8 years together and now over

[Lani86]

Hi everyone,

I am hoping people can give me some advice on to help my partner get the help I think he needs.

We have been together for 8 years and its been a great 8 years. We celebrated our anniversary just 3 weeks ago and he wrote me a card saying how much he loved me and appreciated the support, and how he cant wait for 8 more years together.

Fast forward to last week where he told me he was struggling with anxiety and depression, and he doesn't know how he feels so he has left me.

Heart-broken is an understatement. I think this is all his depression and anxiety talking but he said that after a week on medication and one psych visit he is feeling much better but not about me so it must be the end.

He is pretty isolated, and his parents have only just found out about his illness because I have told them after he left.
He has left to stay at a hotel to clear his head but is adamant that things are over.

Please help me help him, and myself.

[Doolhof]

Hi Lani,

It must be very confusing for you to have received such a beautifully worded card, then for your partner to walk out on you and now tell you that he does not want to be with you.

It is good he is receiving help for his anxiety and depression. Is it possible for you to see a counsellor as well? Do you have people there whom you can discuss your situation with?

Do you have a relationship with his parents? Is it possible to talk more with them about what is happening?

Anxiety and depression can make rational thinking difficult at times. Your partner may feel different about the relationship after a break or he might not.

Has he requested you don't contact him? Is it possible for you to see him at all? Would couple's counselling be possible?

Meanwhile I am sure your mind and emotions are all over the place. Do you have hobbies and interests you can use to help you keep busy? Distractions help to stop those spiralling thoughts.

Keeping in touch with your own family and friends will help you not feel so isolated yourself.

Are you prepared to wait and see what happens?

Wishing you both well. I hope your partner is able to find the help and support he needs, the same for you as well.

Kind regards from Dools