Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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IreneM Put-down and Judgemental Language by Jehovah's Witnesses
  • replies: 21

Hi everyone I am fairly new and this is my first personal post. I have been a Jehovah's Witness (JW) for quite a few years. I ever since I was a kid was raised in a spiritual family who had a love of God and the Bible. I always had an appreciation fo... View more

Hi everyone I am fairly new and this is my first personal post. I have been a Jehovah's Witness (JW) for quite a few years. I ever since I was a kid was raised in a spiritual family who had a love of God and the Bible. I always had an appreciation for what the bible ways even though I may not always understand it and I love the principles and tips that it contains. In recent times, since I received my transplanted kidney and, at one stage, lost 70% of my hair. This has made all of the other Jehovah's Witnesses (JWs) in my congregation frown upon me, talk down to me, and judge me, telling me to stop my medical treatment. They just don't seem to have any love, unlike some of the other churches that I grew up in. I was just wondering, regardless of whether you are religious or have a love of spiritual things, have you ever experienced hurt from JWs, not so much when they come to your door, but in passing, on the street or elsewhere. Do they boss you around? or Do they talk down to you? anything similar?

Louise33 Lost at what to do anymore
  • replies: 3

I'm new here & to all of this, I'm at a loss and don't know what else to do My husband of 5 years (together 16) has a problem with porn & chat sights, to the point I'm feeling neglected & unloved & feeling like I don't matter What so ever, I have con... View more

I'm new here & to all of this, I'm at a loss and don't know what else to do My husband of 5 years (together 16) has a problem with porn & chat sights, to the point I'm feeling neglected & unloved & feeling like I don't matter What so ever, I have confronted him about it all about 12 months ago and told him How I feel & that I love him and don't want to be without him but if this keeps up I'm done! He cried & said sorry & we spoke it through for hours, things went back to Normal... but now I'm pretty sure it's back to where we where before I found out everything! If I bring it up he gets all shitty & walks away and won't talk about anything, we have a child who is 4 so things are tense and we don't talk about serious stuff until our babe is in bed. I just can't help that think it's gone next level & maybe he's cheated on me or is cheating, I just don't know there's so much more to this story but it's late & I'm upset tonight so can't put my words together. I understand men watch porn that's fine but this is just ridiculous !! If I try to seduce him he's "not in the mood" but yet I get up too grab a drink at 1am & he's sitting there watching porn, like I'm your damn wife

GLJ Will my husband ever come out of his midlife crisis?
  • replies: 7

Basically, hubby,42, has been moving in and out of our family home in excess of 30 times in two years. He left to “get space” back in 2016. I caught him having an affair. He came home and said he ended it. Long story short, he stayed in this affair f... View more

Basically, hubby,42, has been moving in and out of our family home in excess of 30 times in two years. He left to “get space” back in 2016. I caught him having an affair. He came home and said he ended it. Long story short, he stayed in this affair for two years. Leaving me, then leaving her. (Tripod affair) We have been together 18 years and he has now decided he has been unhappy that entire time. He says I trapped him with our first child, and the second was a mistake. The kids are 17 and 12. They are gutted to see the change in their dad these last two years. When he leaves, he is gone for about a few days to a week, then he comes back sorry, depressed, upset, promising me he loves me and the kids and he will put more effort in to our marriage and family. This lasts a week then he withdraws and leaves. Cycle repeat. The last two times he has been violent to me. I decided to take out an AVO. More to stop myself from taking him back this time. I fall for his words every time. I believe him. i decided this time if I keep him away and see that he has lost his family then that may be what leads him to hit rock bottom and come out of this crisis. Am I stupid to think this way? I have been single parenting the kids anyway. I’m not afraid to be alone or independent. But I just cannot completely give up on him. Im hoping what I have done is the right thing. And I’m hoping I need to be cruel to be kind. Every other time he has left I’ve just taken him back. Even when I asked him to move out for three months, I still allowed him home every weekend for family fun time. I realise I have enabled this pattern, and it had to stop. Am I stupid to still hold out hope?

