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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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KNGSVN Broke up and I don't know why I feel bad
  • replies: 1

I recently broke up with my girlfriend. It was a mutual agreement as it wasn't the healthiest relationship. Less than one month later, I find that she has already moved on to my friend, and I have realized how toxic she was to me during the relations... View more

I recently broke up with my girlfriend. It was a mutual agreement as it wasn't the healthiest relationship. Less than one month later, I find that she has already moved on to my friend, and I have realized how toxic she was to me during the relationship. Despite knowing about how much she lied, suppressed me and ultimately led me on while she started on my friend, I still can't help but feel a sense of longing to be back in the relationship, or feeling that I am inadequate. It doesn't make sense in my own head but I can't stop feeling this way.

Blue_Hope Sexless relationship, confused and crapping myself
  • replies: 3

Hi all, I've seen very similar stories on here with some great tips and I'm reaching out for some sanity and courage I guess. We've been together for 6 yrs, and his sex drive hasn't been there from the start, although it has continued to deteriorate.... View more

Hi all, I've seen very similar stories on here with some great tips and I'm reaching out for some sanity and courage I guess. We've been together for 6 yrs, and his sex drive hasn't been there from the start, although it has continued to deteriorate. I lack self esteem although I'm a confident person, just not happy with how I look, so that was playing on my mind a fair bit and kept thinking and saying to him maybe I'm just not your type - although he assures me that's not the case. We had a major falling out on Valentine's day and I expressed that I'm not going to engage in the relationship unless we seek some professional guidance and surprisingly he agreed. We don't live together and might have sex once a quarter and it's routine each time. I have been as sensitive as I can be. I do know, he's not getting it from anywhere else cause he doesn't have the drive, he has low testosterone and he has been to the doctor has meds for it but doesn't really take it properly. He wants us to buy a place together and move in I'm freaking out because whilst it makes sense to do this I feel as though I'm stuck - I have not sought for sex outside of our relationship nor is that something that I'm looking for - I just wish to have that intimacy with him more than 4 - 5 times a year. Our psychologist suggested that he speaks with an oncologist... weeks ago ... he hasn't done anything about it. To me, that's telling me he just doesn't care for it, it's not bothering him so he won't do anything about it, despite that he knows how much it's bothering me. I don't bring it up with him cause his response is that there's nothing he can do, that this is it, this is him - I'm naturally an affectionate person and it's so challenging when all I wish for is some affection. What more can I do? I'm freaking out, it's 4am on a Saturday and I'm wide awake- we're going to an auction today for a home and I feel so sick cause I don't think it's the right thing to do when we haven't got this sorted. He's said that if sex is the be all and end all of the relationship then he's not the guy ... I've said that if that was the case I would have left years ago - in other words it's not all about the sex although yes sex is, in my eyes, an important part of the relationship. I'd really appreciate to hear from you if this story resonates with you, what did you do and how did you go about in increasing your sex drive, did it work? A little help please and thank you.

Vi135408 Relationship ocd?
  • replies: 12

Been in a great relationship for 1 year and 7 months. One day 6 months ago my boyfriend texted me and said he didn’t know how he felt anymore or what he could do. Prior to this for about 2 months we were distant, we barely saw eachother. I found myse... View more

