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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Guest_3256 Walking on eggshells - dealing with a partner who pushes me away
  • replies: 7

Hi everyone. I am looking for some reasonable advise in regards to my situation. Maybe people who have even experienced a similar situation and what you did to grow a healthy sustainable relationship or what actions you used. My partner has some ment... View more

Hi everyone. I am looking for some reasonable advise in regards to my situation. Maybe people who have even experienced a similar situation and what you did to grow a healthy sustainable relationship or what actions you used. My partner has some mental health issues which causes him to experience rapidly changing moods. The main issue is around infidelity. He has recently told me (after many excruciating discussions) that he cannot trust me and repeatedly accuses me of cheating with other men. He has broken up with me nearly once a week and then comes back. Push/ pull cycle. He recently told me that he gets thoughts in his head and also that he hears voices. The voices range from the neighbours telling him is on drugs, that people are out to get him and the worst one is that someone (friend apparently) is telling him that I am constantly sleeping around. He is super affectionate one minute and can turn into a vicious Veloster raptor the next. It's a constant journey of walking on egg shells. It's a roller coaster of emotions, manipulations and gaslighting. Other than that, he is very caring, loving, we bond on such a close level and he showers me with loads of love. There are a lot of good times, however, he will always look at the bad times - in which he caused. In saying that, I am always the one he blames for him feeling the way he does. This is very confusing and very exhausting to handle. Obviously I love him which is why I am writing this so I do have some faith that he will become better, I's like to get some advise and what people have done, what options they explored and if things could become easier. Jsua - "living on the edge of the sward."

QueenB_ Feeling lonely in a marriage
  • replies: 2

I've been married for over a year now and my first year of marriage wasn't the best. My husband worked a lot so I only got one Sunday once a fortnight to spend with him. And on these Sunday's it felt like we had to fit everything in that one day. Thi... View more

I've been married for over a year now and my first year of marriage wasn't the best. My husband worked a lot so I only got one Sunday once a fortnight to spend with him. And on these Sunday's it felt like we had to fit everything in that one day. This was only temporary, and he understood this. Now he is home a lot but leaves every single day to work out with his friends. While this doesn't seem like a big deal, it's more like i'm being left alone again for something more appealing to him. I'm probably over reacting and just need someone to tell me whether I am or not. But my husband has been stubborn and working out with these 2 guys every single day. And when they aren't working out, they always want to hang out for a few drinks and smoke. This is everyday!! (Firstly, with the Covid-19 situation we are in, they shouldn't even be doing this). Anyway, they call several times a day and is always the first call we get in the morning. I guess he needs his friends and space, but I don't like being woken up first thing in the morning by one of them. And it's ALWAYS asking if he can hang for a few hours EVERY DAY. These guys are nice, but they drink and smoke excessively, and use very bad language when they speak. I don't like what my husband becomes when he is with these guys. 2 days ago was our 6 year anniversary and the day he proposed to me 3 years ago. He's not the one to ever buy me flowers or gifts...so whatever. But he left to be with his friends. All I wanted was to spend time together and have dinner together. Lately, I've been having dinner alone every night and have no family or friends where I live. Is it ok for my husband to hang out with these guys everyday? One of the guys is also married and has a kid. I'm afraid if I have a kid, he will do the same thing. And with the drinking and smoking, it will kill our relationship. Sometimes they ask to come over to sit and drink for a few hours. I feel like I don't have my privacy anymore and I'm losing my husband to bad influence. I am ok with drinking/smoking in moderation.. it's a bit of fun. But not like this... every single day especially with these guys. Please advise.

