Relationship and family issues

My mum said something that really hurt my feelings..

replies: 2

Essentially, I've been working on my anxiety for the better part of 6 years. The second I would wake up every morning, I would have to run straight to the bathroom to vomit because I was so anxious all the time. I'd cry a lot, felt there were lots of... View more

Essentially, I've been working on my anxiety for the better part of 6 years. The second I would wake up every morning, I would have to run straight to the bathroom to vomit because I was so anxious all the time. I'd cry a lot, felt there were lots of 'easy' things I wasn't able to do, even if I really wanted to, and I lost all motivation to study, work, go out with friends ect. I have no problem admitting that in my late teens and early twenties, my parents really struggled with how to help me, and I definitely stressed them out a lot. However, I haven't had a panic attack now in around three years. I graduated University and have a steady full-time job. I have more friends than ever and I do try really hard to keep up a 'normal' healthy life. So what my Mum said a few weeks ago really hurt me a lot. We had some family friends over and my mum had had more than a few glasses of wine. I was extremely hurt, and also beyond embarrassed when my Mum said in front of everyone that 'if [she] had have known what I would be like with all my anxiety and everything, [she] wouldn't have chosen to have me.' She sort of played it off as a joke but I didn't find it funny. Trying to save my own embarrassment I bit back saying I wouldn't have chosen her as a mother, either, to which she got mad and said 'seriously?!' I just got up from the table and walked away. After trying so hard for so long to reach this point, it was really disappointing to hear something like that. I understand me going through what I've been through was hard for her too, but that one stung.

Advice for our relationship

replies: 1

Hi, 1. Me (husband) and wife together for 15 years. 2 year old and 7 year old.. 2. Had a rough start. Both very stubborn and defensive. Some physical abuse and threats from both sides. outgrew this years ago (before kids) 3. both worked and good inco... View more

Hi, 1. Me (husband) and wife together for 15 years. 2 year old and 7 year old.. 2. Had a rough start. Both very stubborn and defensive. Some physical abuse and threats from both sides. outgrew this years ago (before kids) 3. both worked and good income. Never stressed about cash. 4. In 15 years she had about 4 episodes triggered after an event. Last year we moved from another country, her mom diagnosed with cancer (clear now), sexual abuse at work, lost her job and adjusting to Aus 5. Moved here in June. All was fine until dec. Got a call from Child wellfare. Accused me for abusing her because someone noticed marks on her skin. Was nail marks of our 2 year old. This was so badly handled we both laid a complaint. Senior person phoned us in Jan and apologized. They provided 3 months childcare for the little one. 6. My salary covers our expensis and very little spending. Idea was that she brings in money with photos. Was good for 6 months and then she got too scared to work with kids after child services. 7. She started spending on my credit card putting is very bad in debt. To such a point that food budget is from 1.5k to 1k and our spending is like 200 per month. 8. Her tasks should have been like 1 or 2 shoots a month, look after the household, the 2 year old. Both kids in school now and she doesn't do household work (limited) and no shoots. This additional financial stress made me react in a badly. I was verbally abusive without thinking of it. I told her she was lazy, useless, bad mother coz she doesn't make food for them, digging a whole for us all. I was mad due to the situation and really feel bad that I actually did this. 9. From Jan she got panic attacks. Started taking anti dipressions (made things worse in the past) and now. She is going out of her way to hide things etc. If i ask her for help she doesn't care. I said we should see a counsellor and we make plans with cash like stripping the spending. She will not. wants to force me to get a care plan. This morning I asked if she would mind changing a poo nappy and just refused. Her way or nothing. I'm feeling abused now. All i hear is i don't make enough money etc. She numb toward us and its at such a point that i am too scared to drink coffee she makes. I am scared she will do something to the kids. She almost forgot to pick up the 2 year old because she was in the shop looking for clothes. Suggested she stops meds but no. Suggested she books into a clinic and i get my mom here to help but no

When does it start to feel better?

replies: 2

Its been nearly 15mths since my 14 yr relationship ended. My partner came home one day & announced he was moving away & I had to leave. We haven't seen each other since the day I left our home. I've done the rollercoaster of rejection & emotions, sel... View more

