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Wife is having an affair!!

Community Member


My wife and I after been married for 2 years and have been together for 5.5 years and she has told me she wants to separate. She told me this last Oct and in Nov we went to our first counselling session. I had discovered that she was talking to another guy and confronted her about it. She said she did not know if she wanted to be with me and that she thought we were 2 completely different people.

When we started our first counselling session I asked her if there was anything I should know, and she said no. About a week after that we went to Bali for a holiday with my family. It turns out she told my two cousins that she slept with her friend from Townsville (who himself had a wife and child). My whole family knew this except for me ( I found this out 3 months later).

A few nights before New Years eve she told me that she was going to her friends place (her female friend from work) and that it was just a girls night out. I had nothing planned because I thought we were just going to spend it together. She new I was going to have to spend it alone but persisted that I was not coming.

About 2 weeks after that we went to our second counselling session which seemed like it went well and we both agreed to work on things. My wife then said lets go to Townsville and we can stay there at her friends place (the friend she slept with) I had not met him before and did not think anything of it.

We did not go to Townsville in the end as her friend had to help out with the fires. The night before our third counselling session I had a gut feeling things were not right. I know this is not OK, but I checked her apple watch and found messages to a new guy she was talking to. I asked her 5 times the next morning if she new this guys name and she said no. I then sent a photo of the text with his name in it and she just said i'm done.

I was speaking to my mum about what I should do and she then confessed to me that my wife had slept with her friend from Townsville. I felt absolutely gutted and betrayed. I told my wife I knew and asked why she didn't tell me and her excuse was that she didn't want to hurt me. I have also found out that she is currently sleeping with other people yet she keeps telling me that she loves me in some form and wants me in her life.

Her excuse for sleeping with other people is it is a distraction that keeps her from being a mess. I feel confused because I love her, but I feel angry that she is doing this to me and have no idea what to do.

5 Replies 5

Community Member
Mate shes clearly got no moral compass for respect for you.

Do yourself a favour and leave her and find someone to spend your life with that actually wants to be with you

Community Member

Hi HB91

Normally on these posts we do not judge and we strive for solutions, if that can't be done, we may be able to offer guidance and support. Occasionally I read a sad post (like yours) where the action that needs to be taken is crystal clear.

Your wife has repeatedly betrayed you with a litany of lies and deceitful plans. She has told your family of her infidelity for some reason I do not understand and that action compounds your pain.

I say this without hesitation, forget counselling, she is not interested in her marriage. See a solicitor immediately and get some advice on formal separations. You should also seek the legal advice on untangling your financial bonds in your marriage. I would not engage in talk with her.

Find alternative accommodation (do you have a friend you could bunk down with for a week or so) and start living a seperate life. It is very important that you stay off the grog, eat healthy food, get plenty of exercise and try and keep busy. But again, be careful not to engage with her on any matter of consequence (I'm assuming there are no children involved).

I feel very sorry for you but you will get through this ugly chapter in your life. Good luck.

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member
Hi i feel for you i know what it is like to be cheated on.My wife cheated on me.I moved out as i couldnt handle what she had done.I think it was the best thing i could do.I think you should look at seperating from your wife.It sounds like she has no respect for you and only continue sleeping with other guys.

Community Champion
Community Champion


Welcome to this forum.

You have been given a lot of suggestions but I feel that it is up to you to decide if you can cope with a wife who cheats on you because it stops her being a mess.

I know women who put up with their husbands affairs for years because the want the security of marriage,

I would not judge if you feel your love for each other can handle her infidelities , then that is your choice.

In the end it is your life and you will decide what suits you.

Feel free to post and we are here ready to listen.


Community Member
Hi hb91 my heart goes out to you on this one as I am currently experiencing a similar situation.

It's very hard to fully accept and I can understand why you are seeking help and answers .

Unfortunately some people only have the ability to think of themself ( which it sounds like your wife falls in that category) and put their needs and wants first . Ultimately it's your choice to stay or go but I hope whatever you choose ends up leading to a better situation for yourself.
All the best .