Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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newlife19 Newly separated and struggling
  • replies: 4

we just separated after 20 years. ive moved out, sharing care of 2 teenage children 50/50. we are extremely amicable... both devastated that we couldn’t achieve our happily ever after.. im one month into the move out and was going okay initially, but... View more

we just separated after 20 years. ive moved out, sharing care of 2 teenage children 50/50. we are extremely amicable... both devastated that we couldn’t achieve our happily ever after.. im one month into the move out and was going okay initially, but now it’s hit me like a tonne of bricks... I miss him so much. i miss us. And I’m so sad. I can’t stop crying all the time. im BPD with D definitely rearing it’s head and SCD thoughts coming and going. im so heartbroken. i don’t to get back together- that’s not the answer.... I’m just missing him. we have made efforts to see each other more but I cannot stop the heartbreak from the pit of my stomach and the tears that just keep flowing.

M_A_D_ Mother's "Love"
  • replies: 1

Hi all, I'm not sure how to write about this, but basically ever since I was born I have been treated like a disappointment to my mother. She can be very loving one minute, but extremely volatile the next. Whenever I've said/done something she 'disap... View more

Hi all, I'm not sure how to write about this, but basically ever since I was born I have been treated like a disappointment to my mother. She can be very loving one minute, but extremely volatile the next. Whenever I've said/done something she 'disapproves of', she basically shuts me out and refuses to communicate with me at all. She then gets my dad and brother on her side, and acts like nothing has happened, and that I'm just sensitive and can't handle a bit of innocent banter. I'm 29 years old and have only just recently come to terms with this toxicity, after a whole lifetime of believing that I was the cause of my severe depression/anxiety. It's almost like there's an extreme hate she has for me, no matter what I do in life - which has been very little, thanks to her controlling ways. She has made me feel ashamed of myself and hate myself, and made me feel like I can never stand up for myself, no matter the situation (yet tells me how stupid I am that I can't stand up for myself against anyone else). I have no self-esteem and feel like I don't deserve to be happy. If I ever try to confront her about anything that has upset me about how she has treated/treats me, etc. she instantly turns on BOTH the guilt/manipulation AND changes the topic faster than you can click your fingers. It's quite a skill to be able to turn your own bad qualities around so that nothing is ever your fault. I have been living out of home for the past few years and have met an amazing guy who I am now engaged to, but my mum is obsessed with me getting a job closer to home so that she can come over more often (she apparently "doesn't know how to drive out all that way") and cook and clean for me and the children that we will one day have. I am getting to the point where I don't want her to have anything to do with my life, my upcoming wedding, my marriage and anything in my future. I am in therapy, but it is going to be a very long process to unravel the lies she has made me believe. I am wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation and if they have been able to recover from all of this. Thanks!

Damien123 Feeling worthless
  • replies: 3

So recently I found out that my dad is not my real dad and my partner of 3 years has known for more then half of that. I have just told her that im not happy with where our relationship sits and I’m currently starting to feel really worthless. I have... View more

So recently I found out that my dad is not my real dad and my partner of 3 years has known for more then half of that. I have just told her that im not happy with where our relationship sits and I’m currently starting to feel really worthless. I have never felt like this before and I’m just not sure what to do.

Ashley_Penny_Davey Social isolation at work
  • replies: 1

I have a bully at work. I have made 2 formal complaints against her, and they have been upheld. I think she has a narcissist personality disorder. She doesn't speak or acknowledge me, which is fine with me, but being the kind of narcissist she is, I ... View more

I have a bully at work. I have made 2 formal complaints against her, and they have been upheld. I think she has a narcissist personality disorder. She doesn't speak or acknowledge me, which is fine with me, but being the kind of narcissist she is, I feel like she os trying to exclude me. Lately, she seems to be THAT more outgoing and loud, like a child trying to prove she has more friends than another child. I am more of an introvert. I feel awkward in many social situations. I have my own mental health issues and I have issues outside of work as well. I guess I'm snowballing my problems. I don't think I can beat her, but how can I manage the situation? I am feeling more and more lonely at work. Should I focus on my other problems than her? What would you do?

