Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Merkles Lack of relationships issue
  • replies: 2

Hi guys, not sure how to put this, or if it's worth posting here, I just feel so alone lately. I am 27 and have never been in a relationship before and it's really starting to take it's toll on me. I live alone, all my close friends have partners and... View more

Hi guys, not sure how to put this, or if it's worth posting here, I just feel so alone lately. I am 27 and have never been in a relationship before and it's really starting to take it's toll on me. I live alone, all my close friends have partners and are moving on with their lives. I'm not sure why I struggle so much to find someone. At the start of the year I got close with someone I've known for some time now, we were chatting quite regularly (Mostly daily). I thought for sure it was going to turn into something more. We had a weekend planned away, that I was really excited for, I spoke to her about it and she had forgotten about it? Which really made me feel worthless. I suffer from GAD and I couldn't stop thinking about why she would have forgotten. Since then she hasn't really been close with me, sometimes messages me out of the blue and then leaves me on read for days. I just keep thinking to myself what did I do. This is just one example; I always feel nothing works out for me, even though everyone says how great of a person I am. It's leading me into quite a depressed state as I can't help but envisage a future spent alone, and it's scary. None of this is her fault, I'm sure she has her reasons, who knows, maybe she's found someone better, maybe I was always just an option, anyway the best to her. I can't help but think back on the good times now and I miss them like crazy, my phone can go days without getting a notification that isn't from work. Not sure what I'm looking for posting here, I just think I needed to get this off my chest. Thank you if you read this all.

Jacko93 I’m stuck and confused as the last 2 years of my life have been taken away
  • replies: 3

My girlfriend of 2 years went on holidays with a group of people for a my “friends” 21st birthday, I couldn’t go because of work and asked her 3 times I wasn’t ok with her going without me (I was already getting suss that something was going on betwe... View more

My girlfriend of 2 years went on holidays with a group of people for a my “friends” 21st birthday, I couldn’t go because of work and asked her 3 times I wasn’t ok with her going without me (I was already getting suss that something was going on between them) we couldn’t afford it but she went anyway. When she came home 2 weeks later she broke up with me out of the blue saying she had feelings for this guy who’s birthday it was and she didn’t miss me while she was gone. She’s 27 and we lived together and had a lot of stuff together, trying for kids, had 2 dogs ect. She kicked me out with no warning and didn’t even wait 48 hrs or before I moved out to get in bed with him. She says she didn’t cheat but in my eyes she 100% has emotionally (and probably physically) one half of me still loves her but the other half never wants to speak to her again as she took EVERYTHING from me. I could really use some advice as I’m just taking it day by day at the moment and fell very lost and very confused at the moment. This happened a month ago and I haven’t spoken to her since. I want to reach out to her but I know I have to wait for her to reach out to me(I honestly don’t think she will as she doesn’t think she’s done anything wrong) Thanks for your time and advice

LUCIDFOX_X Cheated on my partner with my ex
  • replies: 9

This has been quite troubling for me. I sort of told myself that I would never be that person who cheated. I vowed it to myself really. Straight afterwards I mostly just felt shocked and sort of frustrated with myself, I haven't told anyone and don't... View more

This has been quite troubling for me. I sort of told myself that I would never be that person who cheated. I vowed it to myself really. Straight afterwards I mostly just felt shocked and sort of frustrated with myself, I haven't told anyone and don't plan on telling anyone but I'm am mostly just surprised. I don't want to be viewed as the 'cheater', the 'once a cheater always a cheater'. I'm at a point in my life where I really don't know what I want and it feels like quite a 'transitional phase'. I'm only 22 and I've heard of this so many times from my older friends where your 20's is where you really discover yourself. This, of course, is not what I'm referring to when it comes to discovering myself. I mean more like I want to move cities just to try it (Why not), and meet new people, and study animals like I've always wanted to since I was a little girl, become a zookeeper and work my way up, I want to discover things and become someone who I love. Don't get me wrong, I love my partner... As ridiculous as that sounds... I really do though, he is such an angel and I don't know where I'd be without him sometimes, but I don't think I'm 'in love' with him anymore. He's been my rock for a very long time but there's a lot of things we don't agree on and I'm a very hypersensitive person, and he isn't, i'm very empathetic, he isn't, I communicate using different pitches in my voice to express my care and love for someone, or anger or sadness, he doesn't (So offends me a lot without realising), he's very black and white, I'm not, he has a criminal record, I didn't sign up for that, he's cheated on me twice (?) and has sent photos of me to his friend when we had been dating for 6 months. So, ultimately, I'm just unsure of what direction I want to go in really, and where I want to go and who I want to be. As for my ex, this person has been in my life since we were in year 8 and we have always had a lot of love and care for each other, it did make us feel things, but he seems more distant now, I think because he feels so guilty. And for some reason, I feel nothing, I can't stop thinking about it, and I think I feel sort of sad (?), but I mostly think I feel indifferent but also just nothing. It's hard to explain. Please don't give me a grilling. I really don't want one lol. I know how bad it is... I just need some advice or insight.

