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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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sunflower89 I took him back - but I can't trust him
  • replies: 12

Me and my boyfriend actually kicked off really well. From the beginning he gave me a feeling of being loved, helped me a lot with me grieving the loss of my mom 2 years ago and I felt very happy in our relationship. Until I went home for 5 weeks (I'm... View more

Me and my boyfriend actually kicked off really well. From the beginning he gave me a feeling of being loved, helped me a lot with me grieving the loss of my mom 2 years ago and I felt very happy in our relationship. Until I went home for 5 weeks (I'm not originally Australian), just to come back to find out he cheated on me. This was after coming back with all my stuff and the intention to stay in Oz with and for him. He first denied it, then came clear when I told him how I know he did it. He claimed that he loves me, he doesn't know why he did it (it was with an old flame) and that he never meant to hurt me. I was shocked, sad, broken. But I love him so much, that I tool him back. We now intend to travel together soon and actually it all seems like our relationship is growing stronger. But I did the mistake of snooping in his phone. And then I saw it: messages to a female friend of his, talking about how he loves me, but he sometimes feels like he can't handle my moods. How he wants to find out when we travel, if he wants to stay with me. And the worst bit: she should come to Asia and they could travel together and see what happens with them. He doesn't know I saw these messages. But I asked him if he is sure about me, he said yes. If there is someone else, and he said no. I even asked about that girl and he said he doesn't feel attracted to her, she is like a little sister to him. He would only love me. He told me how he is anxious about traveling, about me (if I really still like him after what happened), about his life. And I know he has anxiety for a while now and thought maybe thats also why he cheated on me, cause things got more and more serious with us. But bottom line: He pretty much seems to arrange meeting this girl if things with us don't work out. And I know what people will say: get rid of him, he is cheating on you again. But i just don't know what to do. I really do love him and when we are together everything is fine. It just seems to get awkward whenever we are apart (we live 3 hours by bus from each other atm and only see each other once a week) and thats also when he sent these messages to the girl. I dunno if he just plays me, or if he is really just anxious. If he has true feelings for that girl. If he really simply wants to replace me. But how... how can he do that? And how can I handle this situation? I already booked our flights. But I'm so deeply hurt. I don't want out, but feel like I probably have to. But how?

PamelaR Christmas - Tips to reduce stress, anxiety and depression
  • replies: 4

Hi everyone. Stress, anxiety, and depression are common during the festive season. If nothing else, reassure yourself that these feelings are normal. There are many ways to help stress during this period, e.g.: Set your expectations realistically. If... View more

Hi everyone. Stress, anxiety, and depression are common during the festive season. If nothing else, reassure yourself that these feelings are normal. There are many ways to help stress during this period, e.g.: Set your expectations realistically. If certain family members bicker all year long, they will probably do so at Christmas too. Avoid known triggers. For example, if politics is a touchy subject in your family, don't talk about it. If someone brings up the topic, use distraction and quickly move on to something else to talk about. Use relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing or focusing on your breath to cope with anxiety or tension. Family members involved in after-lunch activities (such as cricket on the back lawn) are less likely to get into arguments. Plan for something to do as a group after lunch if necessary. People under stress tend to 'self-medicate' with alcohol, cigarettes and other drugs. Try to remember that drugs can't solve problems or alleviate stress in the long term. Some other ways to keep your Christmas stress levels down include: Try to be moderate – it may be the season to be jolly, but too much food and alcohol is harmful. Drink driving is a real danger and is illegal. If you can't (or don't want to) step off the social merry-go-round, at least try to eat and drink in moderation. Get enough sleep – plan for as many early nights as you can. Keep moving – keeping up your regular exercise routine can give you the fitness and stamina to make it through the demands of the festive season. Do you have any tips to help people get through Christmas with as limited stress, anxiety and depression? We'd loved to hear how you have learnt to manage. Kind regards PamelaR

Lana222 Grief and loss
  • replies: 2

Hi I am really struggling with the break down of yet another toxic relationship. I have co dependency issues and I panic when alone. I have never allowed myself to feel the breakdown of my marriage, loss of my kids. I just jump into another unhealthy... View more