Been in a great relationship for 1 year and 7 months. One day 6 months ago my boyfriend texted me and said he didn’t know how he felt anymore or what he could do. Prior to this for about 2 months we were distant, we barely saw eachother. I found myself canceling on him a lot as I had a lot of family issues, I just wasn’t in the right mindset. On the day he told me how he felt, a part of me genuinely felt as if I was loosing him. I was in a serious panic which lasted about a month. All I would do was constantly question if he loved me, why he chose to stay and if he truly wanted to. I’d also cry about it to my friends and ask for reassurance regularly.After spending time with him on weekends this stopped. There was 1 week of clarity. Then I met up with him again, I noticed I was a bit distant and so did he. He asked me what was wrong and I said I didn’t know because I didn’t and that’s when it all started. I started questioning why I wasn’t “into it” if I was bored, out of love ect. I started to google things such as:signs of boredom, what is true love, am I still in love, why do I feel distant and the list goes on. Some articles gave me temporary relief whilst others just made me feel guilty or stressed out. I’d feel anxious when hanging around him, the thoughts were racing through my head. I’d often (stupidly) say it out loud, “what if I don’t want this? What if I’m not in love?” This took a toll on him some days he felt like he didn’t want to see me bc of it. This has now ended. The thoughts r less debilitating and arent specific anymore. I just have a merky unclear crappy feeling which I don’t know how to get rid off. It is like the thoughts of all the thoughts upset me. Sometimes I find myself researching if our relationship can last as we are young and it gets to me because I know it can be considered unrealistic. I fear one day I won’t want it, I’ll want to be alone or that we’ll become totally different. I hate it bc he is mybest friend, we have so much fun together and it feels like we are one person. There is no reason to doubt it but I still do. I guess that deep down I do this to protect myself as I don’t want it to end. Pls leave some advice of how to get rid of the feeling or ur experiences. I am also wondering if this could possibly be rocd or just anxiety as I’ve read peoples stories and a lot do not resonate with my current state of mindset. Thank you

ssvv24 Do I end it or do I try to make it work? What's wrong with me?
  • replies: 3

I've been in a relationship with this guy for a year and a couple months now and we've both never gotten into a relationship before. About 9 months in or so I've been contemplating whether I even want to be with him anymore. They were just fleeting t... View more

I've been in a relationship with this guy for a year and a couple months now and we've both never gotten into a relationship before. About 9 months in or so I've been contemplating whether I even want to be with him anymore. They were just fleeting thoughts I'd get occasionally though. I've realised lately that I'm kind of on-and-off about my feelings for him. He's always been the optimistic one and I frequently feel like I'm being a burden because I rant too much to him and I have lots of family and friend drama I unload onto him. We've never had any big fights or broken up but I feel almost tired of us at times, or maybe I'm just tired of myself convincing me that I'm dragging us down. I feel terrible but sometimes when he brings up topics I don't like discussing, such as politics or sports, I get annoyed and kind of tap out of what he's saying because I'm disinterested or I don't want to debate or fight. I don't think I enjoy our conversations as much anymore. Whenever we go out together, I don't say much or I'm not as happy or talkative as I was in the beginning. Could someone please tell me if this is normal for a relationship? I don't have a reference so this is something that constantly worries me. He was a bit chubby in the beginning but I didn't care about it until now. He's recently gained about 23 pounds, and I genuinely still do love him, but I've almost completely lost my attraction to him. . It's been months now and he still hasn't done anything to lose a little bit of weight. I tell him nicely to at least reduce how much carbs he's eating but he refuses to because he loves them too much, so I've given up on him losing weight because he's too stubborn. I've accepted that he's going to stay this way now. Honestly, sometimes I feel embarrassed to be seen in public with him because of how visibly fatter he's gotten but it doesn't seem to bother him much because he's confident in his appearance, despite the belly. It irks me a bit because I always try my best to look good for him. I do my makeup and dress nicely whenever we're out and he just wears sweatpants and a shirt as he can't fit his old pants anymore. He says he will be able to dress more nicely WHEN he loses the weight so he won't buy any new pants now... I don't know where this relationship is going. Maybe I'm just bored of it now or maybe I'm not suited for this. Could someone who was in the same boat as me give me some advice? Thank you :c

Tansie Boyfriend fell out of love and is moving onto other girls
  • replies: 7

Hi, Two weeks ago my boyfriend and I decided to break up as a couple. We’d been having a few issues for probably three months before the breakup but he was the one to call it off. We had a really good discussion about it and decided that considering ... View more