We_Can_Get_Through_It Why do I feel worse?
  • replies: 4

I've been dating this guy for about a month now and I love him so much, he is caring and is very patient and I am so happy when I am around him. But when I'm not I'm super anxious and depressed and it's getting way worse, I feel like I'm acting very ... View more

I've been dating this guy for about a month now and I love him so much, he is caring and is very patient and I am so happy when I am around him. But when I'm not I'm super anxious and depressed and it's getting way worse, I feel like I'm acting very clingy towards him already and the feeling of loneliness is suffocating. I have no idea what to do, any ideas?

Claypole Wife Had Affair - 3 Yaers later, Relationship Is not the same
  • replies: 3

My wife had a five year long affair with one of our best friends. I found out when I saw a text message on her phone. We decided to stay together , and the aftershcok of the affair had a big effect on our social base and friends (most blamed her and ... View more

My wife had a five year long affair with one of our best friends. I found out when I saw a text message on her phone. We decided to stay together , and the aftershcok of the affair had a big effect on our social base and friends (most blamed her and ditched us both) Three years on and I feel very confused, my wife and I are still close, but there is no intimicay in the relationsip at all. I still do not fully trust her, and every time she is away my anxiety levels rocket. My self asteim is very low because of the lack of intimacy, and I feel kind of trapped. Is it time to end the relationship? Can it be fixed? I have tried talking to her, but she would rather just sweep it under the carpet and pretend it didn't happen. she just says things like "but things are good now, we should just move on". She doesn't seem to understand that things are not good. This just feels like a friendship rather than a marriage - we do lots together, but not really as man and wife. We have been married for 25 years now, and I'm not sure I am just staying for a sense of loyalty or duty. There is no other person on the horizen, I have never actively looked, but I am worried if I don't will I be stuck in this state of Limbo for the next 25 years?

battling_and_confused Management of work colleagues
  • replies: 2

Hi Just like everyone work sucks sometimes and we all have good and bad patches. I would like opinions on how I have handled the following scenario and how I should have handled it. I have a work colleague I do not directly manage but I will say I am... View more

Hi Just like everyone work sucks sometimes and we all have good and bad patches. I would like opinions on how I have handled the following scenario and how I should have handled it. I have a work colleague I do not directly manage but I will say I am more senior. They have had some terrible stuff happen in their lives regarding expectations and perceived disappointment and have battled AD for some time. When work gets a bit hard, the AD plays up, I have sort of been their support person. I have directed to external support and I believe they are well supported. Here is the drama, they do not want anyone at work to know, and I respect that, the feel it has counted against them previously. Recently I committed to meet them and sort of delayed it a few times, late one day (late in the work week)I got a call from them all distressed and felt a tad guilty, I went and visited for an hour and had a chat. I think it helped them although I do feel a monkey on my back, but I am happy they are OK and appreciate what I did "you have made sure I will have a great Monday" was our parting words. I was sort of worked up as this latest "flat patch" could have been prevented if work had have been a little more generally thoughtful. I sent an email that was not nice, but not that bad, to some senior crew at work, basically saying have a good hard look at how we manage things. I was pretty worked up myself (I am AD) which reverted to a few questions and justification from the crew emailed (ok perhaps email was a bit loose). They were grilling me to tell them who it was and they wanted to support, but I didn't want to breach their confidentiality, the conversation was really shit but I stuck fast. Have I done the right thing?

Lost78 Lost and confussed
  • replies: 1

Well here goes, Three weeks ago my partner left while I was at work, she sent a txt saying everything was my fault and she was going. She cut off all ties and by the time I could fly home, she had taken everything from the house she wanted. I had 2 s... View more

Well here goes, Three weeks ago my partner left while I was at work, she sent a txt saying everything was my fault and she was going. She cut off all ties and by the time I could fly home, she had taken everything from the house she wanted. I had 2 step kids, it was the eldests birthday when she sent the text, I couldnt even say happy birthdday. I have know then for six years. A couple of weeks previously I had found a couples counsillor for us as I had felt like our connection was strained and lost and wanted to do what I could to have a good relationship. So we went to our single appointments then a couples one. It was tough but the counsillor said it was nothing special we were pretty normal. We had an argument on the way home, she didnt know what she felt and I was upset because we had only just brought a house and she wasnt even willing to try. After things cooled down we decided to try and keep going to the sessions to see how it went. I went to work and everything seemed ok, we made some plans for my time off and still got txts with i love you in them. Then came that txt and everything changed. I have had no contact with her and the kids, she blocked me on everything as soon as she sent the text. She just walked away. I went back to the couples counsillor, phycologist and she was gob smacked that it had happened. All I wanted to do was blame my self but she saw in her clinical opinion that I was a rational adult and my partner had some big issues. I dont understand why someone would just leave like that when their partner is willing to work at it and support her? I now have lost all contact with my step kids who I love so dearly and miss everyday, however I know I do not have any rights. I have tried counsilling, being possitive, being active but the pain of not seeing them ever again is so hard. Loosing one relationship is hard but I have lost three and I am sick of being told to get over it, move on and be possitive. I feel in a very low place..............

