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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Meremale00 Dysfunctional marriage, at a complete loss i just cry
  • replies: 1

Married 33 years, been deteriorating for a long time i guess. Last cpl of years has been hard, after years of always giving in to keep the peace i just stopped wanting to try and make it work anymore. Now after 3 lots of councelling, as in 3 differen... View more

Married 33 years, been deteriorating for a long time i guess. Last cpl of years has been hard, after years of always giving in to keep the peace i just stopped wanting to try and make it work anymore. Now after 3 lots of councelling, as in 3 different councellors i done but don't know how to get out. My wife wobt let go, wants it tobwork but in the last two years she has done nothing to show it. She started drinking, a feeble attempt at suicide, attacked me physically, driving drunk, sold lies tonmy son who ran with it and attacked me but when he realised he apologised. We sleep in seperate rooms, we dont do anything together at all, we barely talk but my wife exists like everything is normal, i can cope with that. She booked an overseas holiday without telling me just for herself, once i knew a few days before, i supported it. But im isolated, my life is miserable, im sad, i cry and i dont know what to do. All i wanted was us to agree we dont work, be friends, i would continue to support her in any way including financially. I feel like she is trying to punish me but sacrificing her own chance of happiness in doing so. I feel like im on the edge, at tge end, i dont know what to do, i cry often, im mise and started to not sleep. If i leave she will try suicide, i feel like im trapped. I cant keep living like i am, i want me back again.

Natalie124 Complicated and at a complete loss
  • replies: 1

I am in quite a complicated situation my boyfreind lives overseas but we have the same family. We are not related as he was adopted by my uncle and my boyfreind is his grandson. I was supposed to move over there and live with them all im a year which... View more

I am in quite a complicated situation my boyfreind lives overseas but we have the same family. We are not related as he was adopted by my uncle and my boyfreind is his grandson. I was supposed to move over there and live with them all im a year which is perfect for my relationship. I was very close with my aunt and uncle untill recently. My boyfreind confided in me he was in a really bad place i had never seen him like this before i was really worried. My uncle was on the phone and called him a waste of space apparently he was joking... i reached out to my aunt and uncle and told them he is in a bad place please go easy on him. I did promise my boyfreind i wouldn't say anything i was only trying to look out for him. He has forgiven me but ny aunt and uncle cut me off completly after i told them he was in a bad place. And basicly said anything between them is none of my bussiness. Its now affecting my relationship really bad i have tried and tried to reach out to my uncle to sort this out for my bf's sake but i have been ignored i feel soo rejected when my heart was in the right place. My boyfreind wants me to try but noone else is i dont know what to do im at a loss.

Bcasey415 14 year lie...
  • replies: 7

A lot of you might think of me as the biggest jerk in the world and I completely understand and agree. This has been in the back of my mind for years and only recently it has been making me really depressed and I cannot find happiness anywhere. This ... View more

A lot of you might think of me as the biggest jerk in the world and I completely understand and agree. This has been in the back of my mind for years and only recently it has been making me really depressed and I cannot find happiness anywhere. This involves pretty much my whole family but mainly my Dad and Mum. When I was around 4 yrs old I told a hefty lie to my Dad about how I got "harassed" in the school toilets. He was devastated and went through a lot of things to try and help me through this fake trauma... I do not know why I would do this and 14 years later I do not have words to explain how regretful I am. My parents are perfect and I wouldnt change them for the world. Obviously after 14 years I feel like this has gone on long enough and I feel like such scum... I remember getting in trouble for something bad when I was 4 and I think I may have used this lie to deflect from whatever I was in trouble for not realizing the damage it was causing. I want to confess... I really do. I will never be happy with myself and what I've done and the fact that I let it go for so so long. I am terrfied of confessing though. I don't know if my parents will disown me and kick me out or even try to hurt me... I mean imagine this serious lie going on 14 years.. can you imagine how they would feel? Im scared and I don't know what to do or where to turn because I know if I never tell them then I take it to the grave without ever being freed from this lie but if I do tell them It'll most likely break the family... and I'll never see them again. Please help

Georgie502 Gaslighting boyfriend
  • replies: 4

Hi, my boyfriend of two years has quite suddenly become very distant and cold towards me. He suffers from depression, anxiety and anger issues which he was seeing a psychologist for a few months ago. Every now and then I will bring up a problem I hav... View more

Hi, my boyfriend of two years has quite suddenly become very distant and cold towards me. He suffers from depression, anxiety and anger issues which he was seeing a psychologist for a few months ago. Every now and then I will bring up a problem I have or a certain way that he is making me feel and he will absolutely lose it at me. The other day I went through his phone which I know is wrong, and I saw he did some drugs on the weekend and I confronted him about it and asked why did you not just tell me? It hurts when you keep things from me. This then resulted in him getting extremely angry I went on his phone, he broke all of my make up and perfumes and ripped apart the lounge room. He told me I’m the reason he is so un well at the moment and he would be healthier without me. I just don’t know what is true and what isn’t anymore. Everything had been fine before this but it’s little things like this that completely tip him over the edge. He said he despises me and hates me and I’m a rat for looking at his phone. What is this sort of behaviour and what do I do about it? I know I shouldn’t have gone on it but I knew he was keeping something from me

