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Struggling with anxiety.

Community Member
Hi, I did not know what I should tell everyone here. Here is what has happened. My husband of 38 years married, 40 years together has slept with our neighbour's daughter/single mum who is 30 years younger than him. I knew something was wrong with his attitude and confronted him. He told me what had happened. He has been remorseful, kind, caring and very patient with me. We are trying to keep our marriage going. She means nothing to him he says. Her family were good friends with us but they have turned on him, which is understandable but they have turned on me also for telling them what their daughter did. They are pretending he is making this up and using her to get out of our marriage. He is a truck driver and is away alot, so he could of used any person on his travels to use as a scapegoat. He could of just left also. He is not leaving me. I still love him and he says he loves me. He does not know why he did it, he thinks he was flattered that a younger women showed an interest in him, he is not sure. The thing is, she was friends with our daughter who is a single mum also. We have found out from our daughter that one night when they were out together for a girls night, she also slept with another married man. That marriage has broken up. She has also slept with a few other men in our small little town and even thought she was pregnant once. This was all in 10 months of being here. My husband had a vasectomy 30 year ago. Her mother who was a friend of mine, has been spreading rumours everywhere and I am scared of going out of my house. I have put fence extensions right along the adjoining fence so I cant see them/her. Her mother is a person that wants to be the centre of attention everywhere she goes. She treats her daughter like a child. Her mother and father are divorced and she has a step father.
I think she has 'Daddy" issues as she told my husband that her real Dad dresses up in woman's clothes. I am not happy at all with what my husband did but I still love him . I have access to his phone, emails and facebook account even the phone bill. I can see who he calls at all time. Ok, the problem. When he is away I am not so bad as he travels up north, he shares his location on google maps also. The trouble is when he is close to our town, my mind/imagination plays havoc. I think that somehow she is meeting him. I panic and sweat and get palpations in the chest and my breathing gets shallow. He knows all about my fears and does not know how to help me. Some days I not sure if trying is worth it. He and I both know it will take a long time for me to trust him again and says he will do what it takes so I can feel better. I just hate feeling like this
1 Reply 1

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi Lynn16,

It sounds like you have a few issues here to deal with being the behaviour of your husband, your marriage and possible trust issues, the lady next door, your anxiety and possibly how you feel the community feels about you.

Can you se a marriage counsellor with your husband?

Do you have a Dr you can talk with in regards to dealing with your anxiety?

Controlling our thoughts and emotions is not always easy. It can be so easy for one thought to run into another and another until our minds are telling us all kinds of things.

Is there some way you can find a STOP button for your thoughts before the anxiety takes over?

Is there one thig you can do for yourself each day to help you feel better about yourself?

Hope you find ways to understand and deal with your anxiety.

Regards from Doolhof