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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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GooGooDolls Partner with porn addiction - I'm exhuasted
  • replies: 4

Hi Guys I'm not expecting any "fix it" answers, I've tried so much I'm exhausted trying anymore. In fact all my ideas start off positive and I think they will work but realising that my solutions however good they are... nothing changes. I have been ... View more

Hi Guys I'm not expecting any "fix it" answers, I've tried so much I'm exhausted trying anymore. In fact all my ideas start off positive and I think they will work but realising that my solutions however good they are... nothing changes. I have been dealing with a partner who has an addictive personality for 25years. The first 10years we had no problems even though our first child has a disability. But now that we are older our resilence is fading. My husband works night shift which doesnt help and his last addiction for the past 8 years is porn... I find it so gross that we no longer have sex... to much of a betrayal, particularly when he has been on dating websites trying to hook up with other women. It would make sense to leave particularly as our youngest child is 18, but I'm exhausted and I don't really want to be lonely. I just needed a space to vent this life I lead. Thanks for listening

Princessa I have to act normal in my marriage but burning inside ....
  • replies: 4

I am married women(20 years ) with 2 kids .I have noticed my husband is seeking sex outside our marriage . When I found out first I felt torn apart.I confronted him and he cried and was very sorry . he promised me never do it again, but of course it ... View more

I am married women(20 years ) with 2 kids .I have noticed my husband is seeking sex outside our marriage . When I found out first I felt torn apart.I confronted him and he cried and was very sorry . he promised me never do it again, but of course it happened so many times .every time he promised and promised ....since last 4-5 years , when I I have told him about his secret sex life , he started getting very angry with me and accused me of bridging his privacy .He was said to me if I again check on him , he will leave me with 2 kids , he said that I have to trust him !.I am still checking on him and I know he visits brothel every week .He is always has sex with me too ,and says that he is enjoying it . He loves me I am sure of that. I have to act normal and pretend I don't know anything about his paid sex life. I am burning from inside but I can't tell him . We have a loving home, my kids love their dad , I am not planning to divorce .sometimes I feel very heavy inside . I cry a lot but there is nothing I can do , I am stuck .He wont' come to counselling ( I suggested that ) . I have to sleep with him otherwise he would know that I know what he is doing.I am like an actress who is always acting .I know there isn't anything for me to do other than hoping for a miracle for him to change. till this date, I didn't talk to anyone about my problem .no one knows how miserable I am inside as I act happy in my marriage .all my family are overseas and even if there were here they couldn't be any supportive.thank you for reading my post . I know there is nothing I can do other than suffering from inside and smiling ....

lonelyglassesgirl Feel down about never having been in a relationship (mid-twenties) and not really having close friends
  • replies: 6

I left evangelical religion about three years ago, and with it, most of my friends at that time. I moved to get away from my family/certain people/the environment, which also meant leaving behind my couple of actual friends. We remain in contact, but... View more

I left evangelical religion about three years ago, and with it, most of my friends at that time. I moved to get away from my family/certain people/the environment, which also meant leaving behind my couple of actual friends. We remain in contact, but it's difficult being in another city because I don't have anyone to do stuff with, not that I had much of a social life before anyway. I'm 25 now and it's kind of difficult to make friends at this life stage; also, I often feel engulfed with studies (and also down about the fact that I'm "still" in undergrad) so I spend all of my time either at work, studying, sleeping, or, stupidly, wasting time due to feeling anxious and down, and then beating myself up about that. I still have another year of studies to go, and I'm pushing myself so hard to get a career started. I feel like it's stupid that I'll probably be 27 before I can even contemplate a relationship. I feel like people will judge me for it and I'll never find anyone nice. This feeling was unfortunately exacerbated by my one successful attempt to actually end up dating someone, which ended with him turning out to be really scary, and my being scared of him for the following 6+ months. I just keep thinking I am really dysfunctional and that nobody will respect me (and therefore I'll never find love) due to: Never having been in a relationship; I mean let's be honest, if someone else my age said they'd never been in a relationship, I'd be reluctant to date them due to wondering if something was wrong with them Graduating aged 26.5 years old Probably being unemployed due to the upcoming recession Basically from when it turned out that that guy was mean (he revealed he believes in misogynistic and racist alt-right stuff), as well as being angry at him, I've become even more angry/bitter at myself, thinking stuff like, "How could I have believed that anyone nice/normal would actually like me, of course anyone who seems to like me has something wrong with them?" And that was over a year ago and I've only been on one date, from a dating site and it didn't work out, since, which in itself is adding to my belief that I am wasting lots of time and getting more and more behind due to my inability to get over stuff properly.

