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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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tonyc111 breaking up a long term relationship
  • replies: 3

I have just broken of a 10 year relationship with my girlfriend who sufferes from depression I havnt heard from her in days I work away for 2 weeks at a time. she has no support network and no friends to talk to and I know she is spiralling into a de... View more

I have just broken of a 10 year relationship with my girlfriend who sufferes from depression I havnt heard from her in days I work away for 2 weeks at a time. she has no support network and no friends to talk to and I know she is spiralling into a deep depression last I spoke to her she said her live wasn't worth living any more and I am really worried about her and I don't know what to do

Cleo4392 Feel like my husband of 15 years no longer loves me..
  • replies: 2

We’ve been married for 13 yrs, been through a bit here and there but lately I’m just over the way I feel. We aren’t intimate much these days, my fault... I’m a busy woman and don’t stop until the kids are in bed but then just want to sit with him and... View more

We’ve been married for 13 yrs, been through a bit here and there but lately I’m just over the way I feel. We aren’t intimate much these days, my fault... I’m a busy woman and don’t stop until the kids are in bed but then just want to sit with him and watch some tv. He rarely says to me I look great when we go out, which hurts as I rarely dress up. I have anxiety and I feel down a lot... He has always looked at other women in the streets, just another thing that puts me down. He has deleted messages from women at work, more than once that’s for sure. I have had trust issues since day 1 as he was separated from his wife back then but secrets...... We live in a nice area and have so for many many years but he is always off any chance he gets to play golf. I feel like he doesn’t want to be around me. Any chance he gets, he goes. I’m always home weekends with our children and I’m down. i have 1 friend who I see here and there. I have no one else, no other friend, mum, I feel alone. I drink a lot, too much I know but it numbs the way I feel. I’m still a perfect mum through day but of an evening drink because I feel alone and like rubbish. If I didn’t have child I wish I were dead. I’ve attempted a few times but the many other times been too scarred as I have beautiful children. I do feel crap with my life with my husband. I don’t know what to do, I would love for our life together to improve but I dont know how. Thanks for listening xx

SweetAngel Giving an ultimatum to my ex
  • replies: 16

This guy and I have been on and off in a relationship for one year. The reason is because he is friends with a girl who I feel is a threat (one time when he and I were broken up, they jokingly flirted and ppl thought they were dating) The other night... View more

This guy and I have been on and off in a relationship for one year. The reason is because he is friends with a girl who I feel is a threat (one time when he and I were broken up, they jokingly flirted and ppl thought they were dating) The other night I expressed that I feel hurt whenever he sees her , but despite me expressing my feelings, he says ,”she is my friend. I will continue to see her.” and so. I gave him an ultimatum. If you see her I’ll leave for good. If you don’t see her, I’ll stay” that was a week a go. He hasn’t told me his decision. During the week we have been talking like every thing is great, but nothing about what I brought up. what do you think I should do? This is my first time bringing up an ultimatum . I understand it’s not right to tell someone to no longer be friends wth another, but I’ve been feeling hurt for a year now now , have continually brought up my feelings to him about the matter, but despite it all, he still hangs with her because as he says “we are friends”

Leonora Am i an idiot or what?
  • replies: 2

I just want some others insight into my relationship. I have been just diagnosed with depression and anxiety. My husband of 29 years knows this and knows how im feeling. He went out tonight with friends - it was pre arranged and said he would call me... View more

I just want some others insight into my relationship. I have been just diagnosed with depression and anxiety. My husband of 29 years knows this and knows how im feeling. He went out tonight with friends - it was pre arranged and said he would call me this afternoon before he headed off. When he left this morning he knew i wasnt in a very good space. He hasnt bothered calling. I started to feel that dread and panic when it started getting to the time he should have called. This is because I just wanted to know that he cared and was thinking about m and i would have been ok. He has done some pretty callous things before so its not unusual behaviour. I feel i am even more worthless of course and the voice deep down tells me he really doesnt give a toss about me or my feelings. He denies this but again tonight actions speak louder than words. I love him and thats why I think I am finding it hard to really face the facts and accept that Im not that important. Im not stupid but I feel stupid. Anyone got any other thoughts?? I would appreciate some other insights.

