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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Trying19 Pregnant, cheated on, trying to save a marriage
  • replies: 2

I have just found out my husband was having an affair with someone from his work for around 6 months (I think). The extent of the lying and lengths he went to are something that I can’t seem to fathom and I am still in shock that he has done this to ... View more

I have just found out my husband was having an affair with someone from his work for around 6 months (I think). The extent of the lying and lengths he went to are something that I can’t seem to fathom and I am still in shock that he has done this to me. We had some issues with intimacy and affection prior to the affair but generally our marriage was happy. We have two children and I am currently 7 months pregnant which is escalating emotions and I am so sad our baby will not have the same upbringing as their older siblings. . he has agreed to go to counselling with me and for himself. But I am struggling to feel the commitment from him and he has said he does not have the love for me. do you think I am pushing an uphill battle I will never get over? Has anyone been in a similar situation? I am struggling to find any strength in what to do, I want to try salvage our marriage and try to turn it around not just for our children but for us as I know how good we can be

HB91 Wife is having an affair!!
  • replies: 5

Hello, My wife and I after been married for 2 years and have been together for 5.5 years and she has told me she wants to separate. She told me this last Oct and in Nov we went to our first counselling session. I had discovered that she was talking t... View more

Hello, My wife and I after been married for 2 years and have been together for 5.5 years and she has told me she wants to separate. She told me this last Oct and in Nov we went to our first counselling session. I had discovered that she was talking to another guy and confronted her about it. She said she did not know if she wanted to be with me and that she thought we were 2 completely different people. When we started our first counselling session I asked her if there was anything I should know, and she said no. About a week after that we went to Bali for a holiday with my family. It turns out she told my two cousins that she slept with her friend from Townsville (who himself had a wife and child). My whole family knew this except for me ( I found this out 3 months later). A few nights before New Years eve she told me that she was going to her friends place (her female friend from work) and that it was just a girls night out. I had nothing planned because I thought we were just going to spend it together. She new I was going to have to spend it alone but persisted that I was not coming. About 2 weeks after that we went to our second counselling session which seemed like it went well and we both agreed to work on things. My wife then said lets go to Townsville and we can stay there at her friends place (the friend she slept with) I had not met him before and did not think anything of it. We did not go to Townsville in the end as her friend had to help out with the fires. The night before our third counselling session I had a gut feeling things were not right. I know this is not OK, but I checked her apple watch and found messages to a new guy she was talking to. I asked her 5 times the next morning if she new this guys name and she said no. I then sent a photo of the text with his name in it and she just said i'm done. I was speaking to my mum about what I should do and she then confessed to me that my wife had slept with her friend from Townsville. I felt absolutely gutted and betrayed. I told my wife I knew and asked why she didn't tell me and her excuse was that she didn't want to hurt me. I have also found out that she is currently sleeping with other people yet she keeps telling me that she loves me in some form and wants me in her life. Her excuse for sleeping with other people is it is a distraction that keeps her from being a mess. I feel confused because I love her, but I feel angry that she is doing this to me and have no idea what to do.

xCrumpetx He’s taking a break from me
  • replies: 1

We have been together for two years. He needs a break from me because I am draining him down with my depression and constant neediest. I agree I do get needy. I have to change or else he will leave me. I am so scared. I love him so much. I have to be... View more

We have been together for two years. He needs a break from me because I am draining him down with my depression and constant neediest. I agree I do get needy. I have to change or else he will leave me. I am so scared. I love him so much. I have to become more independent. It is so scary. It is basically challenging me to fight my inner most demons. I think he wants a break for at least a week. It’s killing me. I hope it gets better. The thing I am scared of the most is himself. I don’t want him to get depressed or worse. I worry about him. I need to change. Will he be ok? I needed to get this off my chest. No one else is up.

PsychedelicFur Absence of mother
  • replies: 7

Recently, at the end of last year when it was Christmas Eve my mother decided to leave my father of twenty odd years of marriage for another man. This other man has not yet left his girlfriend and his little daughter but he takes turns in living betw... View more

Recently, at the end of last year when it was Christmas Eve my mother decided to leave my father of twenty odd years of marriage for another man. This other man has not yet left his girlfriend and his little daughter but he takes turns in living between two houses. As you can imagine my parents separation is affecting me immensely. Growing up my mother had postnatal depression and was extremely emotionally unavailable and distant with me. When I was a baby I rarely received the affection and attention most children get from their mothers. My mother and I never had the bond most children and their parents have. Whenever I cried I was told to shut up. At the time of growing up I never acknowledged or recognised that my mother was distant. I just thought it was her natural way of acting. She never showed me self love. She never taught me that it is wonderfully important to be happy with oneself before you decide to bring others into your life (eg relationships and friendships) When I started secondary school I was not properly taught things girls are meant to know. As a result I would get bullied. And the bullying got quite brutal. I would befriend people who would want to stab me. I left those friendships and relationships because they were toxic and haunting. I have surprisingly enough now taught myself a lot of things. Like how to dress properly, I have taught myself common etiquettes, how to speak well and how to be articulate with my thoughts and feelings. With the assistance of my father too. Thanks Dad. My mother would constantly compare my body to other girls. She would say things that were brutal and sharp tongued when I was upset. Merely telling me I should live in a ‘mental hospital’ because my anxiety and depression was getting quite uncontrollable at this point in time prior to her departure. Then when I attempted to seek help she would just be angry and disappointed in having to wait in the car when taking me to these psychologist appointments. My mother’s absence has affected me greatly. It has not been a pleasurable and enjoyable experience. Most definitely a painful and heart wrenching one to say the least. I just don’t know what to do. My father is great support and has been helping me cope. Hopefully others can leave some advice. It would be most certainly greatly appreciated. Psychedelicfur