Hi, Two weeks ago my boyfriend and I decided to break up as a couple. We’d been having a few issues for probably three months before the breakup but he was the one to call it off. We had a really good discussion about it and decided that considering we’d been dating for three and a half years it was time for us to experience the single life and to get ourselves back on track. Just to focus on us really. We decided we would give it some time before telling people. So two days after we broke things off we went out with the mutual friends to a pub/nightclub (more of a pub with a dance floor). I later found out that the entire night he had been dancing with girls, after we’d had a respectful conversation about not doing just that. When I brought it up with him he claimed he had no idea about the girls or who they were and that people were just making up stories. Then half an hour later a message popped up on his phone from one of the girls, which prompted an argument. Now, two weeks later, I’m still so paranoid about the fact that he is talking to other girls so soon after a breakup. I understand that people heal and move on in different ways, but two weeks after a three and a half year relationship? I just feel so used and worthless, like he’s going around talking bad things about me behind my back. He’s changed into a completely different person in the span of two weeks. I don’t know him anymore but I can’t move on just yet. My heart is still so devoted to him and I find myself constantly thinking about him and trying to find ways for us to work things out, but he is so bad for me. For about the last 8 months of our relationship I was always scared to tell him certain things or felt like I was treading on eggshells around him due to being scared of how he’d react to what I had to say. I can’t just switch off my feelings for him the same way he has done for me. Does anyone have any advice on this or how to move on? We discussed ‘terms’ I suppose, on our breakup, things like we will still support each other and won’t make it awkward when we hang out with mutual friends, and we won’t hit up other people just yet for the sake of focussing on ourselves (his suggestion). But yet he is doing the completely opposites of all of these. I feel so disrespected. I don’t know how to handle this anymore. We still talk but it’s not the same. We have conversations but they’re very blunt on his side and they usually ending up with him getting angry at me.

Britt182 Jumping to conclusions
  • replies: 2

Last night I wrote I miss you to my ex, we have only been broken up for about week now. Our other messages have become non emotional but just last night I needed him to know I do miss him but I’m yet to get a response. And I guess I just jump to conc... View more

Last night I wrote I miss you to my ex, we have only been broken up for about week now. Our other messages have become non emotional but just last night I needed him to know I do miss him but I’m yet to get a response. And I guess I just jump to conclusions in my head about what he’s doing etc or if there’s someone new now. Im just really tired of feel like this, feeling this pain. It’s like he hasn’t have a single care about me after the break up and we were together for 4 years. I guess I just don’t understand this, like okay you don’t love me fine but how can you not care ?

Dorian_Gray Good Relationship but issue threatening depression trigger
  • replies: 2

Hi All, Been a while since I’ve been on these forums as things improved a lot for me, most notably got a promotion and then a girlfriend for the first time in a very long time (to all the people struggling being single of which I was one definitely t... View more

Hi All, Been a while since I’ve been on these forums as things improved a lot for me, most notably got a promotion and then a girlfriend for the first time in a very long time (to all the people struggling being single of which I was one definitely try online dating here are genuine people out there, the rest are fake!) The issue I have now that had caused me to start to feel the stirring of depression again is my having failed twice to actually make love with my girlfriend. First time I sort of got might have been too ambitious, and then there was no opportunity for another month (don’t live together, illness in between etc.) second time didn’t work either from my side, kept ‘losing it’ and got really frustrated and defeatist cause I wanted to so much especially as we have had so few chances. I feel like I’m totally failing her, and though she is super supportive her words don’t cut through and I’m worried about falling into a cycle of lacking any confidence. Has anyone else out there had similar issues and specifically know how this can relate to re-triggering depression, cause I’m also now worried that it will trigger another depressive period, and is difficult not to ruminate on failing twice? Everything else between us is really good, emotionally, mentally and affection wise, we are both very affectionate/sexual people so not being able to do this is really disappointing. While I have no problem going to a doctor if things keep failing…just looking for any advice anyone might have at the moment for the next few times and specifically around any ideas to try and ‘immunise’ myself form this one issue retriggering general depression (which for me takes the form of nihilistic apathy)? I feel like I’m teetering on the edge of falling into a depressive cycle and holding onto the hope it will work itself out yet worried that a third failure will push me off….any advice?

