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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Bee_009 Am I really an awful person?
  • replies: 2

Hi all, I don't even know where to start, so a bit of background, I was seeing this girl for about a year now but we had never been 'official'. We both had/have been going through a lot as individuals. For me it was the end of a previous relationship... View more

Hi all, I don't even know where to start, so a bit of background, I was seeing this girl for about a year now but we had never been 'official'. We both had/have been going through a lot as individuals. For me it was the end of a previous relationship which was partially ended because I developed feelings for her while I was still with him. I had and still do feel so much guilt around how things ended. For her, she unexpectedly lost her dad six months ago. So, we decided that it best if we work on them before entering a relationship. In saying this, we were saying I love you and acting like we were together. When we had this converstation, the topic of exclusivity came up and we obviously got very different things out of that conversation. Although I wanted to be with her and did not have the desire to 'date' other people, physically I was not exclusive. At the time I honestly thought that is what we had agreed on, otherwise I wouldn't have been with anyone else. She discovered that I had been with someone else and was really hurt. I explained that I must have misinterpreted the conversation we had and that I sincerely apologise for hurting her. Although difficult I believed that we were moving past it. This past week it was brought up again, somewhat out of the blue and she was upset with me again. I apologised once again for hurting her but said that I didn't want to live my life as the bad guy, we either need to work through it or not. Again, the road was going to be rocky but I felt that we were getting somewhere. Then last night we went out with my friend and while I was in the bathroom my friend reached out to her and said that she knows we've had our ups and downs but shes rooting for us to work out. The girl I was seeing apparently became very defensive asking what my friend knew then asking for details of a night I'd been with someone else, accusing her of covering things up. When I came back from the bathroom she asked when that night was so I told her and she left. She walked out, I chased after her with no luck. Minutes later she sends me probably the most hurtful text I have ever gotten. She highlighted that the night was the same month as her dads funeral and that I am a 'piece of shit and she wants bothing to do with me'. My heart is aching, I can't believe it's over and that she has so much hate towards me. I feel sick, I can't sleep...am I really this awful person?

Pintsa Husband refuses treatment
  • replies: 1

My husband is 38 years old. I am 32 and we have a 19 year old daughter (My step daughter) and 3 more girls 5, 3 and 2. We have been married for 8 years and he is my world. I adore him. He has suffered server depression for nearly 3 years now and he i... View more

My husband is 38 years old. I am 32 and we have a 19 year old daughter (My step daughter) and 3 more girls 5, 3 and 2. We have been married for 8 years and he is my world. I adore him. He has suffered server depression for nearly 3 years now and he is declining even further at an alarming rate. I do all I can to ease his pain, stress and troubles but I feel like a complete failure. He refuses to see a doctor to seek help. Tells me he will get over it. He won't even consider treatment of any kind. I finally got him to a doctor after 2 years but he was put on 2 different anti depressants that didn't help and now refuses to ever try again. Al13 ofour little girls have tourettes and ADHD. My husband can't handle noise with his illness so all my energy is trying to keep 3 young kids who can't sit still, scream, yell, all with mental illness as quite as possible while also trying to give them structure and do all the work, and also do what I can to help hubby. At times He is angry and mean, so so heart crushing mean (we never used to fight). And although it deflates me I try and remember its not him, its the illness. While also letting him know it's not ok. He is suicidal But tells me he always stops and wouldn't do it because of our kids, but I believe that less ans less Now and am on constant suicide watch I'm exhausted, I'm tried and im out of answers and ideas to get him through. I have even tried different crystals or natural therapy even though I'm not a believer in it because I'm desperate. I will keep trying until the end of my days until he is better but I'm silently starting to suffer too but just suck it up because my whole family need me. Can anyone offer advice. At this point it would be easier to Cure world hunger than get him to accept help

Hayes_Hazard Can it get worse ..?
  • replies: 6

Hello, I’m a first timer here, I’ll need to explain a few things, I’m a mum of x2 teen girls.. family of 4 (Mum, Dad & 2 girls) 4 years ago my family separated due to my partner having an affair, it all fell apart, the woman having an affair with my ... View more