EzzBea Newly Separated
  • replies: 11

Hi all, I am unsure of what I need but need a place to let my hurt out. My world as I knew it came crashing down 3 weeks ago. An argument about trust and poor judgement turned into me finding out that my husband of 17years (20 yrs together) kissed ou... View more

Hi all, I am unsure of what I need but need a place to let my hurt out. My world as I knew it came crashing down 3 weeks ago. An argument about trust and poor judgement turned into me finding out that my husband of 17years (20 yrs together) kissed our 20yr old aupair (he's 40). I didn't see it coming. We where having a rocky patch but wasn't major and nothing we hadn't got through in the past. He says he took the cowards way out. I deserved so much more respect and so did our children. Our marriage is over and unsalvageable but all these emotions are kicking my arse. We live in a small country town and no one I know saw this coming but them. We have 3 children, 14, 10 & 8. I stayed in the family home with them for routine and stability. How do I get through this. TIA

JonBrickWalker Retroactive Jealously
  • replies: 1

My partner and I have been in a relationship for 7 months now we get along really well, deeply in love. If we have a problem between us we always discuss and found a solution so we never have a fight. One day we had a conversation about our past rela... View more

My partner and I have been in a relationship for 7 months now we get along really well, deeply in love. If we have a problem between us we always discuss and found a solution so we never have a fight. One day we had a conversation about our past relationship and sexual experiences and I had discovered that that she had slept with a old close friend of mine. I have never blamed or verbally abused her for her because she was just living her life and I was not in the picture during that time period of her life however I find this topic come up within my conscious on a day to day basis and I can't seem to let go. I've read multiple forums about retroactive jealously, become healthier and more fit in attempt to combat the vulnerability and insecurity I have but I found all of this is just temporary relief for the consistent pain I undergo. My partner is aware of how feel and is miserable about it because she knows its a topic she can't fix. I continually assure her that none of this is her fault or problem it's completely me. Would love to hear if anyone is in or was in the same boat I am in and how you overcame this issue as I love my partner to death has she helped me grow and become a better person

SimpsonsLover08 Too scared to leave a long-term relationship.
  • replies: 1

I've been with my partner for 4 years and we've lived together for 2 years. For a while I've found myself being unhappy more than being happy, Don't get me wrong, we have really good times together, but there's many moments which leave me wanting to ... View more

I've been with my partner for 4 years and we've lived together for 2 years. For a while I've found myself being unhappy more than being happy, Don't get me wrong, we have really good times together, but there's many moments which leave me wanting to be by myself. My partner isn't physically abusive at all, but I do feel like sometimes the way he says things isn't the best for my mental health. He often tells me I'm playing the victim card e.g. if I say I didn't like the way he spoke to me, he often tells me I'm just overreacting & playing the victim card. He also has a really short temper which he denies (I also have a short temper, but I'll be the first to admit it). So often a simple opinion or discussion will end up in him raising his voice & getting either argumentative or defensive for no reason. I also think that we're growing apart. When we started dating, I had the impression that he was quite ambitious, but over the years I've realised he's unbelievably lazy (to the point where he does nothing around the house, and if I don't do everything, nothing will get done). Sometimes he'll see me vacuuming & offer to do it (and then won't actually do it until several hours later), but I don't understand why he doesn't just take the initiative. Like, if he knows the vacuuming needs to be done, why can't he just do it without me having to prompt him or give him permission. He lives here too, so why not just do things. Sometimes I feel like a slave, and it gets extremely stressful when I also work full time & study. Speaking of which, I have a lot of life goals I plan on achieving, whereas my partner's goals are nowhere near as high as mine... and sometimes I feel he's taken this really relaxed, no stress approach to life because he knows I'll be earning a very good amount. I also find him somewhat demotivational as well. He's very supportive of me and my goals, but I guess I was hoping for a life partner who wanted to achieve as much as me. My partner also has a severe lack of intimacy towards me & sex often feels like he's just doing it because he has to, not because he wants to. I've thought about leaving on several occassions, and at one point I thought I couldn't do it because I still saw good things in our relationship (which I still do;, but now I think it's more because I like the freedom of living out of home, and I know that if we break up, and I move back in with my parents, I won't have the same level of freedom.

