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Pregnant, cheated on, trying to save a marriage

Community Member

I have just found out my husband was having an affair with someone from his work for around 6 months (I think). The extent of the lying and lengths he went to are something that I can’t seem to fathom and I am still in shock that he has done this to me.

We had some issues with intimacy and affection prior to the affair but generally our marriage was happy. We have two children and I am currently 7 months pregnant which is escalating emotions and I am so sad our baby will not have the same upbringing as their older siblings.
he has agreed to go to counselling with me and for himself. But I am struggling to feel the commitment from him and he has said he does not have the love for me.

do you think I am pushing an uphill battle I will never get over? Has anyone been in a similar situation?

I am struggling to find any strength in what to do, I want to try salvage our marriage and try to turn it around not just for our children but for us as I know how good we can be

2 Replies 2

Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi Trying19,

I can imagine that you must be feeling completely shell-shocked, to find this out at any time is traumatic enough, but to find out at 7 months pregnant is completely devastating. If you have made the decision to salvage the relationship for the sake of your lives together and your children, then you must work to that. From you, I think that involves sitting down and talking to your partner. Letting him know that you are willing to move forward and are making steps to heal, but also explaining that this is a process that takes time and he needs to exercise patience in that. There will be times where you will feel good and other times where you will feel hurt and angry and betrayed, but I think that you just need to try and work through these negative relationships and he needs to not push you during these times. From him, you will require him to be honest and own up to the affair and how long it went on for. I think the ‘why’ can also be a valuable insight, but it’s not acceptable for him to try and shift the blame onto something you’ve done. And finally a genuine apology for the hurt that he has caused. You may not get all of these, but I imagine that a relationship counselor can help you both navigate through this.

Sending you hugs xx

Thank you Juliet_84

This is very much what I have done. I have been trying to get him to own up to more about the affair but he isn’t and I can see he is still lying to me. I am hoping a professional can help.

I know this will be a long hard road, I would just like him to be showing some effort towards me now. I feel like that he he will try work things out for the sake of our children, yet I won’t the commitment to me.

Thank you for responding to me