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be grateful for some advice

Farm_boy
Community Member

This is my first post on the BB site. Just wanting to get some advice on how to help someone deal with relationship issues.

Two dear friends of mine are having relationship issues at present. They have two children, under 9, one with ADHD issues. Earlier this week, they had a big argument and as a result, husband decided to leave to get some time away. They are both have past issues relating to their own childhood and given that, stresses of life and jobs/homelife its reached a breaking point. They do love each other and their kids. The separation is proving very hard on the two children and i suspect on both parents. At this stage, there has been no indication of when he will come back home.

I am close to both of them and sort of in the middle between the two to try and help mend the situation. Its a difficult situation for me and I'm feeling the stress of the situation with being in the middle. I want to try and help them sort out how to fix the problem, for the children and the family unit. I'd just like anyone's thoughts on what i have done so far and if you can suggest anything different to help the situation.

Husband is putting up walls and is not showing signs of wanting to talk. I know he needs some space to think, etc. I suggested to spouse to make the first phone call, as opposed to sms, to firstly acknowledge she understands that he is hurting, that she and the children both love him and want him to come home to at least talk it through and work on the situation.

I'm in contact with him and letting him know that I am there for him 100%, free to talk over a beer, etc and just to make sure he is OK. I've suggested 'carefully' to both of them that they should seek professional support and even go to the GP first.

Being in the middle is difficult and sometimes, and I don't want this to sound bad, but you'd like to get them, shake the and tell them to 'sort it out'. But that, if feel, would be detrimental.

My main concern is for the two children who are seeing their mum cry, can't understand why dad is away and are feeling the stress of the situation.

I'd be grateful for any thoughts or advice or any different suggestions you may have to help with this situation. I do love them both dearly and don't want to see the breakup of the family. Thanks FarmBoy

2 Replies 2

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi, welcome

Firstly well done in surviving thus far as a go between, however there is a big difference in communicating to each of them and just providing the tools for them both to work it out themselves, the latter is better.

Children are resilient so put them aside about this.

Relationship counseling is best.

I have a thread as an example of what they can do to help remain together if they reunite.

Google

Beyondblue topic relationship strife? The peace pipe

TonyWK

Thanks Tony WK. I will have a look at the link.

Farm Boy