Hello, I’m a first timer here, I’ll need to explain a few things, I’m a mum of x2 teen girls.. family of 4 (Mum, Dad & 2 girls) 4 years ago my family separated due to my partner having an affair, it all fell apart, the woman having an affair with my partner was also using and grooming my oldest daughter to her benefit, the affair ended - never lasted. This also destroyed the relationship I had with my oldest daughter. She is 17 soon to be 18 and we have never recovered, she simply has no respect, no love for me yet I try to show interest and love and support back but feel it’s all thrown back in my face. My family is back together .. my partner and I are best friends however we don’t see eye to eye when it comes to my oldest daughter .. I feel helpless and alone.. not respected and hated I my own home .. I have a good relationship with my youngest and concentrate on that as I feel I have lost it all with my oldest.. I have no idea how to mend or salvage any type of relationship with her and sadly feels like I really dislike her completely for the hatred and disrespect she shows me.. I’m lost and so very alone ... at the very end of it all it could quite possibly ruin our family unit again.. it has consumed me and is making me very depressed

Overitt How to fake being happy
  • replies: 4

I need to be strong I need to keep it together for my kids I need to push the negative crap away and at least pretend I’m ok so how do I do that

I need to be strong I need to keep it together for my kids I need to push the negative crap away and at least pretend I’m ok so how do I do that

white knight Talking to men: some tips
  • replies: 6

I recall my father (now dec) when he was under pressure his face would always go red followed by throwing his cigarette on the ground. That's as far as he'd ever go with reaction. As I grew older I realised what he felt. This "pressure" has got worse... View more

I recall my father (now dec) when he was under pressure his face would always go red followed by throwing his cigarette on the ground. That's as far as he'd ever go with reaction. As I grew older I realised what he felt. This "pressure" has got worse over time and for me it is trying to think of more than one thing at a time. A man's disease? Snapping at my wife occurs many times daily. A post I read tonight was similar where a wife has a depressed husband with a short fuse. There is really no good time to interrupt some of us men. If we are self servicing our car or hammering a nail in a piece of wood, we are too busy to listen to a simple request for our partners. Sad isnt it? Sadder still for our partners whom are simply asking us to do something for them. So, what can we do? Well my first response is that the male cant do anything about it. That his initial reaction is his natural reaction to huff and puff and answer in a grumpy manner everytime his wife asks him a request. Not so. Like every problem we sufferers and our carers face - it takes two to solve it and requires patience and planning, to achieve a partial improvement. So once you have such an agreement you can both start on the plan. Approach techniques play a huge part. Remember ladies, the guy is concentrating. he may only be hammering a nail in a block of wood but unbeknown to you he has 5 or more tasks running in his head. His day is planned, actually it was planned the day before when lying in bed gazing into space....you know, that moment you thought he was ignoring you. His projects fill his mind. So in this case you yell out "Tony, can you take the garbage out to the naturestrip". And it tips him over the edge. "Oh, yeh alright". = grumpy reply. At this point you throw a tantrum because this answer combined with another grumpy reply early in the day and you've had enough. Argument follows. Tears, hopefully apologies and that cycle goes on and on because the technique doesnt change. Try this. Approach your guy and ask him how his project is going. Then say "when you get a chance darling, can you do ...."? It will work. The man has responsibility to. "Thanks sweetheart for taking an interest..." and "I can fit that in between that job before I get on the roof..."= friendly teamwork Approach is the number one. Another thing men should do is to realise that women still do (as the stats prove) much of the housework. Discuss what you can do to share chores equally. Understanding = less upsets

sharkfinn5 Worried about a friend
  • replies: 2

Hi all, I am really worried about a friend of mine who I have been best friends with for 8 years. We did a lot together and it was a very solid relationship. During the course of our friendship she would often go quiet for a few weeks into what she c... View more

Hi all, I am really worried about a friend of mine who I have been best friends with for 8 years. We did a lot together and it was a very solid relationship. During the course of our friendship she would often go quiet for a few weeks into what she called her 'hermit' stage. I learnt to accept this and just kept checking in. I wasn't overly concerned about it at the time. She was also very moody and irritable, but again I wasn't alarmed. The past year she was more distant than usual. We only saw each other once during the entire year, but I tried to keep up text conversations (From the beginning I always had to text first and she often didn't reply - so again this wasn't unusual behaviour). I texted for Christmas and New years with no reply. Then messaged on other social media sites asking if she was okay and that I was worried. I still did not hear back. I decided to call this week and she was very rude. She said she was on her way out and so I asked if she could call me back later. She said "Maybe" and hung up. That is really out of character for her. I then texted asking if she didn't want to talk could she message me back because I was worried. She told me that she's good and that our friendship has run its course. Then she thanked me for the friendship. It was all very business like and very unlike her. She has a family history of bipolar disorder and I am really worried that she is maybe suffering with mental health issues. I was hoping people who have more insight on this could give me some advice on what to do. I have been really flat and anxious since it all happened. It was so unexpected. Her friendship means the world to me and i'm really worried about her.

