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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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P_B Why do I struggle to let people go?
  • replies: 1

After helpful advice or coping strategies please? I ended a long term relationship because I had feelings for a long time friend. This friend said the feelings were reciprocated. Only problem is she still has a partner. I assumed, and she lead me to ... View more

After helpful advice or coping strategies please? I ended a long term relationship because I had feelings for a long time friend. This friend said the feelings were reciprocated. Only problem is she still has a partner. I assumed, and she lead me to believe that once we had recognised that we had feelings for each other, she would leave her partner too & that we'd start dating. She confided that her relationship had not been physically intimate for almost 2 years, but she still cared for her partner but was no longer in love. We were intimate (something I'm not proud of, but want to give the full picture), and I know that I am completely in love with her. It's been longer than 15 months since I've seen her, and in that time we have had regular phone contact, she's told me that there are feelings for me, then she says we should just remain friends. That she wants to be with me, but it's just not the right time for her to leave her current partner yet. I'm lead to believe that they are still not intimate physically. I know she cares about me, but I know that I can't and shouldn't wait forever for her to decide to leave. I cant stop thinking about her, and I've never felt more jealous of anyone other than her partner in my life! I want to believe that if it's meant to be one day it will, and that I can't control the situation, but I don't know how to move forward. All I think about is wanting to be with her, wanting her to CHOOSE me. I had a childhood where my siblings needs were always placed above mine, and there was physical and emotional abuse. So I'm aware that childhood trauma plays a part in me not being able to let go. Has anyone else experienced this, I currently see a psychologist, but feel like I make a bit of progress & then slip back again.

Three_boys Separated from my wife and children and i’m the cause of her anxiety
  • replies: 2

Newbie here To begin with we have been together for 14 years and we’re married for 9 of those years at the moment we are living apart and are sharing the children on a casual basis her mental health deteriorated to the point she had an anxiety attack... View more

Newbie here To begin with we have been together for 14 years and we’re married for 9 of those years at the moment we are living apart and are sharing the children on a casual basis her mental health deteriorated to the point she had an anxiety attack and had to call an ambulance what followed that was 10 days of cyclic vomiting, she is feeling well enough to have kids and can only care for them for a limited time I was aware she had depression from the beginning and took meds for this up until the present day She has gone through three pregnancies with sickness the whole time, eldest son has autism has been fighting for that diagnosis, has smoked marijuana to help sleep and then recently increased the amount to help with anxiousness we bought a house that she does not want to live in and she started her own business in late 2018.It all added up to her struggling with her mental health she is seeing a psych now for a couple of years, is taking meds for her depression but as she admits she is doing it all for everyone. She will not make time for herself for mindfulness exercises,self care in her words I bring on her anxiety by my behaviour and the way I communicated with her recently i realise this now and have offered to have kids more often, apologised for my irrational behaviour the kids are resilient and handling it well, I miss them when they are not here anyone else been through something similar and can offer some advice

AlexDeLoser Literally no friends
  • replies: 3

Greetings good people, I hope you are all doing well I've always had trouble making friends throughout my schooling years. I've conveyed many different personas in attempt to fit in/be accepted into friendships. regardless, I still haven't managed to... View more

Greetings good people, I hope you are all doing well I've always had trouble making friends throughout my schooling years. I've conveyed many different personas in attempt to fit in/be accepted into friendships. regardless, I still haven't managed to make any genuine friends. The 'friends' that I do make through so much effort, always end up forgetting about me after they no longer accountable to their previous commitments i.e. school and work. And even through the short-lived friendships that I experienced, I always felt really crappy about myself, I felt like I had only become their friends because I was being someone else who I wasn't. I always feel that I am different; as strange as it is to say, I even feel the weirdest and the worst amongst my siblings. Anyways, I was wanting to know other people's experience with being the 'lone wolf', or something similar. Maybe even some tips to interaction with people? I'm not too sure. Thanks, everyone. Kind regards, Alex

Tonkalass Daughter growing up and I’m lonely
  • replies: 2

My daughter is in year 12 and will soon be moving on with her life, but I have only ever been a parent . I work part time and am married but have no friends and are lonely. I don’t know where to go to meet new people as I am awkward in social situati... View more

My daughter is in year 12 and will soon be moving on with her life, but I have only ever been a parent . I work part time and am married but have no friends and are lonely. I don’t know where to go to meet new people as I am awkward in social situations. I don’t want to return to full time work just to elevate my feelings of loneliness. I don’t want to spend all of my time with my husband either I need some gal pals. Please help!