WWoman Knowing what you know now, would you enter a relationship with a person suffering from depression
  • replies: 1

Hi all I met the nicest guy. Everything is great, connection, communication, sex, my family loves him everything is great. We've been together for 8 months now. The only problem is he suffers from depression. He gets really down and feels like everyt... View more

Hi all I met the nicest guy. Everything is great, connection, communication, sex, my family loves him everything is great. We've been together for 8 months now. The only problem is he suffers from depression. He gets really down and feels like everything is too much and withdraws from me for a day or two. This week he wants time apart to think things through but then turns around and says he doesn't want to lose me and we should be able to work something out. I really like him and I think he is amazing and I am willing to support him where I can but I understand I cannot make him happy and I cannot change anything for him. That will come from him. I want honest feedback from people who have dealt with this for years please. Knowing then what you know now, would you have stayed in your relationship with a person with depression or would you get out? Does the good outweigh the bad times or does it get too much too handle and affects other areas of your life like your kids, work etc... Would love to hear from both sides and I will not judge. I am a bit lost myself and not sure what to do. Thanks xx

Arnya Marriage over after 26 years.
  • replies: 24

This is the hardest thing I've had to do ever. I made an appointment to see a health professional. My husband and I have not spoken a word to each other in 2 months. We live in separate parts of the house. I'm still here because I have my grandson he... View more

This is the hardest thing I've had to do ever. I made an appointment to see a health professional. My husband and I have not spoken a word to each other in 2 months. We live in separate parts of the house. I'm still here because I have my grandson here as well and just cannot afford to move out. It's horrendous to say the least! It's like now I'm not living, I'm existing. I sleep a lot when I'm not working. Trying to keep it together for the sake of my grandson. Trying to find work is impossibly frustrating. It's just getting worse day by day. He is a narcissist and I cannot believe I never really noticed it. So gradual. So here I am not sure what to do.

Tonyl testing times
  • replies: 2

hi guys - this is my first time posting . have been married for 12 amazing years, my wife and I have two fantastic kids together . we run a successful business together as well. at this point I do want to point out that I think my wife is amazing , s... View more

hi guys - this is my first time posting . have been married for 12 amazing years, my wife and I have two fantastic kids together . we run a successful business together as well. at this point I do want to point out that I think my wife is amazing , she to me is stunning I wold not have it any other way. We are a normal couple, we have our ups and downs. I always make a effort for her every night , tell her I love her , kiss her good night , I dress up make myself smell good look good , do as much as I can in the household etc I take the initicive to buy her flowers and make a effort in the relationship. My parents brought me up to be a gentleman , I respect people and would never put myself into a situation that jeopardises my relationship. my wife has always been happy , always with a smile , likes a cuddle etc. this week something happened and I have no idea what I have done wrong. in the morning she was very happy she went off to her hairdresser appointment came back looking amazing as always I complement her , then in the afternoon boom massive mood swing. at this point I must add that she is iron deficient, but over years I learnt to manage this. I know that has partially to do with her behaviour. but she has said to me the following day that I am always in her face, she was snappy at the kids, I say goodbye to her I say I love you , I get nothing , I try to kiss her I get a non passionate kiss (peck) even worse the following day after a great day at work all happy and smiling I help her by carrying her stuff to the car, say goodbye bend in for a kiss she reacts and tells me she feels like she trapped . I felt shocked as it was a normal thing we did in the past for many years being a loving couple . anyway I put more stuff in the car and she says bye gives me a peck. at work It got cold she had goosebumps I said come here ill warm you up, ready for a cuddle she kinda leaned in no arms awkard cuddle. I know I sounds like I am reading too much into it. but is very out of character for her I will say I have backed off since she started behaving the way she has been im trying to focus on my kids more and try to dismiss the behaviour in my head. as I said its completely out of character. i'm trying to stay positive around her. but underneath im feeling like she does not want to be with me. she has said that she loves me sometimes but there seems something really a miss. I am really hoping that it pans out and its nothing

Stats9 Disowned by my family
  • replies: 6

Ever since I was young I was always the odd one out having two sisters mum was for the athletic one and dad for one other one that had heart problems, I never had any one to turn to I was bullied at school from year 4 till year 11, back then parents ... View more