team_nobody Stuck
  • replies: 2

Hi and thanks for reading. I have been in a relationship now for about 5 months, with someone 15 years older than me. He's so into me he watches everything I do and often exhibits disturbingly smothering behaviors and anger issues. He demanded I quit... View more

Hi and thanks for reading. I have been in a relationship now for about 5 months, with someone 15 years older than me. He's so into me he watches everything I do and often exhibits disturbingly smothering behaviors and anger issues. He demanded I quit my job and that I move in with him (as if i didn't it would prove i wasn't committed to him) It 11pm and he is asleep, mad at me for not hugging or kissing him today. I feel this awfulness in the pit of my stomach and cant get my mind off my vulnerability. I don't think he would be violent but I am unhappy and have tried to go home before and he has become obsessive. I need some advice. I still kept my apartment, and I want to leave him because I don't feel happy. but I am afraid he simply WONT let me. I feel if i leave him, he will harass me and perhaps cause issues for me to get my thing's returned. I would need some help moving my things back to my apartment, perhaps i should just put my things in storage? I feel horrible inside, this whole thing is twisting me apart, the relationship is really weighing on my personal health. Please some advice on how to handle this.

Burdy Struggle with husbands drinking and smoking
  • replies: 3

Hi All, My husband is a wonderful, loving and supportive partner and father with one little flaw - his drinking. He is by no means an alcoholic (at least I dont think so?) but does drink every day. Not to excess, most days 2 to 4 beers and some days ... View more

Hi All, My husband is a wonderful, loving and supportive partner and father with one little flaw - his drinking. He is by no means an alcoholic (at least I dont think so?) but does drink every day. Not to excess, most days 2 to 4 beers and some days 6 or 7. I have several issues with this: 1. 2 yrs ago he suffered and miraculously survived a cardiac arrest (39 yrs old), he was with out a heart beat for over 30 minutes and Drs say he is a walking miracle. Rehab put a great emphasis on cutting out alcohol or limiting to 2 maybe 3 light beers, 2 to 3 times a week. 2. Saving money. We are comfortable but I would like to see us save and do more with our money. 3. Due to his cardiac condition, the blood thinners he is on and very slight ABI he can no longer handle alcohol like he used to and becomes dopey after about the 3rd beer. I don't want to talk to him when he is like that as any conversation had he either cant keep up or isn't really listening. I have spoken to him about this on so many occasions and explained to him my concerns (I had a bit of PTSD after his cardiac arrest, it was the most horrendous day of my life) and that I worry. I explain that it's not that I want him to quit altogether just not drink during the week and only socially and it would be healthy for both of us (I like a wine with my meal and usually only do it coz the old saying if you can't beat them join them). He generally agrees and won't drink that night but then the next night he will walk in with a can in his hand again? He is old school aussie footy playing tradie and that's how we were brought up I guess, come home from a good days work to a nice cold beer. And I never used to have a problem with it as he's not a problem drinker, just the last 2yrs it's become a problem - or is it just me that has the problem with it? I love him with all my heart and it scares me to death something will happen to him again. I understand he just wants to be "normal" again but I wish he would understand my concern (not just say he understands but act like it). I also know he sneaks the odd smoke from people. Sometimes 1 or 2 a week, sometimes 1 a month. Obvious why I have this issue. What makes it worse is that he sneaks and lies about it. I know it is super hard to quit but Dr said it's the number thing he HAS to stop. Am I the one with the issue, is it still residual PTSD? Or how can I help him to cut down the drinking and stop smoking? Thanks in advance Burdy

Tinkerbell27 I think I’m in a enmeshed relationship. Please help!
  • replies: 1

Hi, I am struggling with my relationship with my Mum. I love my Mum very much, I really do. We have always been close And I feel bad for even writing this but there are times and it is a lot of the time where I feel so smothered. There are no boundar... View more

Hi, I am struggling with my relationship with my Mum. I love my Mum very much, I really do. We have always been close And I feel bad for even writing this but there are times and it is a lot of the time where I feel so smothered. There are no boundaries in our relationship. It’s like her happiness depends on me. I feel guilty a lot of the time. She worries excessively about me and constantly tells me what to do. She has a big heart and has done so much for me but she is attention seeking, guilt trips me to the point where I question my own sanity and it’s like she always needs some sort of validation or reassurance from me. She wants praise a lot. I feel an immense amount of pressure to be her ‘everything’ and as if I am so heavily relied on but I just can’t be that I get so emotionally drained. I am her only child and she doesn’t have a partner. I don’t know how to deal with it or set boundaries with her because it’s always been like this and I have only come to realise that it’s not healthy and has been affecting me way more than I thought. I end up feeling stressed, depressed and anxious please help! Amy

karim97 My weird relationship problem.
  • replies: 1

Hello all, I was hoping to get some advice with something I've been struggling with for some time. It's gonna be hard for me to take about, but I really don't know what to do, so I hope someone helps me with this. So basically, I've been in a relatio... View more