Lily7845 My husband is depressed and pushing me away
  • replies: 3

I’m confused and need advice. My husband of 11 years with two children, for the past 18 months has been pushing me away. I believe he is depressed. I have tried to ask him to get help but he says his fine. He doesn’t sleep, drinks a lot, won’t sit st... View more

I’m confused and need advice. My husband of 11 years with two children, for the past 18 months has been pushing me away. I believe he is depressed. I have tried to ask him to get help but he says his fine. He doesn’t sleep, drinks a lot, won’t sit still - always on his phone or computer, pushed away me and our children, all his close friends and his family and has started going out until all hours with a group of younger single people (one of which is a female I believe has a crush on him) I feel very alone as I feel I’m raising our children alone. It all started about 2 years ago when he was knocked back for his dream job and took another job with a man who is an awful human (in my option.) He over works him and under pays him. My husband constantly complains about him and hates him. My husband was always a goofy happy guy but lately he’s angry and aggressive and rants and just doesn’t seem like himself. i got to the end of what I could take and told him we needed to take sometime apart and asked him to stay with his parents for a while. He then came back a few days later and said he doesn’t love me and doesn’t know if he ever did. He first said it in a text message and I said that he had to come and tell me to my face if he wanted to end a marriage. He opened up to his mum and she told me that he has admitted that he thinks he might be depressed.. he also told his mum that he has so much fun with this other chick (swears it’s just a friendship and nothing has happened but can see that something could). After a 2 hour conversation which started with “I don’t love u” and ended with “I don’t know what I want.” I said I would give him space and could look at separation if this is really want he wants.. in this convo I told him that this is not him. he is someone who fights and wouldn’t walk away. He’s applying for a job which requires him to move towns. I Asked when will he see our children? He left upset but a few days later he asked if he could stay at our house but in another room and we have started to hang out a bit and it seem like we’re mending. He talks bout this new job and talks about how “he could salary sacrifice our house” and things like that which seem to include me. He is still hanging out with this other girl but also with me.. I don’t want to put my foot down about it because I feel he will run but I’m terrified that she is becoming a bigger thorn in our marriage and will make it hard to heal. I don’t even know if that’s what he wants.

Billyc Forgiveness, where is the boundary before you can’t forgive,
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Hi all, I was in a new members thread earlier and consequently came across this issue of forgiveness with another member, so I thought rather than hi-jack the thread I decided to create one that allows us all to talk about our ideas on forgiveness an... View more

Hi all, I was in a new members thread earlier and consequently came across this issue of forgiveness with another member, so I thought rather than hi-jack the thread I decided to create one that allows us all to talk about our ideas on forgiveness and when do we draw a line in the sand, or if we choose to at all. I have found here that are plenty who have forgiven, those who want to forgive, and those who want to be forgiven. all are welcome to join

Giggity Pregnant, depressed husband cheated
  • replies: 15

I’m looking for advice from people who’ve been depressed themselves (especially men) or been through infidelity during pregnancy. 2 weeks ago my husband confessed he’d cheated on me for a couple of months. I’m currently 31 weeks pregnant. Devastated ... View more

I’m looking for advice from people who’ve been depressed themselves (especially men) or been through infidelity during pregnancy. 2 weeks ago my husband confessed he’d cheated on me for a couple of months. I’m currently 31 weeks pregnant. Devastated does not begin to describe it. He genuinely seemed appalled by himself and said he’d done just what his old man did and he hated himself for it (long history of family hurt there). I’ve suspected for a long time he’s been depressed: we’ve had an AWFUL lot of hardship to deal with over the past 13 years. I’ve been the breadwinner for most of it, which has at times meant me working a f/t job plus a p/t. It’s been a very hard life for both of us, we’ve both been very down. Trouble is, he shuts off from everything. I get more and more frustrated, end up shouting at him for not helping around the house and making more mess I have to deal with. I don’t like it and clearly it’s just made things worse but I feel SO let down. He’s been an absolute island through this pregnancy, even though he assured me beforehand he wanted this. I was very sick at the end of my first trimester (pneumonia). He was very concerned about me but was his usual fairly useless withdrawn self. I’ve been heartbroken I haven’t had support and love. He has been interested but not actively supportive. He was very honest about it all, but the thing is seeing him break down and cry was the MOST emotion I’ve seen from him in years. I jokingly (sort of) call him zombie. I was relieved he was letting it out, even if he has ruined my first prego/mum experience. He said it made him feel like he could escape his life and problems. Which I totally get. The other woman was disgusted when he confessed to her and asked to contact me to apologise, which she did after he told me. It’s definitely over. He then had a few days of worrying suicidal behaviour which I talked him down from. Now he says he’s not sure about anything. Not sure if he loves me...and I’m left hanging, waiting for the “verdict”. He developed feelings for her but is not sure if it was HER or just feeling free of all the shit. He assures me he wants to be a father but doesn’t want to “let me down.” I’m afraid he’s only doing anything out of obligation and am trying to support him as his job is literally on the line (he’s let his whole life slip) and he’s required to work enormous hours to fix it. I’m walking on eggshells but angry and lonely. Needless to say there is now no affection from him.