Its been nearly 15mths since my 14 yr relationship ended. My partner came home one day & announced he was moving away & I had to leave. We haven't seen each other since the day I left our home. I've done the rollercoaster of rejection & emotions, self loathing, fear & despair. I've tried to distract myself & move on but it hasn't worked. I know I cared & loved him & his child more than it was reciprocated. We communicate every now & then, & he says he still loves me. But I still can't move on. I feel like I lost my best friend & my identity. I am so sad & depressed. I am pathetic & seek even the smallest contact from him to validate my self worth. Its been over a year & I don't know how to move on. I feel like a failure. I take anxiety & ad meds but they only help me to stay barely functioning. I am ashamed of myself with friends & family & rarely interact. I can't seem to move forward. I am lost. I've done counselling with no outcome that helps. I just feel broken, rejected & stuck. The heartache is so real. I am 50 now & feel so unlovable, unattractive & unwanted. I am even ashamed to admit here how I am feeling. But I need help, I need to share, & I need advice. I just don't know how to do it alone, or what I've tried isn't working. I know my relationship wasnt perfect, but it shocked me when & how it ended. One day I had a home, a partner, a child & life. Then within days it was all gone. How have others coped & moved on? I know I will never have any of that back although contact with my ex let's me feel there may be some love & hope still there. I am very hurt & confused. Time keeps moving on but I don't seem able to. Its like me & my life as I knew it died & I don't know how to pick up the pieces. I feel disgrace in front of people who know me because I can't just get on with it like they want or tell me to. I don't know how to unlove my ex & his child I helped raise. And I don't know how to keep that love & be strong or see any worth in myself without them. I would appreciate talking with anyone who has experienced similar & maybe understands. I spend all my time hiding & hoping & feeling foolish & broken. I don't want to feel this way anymore but I struggle to know how to fix things in my heart, head & life. I keep taking my meds & dread each day alone only to hear again that its been over 12 months & what is wrong with me. If you know what I am going through & can help or offer any suggestions I would be very grateful. Thank you

Absence makes the heart grow fonder?

replies: 57

Hoping I can receive some advice, thoughts or positive words. ive been in a relationship for over a year. The person I am seeing often needs time alone, time alone with her children and also time alone with friends. She often tells me she ‘wants to m... View more

Hoping I can receive some advice, thoughts or positive words. ive been in a relationship for over a year. The person I am seeing often needs time alone, time alone with her children and also time alone with friends. She often tells me she ‘wants to miss me’. When i first heard this, it actually hurt. I couldnt understand why she needed so much distance. Why doesnt she want to be with me more, what is wrong with me etc etc. why does not seeng me for days, make everything better for her between us? Im trying to understand why my absence makes her happier. Why does she need to be apart from me to realise how much she loves me. Am I that repulsive...or that difficult to be around, I just wish I understood. This lovely lady does not want to get married, is happy dating and taking each day as it comes. Id marry her in a heartbeat if I could. I want to sleep beside her each night for the rest of my life, she wants to have some nights/mornings alone. And always feel guilty for wanting this. I feel that our future is very much damaged by her past(prev bad marriage) and because of that my opportunities with her are very limited and restricted. i feel so lonely without her, but I do not say anything as I sense its pressure she does not want. I miss her a lot when we are not together. But she doesnt seem to miss me or tell me so. She just is super happy to see me in small dosages. please understand I do not write these words in spite, negativity or anger. I simply long to understand and perhaps many kind folks on here will get it and share with me what I fail to see here. How can she love me, when she barely wants to see me? How can I stay important to her, without placing pressure of calls, texts to her etc? Also struggle with how her phone is virtually her lifeline. Even in the time we are together she is mind deep in messages. I feel very bad when her friends call etc as she doesnt call them back because she is with me, she requires privacy always with her friends. As it pings, makes noises etc she will always say “ its just John “ ((whoever it is at the time) How can I make her feel as though thats Ok and also still feel acknowledged? She often tells me I seem sad when her friends are messaging her or calling her. thank you for listening to me, i truly hope i have made some sense or someone will relate well to help me through this.

Marriage Breakup

replies: 4

Going through a really tough time as my marriage has recently broken down. Is there a forum I should be joining that may be useful?

