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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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outlander94 confused and don't know what to do.
  • replies: 4

Hi, I'm not sure if I'm in the right forum, or if what I'm feeling is warranted after what I've done. I cheated on my boyfriend before Christmas. I told him and he seemed to want to work through it. Just last Friday he came home and ended it. Called ... View more

Hi, I'm not sure if I'm in the right forum, or if what I'm feeling is warranted after what I've done. I cheated on my boyfriend before Christmas. I told him and he seemed to want to work through it. Just last Friday he came home and ended it. Called me every name under the sun, all deserved though, and kicked me out of his house. I now live at home with my parents, which neither of them will talk to me now. He was more upset that I lied, I initially only told him half the story. But, people who I believed were friends told him the whole story. Did he deserved the truth? Maybe. But I believed that what I did I could live with, because it was a one time thing that didn't mean anything, and he is in a world of hurt because of a mistake that I made. The worst part is is that I didn't mean to do it. I know people think 'how can you not mean to do it?' but I didn't. It was a huge moment of weakness. I love my boyfriend more than anything and I've lost everything. I have hardly any money and he helped support me a lot. So this adds a lot of pressure to the situation. I'm feeling so lost. I can't eat, or sleep. I don't want to see anyone either. I'm having panic attacks and I cannot think clearly about anything. I guess I deserve what I got but I just need someone to talk to. Someone whose been through what I'm going through. I'm giving him space and I'm hoping that sometimes in the near future he'll change his mind and we'll be able to work through this. I'm terrified that it'll never happen though. I'm highly anxious and I'm scared to live without him. I've never felt so down or unhappy in my life. I feel so guilty about what I've done, I've embarrassed myself and my friends. I've lost friends, respect, dignity and I think in some ways, my will to live. My heart is literally aching. I just want to know how I'm supposed to be okay after this. Does anyone think that I have a chance of making it right? Am I a terrible person? Is there any chance of redemption?

Byrn92 I Just cant do it anymore
  • replies: 3

I have been with my partner for 7 years we have one son her family lives with us and for the last 6 months i just have gotten to the point wer dont care anymore i dont care bout life i dont feel like i am wanted anymore and if i say something its rat... View more

I have been with my partner for 7 years we have one son her family lives with us and for the last 6 months i just have gotten to the point wer dont care anymore i dont care bout life i dont feel like i am wanted anymore and if i say something its rather jezz need a tampon or jesus pitty party much or shit like that i dont feel i can talk to her anymore bout anything as anything i say she goes straight to her mother and get told to get over it the only time her mother talks to me is when its about money or wanting something i have been trying to push past it all but i cant anymore i cant just go on putting up with it all feeling like i am some sort of check cash each week i just dont want to do anymore or be anymore i have noone to talk to and i have no idea what to say the last two times i brought things up i had to live at my brothers house for a good month or three i just dont know what to do i feel like i am on a raft in the ocean surround by sharks as the raft sowly falls apart aound me i just at the end of my rope and i need someone to help me back up

storm16 Possible STI
  • replies: 1

I've recently been told I may have genital warts. I broke up with my partner of 20 years, 3 years ago. I havent been with anyone else since. My doctor has only referred me to a gynecologist, but given no treatment options. I cant get in to see the gy... View more

I've recently been told I may have genital warts. I broke up with my partner of 20 years, 3 years ago. I havent been with anyone else since. My doctor has only referred me to a gynecologist, but given no treatment options. I cant get in to see the gynecologist until March. This is stressing me out as I have recently starting dating again. Has anyone else had an STI appear years later?? Any advice will be appreciated.

Nothappyuni What does "I love you, but I'm not 'In Love' with you" mean, seriously?
  • replies: 6

My partner of 25 years kept telling me "I love you, but I'm not in love with you". She insisted I was foolish to leave, and should "get over the abuse". I, however, am still wondering just what the phrase literally means. Ideas??

My partner of 25 years kept telling me "I love you, but I'm not in love with you". She insisted I was foolish to leave, and should "get over the abuse". I, however, am still wondering just what the phrase literally means. Ideas??

Waban67 Get down about being single
  • replies: 2

Hello all, I am a single mother of two teenage boys. I have predominately been single since their father and I split 10 years ago. I am outgoing, have great friends, work and play music in bands an generally have a good life, although I do find being... View more

Hello all, I am a single mother of two teenage boys. I have predominately been single since their father and I split 10 years ago. I am outgoing, have great friends, work and play music in bands an generally have a good life, although I do find being the primary carer all the time exhausting. I am possibly a little fussy about who I get involved with. I take care of my physical and mental health. I'm not a massive drinker and enjoy having hobbies. Communication is also really important to me. I had hoped I could meet someone who also cared about their health, liked being active, was an open honest communicator, was affectionate and had a love for music. I have a few failed attempts at relationships over the last few years and I get so incredibly down when they don't work. I go to such dark places and I don't want to be like this. My boys need me to be OK. My eldest son who is 17 has recently started having mental health issues, which he is thankfully open about and we are seeking help. I know with all that is going on with him, I shouldn't be thinking about relationships, but I don't want to be on my own forever. I would love to be in a relationship. I am an incredibly independent person in so many ways, but I think most of us need someone special in our lives. I have just ended another failed relationship. We were only together a few months, but I am doubting myself and would love to just have a general chat online about this if possible to help me work through my thinking.

