The Truth is Bad?

[stinkyrat]

Hi there. I've been reading these forums for a while now and only really took the time to make an account now.

I've been struggling with feelings of rejection after being open about my feelings concerning my mental illness (which is real but still in the stages of being detemined exactly what, they've menitioned borderline or bipolar or both.)

Since I started really working on being treated, I've been more open and honest about my problems to my family, my friends, my partner and the people I work with. But more often than not, me wanting to talk about them just makes things 100 times worse. My partner takes my insecurities as his own faults, my job is now in the stages of firing me after having a meltdown a couple of months ago and explaining that I have a problem and am now on medication (just very mild SSRIs), and I'm just at a loss of what to do. I feel like I've just put my life down the toilet, even though I'm being more honest and open about things as I have ever been.

I feel compelled to explain myself all of the time because there's no other way to explain my reactions to stress, and yet it puts me in a hole I can't dig out of with the people around me. Now I feel like they think I'm using my problems as an excuse to be lazy/inefficient/unable to be independant.

It's putting me back in the same position as I was before starting real treatments for a completely opposite reason, so I need to ask - is lying to these people necessary? Should I save my troubles for my psych when I see him from now on? How do others cope with similar situations?

Thank you in advance and I hope your holidays are going well xx

[Summer Rose]

Hi Stinkyrat

Welcome to the bb forum and thank you for sharing your story. I know it takes courage to write your first post, so congratulations on taking this step.

I am very sorry that you are experiencing mental health issues, but was so pleased to read that you are seeking professional help. This is so very important to your wellbeing and future. Good on you for being proactive.

The issue of disclosure is a tricky one. My daughter has OCD and anxiety and I have cared for her for the past 8 years, from when she was 13.

Disclosure has been a constant issue. Should she tell her friends to help them understand her behaviour? Should I step in and talk to a teacher giving her a hard time? Who in the family will understand and provide support?

From my experience, not everyone responds in a way that is helpful. I have found that some people immediately "get it", others want to "get it" but need some help and then there's the people who I feel will just never "get it".

The trouble is that you never know who you are talking to until after you've disclosed. It's kind of a hit and miss experience and I don't think there is any rule book to help.

You basically learn as you go, make the best decisions for you at the time and learn to concentrate on what you have and not worry too much about what you don't have. Because the people you do have, those wonderful people who provide unconditional support and care, are gold.

I'm sorry that I don't have a more direct answer but I hope at least that you feel less alone.

Kind thoughts to you

[stinkyrat]

Thank you so much for your reply.

I think I really am starting to understand that this is a process of elimination that I'm going to have to get used to. Since it's still really early stages of diagnosis and treatment, I am probably putting a lot more weight on some of these choices to disclose and the mistakes I'm percieving as faults of my own are probably being taken way too far.

I have a problem with black/white thinking, so at the time of making this post I was sincerely thinking "either I'm stupid for telling the truth or I should just lie to everyone and bottle it up." But your comment made me really understand that it's much more grey than I've been believing. It's probably obvious to other people but, yeah. Minds work in mysterious ways sometimes. Hopefully my next job will be either much more understanding or stable, or maybe even the one after that.

Thank you so much again, and have a happy new year xx

[therising]

Hi stinkyrat

First, I just want to start by saying how incredibly conscious you are. Your honesty with people is both impressive and brave.

Unfortunately, not everyone is going to be as highly conscious as you. The most natural people in life will acknowledge your challenges and want to help you through them. What is unnatural in my opinion is not to want to help someone who's been gradually rising to help them self in positive proactive ways. You're an inspiration by the way.

Some folk are going to have learned mental programs in their brain that say 'Get it together and just pull your socks up' or 'Try and be happier and you'll be right'. I lived with depression some years ago, so I know that such 'helpful' advice just doesn't cut it when you're experiencing the incredibly challenging chemistry and mindset that comes with depression.

When you look at all these strong sporting figures who have publicly come out with their personal struggles with mental health issues, those receiving the news will typically be in 2 camps; 1) These people are weak or 2) these people are brave and inspirational. Just recently I heard of an article where Steve Smith visited a school to give a talk on his own experiences with mental health. As a result of this talk, he helped save the lives of 2 young men who were contemplating ending their life until they heard him speak. What an incredibly powerful person Steve Smith has become, because of his honesty and longing to support others.

I believe that when we're working on raising our self, we need to establish a circle of folk who are going to help us raise our self. Anyone else (for whatever reasons) holds the potential to bring us down, put us down or keep us down. Identifying who's who becomes one of the challenges as we become determined to rise. By the way, I've become rather demanding in regard to challenging people to help raise me. If someone was to say 'You're so lazy' my response would be 'Help motivate me by offering me something exciting to do. My neurons respond well to excitement, not criticism'.

Keep on rising, you're doing an amazing job!

🙂