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I really need some advice

Community Member
So I'm an 18 year old female I live alone I was kicked out of home when I was 17, I am diagnosed with BPD and my grandparents couldn't handle my mood swings anymore, and I moved in with a very close friend of mine and her family and this girl then became my girlfriend shortly after. She also struggles with depression, anxiety and cpstd and substance abuse. After living together for a couple months things started to get a bit rocky.. we were struggling financially and I wasn't coping with being forced into adulthood, and I think my girlfriend regretted leaving her family but she didn't want to see me struggle alone.. we fought a lot and I would yell and get really emotional and threaten to hurt myself, and she would get really angry and nasty and start gaslighting me saying I'm being dramatic or lazy when I was depressed etc.. after 8 months of fighting and making up and driving eachother insane she broke up with me, then after a few weeks we sorted it out and got back together, and then it went to shit again and I started to move on and get better and then she came back into my life AGAIN saying I'm all she wants and I feel so right to her and I let myself get my hopes up and now she's gone again and only wants to be friends again.. I know she's confused, and she said her mental health is at a crisis point, and I want to help her I love her more than anything but she keeps pushing me away and breaking my heart and I dont know what to do.. should I just stop talking to her? should I still try and offer her my support or am I just hurting myself? I love her and she really is my favourite person in this whole world but I cant keep putting myself through this but i really dont want to give up on us
6 Replies 6

Community Member

Hi lil_lila_x

I am so sorry to hear that things are not working out for you two. Having a relationship is a bit complicated. It's matter of knowing that person and excepting that person through your life even when it's hard time. Your 18 years old and still yet to go through many process of life. Holding on to her it means that you feel regret that she have to life her home and come with you. She on the other hand feel lost not knowing what to do as she trusted you will look after her. But you did in certain way. She can't go to her parents as probably will not except her so she keep running into you. Probably, you should talk to her and tell her how you feel. Express that you cannot have a mixture of heart and mind that every time she run's away you will take her back. Be strong to tell her. You cannot allow your heart to be weaken and used. There are a wonderful person that is out there that can treat you good. Being financially stable is important in any relationship. It's how most relationship works topay's the bill and etc. Think what is your interest first them you can make others happy. Without you setting a goal you cannot make others follow you as there will be consequences.

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member
Hi there, I'm sorry to hear of the struggles you are both having. From experience I have found that sometimes when both people in the relationship are having some tough times it can make you feel alone, stressed and confused. For your health and your partner's health , sometimes the best thing to do is you focus on you and let your partner focus on themself. The plan is in time you can reflect on yourselves and agree together what does and does not work in the relationship. Your health is very important. It is possible .You just need to work out what causes stress and what is the best way to live that helps your health not hurts it. Be kind to yourself 🙂

Thank you so much for your response you have a lot of really good points I'm going to focus on finding a goal and purpose for myself that isn't reliant on her or anyone else I know it isn't fair..

Thank you heaps for your reply it's really what I needed to hear/read.. I'm really going to try my best to move on from this and take care of myself and find a way to live alone and love myself before I get back into a relationship.. I want what's best for my health and for her health and as hard as it is I really do believe you're right and we both need time to focus on ourselves.. Thank you again for your advice you have helped a lot I hope you're having a great day/night 🙂

Hope your doing ok . And remember these are moments in time you can really be honest with yourself and understanding your own situation and triggers helps you set your own boundaries. There's still love and kindness with boundaries . Try search for the best possible path for you. Not only do you learn to get through the tough times the best you can but in a funny way you are also showing/ teaching others .

Hello lil_lila_x,

How have you been doing? It's my pleasure to help you move on. What have you been doing lately? I am happy that you are finding the goal of your life and thinking about your self first and giving your relationship a break. I am so proud of you. You deserve applause.