MickD Lost without her
  • replies: 2

Hi , first time poster but here goes. My wife left me a few weeks ago and i am lost and depressed without her. Over 25 years of marriage we have split up 4 times but always get back together until i screw it up again. Each time has been for different... View more

Hi , first time poster but here goes. My wife left me a few weeks ago and i am lost and depressed without her. Over 25 years of marriage we have split up 4 times but always get back together until i screw it up again. Each time has been for different reasons but i'm pretty sure , this time is it. I thought we were going OK and i didn't see it coming. She told me that she felt unloved , not appreciated and was sick of the way i spoke to her. I didn't realise any of this but apparently i speak to everyone the same. My biggest problem is , i say how i see it. I do love her with all my heart and i think over the years i just lost track of showing her and just got comfortable. I need to change myself and show her i can change , not to get back with her (even though i do want to) but so we can still be friends.

Miss920 Struggling with confined space and my family during covid19
  • replies: 3

Hi all I’m just writing because I’m going through a hard time with my mental health during these isolating times. I am a mum to two young children, one 2 yrs and the other in prep whom I’m homeschooling. I already experience anxiety and depression fo... View more

Hi all I’m just writing because I’m going through a hard time with my mental health during these isolating times. I am a mum to two young children, one 2 yrs and the other in prep whom I’m homeschooling. I already experience anxiety and depression for many years now but this period of restrictions coupled with no help, family support and living in a tiny home is pushing me to the edge. I love my children and have a good husband, but I am feeling so lonely, under appreciated and overworked with no help. I also come from an education background, so I thought I’d be doing great at homeschooling my daughter in prep, but she doesn’t seem to be engaging with my ideas and activities, I feel no matter what fun ideas I come up with she isn’t engaged and doesn’t enjoy what we’re doing. This makes my self worth and self esteem even lower than it is and leaves me frustrated and angry. Mum super tired mentally and physically and I struggle to get up and going for the day. Was wondering if anyone is going through a similar circumstance? I feel like there is almost no use trying and that my family would not know none the wiser if I was here or not! Any advice and feedback would be appreciated! Many thanks!

Mummablue Hello
  • replies: 7

Hi Everyone These last few weeks had been the hardest weeks of my life. I'm finding it very hard and feel very lonely.

Hi Everyone These last few weeks had been the hardest weeks of my life. I'm finding it very hard and feel very lonely.

Winnieford Family in a different country
  • replies: 1

Hi So I went travelling a couple of years ago and met my now partner. We have a little girl together. I'm really struggling with being away from family and not having that close support network. He isnt open about moving back to my home country and t... View more

Hi So I went travelling a couple of years ago and met my now partner. We have a little girl together. I'm really struggling with being away from family and not having that close support network. He isnt open about moving back to my home country and that makes things really difficult for mentally. There was never a verbal discussion as to where we would potentially end up. I guess that's on me. I just thought hed atleast go visit. The last few months have been really tough on me as we live out in the country and it's hard to meet people. I'm so unbelievably lonely and I just dont know what to do.

Meremale64 Made a mess of my life, marriage and too embarrassed and ashamed to talk about how I got myself in this situation.
  • replies: 4

I am a middled aged guy, married with kids who has made some very poor decisions in the last few years and now in a hole deeper than I can see getting out of. I live interstate from my family for work and now with the pandemic even more isolated. I a... View more

I am a middled aged guy, married with kids who has made some very poor decisions in the last few years and now in a hole deeper than I can see getting out of. I live interstate from my family for work and now with the pandemic even more isolated. I am ashamed, guilt ridden and see my situation getting worse, all my doing. One of reasons I have never posted before is I know I’ve made massive mistakes and have seen others be judged , criticised in these forums which is not what I need , I do that to myself enough. Basically I have been unhappy in my marriage for a number of years, but my wife doesn’t see any issues, concerns. I raised my feelings a few years ago and she got very upset obviously and said why, everything is ok, we can sort it. I tried to explain its my feelings, not anything she has or hasn’t done and got what about the kids, they will be devastated (all in their 20’s). After this I went into avoidance mode and although very unhappy have just continued on saying it must be me, I have to stick this out to avoid causing her and kids any pain, distress. Then, my first mistake, I started chatting to someone, which developed into more. I knew it was wrong for all the reasons obvious, but continued. Every time I try to bring up my feelings with my wife she asks when I’m coming home etc which makes me crush with guilt. I didn’t think I was a bad person, but now see I must be, who would do this. To add to my situation I have lost a couple of my closest family members in the last few years, the people I could talk too about anything. Then my latest poor decision was I moved out of my accommodation interstate into a share house, and haven’t told anyone, including my family. I did this because I thought I needed to change my surroundings, and know my wife wouldn’t understand, and have no idea how I felt these decisions were logical, ok. It’s like someone else made them , and now karma coming back for me, and justified. To top of my mistakes the woman I started seeing now says I need to make a decision or she will tell all. I’m stuck interstate so can’t do anything face to face whilst we are in middle of this terrible health situation. I see it all imploding , and added guilt of me feeling like this , by my own creation when so many more are suffering during this time through no fault of their own. I can’t get in to see a specialist for weeks during this time. Apologies for the long post but I’m so depressed, feel alone and stuck .