My son and i are socially isolated...

replies: 5

I am a single mum of a 7 year old boy and we are both socially isolated. I am currently undergoing the divorce process and i have been struggling with clinical depression even though i try to cover it up especially because i don't want my son to see ... View more

I am a single mum of a 7 year old boy and we are both socially isolated. I am currently undergoing the divorce process and i have been struggling with clinical depression even though i try to cover it up especially because i don't want my son to see me when i hit the downward period which is very hard. Having no family in Australia makes the situation even harder and sometimes i just don't know who turn to when things get so overwhelming.I had to move locations and i feel really bad for my son as he doesn't have any friends. I don't want him to be isolated further. I have tried to approach some parents from the school he's going to but they don't seem interested. I'd really like to meet mums with kids who understand mental health and therefore non-judgemental.

Plans

replies: 1

Had a tumultuous time for the last few years. I have been through a lot - a lot meaning 4 forced hospitalisations medication and ECT treatment. Over my early 20s in and out of hospital I tried completing my degree in arts and business always working ... View more

Had a tumultuous time for the last few years. I have been through a lot - a lot meaning 4 forced hospitalisations medication and ECT treatment. Over my early 20s in and out of hospital I tried completing my degree in arts and business always working very hard doing really well. For whatever reason family issues I went to hospital. All of this has affected my work history of 6 years. I knew people at uni who are in jobs now who didn’t work very hard in uni had a lot of help in group assignments and I worked my butt off during school and uni. Sometimes things don’t always turn out as expected and things are not always fair. Sometimes I compare to these people. Anyway the situation now is I lived on my own for a year and moved back home for a few months. I find living at home really affects my motivation by virtue of living with my mum. For whatever reason it’s Affects my motivation. Having seen extended family who I felt judged me didn’t help the situation. They didn’t go through involuntary treatment. I am planning to move interstate, still experiencing neurological issues from reducing medication, and look for temp jobs interstate . That is my plan but it’s hard to do all that whilst living at home. I am ready to be on my own and live my own life. Sometimes the unemplotment can make you feel judged and unsure what to do with your time I especially feel stifled with my mum at home. But then I have to tell myself how hard my circumstances have been and I only hope other people are compassionate understanding and not judgemental when it comes to unemployment I think I have sound reason

Toxic relationship break up & weekend depression

replies: 13

Hi guys! As of late, I broke up with my boyfriend two months ago after 3 years. We had a toxic relationship and I couldn’t handle it anymore. I tried to give him another chance the other week but then all this anxiety came back all in one day and I e... View more

Hi guys! As of late, I broke up with my boyfriend two months ago after 3 years. We had a toxic relationship and I couldn’t handle it anymore. I tried to give him another chance the other week but then all this anxiety came back all in one day and I ended up crying saying I couldn’t do it anymore. He never cheated but he would hide the truth and do things without thinking about my feelings. He has hurt me so much and now that I’ve broken up with him, I feel so down on the weekends that I just have no energy to do much. I’m not sure if it’s because I have been so emotionally and mentally drained of 3 years with him though. I do well throughout the work week because I love my job and it gives me the motivation and happiness I want but when it comes to the weekend I feel alone. I don’t really want to go out drinking and partying because it’s not something that makes me feel better. I love him so much still and all I think about is that he will meet another girl before I meet someone and he will be happier without me. It’s stupid but I can’t help but think that. I wasn’t enough to make him happy. So now I feel I have no confidence, I’m not interesting, I’m not pretty enough, I’m just me and nothing great. I feel because it was toxic that I sacrificed myself and now I don’t even know who I am, what I enjoy etc. where as he is able to go and spend time with his mates and be happy but I just don’t want to do that. I gave him everything of me and I feel so lost without him. I guess I’m writing this to see if anyone else has experienced something similar and how they are coping today. This has been like no other relationship I ever had. I loved him more than I’ve loved anyone else. We have ended things on good terms which makes me happy but I just feel like I’m so boring and nothing good about me I hate weekends because I’m stuck with my thoughts and I constantly think he is out partying and meeting someone new. I feel a bit hopeless now.