Ever since I was young I was always the odd one out having two sisters mum was for the athletic one and dad for one other one that had heart problems, I never had any one to turn to I was bullied at school from year 4 till year 11, back then parents did nothing to help me. I left High School at end of year 12 and started working being bullied again at work was no fun and anxiety grew worse, until I met my husband who told me to stand up for myself, I took his advice and it worked, but not on my mother, she started to hate me more and argue with me all the time even though I was always there for her when I was younger. Younger sister met a drug addict and woman basher and I have no time for them at all, so now I have disowned by my family including my parents. Anxiety and depression has got the better of me and feel sad a lot of the time cos I know it’s not my dads fault he only listens to my mum and agrees with her saving him from arguments, my son misses his grandad lots and I miss dad too but we can’t see him no more... just not to sure what to do, I cry at nights some times and so does my son

Donnatello Distant Relationship Advice
  • replies: 3

OMG not sure where to start.... Married for 17 years been unhappy for last 10 or more Husband is narcistic verbally and has a bad temper. My past history unfaithful once briefly - over 5 years ago Husband found out not trusted me since Currently have... View more

OMG not sure where to start.... Married for 17 years been unhappy for last 10 or more Husband is narcistic verbally and has a bad temper. My past history unfaithful once briefly - over 5 years ago Husband found out not trusted me since Currently have been chatting online constantly everyday since April 2018 with one male overseas visited in October/ November 2018 for one month and returned again this year returning from abroad a week ago. This male divorced his wife in late June early July this year. Since we started chatting over twelve months ago he has told me many times everyday he loves me and misses me .. Recently about a month prior to me returning to him he told his close friends and family about me. He said I was his life his future and asked me my intentions When I arrived he told me I was his Girlfriend but a week into my stay he said he was not ready to coexist with me He thought he was ready but now is not .....I was very upset but he said he would fight until the last day of my stay and we would either win together or lose together Throughout the rest of my stay there were many highs and lows but we still told each other e wry day we li Ed each other. I am full of self doubt I am not good enough but he told me he is the problem. The day I left to return to Australia he called me back from the Security line to caress kiss me and say farewellHe said we would still write but it has not been the same Now he never tells me he loves me or misses me and only writes GoodMorning and Goodnight with no love language He is Italian and was very passionate in the year or so I have written to him When questioned about not writing inlove you or I miss you his reply was I know your illness is emotional I am very sorry. Honestly these days my heart is cold... and I can’t feel for anyone.... I am very depressed and feel very guilty. Right now I need to be alone I need comments about why he has I feelings anymore I can not sleep I constantly feel nauseated and am not coping

Guest_598 Everything at once
  • replies: 14

Hi All, four weeks ago, my partner ended our relationship because he has not yet worked through the breakdown of his marriage, along with the grief and anger. He did not want to make promises he may not be able to keep and is completely lost. He stru... View more

Hi All, four weeks ago, my partner ended our relationship because he has not yet worked through the breakdown of his marriage, along with the grief and anger. He did not want to make promises he may not be able to keep and is completely lost. He struggles with every decision, will need to talk more to his ex wife to move forward and does not know where he will end up. I feel very sad and disappointed because I have loved him very much after the year we had together. But I went away for a few weeks and the distance helped with the worst heartbreak. Now I am trying to move forward and on, sometimes positive and sometimes pulled back into false hope that he may, one day, move on and out, finally ready to fully commit. But I know it is false hope, and so I will have to focus on rebuilding a new life of my own. It is difficult and painful at times, especially since we have to work together and although I am trying to build distance, he reaches out to me. It appears like he wants his cake and eat it, too while he is wading through his own confusion. But his progress is incredibly slow and I cannot deal with the hot and cold. He ended the relationship to move forward, so he will need to live with his decision. While I am trying to stay strong and distant, at the same time, every day I am hoping that he may miss me. When he messages me, I feel good because I know he cares about me, and bad because I know I cannot have him. I told him that at the moment, I either want everything or nothing because he has been pulling me along for too long. Not maliciously but due to his incredible indecisiveness and emotional immaturity. On top of this, while I was away visiting my parents, they said some horribly nasty things about me on my last night before I flew out. They did not think I would hear them but I did. I realise that they did so because they had a bit too much to drink and were disappointed that their expectations of the time with me were not met but all I wanted was a shoulder to lean on after the breakup. So of course I was not the greatest company. I confronted them about their words and they felt terribly apologetic. Since then, they feel very guilty and although I made them comfortable being nice, so they don't have the feelings of regret, but I feel extremely hurt, alone and like everything in my life is falling apart right now. I have just (gladly) finalised my divorce and my ex is dissatisfied because I did. What else? How can I progress and get better?