Hi I am really struggling with the break down of yet another toxic relationship. I have co dependency issues and I panic when alone. I have never allowed myself to feel the breakdown of my marriage, loss of my kids. I just jump into another unhealthy relationship. I know my pattern of behaviour and I know it's not healthy but this fear is so overwhelming. The feeling of being alone and not having someone there. I want to be independent, strong and do it on my own and it seems so unreachable right now.. Im barely eating or sleeping and just want this feeling of emptiness to stop Thanks

Sarah_H Married but feeling single and very alone.
  • replies: 4

I'd just like to start by saying that I have posted parts this in another site but wanted to post in a local site as well. Also- this is an extremely condensed version of what I wanted to write but I was way over limit. Need to share some issues I am... View more

I'd just like to start by saying that I have posted parts this in another site but wanted to post in a local site as well. Also- this is an extremely condensed version of what I wanted to write but I was way over limit. Need to share some issues I am having in my marriage. Married to my husband for 6 years with 2 boys, 5 and 2. Both sets of parents live in other states. I am a stay at home Mum, my H works 14 hr days, 6 days a week and every long weekend. I found out a while ago that his salary is based on a 38 hr working week with a reasonable amount of overtime. I confronted him about this and he told me that it was just the way it was and I was going to have to put up with it- his response to most of the issues I bring up. When I do push an issue and try to resolve it, it ends up in a fight and a few times I have started crying. He has worked himself up until he starts crying as well and sits in front of me and stares at me until I notice him and insists I comfort him. I once heard a crash in the house and went to check it out. My son had climbed a bookcase and fell bringing 3 shelves of books down on top of him. My H was in the next room and completely ignored our screaming child because he was busy doing important work and got angry with me when I told him that he needed to put our possibly seriously injured child first. A similar situation has once happened in a very busy public setting. He is constantly bringing up how dirty the house is saying it will attract rats and vermin. The house isn't perfect but livable and I clean the kitchen every night. He once left a coke can on the desk and left it there after I asked him to throw it out. A few days later it was still there and a dead cockroach was next to the desk. I put the cockroach on top of the can where it stayed for 2 weeks until I threw it out. He definitely saw it. (Yes it was immature of me but I was trying to prove a point) We were once coming back from the airport after visiting family and another passenger got into an argument with staff. H joined in (the way people left the airport had changed slightly). The other passenger got a fine and H was offered one and told them no but he felt "he needed to stick up for what was right". I pulled him back and he got angry with me for not supporting him. So many more issues that have been going on for over 2 years now and I feel like I have done everything I can to fix things and I have just realised that I am the only one doing anything.

Bluebell789 Husband unsupportive/ increasing anxiety pregnant
  • replies: 3

I really struggle with feelings of abandonment and anxiety. Theyve always been there. I had PND and anxiety over the last couple of years and stopped drinking alcohol with support earlier in the year. Im currently 6 months pregnant. I find it really ... View more

I really struggle with feelings of abandonment and anxiety. Theyve always been there. I had PND and anxiety over the last couple of years and stopped drinking alcohol with support earlier in the year. Im currently 6 months pregnant. I find it really hard to sleep when my husband is out past midnight and very drunk. He becomes quite insensitive amd unreasonable. I also work fulltime myself, have a two year old daughter and manage the majority of the day to day household tasks and cooking etc. He does help but not enough. He went out tonight as usual and called about midnight to say he fancied staying out. He was so drunk and slurring. I have work in the morning he doesnt as hes started holidays now. My 2 year old was up and crying as shes a bit anxious with going into her toddler bed. I was utterly exhasuted. He said he would come home but reluctantly like a small child. Im finding it hard to cope and feeling very unsupported and alone. I dont have any family here they are all abroad and im worried aboit my deteriorating mental health with a new baby on the way.

Craig231976 Dating, Rejection and Discrimination
  • replies: 4

Hello and thankyou for reading the thread. Last night I was rejected again by someone I was interested in through internet dating we were talking about meeting and she had a few questions to which I answered and I then told her that I live with menta... View more

Hello and thankyou for reading the thread. Last night I was rejected again by someone I was interested in through internet dating we were talking about meeting and she had a few questions to which I answered and I then told her that I live with mental illness as I like to be open and forthcoming about my illness, she then replied she has family members and has had previous relationships where they have lived/suffered from mental illness and she couldn't go through it again. We to say the least I was very disappointed as this tends to happen alot as soon as you mention you have a mental illness you are treated as if you have the plague and its just not right, I'm at a point now where I feel like totally giving up on the idea of finding someone oh btw I've been single for 17 years because of this illness, I'm sick of getting kicked in the teeth constantly when all I'm doing is trying to be honest to those I want to get to know better but all I'm getting is being discriminated against because of an illness to which I have no control over but am taking medication religiously to combat it or keep things in check. I just can't stand it anymore and trying to reach out to people and let them into your lives and then to have them just reject you seems like a total waste of time and effort not to mention having your feelings crushed.