aidyl Loss of my mother
  • replies: 10

I've just recently lost my mother after being her carer for the past 10 years. The emptiness is almost unbearable - she was my entire life for so long. She fought many health battles over the years, but always managed to rally back to life, sometimes... View more

I've just recently lost my mother after being her carer for the past 10 years. The emptiness is almost unbearable - she was my entire life for so long. She fought many health battles over the years, but always managed to rally back to life, sometimes almost miraculously. Consequently, it seemed (absurdly, I admit) that she would never die. Now that she's gone, it just doesn't seem real, it doesn't seem right - that someone with so much courage and strength should die. How do I go on? Stephen

Mmmcoffee Relationship abandonment
  • replies: 6

In my relationship abandonment, separation and divorce is not an option. I will not be a weekend dad, or see them on every second Xmas. Financially this would ruin us and remove any plans to have my kids an inheritance to look forward to. I want this... View more

In my relationship abandonment, separation and divorce is not an option. I will not be a weekend dad, or see them on every second Xmas. Financially this would ruin us and remove any plans to have my kids an inheritance to look forward to. I want this relationship to be mended, I am throwing everything and the kitchen sink at this, my struggle is the lack of communication, acknowledgement, my wife will not talk to me about our relationship, or on a personal basis, it’s just the normal day to day conversations. One of the needs from Maslow’s hierarchy is belongingness, love, to feel needed. Relationship abandonment leaves me without this need and it is taking its toll on me. I work hard 5 days a week, pay the bills, prepare the dinners, organise the kids showers etc, active Dad with my kids, and I often say to my wife “is there anything you need” hoping that I can get some sort of togetherness, but it generally falls flat on its face with a nonchalant reply – nope. I am not sure what else I am supposed to do, I have no close family or friends to talk to for advice and I don’t know what to expect, my stress levels and anxiety is hard to ignore.

Marnielou Newbie
  • replies: 2

Hi all, I'm hoping there are some people out there going through similar. To try and give the run down in a short space, I have been married 9 years and have two children. I had an unplanned pregnant almost 2 years ago and my husband freaked out abou... View more

Hi all, I'm hoping there are some people out there going through similar. To try and give the run down in a short space, I have been married 9 years and have two children. I had an unplanned pregnant almost 2 years ago and my husband freaked out about the financial implications. We ended up having an abortion and put simply,it has destroyed me. The guilt is imeasurable and I have never forgiven myself in spite of the fact that I had extensive counselling in the lead up and after and felt as though it was my own decision. I've since been very disappointed with my husband's handling of my grief and subsequent diagnosis of depression and feel unsupported and unhappy. We haven't had sex for 2 years and fight constantly. I want a trial separation but we can't afford two places. I've really struggled to manage my depression since and the medication I've been prescribed has little ef effect. I need a way to pullmyself out of the sadness.

TC_1 Partners behaviour
  • replies: 2

Hi All I’m Tracey I live on the northern beaches with my partner and daughter I’m getting increasingly worried snout my partner he goes out on drinking binges take drugs if they are available he has no stop button he goes out for 10 hour sessions he ... View more

Hi All I’m Tracey I live on the northern beaches with my partner and daughter I’m getting increasingly worried snout my partner he goes out on drinking binges take drugs if they are available he has no stop button he goes out for 10 hour sessions he doesn’t think it’s a problem!he can hardly function the next day...he either drinks to excess or stops all together when he stops he is a different person Over the last few years he has lost interest in sex he has outbursts of anger over nothing he can’t sleep at night (he usually drinks at weekends) he falls asleep at dinner time he is very controlling over money checks my phone questions everything I do our daughter has started to pick up on his moods and calls him grumpy I’m not sure if he is depressed but it’s getting worse and worse it’s breaks my heart to see him the day after a session if I question him he goes mad and turns it on me saying I’m an idiot and to leave him he calls me names during a argument and ignores me for a few days I’m at a loss what to do I would never leave as it would break my daughters heart I think he needs some kind of help but he’s to proud to admit it he sometimes says he feels down. any help or suggestions would be appreciated Tracey