Hello all, I was hoping to get some advice with something I've been struggling with for some time. It's gonna be hard for me to take about, but I really don't know what to do, so I hope someone helps me with this. So basically, I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 3 months now. Shes way out of my league; she is- accomplished, intelligent, funny, radiant and not to mention downright gorgeous. I'm literally the opposite of her in terms of attributes, yes, I mean that I am fugly and dumb. That gets me questioning why she even likes me. I feel like if she were to ever cheat on me or do anything bad to me, I probably wouldn't even care because I feel like such a 'peasant' for my feelings to even matter. The issue is it doesn't sit well for me and I am having second thoughts of continuing this relationship. Is it chauvinistic for me to say that I want a girl on the same or lower level as me? (attribute-wise, socioeconomic background...etc.) Am I bad person for saying that? Why do I even feel this way? I hope I haven't said anything offensive or wrong in anyway, I kind of struggle to tell. I'm interested to see if anyone has had any experiences like this or can help me. Thanks guys! Regards, K97

Abbie121 Don't know what to do to accept and get past break-up from a while ago..
  • replies: 11

I've been separated for at least 6 months now but find myself still holding out hope that we will get back together again or even be in just some form of contact. I don't know why, as there were clear reasons at the time for why we broke up. I find m... View more

I've been separated for at least 6 months now but find myself still holding out hope that we will get back together again or even be in just some form of contact. I don't know why, as there were clear reasons at the time for why we broke up. I find myself still missing him and pining over the good times and yearning for those again. I can't seem to move forward and stop thinking about it. He doesn't want any contact at all and has clearly moved on. My head is aware of the reasons we parted but my heart can't seem to accept it. I fear I've lost the one person I was meant to be with. Would never want to be with anyone else. So upset and frustrated that I can't have any communication with him at all. Don't know what to do to accept and get past this..

Liz891 How to help with no energy to help anymore
  • replies: 2

Hi all How to help my partner with his depression if I feel like I don't love him anymore, I don't have energy to pick him up all the time Whatever happens somehow he will be unhappy I really don't know what to do, I'm giving up and that's going to m... View more

Hi all How to help my partner with his depression if I feel like I don't love him anymore, I don't have energy to pick him up all the time Whatever happens somehow he will be unhappy I really don't know what to do, I'm giving up and that's going to make things worst

Guest9870 Im too worried to break up with my boyfriend whom has schizophrenia
  • replies: 7

I have been with my boyfriend since 2017, its a long distance relationship and i havent seen him in person since 2017. He lives a 4 hour flight away. He was diagnosed with schizophrenia the year he turned 18, he is now 20 and i am 19. He is my bestfr... View more

I have been with my boyfriend since 2017, its a long distance relationship and i havent seen him in person since 2017. He lives a 4 hour flight away. He was diagnosed with schizophrenia the year he turned 18, he is now 20 and i am 19. He is my bestfriend and we laugh together a lot and enjoy eachothers company, but its getting old i cant keep a 'relationship' purely over text especially since its been 2 years , he barely ever wants to call and he cant give a proper reason, i tell him if its due to his condition then to just say so but he just changes the subject, it was even like this since before he was diagnosed. I have my own place and am stable and throughout our whole relationship i beg him to come here beg and beg, i know all about his diagnosis he shares everything with me ive reassured him hundreds of times that ill never judge him and will do anything for him to make him comfortable, i even said we dont have to move in with eachother but can we at least spend a week or two together, id be happy with spending even a few days tgthr i'd travel to him or he is welcome to travel to me. whenever i bring this up he just replies with something along the lines of ' i know i wanna be with you too' and then tries to change the subject, and we move on until i bring it up again a week or two later, sometimes i say more i say can you give me an answer roughly when do you see us together or when can we call more and i tell him how much its hurting me and how worthless i feel to him about the situation, then what happens if i bring that stuff up is that he will become stressed, which causes him to get unwell that moment and i end up putting my feelings aside to comfort him and its a repeating cycle. Ive lost hope that we wll ever be together, he lives on his own his dad is not in the picture and his mum doesnt speak to him and he isnt close to anyone in his family to talk about his issues to apart from the psychiatrist he sees either fortnightly or monthly. he says if he didnt have me he'd have nothing, and i feel like thats true, he has no friends either not even online friends. im so scared that if i was to end things with him that something would happen to him to the point where i just consider staying with him as long as i have to just to make sure hes okay and not alone , i feel like i cant go on i need to move on and better myself as im struggling , how do i do this ill take anyones advice or tips and if anyone has any further questions i will answer