Lynn16 Struggling with anxiety.
  • replies: 1

Hi, I did not know what I should tell everyone here. Here is what has happened. My husband of 38 years married, 40 years together has slept with our neighbour's daughter/single mum who is 30 years younger than him. I knew something was wrong with his... View more

Hi, I did not know what I should tell everyone here. Here is what has happened. My husband of 38 years married, 40 years together has slept with our neighbour's daughter/single mum who is 30 years younger than him. I knew something was wrong with his attitude and confronted him. He told me what had happened. He has been remorseful, kind, caring and very patient with me. We are trying to keep our marriage going. She means nothing to him he says. Her family were good friends with us but they have turned on him, which is understandable but they have turned on me also for telling them what their daughter did. They are pretending he is making this up and using her to get out of our marriage. He is a truck driver and is away alot, so he could of used any person on his travels to use as a scapegoat. He could of just left also. He is not leaving me. I still love him and he says he loves me. He does not know why he did it, he thinks he was flattered that a younger women showed an interest in him, he is not sure. The thing is, she was friends with our daughter who is a single mum also. We have found out from our daughter that one night when they were out together for a girls night, she also slept with another married man. That marriage has broken up. She has also slept with a few other men in our small little town and even thought she was pregnant once. This was all in 10 months of being here. My husband had a vasectomy 30 year ago. Her mother who was a friend of mine, has been spreading rumours everywhere and I am scared of going out of my house. I have put fence extensions right along the adjoining fence so I cant see them/her. Her mother is a person that wants to be the centre of attention everywhere she goes. She treats her daughter like a child. Her mother and father are divorced and she has a step father. I think she has 'Daddy" issues as she told my husband that her real Dad dresses up in woman's clothes. I am not happy at all with what my husband did but I still love him . I have access to his phone, emails and facebook account even the phone bill. I can see who he calls at all time. Ok, the problem. When he is away I am not so bad as he travels up north, he shares his location on google maps also. The trouble is when he is close to our town, my mind/imagination plays havoc. I think that somehow she is meeting him. I panic and sweat and get palpations in the chest and my breathing gets shallow. He knows all about my fears and does not know how to help me. Some days I not sure if trying is worth it. He and I both know it will take a long time for me to trust him again and says he will do what it takes so I can feel better. I just hate feeling like this

Mert Dint know how to deal !
  • replies: 1

I have joined the forum hoping for some input /advice regarding my situation .after 20 years in a relationship with my partner just five weeks ago he dropped the bombshell that he wanted us " to go our separate ways " ! We had had troubles a few year... View more

I have joined the forum hoping for some input /advice regarding my situation .after 20 years in a relationship with my partner just five weeks ago he dropped the bombshell that he wanted us " to go our separate ways " ! We had had troubles a few years back but I honestly believed we were getting much better and am still in shock over it all ! I do believe in my heart there is more to it than he is saying and he isn't saying much at all ! We are still living in the house together but in separate bedrooms and he refused to have a conversation about us ! I love him like absolute crazy and can't give up ! Little background ,five years ago he was diagnosed with leukamia ,diabetes and we have had a few financial burdens he didn't share with me until after the fact ! Two years ago he lost his lifelong best mate to suicide ,then just three days later a work mate he idolised took his life also ! At this point he really withdrew from me ,has been cranky ,irritable and very unapproachable ever since ! He dropped the bombshell just three days after another mate took his own life so it seems very timely to me ! I do believe he is likely struggling with depression ,and hoping someone had some advice on how to gently approach the conversation withOut causing him to completely shut down ! I find it quite odd that he has only told one person outside family what is going on , even his best mate has no idea ,he is just not talking to anyone ! I am falling apart making myself sick over it ,all the while he won't talk ..thanks for putting up with my rambling guys ,guess I'm just at wits end ! Have an awesome day guys

Guest_598 Having a relationship with someone suffering from abandonment issues
  • replies: 4

Hi All, the past couple of months have not been easy but I felt that my partner and I would finally be getting somewhere. Now that he has been able to cut the cord to his dependent ex-wife, I assumed that we would be ok after some more grief manageme... View more

Hi All, the past couple of months have not been easy but I felt that my partner and I would finally be getting somewhere. Now that he has been able to cut the cord to his dependent ex-wife, I assumed that we would be ok after some more grief management on his side. We are going fine and when we are together, it is beautiful and happy, unless the past comes up. But most importantly, over the past weeks and months, his therapist has found out that a lot of his difficulties with letting go and coping with loss are due to abandonment issues which originate from his childhood. He seems to have significant abandonment issues due to the treatment or neglect from his parents and although it is great that this has now been diagnosed, it is making life quite tough for him and us. He phrases it the way that he says at the moment, all the darkness is coming out before he can go over to applying solutions which basically is re-imaging his past and allowing his present self to take over and not be haunted by the self of the past. I am sure this will be a good process for him, although I fear it will take a long time. In the meantime, he struggles with the loss of his broken marriage - not because he loves his ex-wife (it is not linked to the person at all) but because he does not cope well with loss in general because of his abandonment issues. So this is another big hill for him to climb. I think it is great that he knows about the issues now and he is very keen to solve them so he can be happy and feel secure in a successful relationship going forward. However, I am wondering how I and we should deal with this in the meantime. It would probably be better if he was not in a relationship while he is trying to heal himself but since we are and we want to be, we need to find a way to manage this well. I am not quite sure how I fit into this and what to do. I read a lot on abandonment issues but it appears that most of the things that can be done need to be done by the person suffering from the issues. How can I help? What can I do to possibly alleviate his issues? Would having happy times with me be a positive support to kind of balance out his dark days? We can have great times and then all of a sudden he becomes mentally distanced as if he was far away. It often feels quite painful to me and I try to tell myself it has nothing to do with me. He says we are great but everything else does not seem to be good. What could we do to make things move forward and easier?