Struggling

replies: 1

I’m struggling. I recently pulled through a really rough patch in my mental health. Having to have new medication and new techniques and so on. My Mum has been my rock helping me through this and pulling me out of panic attacks. my Mum got admitted t... View more

I’m struggling. I recently pulled through a really rough patch in my mental health. Having to have new medication and new techniques and so on. My Mum has been my rock helping me through this and pulling me out of panic attacks. my Mum got admitted to the icu of the hospital, put in a induced coma because of her emphysema which made a infection more worse then it already was. This is the second time she has been admitted. It leaves me to look after my elder brother who is an epileptic, my other brother who just doesn’t want to help. My dad who I is struggling Nd my nephew. I seem to be the only one doing housework cleaning, I cook them meals and try to stay strong. On top I go to Mum every second day and it with her. The boys beside my elderly brother aren’t cleaning after themselves, I try to get them to do stuff. But it’s not completely done and they complain argue with me. i can’t afford my psychologist at the moment and I don’t have close friend to talk to. I just won’t to scream at them. I know they are worried about Mum but I want them to help with keeping the house clean. I have massive guilt if I don’t vist Mum everyday. I want to but it’s hard

when your emotionally abusive parent gets sick

replies: 2

I have been dealing with an emotionally abusive father all of my life and lately everything feels like its crumbling down on me. For as long as I can remember i've been dealing with anxiety and depression and so much of it stems from how my father ha... View more

I have been dealing with an emotionally abusive father all of my life and lately everything feels like its crumbling down on me. For as long as I can remember i've been dealing with anxiety and depression and so much of it stems from how my father has treated me my entire life. My only memories of him are bad. When I see and hear him all I can hear is the constant ridiculing and name calling. He's completely torn me down for 22 years and it's like i'm just a shell of a person. I don't trust anyone, I hate myself, I hate my life and I have no friends, all I do is push people away when they get too close because I don't want them to hurt me. Over the past few months my mental health has been getting worse and worse and I just cant get the bad things he has said and done out of my head, I'm broken. A few weeks ago he went to hospital as he was really sick and since then he has been diagnosed with cancer and the prognosis is not looking too bright. I've avoided the hospital as much as possible because I don't want to put on this perfect, loving daughter act that everyone keeps telling me I should do. Two weeks ago, I told my mum how bad everything was surrounding my mental health and my relationship with him and she promised she would help me, but she hasn't. I told her that I'm struggling with being sympathetic to him and what he is going through, because what am I supposed to say to the person who ruined my life. Today my mum made me go to the hospital and within 2 minutes of being there he started yelling at me for no reason, but then a minute later told me that I should be holding his hand. I refused, I'm not affectionate at the best of times, I just couldn't bring myself to touch him and eventually he told mum to get me away from him. When we left my mum screamed at me saying how selfish and disappointing I am. Apparently I'm the one thats killing him and I shouldn't be able to sleep at night. I wish I could just keep the peace, but I'm tired of pretending everything is good, when it so clearly isn't. I don't really know where I'm going with this, I don't know if I just needed to vent or whether I should ask where to go from here? I'm mad at my mum for saying those things after I broke down over how dad treats me, but I know this is hard for her and she's all I have. Although, I'm not sure I even have her after tonight. I just can't live this life anymore, I'm so tired of everything.

Pinned discussions

Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about

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All discussions

My mum said something that really hurt my feelings..

replies: 2

Advice for our relationship

replies: 1

When does it start to feel better?

replies: 2

Absence makes the heart grow fonder?

replies: 57

Marriage Breakup

replies: 4

My son and i are socially isolated...

replies: 5

Plans

replies: 1

Toxic relationship break up & weekend depression

replies: 13

Struggling

replies: 1

when your emotionally abusive parent gets sick

replies: 2

Relationship and family issues

Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about replies: 0

My mum said something that really hurt my feelings.. replies: 2

Advice for our relationship replies: 1

When does it start to feel better? replies: 2

Absence makes the heart grow fonder? replies: 57

Marriage Breakup replies: 4

My son and i are socially isolated... replies: 5

Plans replies: 1

Toxic relationship break up & weekend depression replies: 13

Struggling replies: 1

when your emotionally abusive parent gets sick replies: 2

Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about

replies: 0

My mum said something that really hurt my feelings..

replies: 2

Advice for our relationship

replies: 1

When does it start to feel better?

replies: 2

Absence makes the heart grow fonder?

replies: 57

Marriage Breakup

replies: 4

My son and i are socially isolated...

replies: 5

Plans

replies: 1

Toxic relationship break up & weekend depression

replies: 13

Struggling

replies: 1

when your emotionally abusive parent gets sick

replies: 2