Juli I recently cut ties with my very toxic family
  • replies: 7

Hi, my name is Julie. I am 53 years old and have suffered depression and anxiety since I was 15. For the past 4 years I have been non medicated and coping well. But this year I am finding it harder and harder to start each day. I recently cut ties wi... View more

Hi, my name is Julie. I am 53 years old and have suffered depression and anxiety since I was 15. For the past 4 years I have been non medicated and coping well. But this year I am finding it harder and harder to start each day. I recently cut ties with my very toxic family, I did this after my mother informed me she had cancer. I understand that some might think my actions were cruel but I am struggling to care at all that my mother is dying. She abused and neglected me all my life and no matter how hard I try I just cannot feel empathy for her. I have a wonderful family of my own, two children whom I adore and yet I still feel like I have nothing to offer anyone. I am surrounded by people who care but still feel so alone. Have I done the wrong thing by cutting off family who show no interest in my life or my families life? I feel like Im rambling here, please know I have tried counselling many times but it has not been a succsess for me. I hope someone out there can help.

w1nn1e Keep on getting into bad relationships
  • replies: 19

Unfortunately, through all my serious relationships I've been through a lot of mental stress being emotionally abused/manipulated. I seem to always attract a person that is deeply broken or suffering from severe depression because of my kind and acce... View more

Unfortunately, through all my serious relationships I've been through a lot of mental stress being emotionally abused/manipulated. I seem to always attract a person that is deeply broken or suffering from severe depression because of my kind and accepting nature. But I can't do it anymore, I am trying my best to put my own happiness first instead of someone else's all the time. I'm not saying I am perfect either, I'm just sharing my experiences of always being with someone that has anger issues and doesn't take responsibility for their actions and how it has affected my self esteem. Thinking about what I've let myself go through causes me a lot of shame as financially I've always had to take care of everything too. So I get really sad when I see normal couples going on dates and doing nice things together as I've never really had that before. Has anyone been through something similar where every partner you've have, has mistreated you and how do you not make the same mistake over and over again? I am trying to work on my self esteem through seeing a wonderful psychologist. Just wanted to see if anyone else has been through this too. Or any tips on building self worth would be much appreciated.

t..c I feel alone
  • replies: 2

I'm a girl, and when I tell someone I want a boyfriend or even just a guy friend to hug and help me through everything they either leave or I get called a whore. it's not that I want the attention because that just to many people I want to be seen bu... View more

I'm a girl, and when I tell someone I want a boyfriend or even just a guy friend to hug and help me through everything they either leave or I get called a whore. it's not that I want the attention because that just to many people I want to be seen but not as that sort of figure. I want to feel loved and when I see other couples everywhere it makes me so upset, yes also jealous but more upset because I have wanted to be loved and cherished by someone my whole life but I can never find the right guy. i know this probably seems ridiculous but I want love, even though I know I can wait I just feel like I'm slowly being torn apart because of this one simple thing. my depression gets worse because I feel like I have no one, I get bad anger issues and I lash out at my parents so I can't talk to them either and I don't know what to do, and all of this was brought on just from wanting to be loved. I don't know what to do anymore

Jjosie78 Just found out husband is cheating need help confronting him
  • replies: 13

I've had suspicions my husband was cheating hes denied it all We went out fri night i left early with our daughter he stayed out and came home at 1.30am he said he went to a club alone and met work mates. On sat in saw texts confirming he was at anot... View more

I've had suspicions my husband was cheating hes denied it all We went out fri night i left early with our daughter he stayed out and came home at 1.30am he said he went to a club alone and met work mates. On sat in saw texts confirming he was at another womans house. Hes since deleted the messages I dont know how to confront him on this I'm heartbroken and dont know where to go from here or how to face this I shouldn't have been looking at his phone I know this but I just am at my wits end. I'm in a town with no family and no one to turn to Any advice would be great