Em140 My mental illness is taking a toll on my relationship
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone, I’m not really sure how to being this so I might start with some background information on the title. So my boyfriend and I have been dating for nearly two years and have been on a roller coaster ever since we left the honeymoon stage. Y... View more

Hi everyone, I’m not really sure how to being this so I might start with some background information on the title. So my boyfriend and I have been dating for nearly two years and have been on a roller coaster ever since we left the honeymoon stage. You see I have experience anxiety, depression and high levels of stress have been with me since I was little. It roots from some family conflict and some negative experience that I had at an early age. This effects my self esteem and ability to self sooth myself. min the begin he was so supportive, let me call him when I was having a moment, didn’t matter if it was 4 in the morning he was there to talk. Then I went on holidays for two weeks and he cheated on me.. three days before our one year.. it’s been hell but I think we’re through it. So we’re now nearly two years in and after an argument he says that he’s not as empathetic as he use to be towards me and my issues. This is because I don’t listen to him, that it’s always the same thing and he doesn’t know what to say to me anymore, it’s happening too frequently. In a way hes right. I can keep calling him in the early hours of the morning (that normally makes the situation worst, he’s grumpy.. I’m grumpy). At the moment I am using strategies such as tapping to destruct myself in I’m the moment of overwhelming. And talking to either him or a free councillor at my uni. Is there anything else Someone can suggest I do? For the sack of my relationship I need to do something Thanks

Scaredandunsure What does it mean? Should i give up?
  • replies: 3

My wife and i met when we were 14 have 3 kids and have been together for 20 years married for 10. About 9 months ago things got really hard for me and suddenly i was struggling with work family life and being a husband i became anti social, angered q... View more

My wife and i met when we were 14 have 3 kids and have been together for 20 years married for 10. About 9 months ago things got really hard for me and suddenly i was struggling with work family life and being a husband i became anti social, angered quickly, yelled at my wife a lot because i was begging her to Spend some time alone at home with me and the kids and she didnt want to listen She thought i was trying to stop her having fun. 6 months of constant arguing and Name calling and accusations i found out i had been dealing with depression, she had kicked me Out of the house at the time and we tried to get back together after that but she ultimately Decided she didnt want to be with me anymore. We have been seperated for over 2 months now And in that time i have been dealing with rumours about her sleeping with what used to be my best friend Now background we used to be close as couples. Him and his wife and me and mine Our marriages pretty much came to an end around the same time and i think the rumours started because of that. I know the rumours arent true and they havent slept together yet. She has admitted to having feelings for him then feeling love for him and now the feelings are getting stronger. She was coming to him as a friend and they both maintain that he was trying to get her to come back to me but over the course of talking about everything they just clicked. I asked her recently about what she felt about the thought of having sex with him to see if she said disgusted and maybe the feelings are just more a saviour complex seeing as though he kind of 'protected' her from me at times and all she said was scared. Im trying to take a positive out of it but any partner you would be about to have sex with you would have some apprehension or fear right? Is she too far gone for me i love her with every part of me and i cant imagine a life without her. But she says she still loves me and doesnt want a divorce yet. Should i move on? Is there any hope?