SparklySushi He doesn’t want to have sex with me and always bites at me?
  • replies: 5

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 16 months and always done long distance (we’re 2.5 hours away he’s city and I’m rural) I’ve always struggled with the fact he doesn’t give much affection and doesn’t put much enthusiasm into the relationship... View more

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 16 months and always done long distance (we’re 2.5 hours away he’s city and I’m rural) I’ve always struggled with the fact he doesn’t give much affection and doesn’t put much enthusiasm into the relationship which has left me doubting myself and because he was once engaged makes me feel like I’m not that amazing to get over his ex... he doesn’t simply think or think to support me it’s like being with a child. For example he organised this thing for my birthday which was going to give me huge anxiety and probably result in me having a panic attack and like what I expected he didn’t support me, he left me to cry on my birthday didn’t think to even come to support me. we only see each other on the weekends and I would’ve thought by then he’d be getting pretty keen for sex but I always have to initiate it otherwise I won’t get it at all, sometimes it feels like I have to force it out of him. I don’t have that much of a sex drive but it’s like basically the only affection I get so I’ve got nothing else... we’re both in a late 20’s I have a stable full time job where he’s still fluffing about going from job to job never happy and I feel like he takes it out on me even though I try helping him and suggest things but he doesn’t listen. Due to this he still lives with his parents in a granny flat but soon it’ll all be under the same roof...I’ve tried explaining this is going to greatly affect our relationship, no privacy, can’t be ourselves and when I do get sex it’ll have to be super quiet and boring. He fails to realise all this which hurts me I honestly don’t know what to do. Besides all these bad things we get along perfect we have fun and make fun of each other but we both suffer anxiety and depression him possibly asbergers (not medically diagnosed). I feel so alone and depressed. We planned on moving in together and I put in a transfer to the city but now he’s jumping from another job again. i love him so much but I just don’t know what to do. Everything I say he bites at me. There’s no talking to him without starting an argument

Kelizabeth Struggling with finding out my ex is gay
  • replies: 4

I was with my previous partner for 9 years we had a house together, pets everything. Things started going south and we didn’t have much of a physical relationship and eventually agreed to part ways last year staying good friends. Last week I found ou... View more

I was with my previous partner for 9 years we had a house together, pets everything. Things started going south and we didn’t have much of a physical relationship and eventually agreed to part ways last year staying good friends. Last week I found out by accident he has starting dating a man. My emotions are all over the place and I’m so conflicted. I have no problem with homosexuality and hope he finally feels that he’s in the right place but at the same time I can’t help to feel angry and betrayed. I’m questioning every moment and experience we had together. The worst part is I’m ashamed of these feelings...I feel like I should just be happy for him and I’m guilty I’m feeling anything different. I know how hard it must have been for him to not be able to be honest about what he was feeling. I’m shocked and I’m overwhelmed and don’t know what to think or feel. It’s almost like I’m actually now grieving for a while past life the perceptions of which I no longer trust. I don’t know if I’m just being selfish I’m feeling this way

Genie23 Relationship anxiety
  • replies: 1

Hi, my partner and I have been together for over a year now. We initially worked together and became friends. Then we started a casual relationship. During this time, he had a hard time accepting us being involved. He didn’t like the idea of us worki... View more

Hi, my partner and I have been together for over a year now. We initially worked together and became friends. Then we started a casual relationship. During this time, he had a hard time accepting us being involved. He didn’t like the idea of us working together and spending so much time together, and had recently ended a 3 year relationship. As a result, he would, every few months, panic and break things off then flirt/kiss someone else. It was usually people we worked with. Every time he would come back begging for forgiveness, and I would. I trusted he was a decent person and worth another chance. Eventually, after one of these occasions, where I decided to end it for good and not forgive, he decided he was ready to commit to a relationship. Since then, everything has been amazing. He is extremely loving and committed. We have been living together for a year, moved interstate together, talk about marriage and how we’ll raise our kids. He constantly tells me he loves me and never wants me to leave him. He says I am his world, and I do believe him. I feel so lucky to be with someone so loving, and I love him immensely in return. But every now and again I have moments of weakness where I doubt everything. I understand it is due to these past indiscretions. And when I think back to those occasions, they don’t really hurt anymore. I recently saw his Instagram feed and it was full of half naked women. I have a hard time opening up, so it took me almost a full day of anxiety and doubt to tell him how I felt. He totally understood and said that he hardly even used Instagram. The next day he unfollowed all of these accounts because he knew it made me uncomfortable. We are both so happy and in such a good place in our relationship, but I know he once messaged these accounts. And their responses were flirtatious and suggesting sex for other favours. I don’t think he has messaged these accounts since we’ve officially been together, but I’m just finding it so hard to forget about. Last night I didn’t sleep, and as a result I had to call in sick to work because I was too exhausted. I do trust him, I just feel like I don’t know how to let these things go. I have read some forums where people experience the same issues with letting go of the past, but I just don’t know how to. He has become such an amazing, committed person since we’ve been together. Both personally and professionally. And I have become so happy since we’ve been together, so I don’t wait to ruin it.