Phillipa_C Coping with being in the middle of a family estrangement
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone, just looking for some advice or insights for those in a similar situation. Some background info - I am the only child from my parents and my father has two children from a previous marriage. My half brother, half sister and I are close -... View more

Hi everyone, just looking for some advice or insights for those in a similar situation. Some background info - I am the only child from my parents and my father has two children from a previous marriage. My half brother, half sister and I are close - after years of not knowing each other and not growing up together, we came to get to know each other when I was a young adult. My father's first marriage broke down when my half siblings were very young (toddler/baby) and he had limited involvement in their life even though I could see it pained him greatly. He saw them a few times when they were children, and then not at all. He would send them letters and small gifts over the years but they never saw each other. I don't know if he had visitation rights but I know he did not pay child support. My dad has become sad and bitter about his estrangement from his children and is resentful they grew up without his 'influence' and from comments he has made to me he seems to perceive them as a bit of a failure. I know my siblings are angry with him at his abandonment of them and it has hurt them too. They resent me for having a dad when they didn't. I can see they struggle to understand his personality and mental health issues. I feel like both parties refuse to meet each other unless the meeting is on their terms. Any recent attempts have ended badly, culminating with my father walking out of my sister's wedding and her deciding to cut him out of her life. She has since had two children which my father has yet to meet. My brother and father are very similar in terms of mental health issues and personality - yet they cannot see eye to eye on anything. My brother has visited my father a few times but reconciliation is futile. I have lived away from home for over a decade and now that I have returned home I seem to be caught in a crossfire. My father says bad things about my siblings like that they are a disappointment to him, refusing to recognise them as his children but at the same time saying how much it hurts him to have 'lost' them and not knowing his grandchildren. My siblings don't mention my father much but when they do it is to make sniping remarks about him or to dig for details on his mental health. I love my father and my siblings equally and I want to know - how do other people cope being in the middle? Do you get involved and try to support a reconciliation (I try not to)? How do you support both sides of the family without taking sides?

sarinas Not sure how to get over a lost partner. It's been months but it still hurts so much that he doesn't care. And I lost motivation for everything.
  • replies: 1

Hi there. I look like a normal, well-adjusted, marginally attractive woman who is pursuing her dreams. But the reality is I am incredibly lost, lonely, and struggle with keeping positive and motivated to make my life amazing. I've moved aboard from S... View more

Hi there. I look like a normal, well-adjusted, marginally attractive woman who is pursuing her dreams. But the reality is I am incredibly lost, lonely, and struggle with keeping positive and motivated to make my life amazing. I've moved aboard from SEA to be an entrepreneur, with no idea what to expect and a large mission on hand. Fast forward quite a fair bit, I met this guy. He seemed like everything I was looking for in terms of the simple things : He had some innocence and look of hope and happiness that was in his eyes every time he looked at me. But the relationship struggled - he was a divorce and seemed like communication wasn't the norm for him. I guess the content doesn't matter. He dumped me a few days before my birthday - it was a year later and we had moved in. It was serious. The plan was for me to fly first and run errands in my home country, and he was supposed to meet me a few days later. Since then he kept scolding and hurting me when I shared my thoughts. But I had one goal in mind - to make sure we'd get a chance to forget all that. So i tried really, really hard to show him i cared. and it worked. we spent time together. And after awhie, smiled, and laughed and hugged, and hung out, and did things together, and cooked, and stared into each other's eyes...as long as he got to do it on a free pass. and as long as i didn't tell him about how i felt. the moment i told him, he'd shun me, tell me to screw off, and tell me i'm too much. I don't understand, it's so painful. we have the best time together, and it's so intense, yet at the smallest thing he's happy not to care how i feel. And it breaks me inside, because i care so much, that all i wanted was for him to be around, and he sure looked like he was having fun, but then all he remembers when confronted is that he's unhappy around me. He doesn't consider everything else. I love the way he looks back at me, hugging him, just seeing him. Even him brushing his teeth. And knowing i love all the little things...it hurts me every time to think about it, that I mean nothing, all that meant nothing, and i've been trying to get over it for months but it keeps coming back, and i feel like I need his validation, i just want so bad for him to look at me and tell me I'm worth it too and treat me well. To have my love not mean nothing. He reciprocates, and then nothing. I'm so torn up about how real it felt, and how easily its discarded. It doesn't help that I'm always working on my own.