Zaraaboo my new life in australia not so good
  • replies: 6

hi all MY husband and I have been together nearly 30 yrs , give or take a few! 14 yrs ago my husband decided to move to Australia to be with his family, I decided to stop in uk where my family are and my daughter ( at the time she was 13 and my husba... View more

hi all MY husband and I have been together nearly 30 yrs , give or take a few! 14 yrs ago my husband decided to move to Australia to be with his family, I decided to stop in uk where my family are and my daughter ( at the time she was 13 and my husband is not her father) so we decided to separate really heart breaking for both of us. We both came and went over the years visiting each other and just both couldn't move on. Then in 2007 I found out I had cancer of the cervic and decided life was to short and moved out (2008)with my husband ( my daughter at that time was 21 and didn't want to come)as much as I tried to tempt her she was not having it! After 2 and a half years here, life was not that brill, my daughter had my first grandchild and I decided to move back to uk, where I lived for a further 8yrs and 3 grandchildren by then, I got stuck with the children every weekend worked fulltime in an awful factory, my daughter draining me of money, I had drug dealers living next door to me and couldn't sell my property because of them, I got very depressed and went on antidepressants for 5 of them years. To cut along story short my husband and I reunited, I eventually sold my property and moved back to oz, I have now been back 10 months with one holiday to uk at Christmas, in them years we were apart he has changed , smoking weed everyday drinking and at the pub everyday, lazy doesn't want to do much, just itching every morning to get to the pub, all he talks about to his mates is about weed and beer, selling bits of weed to friends, and this is this great life he promised me . I have said things and asked him is this the new life you promised me! thing will be different this time he said! all I do is moan apparently! and that's what he does get over it! we have nothing in common at all and my feelings i had just don't seem to there, I walked away from my family daughter and grandchildren ( who were devastated btw) to this (promised new life and things will change) to nothing, I live in this beautiful country and all I can think is wish my family were here cos if they where I don't think I would be with my husband now. I am getting more depressed by the day and don't know where to turn or what to do. I don't

white knight Disowning family members
  • replies: 2

As children we are raised in a family group and that means it is a "given" that we remain together forever - no matter what. It is only when we become young adults that we struggle heavily on that concept when we develop own minds, even our own value... View more

As children we are raised in a family group and that means it is a "given" that we remain together forever - no matter what. It is only when we become young adults that we struggle heavily on that concept when we develop own minds, even our own values. These values and ideas on what family relations should be are realized when we share our lives with others. We find out that how we were and are treated by a parent or both parents is not the norm, unacceptable to the point where we are struggling with mental health issues like anxiety, guilt, depression and other illnesses. And at that point of your life you turn to the very people that were fundamental in placing you in such a situation- your parents. The reality hits you- they put the walls up and point the finger at YOU!. This becomes the ultimate guilt journey for you because you have also always respected their wisdom and authority, now you are shattered and lost. So not that your guilt is taking a journey of its own you do one of two things- you fight them or you give in. What a terrible situation to be in. With the fear of losing your parents (that often support each other even though one knows that the others treatment is unacceptable) you give in multiple times over many years. This often mean you just delay the final separation. Google Beyondblue topic the definition of abuse- what is it? So that is what abuse is but what action do you take? Is disowning a parent or family member the right thing to do? Well your own judgement is paramount as is your mental health, however when you are verbally forced to comply with demands that are not, in your judgement, reasonable physically violated manipulated demeaned when limits are placed upon you not reflecting your age and independence when parents control too much with your life and that of your children eg how you raise them lack of religious freedom any attempt at ruining life event like weddings and so on you might need to consider action of separation for a period. Sometimes you have to take the reins especially when your parent carries out unacceptable conduct. Parents should be supporters of you and proud of you. They should be doting grandparents to your children not controllers of your parenting. It's a two way thing so the reverse is also true. If anyone has desire to control or do abuse, you might have to seek counseling with or without them, that is a basic obligation toward other human beings- opportunity to save the family unit. TonyWK

LoyalHound My wife called for a break, I'm struggling to accept her decision
  • replies: 9

About 6 months ago my partner and I had a tipping point in our relationship due to my distance throughout the 6 month period prior to that. We are proud parents to a beautiful little girl and between the time that she was about 10 months - 16months o... View more