HappyMan05 Im lost- I love my wife and love my kids even more but am sick of feeling like I'm carrying the whole load and am all alone
  • replies: 3

Hi Im really not sure where to go in my life right now -for years I've been unhappy with what my wife expects of me and how everything is left up to me to get done and I'm just exhausted and think maybe I should be getting a divorce as I know (becaus... View more

Hi Im really not sure where to go in my life right now -for years I've been unhappy with what my wife expects of me and how everything is left up to me to get done and I'm just exhausted and think maybe I should be getting a divorce as I know (because of years of trying )my wife won't change! I really am torn as I'm scarred to leave my kids because I love them so much and want to be there for them and am scarred of what happens after a divorce.I am also worn out of years of not having an intimate relationship with my wife- I'm lucky if I have sex once a month or so -and she makes me feel belittled and that its such a hassle for me to even ask her -so of course it makes me feel even worse.I stay awake at night due to this making me upset most of the time and I also think I suffer from anxiety as well(to embarrassed to see a doctor though) -as for the last 3 or 4 years I have trouble falling asleep cause all I thing about is the safety of my kids or something happening to them and I'm also consumed about thoughts of how I will die . I work my ass off at work to get as much overtime as possible to help with the shortfall of our finances as I'm left to control it all as my wife has never wanted anything to do with it and says its my job yet in the 10 + years she has worked she has never given me her pay to help with the finances and makes me feel like an ashole even asking for some of it !She just calls me a tight ass and embarrass me if I try to ease up on the spending as we have been going backwards for years as I can't keep up even with working six days a week. I know this sounds like petty stuff to most but as I'm getting older (mid 40s) I feel if nothing changes I'm going feeling lost and alone for the rest of my years!

Dana123 Clingy boyfriend or is it just me? Relieved after breaking up!
  • replies: 7

Has anyone ever had experience with a clingy partner? How much clingy-ness is too much? I was with a guy for a few months and initially, I liked him a lot. But it got to the point where I just found him too intense. He said I love you within 3 weeks ... View more

Has anyone ever had experience with a clingy partner? How much clingy-ness is too much? I was with a guy for a few months and initially, I liked him a lot. But it got to the point where I just found him too intense. He said I love you within 3 weeks and would constantly buy me gifts. I don't know why but I felt soo suffocated. I felt like I was constantly on edge if I didn't reply to him within a few hours. He had mentioned to me how important communication was and we both compromised in terms of how much affection we give. But a few days ago, he mentioned that he needed MORE communication. I had called him 5 out of the 7 days that week and we texted on average about 8/9 times a day. I just lost it, told him that he was asking for too much. I work full time and sometimes come home with a migraine. I didn't call him one night, because I was out with a friend. He told me that I could have called him instead. Mind you, we were seeing each other a minimum of twice a week. I think he was expecting that I drop everything for him. I know he would do that for me, but I don't think that's healthy at all! I broke it off with him because I felt sooo suffocated. I told him that this is how much I could give. He had convinced me that there was something wrong with me and that if I loved him, I would communicate more. I explained to him on numerous occasions that I need to recharge sometimes after work and can't be on the phone for hours (he was expecting that of me). Does this sound like a clingy person or is there something wrong with me? To be honest, I felt soooo relieved after breaking it off! I don't think I realised how suffocated I was. I told him that he was pushing me away. He said that I should find it endearing that he wants to talk to me more. Is there something wrong with me? Or was he really too clingy?