Lolue Sister Needs Help
  • replies: 1

My sister for a long time has always struggled in life from constantly doing courses and dropping out to repeatedly dating men with drug problems. It has reached the point where she is now 30 years old just out of relationship and with no job. Her la... View more

My sister for a long time has always struggled in life from constantly doing courses and dropping out to repeatedly dating men with drug problems. It has reached the point where she is now 30 years old just out of relationship and with no job. Her latest relationship she had done cocaine with her ex. I am trying to be supportive but I am also frustrated as every advice I give my sister she immediately shuts down. She is currently in a cycle where she sees herself as a lost cause and compares herself to people her age from highschool who are now married with kids or compares herself to Instagram influencers. I want her to see a psychologist and to take a break from social media but she refuses. I'm unsure how to help her as she has been repeating the same cycle for the last 10 years. Hoping I can find some advice in what to do in this situation

Britt182 breakup
  • replies: 1

My partner of 4 years broke up with me last week. He says that he still loves me and that he didn’t want to break up but reckons it was the right choice to do so. He reason was he doesn’t believe he is right for me and thinks I deserve better, and th... View more

My partner of 4 years broke up with me last week. He says that he still loves me and that he didn’t want to break up but reckons it was the right choice to do so. He reason was he doesn’t believe he is right for me and thinks I deserve better, and that the relationship wasn’t healthy. I reckon it’s due to his depression getting to him and that there is more to it but I don’t think anyone else was involved, I still very much love him and I don’t want us to break up but I’m not sure what to do . He seem very determined with his choice.

Guest_598 Partner is afraid to push me away
  • replies: 4

Hello, my partner and I got together in January after forming a very close mental and emotional connection from October 2018 onwards. He was just about to separate from his alcoholic wife at the time (nothing happened between us before that) and even... View more

Hello, my partner and I got together in January after forming a very close mental and emotional connection from October 2018 onwards. He was just about to separate from his alcoholic wife at the time (nothing happened between us before that) and even though he is happy with the decision, he still needs to go through a lot of emotional processing, including separating property, finances etc. In the coming weeks, he will sell his place so that he can give money to his ex-wife and complete the full separation. He is worried about money, her constant texting and mood swings and his own psychological stress. When we are together, we are absolutely great together. We are both very happy and caring people, so we have our little haven away from the outside factors. But the upcoming sale and everything he has to manage sit heavy on his chest and he is scared that he may be emotionally overwhelmed. He does not want to push me away if that happens because he sees a future for us - as do I. We have created strategies, e.g. him taking some days for himself, so he can process everything and have the space to do that. I am very happy for him to do that, because I want us to work out and I would like to support him, even if that means that he cannot fully dedicate himself to me right now. I separated from my husband last year, so I understand what he is going through and how much emotional turmoil that can bring. I guess, the only question I have is whether it is a real risk that his final separation activities and the emotions that come with them may lead to him changing his mind about me. Is that likely? I have zero indication that I am only an escape or that he is not truly happy with me. We have not spoken about love because it would be too early and, at the moment, he cannot go there as long as his old life has not concluded yet. But the signs I get from him indicate to me that there is some sort of love growing slowly. I have known him for years, so I know he is not a player and very considerate. I actually believe he is purely preparing for the worst case so that he can manage it appropriately but I have a feeling that it is unlikely his feelings would change. Do you think it is possible that he suddenly turns around and says he feels nothing? Or is it more of a coping mechanism to make sure he does not push me away because he says he does not want to do that by accident because he cannot deal with his emotions. A little advice would be very much appreciated.