About 6 months ago my partner and I had a tipping point in our relationship due to my distance throughout the 6 month period prior to that. We are proud parents to a beautiful little girl and between the time that she was about 10 months - 16months old I was clearly not coping with the whole parenting thing very well, which to this day I find disgusting because my wife wasn't coping either and needed my help. My coping strategy was to be busy with other commitments each weekend which meant my wife was left at home to look after our daughter. There was a few times where my wife was literally crying and struggling and I was so cold and switched off that I chose these other commitments over my family which I regret every day to this day. When the tipping point came, other things came out that during the time we had both made some pretty awful decisions in the relationship. After I had uncovered something that she had done she had a sudden change of heart and we reconciled the first time. We agreed to be completely open and honest. I undertook counselling and worked on being a better person, father, and husband. I'm not saying I was ever a bad husband or father before.. but my actions when I was going away on the weekends definitely undid every good thing that I had ever done. After about 1-2 months of the openness my wife started being closed off again. Thought that I was checking up on her all the time, and phones became locked off again, and the secrecy in the relationship brought the trust back to low and we were on edge. She seemed to have very little patience with me again, and I was doing the opposite and trying to do everything in my power to make things easier at home. Our daughter is very demanding and that certainly doesn't help things. A few weeks ago there was another moment where my wife told me that things aren't working again, and she didn't know if she could get past what I did last year. I got to the point of begging and crying which I know now is selfish but I was scared and worried I was going to lose the love of my life. We have only known each other in our adult lives. I love her to pieces and she tells me that she loves and cares for me.. but we are broken and unhappy. We did reconcile again after that instance after about a week.. and then recently again she has said the words "I think I want to leave" and we are now separated living under the one roof. I'm an emotional wreck. I know I can't control how she feels.. need help..

Guest_342 Ending an engagement
  • replies: 6

My fiance and I have recently called off our engagement after 2.5 years of being engaged. It has finally been a mutual decision, as the relationship was looking to be unviable. I still love him and the grief I am feeling is just like the feeling of a... View more

My fiance and I have recently called off our engagement after 2.5 years of being engaged. It has finally been a mutual decision, as the relationship was looking to be unviable. I still love him and the grief I am feeling is just like the feeling of a death in the family. All I can think about is how I should have been nicer and showed him more love, been more excited about planning our wedding, how he went out on a limb and asked me to spend the rest of my life with him, and thinking only about the good times - even though there were so many signs we just weren’t roght for each other in too many ways. In reality, though, we failed a few important tests when times got hard. I feel like I’ll always worry about how he is and that I’ll miss out of experiencing life with him. I feel so much guilt, that he never got to enjoy planning a wedding with me. He had so much courage to ask me to marry him, and I feel like I didn’t put any effort in. Does this pain go away? Will I ever want to be with anyone else - because right now I couldn’t think of anything I’d want less, and I feel like it would be disrespectful to my fiance. What can I do to get on with my life a little quicker? I have booked a holiday for December, but is there anything else you could suggest? I have anxiety sometimes and I have a tendency to reminisce and ruminate about particular memories. Thanks, if you can offer any suggestions. Is there anyone amongst you who could speak from experience?

Cheym Help with physical/emotional abuse!
  • replies: 6

Hi everyone, a few days ago my partner of 10 months hit me for the first time. I brought up something mundane about a girl (we had been drinking) and he lost it. I suffer pretty bad depression and anxiety alongside extreme self esteem issues. I do ab... View more

Hi everyone, a few days ago my partner of 10 months hit me for the first time. I brought up something mundane about a girl (we had been drinking) and he lost it. I suffer pretty bad depression and anxiety alongside extreme self esteem issues. I do absolutely everything for him, we are normally pretty good this has never happened before. He started sending me unforgiving, personal and distressing words over text. he also told me he cheated on me, when in fact he never did. But all these things he said were insecurities I had that I told him about. I suffer extreme low self esteem, depression and he knows nearly everything I’m insecure about and just threw it in my face. Then all he could say was he was so so sorry. He also physically hurt me in a public place and put me In a headlock and a witness called the police and now we have this unnecessary drama on top on the emotional implications. Now he’s extremely sorry about it, saying I didn’t deserve it and then everything has just gone back to normal. Which is loving and he tells me I’m his world. But he has no explanation as to why he said any of it?? My mental state is in extreme hurt and sadness and I don’t know to do because he’s blaming himself but not doing anything to actually make it better? How does it get better? I don’t know if it will happen again but why would I ever want to tell him anything ever if it’s going to be thrown in my face? Help please

Galactic_Gizmo A hard decision
  • replies: 1

I live in one place, hubby has agreed to move near my family. I have received a job offer. I will be near my family, which I have wanted for ages. The problem is…I love living here and feel like moving will affect our kids’ options and opportunities ... View more

I live in one place, hubby has agreed to move near my family. I have received a job offer. I will be near my family, which I have wanted for ages. The problem is…I love living here and feel like moving will affect our kids’ options and opportunities growing up (my husband also requires medical help which would be more challenging to get there, but he said he doesn’t mind). I don’t know what to do and I don’t know how much my anxiety is affecting my decision-making skills. The thought of moving upsets me greatly, starting the job fills me with dread. But I feel so guilty about choosing not to go and the position would be a great career opportunity. I am going to disappoint so many people if I don’t go. I don’t know what to do. How do I make the right decision?