Needing_help_123 Heartbreaking
  • replies: 1

Hi All, Some advice... Was in a relationship and because of some circumstances met and connected with someone also in a relationship, who shared similar issues. We used each other as a communication platform to discuss ways to improve what was happen... View more

Hi All, Some advice... Was in a relationship and because of some circumstances met and connected with someone also in a relationship, who shared similar issues. We used each other as a communication platform to discuss ways to improve what was happening in each of our relationships. From there feelings grew and I left my relationship. She has confessed her feelings for me and how much she wants to get out and wants to be with me. I've tried to take a step back, I've tried to give her options to talk to someone - neither have been options. She feels trapped in her relationship and that she believes in a few months she could leave. I am so torn, I miss her, I want to be with her - but when I need her she can never be with me. She apologises but keeps telling me how much she needs and wants me. The major issues she does not want to leave is she left and has come back, kids involved and the partner has gone back to where it was before. She feels resentment towards this person and feels terrible for her kids that she would drag them away again. She is terribly unhappy and having a few health issues without any support. What do I do? I cant sleep, my stomach churns and my chest aches... I cant walk away -> i have asked her what would happen if the roles were reversed and she says she would wait for me....

Kelly67 I feel like my teenage daughter hates me
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I'm not sure where to start.. I understand that teenage years are difficult and have read books sourced help on dealing with this but my on child has said and done such hurtful things that is heart destroying and really has effected our relationship.... View more

I'm not sure where to start.. I understand that teenage years are difficult and have read books sourced help on dealing with this but my on child has said and done such hurtful things that is heart destroying and really has effected our relationship. Because she thinks she is right all the time it's difficult to communicate with her. I have helped her in lots of ways achieve lots of different things yet she chooses to say how bad her life is. I've been spat at called the 'c' word and many more. She has trashed the house. Causes her dad and I to argue. My biggest concern now is because I refused that her boyfriend couldn't stay at our home due to no other reason but it was a tafe/work week she started to abuse me. The heart wrenching part is I heard her telling her boyfriend that we are toxic and abusive. My heart sank as its totally the other way around. Her boyfriend has since told his mom this whom I haven't met yet and I'm devastated that we are being pictured in this way. What do I do should I talk to his mom.?? We are good parents and will admit the mistake we made was spoiling her. Please help on ideas how to handle this. Its breaking our once Happy family to break up..

LifetimeDreamer Withdrawn and isolated after breakup
  • replies: 3

Hi All, I am new here, so please forgive me if I haven't figured everything out yet. I just looked through the posts here and found a few interesting ones that kind of match my issue. Still, I thought I would write to explain exactly what I'm looking... View more

Hi All, I am new here, so please forgive me if I haven't figured everything out yet. I just looked through the posts here and found a few interesting ones that kind of match my issue. Still, I thought I would write to explain exactly what I'm looking for. I have been with a man for nearly 1.5 years and we have a really close link. I love him dearly and I believe he loves me. We unfortunately fell in love while he was still with his ex. Their relationship wasn't good and he wanted out but I guess we started a bit too early and we realise that the timing hasn't been great. But what can you do, sometimes love just strikes when you least expect it. So, fast forward, it hasn't been easy - similar to a post by AussieGal listed here. He eventually separated and he knows it's the right thing to do but since the separation, he has been kind of overwhelmed, confused, down, in pain... everything. I assume that is the grieving after something has failed although he kind of wanted to be with me. I do not quite understand this but I assume it is because he is quite a sensitive individual who doesn't like hurting people and who feels guilty for failure or perceived failure. Anyway, after trying to distract himself with fun things, he must have realised that it won't do. So the last few weeks, he has been really struggling to the point where he is now physically exhausted, immune system down, sick, struggles with sleep etc. I haven't seen him in a few days and he seems to really withdraw both physically and emotionally. I have hardly heard from him and he seems nearly non-existent. I am worried about him and I am sad that he pushes me away so much. I have not pursued him too much because I don't want to add to his pressures but I do tell him that I am there and I try to lighten his day with a positive morning message or so. I am trying to understand if this is normal. Is he sad about the end of his relationship or is there more? Am I contributing to his stress in any way I don't know? We have great times together and he loves spending time with me (he says), so I don't know if I have done something. Is this something he just needs to get through and he will still be happy to have me on the other side? Should I do anything else? I am really confused by this intense disappearance of a person. He texts back once a day, with a few words and a smiley. But I don't know if he just does that to appease (which isn't necessary). I wish I could understand better. What to do?