Grumpy me

[T40]

Hi, I am 45 years old women, have a good job and loving husband. I am soo serious that everything my husband says I judge. I feel either he is teasing, disrespectful or mocking. My husband is very direct and has good sense of humor but I am short tempered and strike back immediately without even analyzing what he is saying. This is causing tension between us and has ruined many weekends. Every alternative Saturdays we argue and fight. I take everything personal and very serious. I dont know how I can learn to be more patient, friendly and easy going. I have tried meditation for sometime and only do few minutes few times a week. But I dont know if it's effective to change my short temper into bubbly, happy person? Need help please.

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

I have had some similar isdues revolving around my seriousness AND sensitivity.

Unfortunately these things are more part of our DNA/personality than anything we can change easily. The same could be said for your hubby's direct approach.

Google

Beyondblue Topic supermarket shelves

There has to be another way. In my case my wife, upon her normal reaction in saying something that my sensitivities might offend has learned to straight after saying it says "sorry if I said that like that darl" and all is ok, same with me if she gets abrupt "you didnt mean to upset me did you"

So it is a case of being srnsitive with each others reaction which are automatic. It truly isnt the fault of either if you....its your nature

Google

Beyondblue Topic the frog and the scorpion

The next thread to google really works if you both commit.

Beyondblue Topic relationship strife? the peace pipe

Also

BeyondblueTopic depression and sensitivity' a connection?

The road to reduce your seriousness is a long one and regardless of the above you can still try. You'll need to eork yowards a better financial situation, go full time to part time work, more outings etc. Meditation is good as you have tried.

Beyondblue Topic he helped me for 25 years, Maharaji

TonyWK

Beyondblue Topic

[therising]

Hi T@40

I suppose there can be a number of reasons behind why we can be sensitive regarding certain issues

• Words can be triggers, based on mental programs stored up there in our brain. Did an interesting exercise with my daughter just the other day, one she found both interesting and humorous, seeing she's studying psychology at school. I wrote down the following (which describes her to a degree): 'I am a 16yo girl with blonde hair'. Pretty innocent statement. Then I asked her how society perceives a 16yo, how it can perceive a girl (as opposed to a male or woman) and what it associates with 'blonde'. Considering 'I am' relates to identity/how we identify, the sentence translated as 'I identify as someone who is perceived as being inexperienced, inferior, weak and dumb'. Even a person's name can trigger reference and emotion. Whilst the name Fred may not mean much to me or you, for someone whose parent is named Fred and this was a parent who abused them, the power behind 'Fred' or even 'parent' can be entirely different. We each get triggered for different reasons. Perhaps your husband doesn't understand the power you've attached to some of the words he uses.
• Self-esteem can be a biggy! For someone with high self-esteem, most comments can be like 'water off a duck's back'. Low self-esteem can resemble holding the poor duck under water
• 'Sensitivity' can be an issue all of it's own. Society has a tendency to relate sensitivity to 'weakness'. So, if we're feeling sensitive about something, we can also be perceiving our self as 'weak', something which fuels the fires of false perception. Sensitivity can be an incredibly powerful trait; just look at the amount of thoughtful sensitive people who come to the forum here, trying to make a positive difference.

Because I'm a somewhat sensitive person myself, I like to question other people's senseless motives. Can there be a bargain struck between sensitivity and senselessness? I believe so. I believe consciousness is the middle ground. Whilst someone may humorously say 'Gee, you're looking a bit old these days (at 48)' it can feel perhaps a little wounding, based on my connection to the word 'old'. If I am conscious enough to accept the challenge to redefine 'old' the other person should be conscious enough to understand that 'humour' is something that typically does not wound a person. Thoughtfulness is the middle ground. By the way, old has come to mean 'incredibly wise silver haired goddess' 🙂

Take care

[T40]

Thanks for all the replies. So great full to have such a forum to support people and sharing experiences.