Kit_Kat81 Cheated on
  • replies: 12

I’ve been with my husband for 5 years, we have 2 children together (I have another 2 from previous marriage). I found out my husband was cheating on my for 3 years, he starting cheating on me after our 4 year old was born and before we got married an... View more

I’ve been with my husband for 5 years, we have 2 children together (I have another 2 from previous marriage). I found out my husband was cheating on my for 3 years, he starting cheating on me after our 4 year old was born and before we got married and while I was pregnant with our 9 month old. I have known for a year and I can’t get over it.

8ANG9 Friend has labelled me a compulsive liar
  • replies: 1

Hi all new to the forums, Recently a friend of mine has told me I'm a compulsive liar as I have told some lies recently to remove myself from some situations I find harmful to myself. I have mentioned this several times with said friend but they stil... View more

Hi all new to the forums, Recently a friend of mine has told me I'm a compulsive liar as I have told some lies recently to remove myself from some situations I find harmful to myself. I have mentioned this several times with said friend but they still persist with trying to get me to go along (which I have a couple of times to placate them). I get so anxious about the situation now it has lead to me lying about other situations as well without even knowing it. Said friend finds out about the other situation and that I've bent the truth around the subject and then confronts me about it. Which is fair, not dodging that issue, the scary thing for me is I am unable to now tell that I am doing it. My friend is still very supportive of me and has expressed concern about my behaviours and wants me to get better, I have taken the feedback on board, but I am still really finding it hard to change my ways. Am I being too hard on myself (rome wasn't built in a day) or should I be trying harder to placate my friend and make them comfortable?

pkr00402 I keep pushing people away
  • replies: 1

I feel like I am incapable of being in a relationship. Almost every relationship I’ve been in, it’s like I suddenly drop off from it out of nowhere. Like I can be really into someone one week, then the next I just don’t have any feelings at all and t... View more

I feel like I am incapable of being in a relationship. Almost every relationship I’ve been in, it’s like I suddenly drop off from it out of nowhere. Like I can be really into someone one week, then the next I just don’t have any feelings at all and they don’t come back. This is causing me to really hurt the people I’m with, but I feel like there’s nothing I can do about it.

Just_me85 Need advice about family 
  • replies: 1

Please can someone help me. I'm done waking up early in the morning stress because my husband is just yelling and swearing at me. I had enough! He is an angry monster when me and our kids will not worship his daughter who is 28 and his grandkids. He ... View more

Please can someone help me. I'm done waking up early in the morning stress because my husband is just yelling and swearing at me. I had enough! He is an angry monster when me and our kids will not worship his daughter who is 28 and his grandkids. He even swear and call our kids a liar and a traitor because our girls is on my side not his side everytime we have a fight. Everytime we have a fight because of his daughter(28) he always say I'm the worst person/wife in the world. I woke up 5AM just to prepare his food and his stuff for work. Give him a massage when he goes to bed after his work because he is tired, wash his clothes and work clothes and more just to take good care of him. He doesnt appreciate that and I'm so done with this situation. My plan is to take the kids with me and then I will do all the custody stuff after we moved out. Will I get in trouble for doing that? I asked him if we could talk but he just shut me out calling me names when I tried to talk to him. I do have a phone recordings of him swearing at me and to the kids.

Andy_G How to undo designated role of Family scapegoat Identified Patient or Symptom bearer
  • replies: 5

Hello I was raised as the Identified Patient, Symptom Bearer (Bowen Family Systems Therapy), and family Scapegoat - a serious family dysfunctional problem in which one member of the family a child is blamed, shamed, bullied for small things, picked o... View more

Hello I was raised as the Identified Patient, Symptom Bearer (Bowen Family Systems Therapy), and family Scapegoat - a serious family dysfunctional problem in which one member of the family a child is blamed, shamed, bullied for small things, picked on and constantly put down. It's a generational pattern of abuse that is passed down to the children. As I suffered hidden abuse, my family see my mental illness as proof I am a black sheep and insane. my large extended family enjoy my suffering and take great pleasure in my mental illness. They act normal around normal people Mum is a Nurse Manager Dad a successful business owner I chose to be homeless to avoid them but it was difficult. I do love them but they are genuinely hooked on shaming me, how do I overcome this and stop family scapegoating of me, I really need restorative justice and resources or specific strategies to make my family acknowledge the past so I can heal and please have a healthy future relationship with them?

Sunshine981991 Finding it really hard to go no contact with my mum
  • replies: 3

I’m finding it really hard to go no contact with my abusive mum, it is heart breaking my heart but she has always been very nasty and makes me feel awful about myself so I feel it is the best decision to never talk to her again but I don’t know how t... View more

I’m finding it really hard to go no contact with my abusive mum, it is heart breaking my heart but she has always been very nasty and makes me feel awful about myself so I feel it is the best decision to never talk to her again but I don’t know how to cope with that. Feeling extremely anxious, sad and mixed emotions. Does anyone have any suggestions to get through this and to cope? Feeling isolated and like no one else understands as their mother would never do what mine has. Thank you