner for not being able to give my partner another child. Not only that I have this fear of losing my little girl or partner. My partner communicates with a lot of females and can sit outside while I’m inside wanting to talk to him. Sometimes I believe he is just waiting for someone better to come along and I have to compete against these females. We used to be in each other’s pockets now it’s like he has checked out of the relationship and I can’t get him back. As I’m going through this he is still chatting to random females off the internet and I’m alone slowly dying inside. Maybe he does need someone better then me.

Lilone1 26 year old mother of 2 beautiful girls 3 and 5. Stuck :(
  • replies: 1

First post and just venting right now seems to be the help. I have severe generalised anxiety. Although i do not have social anxiety. I am 26 my partner 41. We have 2 girls and he owns his home. I was living with my alcoholic mother when we met. I cu... View more

First post and just venting right now seems to be the help. I have severe generalised anxiety. Although i do not have social anxiety. I am 26 my partner 41. We have 2 girls and he owns his home. I was living with my alcoholic mother when we met. I currently have been working for his business plus taken care of the household and children. Have been since I was 21. A year ago I expressed my need for his help bag I can’t cope with running a business and a house and children coming from a very broken background with no knowledge. But my persistent to please everyone around me made me ignore th warning signs and now I am in this situation. 6 years later I am not allowed to see friend of r do anythjng alone as I am a bonding my family. I do nothing but clean and look after kids. J recently had Breast surgery and have anxiety going back to work for him. I have provided for our household for seven years and the other night he kicked me out. I have my own car and that is it. $29 to my account and no savings. No bills in my name and. I assistance from Centrelink die to being parterned and an unable to leave as I can afford to have been staying for my children but am always happier when he’s not here. I do love him and want this so work but always invisikn having my own house and life with my kids. Him being involved also just not us as a couple. Am scared as I have no family and don’t want to put my kids through housing and flats ect when their father has a perfectly beautiful family home for us all that he has provided by it always makes me think if I leave I can’t provide the best for them. I know I can and it will take work but is it worth taking the risk and having nothing to Mabey gain everything or be left with nothing. Sorry for being all over the place high anxiety and kids have just gone to bed and parter is not here. My only chance

Muddilyn My partner's depression / anxiety is sending me crazy
  • replies: 1

Hello , My husband has been diagnosed with D & A and is on medication. I believe it is more than this and is getting worse but the tests ( a five minute chat or a handshake ) say he is ok. I live and see it everyday and nobody apart from family belie... View more

Hello , My husband has been diagnosed with D & A and is on medication. I believe it is more than this and is getting worse but the tests ( a five minute chat or a handshake ) say he is ok. I live and see it everyday and nobody apart from family believe me so I doubt myself , dislike my thoughts and how I am becoming reactive and wonder why I need so much for someone professional to validate that something is wrong. My hubbby recognises that something is amiss and is disillusioned with treatment so far . Our GP just says it's age related but I disagree and we have changed Drs once so far. They need to spend a day in our house to see what really happens. I am just resigned now to accept it and await the day when it is undeniable anymore or something bad happens as he forgets things and much of his logic is gone so an accident of some kind is on the cards. We don't have a life anymore but just exist. Thanks for listening to my rant .