resilientsurvivor Narcissistic Partner - Will it ever change
  • replies: 1

Hey Guys. I'm just going to give a little background info. I've been dating my partner for about five years now, we have been on and off. I didn't understand why we were always fighting over silly things. Until one day she told me she has been diagno... View more

Hey Guys. I'm just going to give a little background info. I've been dating my partner for about five years now, we have been on and off. I didn't understand why we were always fighting over silly things. Until one day she told me she has been diagnosed with narcissism personality disorder (and BPD and others). I've done some research into this so i can understand it better and of course after i did this, things made more sense. However i stuck around to see improvements for then everything to fall apart just as quick. I was on a roller coaster and i still am. I never ever feel like i am heard, on a serious level. I'm always making her upset with little things. I can see myself changing as a person in a negative way. I'm angry alot more often, i'm very frustrated and often feel depressed. All this unresolved "baggage" we never can overcome, (its always just forgotten about) is seriously taking a toll. I try to move out back with family which proves to be also another detriment to my mental health as all my childhood traumas are in the same house. ( I went through the foster care system until age 21) I'm in debt and am struggling to save so i can move out on my own but i then wonder is that going to be good for me? Being alone? I just don't know how to manage the interactions with her anymore, i have so much underlying anger that it doesn't take much before i "shut down" and "dis-engage". I find that i seclude myself a lot now in my own room. (yes we have separate rooms). Ive suggested couples counselling to no avail. I'm at my wits end. We are not "together" at the moment and perhaps i now dont want to be, which breaks my heart but i have tried and been so patient, its now at the expense of myself and my mental health. Please help. Maybe give me some reinforcement? Any response will be appreciated.

Meremale00 Dysfunctional marriage, at a complete loss i just cry
  • replies: 1

Married 33 years, been deteriorating for a long time i guess. Last cpl of years has been hard, after years of always giving in to keep the peace i just stopped wanting to try and make it work anymore. Now after 3 lots of councelling, as in 3 differen... View more

Married 33 years, been deteriorating for a long time i guess. Last cpl of years has been hard, after years of always giving in to keep the peace i just stopped wanting to try and make it work anymore. Now after 3 lots of councelling, as in 3 different councellors i done but don't know how to get out. My wife wobt let go, wants it tobwork but in the last two years she has done nothing to show it. She started drinking, a feeble attempt at suicide, attacked me physically, driving drunk, sold lies tonmy son who ran with it and attacked me but when he realised he apologised. We sleep in seperate rooms, we dont do anything together at all, we barely talk but my wife exists like everything is normal, i can cope with that. She booked an overseas holiday without telling me just for herself, once i knew a few days before, i supported it. But im isolated, my life is miserable, im sad, i cry and i dont know what to do. All i wanted was us to agree we dont work, be friends, i would continue to support her in any way including financially. I feel like she is trying to punish me but sacrificing her own chance of happiness in doing so. I feel like im on the edge, at tge end, i dont know what to do, i cry often, im mise and started to not sleep. If i leave she will try suicide, i feel like im trapped. I cant keep living like i am, i want me back again.