Feel I'm unable to date because of mental health

Guest_920 · ‎20-10-2019

Hello,

I'm a 29 year old female and am feeling quiet depressed about this at the moment. I have tried dating for the past 5 years after a 2 year relationship ended (got cheated on). I have done alot of online dating and meetups and just haven't had any dating scenarios where things get past a few months at max or 1 to 3 dates. I feel so much rejection from it all as I'm always the one getting dumped in one way or another. Recently was seeing someone and was talking about us both not dating anyone else then he just stopped contacting me even though we asked to see me that week then cancelled. I msged him to find out his not ready to date and many other reasons. I'm still feeling devastated and it feels like a groundhog day with every person I meet. Even if i meet someone I get so anxious with them cancelling and things going wrong it then happens anyway.

I'm looking into dpt therapy and seeing a psychologist but I feel so trapped in my old ways I don't know what to do. I always have plans on making changes and I just don't stick to them. I have stopped using dating apps in the past month as I feel I had an addiction but still feeling depressed about it all. I feel stuck in every sense of the world. I know everyone keeps saying I need to have a complete break from dating for a few months which i'm trying to do but I really feel alone.

Can anyone please advise or if you have similar situations?

Nothappyuni · ‎20-10-2019

Hi Guest_920,

I hope you have not waited too long for a response.

I was divorced when I was 24, my wife had cheated on me for the duration of the relationship, I have my own issues and I let it go on till she asked could the guy she was sleeping with, move into our house. I was forced to go out into the world, make friends and socialise. The heart of the matter is we all have to learn to love ourselves before we can love others , this is easier said than done; but Guest_920, please understand you are worth respect and loving. Many of these date sites are just a waste of time, my sister has gone through hundreds of 'wannabes', with many guys being married or seeing two or three other girls AT THE SAME TIME. You are worth so much more than that, every woman is.

Guest_920 · ‎20-10-2019

Thank you for your response I really appreciate it! and your kind words. Yes going on so many dates that haven't gone anywhere has really affected me unfortunately. I use to have such a fresh view on dating in my early 20s but now have so much anxiety tied to the interactions etc. My recent situation really got my hopes up then all of a sudden dropped off. I'm still shocked as we were chatting everyday. I now just expect things to change from good to bad and guess it's self fulfilling as it does. But I'm taking a few months out for myself and saying no to dates at the moment. I guess I have alot of negative ideas with romantic relationships that have affected my other relationships as well by chatting to friends and family about it constantly as well.

Nothappyuni · ‎20-10-2019

You are definitely too hard on yourself.

Reading your thoughts on the matter indicates, to me anyway, a self confident woman. You have just hit a couple of bumps in the road of life (Probably Cane Toads, if your from Queensland). Look after your self.

There are so many ideas about the "ideal relationship" or "ideal partner", posted by people who in all reality live in very unhappy lives (I know several people that look to have the perfect life on posts- but in reality it is Sh*t!)

Don't take second best. Enjoy what is left of the weekend, go for a walk! I started the day with a rainforest walk at 7am, it was brilliant!

Guest_920 · ‎20-10-2019

Yes I can be. Thank you yes that's true, I was thinking of going for a walk later today. Just trying to reset a little hahah have already been looking into some weekend trips. Taking a few months off should help me quiet a bit 🙂

Nothappyuni · ‎21-10-2019

Hi Guest_920,

I hope you went for that walk and found it refreshing.

You know how they say 'a watched kettle never boils' ?

When I was looking for a partner I couldn't find one, a lot of one night flings and short dalliances, nothing of consequence. I joined a gym, got fit, started hiking and camping (alone) and got confident with me, and who I was. Then, when I wan't looking for anyone, I was the one being chased, as many people look for that self confidence in others. When you are not looking...