Bee_009 Am I really an awful person?
  • replies: 2

Hi all, I don't even know where to start, so a bit of background, I was seeing this girl for about a year now but we had never been 'official'. We both had/have been going through a lot as individuals. For me it was the end of a previous relationship... View more

Hi all, I don't even know where to start, so a bit of background, I was seeing this girl for about a year now but we had never been 'official'. We both had/have been going through a lot as individuals. For me it was the end of a previous relationship which was partially ended because I developed feelings for her while I was still with him. I had and still do feel so much guilt around how things ended. For her, she unexpectedly lost her dad six months ago. So, we decided that it best if we work on them before entering a relationship. In saying this, we were saying I love you and acting like we were together. When we had this converstation, the topic of exclusivity came up and we obviously got very different things out of that conversation. Although I wanted to be with her and did not have the desire to 'date' other people, physically I was not exclusive. At the time I honestly thought that is what we had agreed on, otherwise I wouldn't have been with anyone else. She discovered that I had been with someone else and was really hurt. I explained that I must have misinterpreted the conversation we had and that I sincerely apologise for hurting her. Although difficult I believed that we were moving past it. This past week it was brought up again, somewhat out of the blue and she was upset with me again. I apologised once again for hurting her but said that I didn't want to live my life as the bad guy, we either need to work through it or not. Again, the road was going to be rocky but I felt that we were getting somewhere. Then last night we went out with my friend and while I was in the bathroom my friend reached out to her and said that she knows we've had our ups and downs but shes rooting for us to work out. The girl I was seeing apparently became very defensive asking what my friend knew then asking for details of a night I'd been with someone else, accusing her of covering things up. When I came back from the bathroom she asked when that night was so I told her and she left. She walked out, I chased after her with no luck. Minutes later she sends me probably the most hurtful text I have ever gotten. She highlighted that the night was the same month as her dads funeral and that I am a 'piece of shit and she wants bothing to do with me'. My heart is aching, I can't believe it's over and that she has so much hate towards me. I feel sick, I can't sleep...am I really this awful person?

Pintsa Husband refuses treatment
  • replies: 1

My husband is 38 years old. I am 32 and we have a 19 year old daughter (My step daughter) and 3 more girls 5, 3 and 2. We have been married for 8 years and he is my world. I adore him. He has suffered server depression for nearly 3 years now and he i... View more

My husband is 38 years old. I am 32 and we have a 19 year old daughter (My step daughter) and 3 more girls 5, 3 and 2. We have been married for 8 years and he is my world. I adore him. He has suffered server depression for nearly 3 years now and he is declining even further at an alarming rate. I do all I can to ease his pain, stress and troubles but I feel like a complete failure. He refuses to see a doctor to seek help. Tells me he will get over it. He won't even consider treatment of any kind. I finally got him to a doctor after 2 years but he was put on 2 different anti depressants that didn't help and now refuses to ever try again. Al13 ofour little girls have tourettes and ADHD. My husband can't handle noise with his illness so all my energy is trying to keep 3 young kids who can't sit still, scream, yell, all with mental illness as quite as possible while also trying to give them structure and do all the work, and also do what I can to help hubby. At times He is angry and mean, so so heart crushing mean (we never used to fight). And although it deflates me I try and remember its not him, its the illness. While also letting him know it's not ok. He is suicidal But tells me he always stops and wouldn't do it because of our kids, but I believe that less ans less Now and am on constant suicide watch I'm exhausted, I'm tried and im out of answers and ideas to get him through. I have even tried different crystals or natural therapy even though I'm not a believer in it because I'm desperate. I will keep trying until the end of my days until he is better but I'm silently starting to suffer too but just suck it up because my whole family need me. Can anyone offer advice. At this point it would be easier to Cure world hunger than get him to accept help

Hayes_Hazard Can it get worse ..?
  • replies: 6

Hello, I’m a first timer here, I’ll need to explain a few things, I’m a mum of x2 teen girls.. family of 4 (Mum, Dad & 2 girls) 4 years ago my family separated due to my partner having an affair, it all fell apart, the woman having an affair with my ... View more

Hello, I’m a first timer here, I’ll need to explain a few things, I’m a mum of x2 teen girls.. family of 4 (Mum, Dad & 2 girls) 4 years ago my family separated due to my partner having an affair, it all fell apart, the woman having an affair with my partner was also using and grooming my oldest daughter to her benefit, the affair ended - never lasted. This also destroyed the relationship I had with my oldest daughter. She is 17 soon to be 18 and we have never recovered, she simply has no respect, no love for me yet I try to show interest and love and support back but feel it’s all thrown back in my face. My family is back together .. my partner and I are best friends however we don’t see eye to eye when it comes to my oldest daughter .. I feel helpless and alone.. not respected and hated I my own home .. I have a good relationship with my youngest and concentrate on that as I feel I have lost it all with my oldest.. I have no idea how to mend or salvage any type of relationship with her and sadly feels like I really dislike her completely for the hatred and disrespect she shows me.. I’m lost and so very alone ... at the very end of it all it could quite possibly ruin our family unit again.. it has consumed me and is making me very depressed

Overitt How to fake being happy
  • replies: 4

I need to be strong I need to keep it together for my kids I need to push the negative crap away and at least pretend I’m ok so how do I do that

I need to be strong I need to keep it together for my kids I need to push the negative crap away and at least pretend I’m ok so how do I do that

white knight Talking to men: some tips
  • replies: 6

I recall my father (now dec) when he was under pressure his face would always go red followed by throwing his cigarette on the ground. That's as far as he'd ever go with reaction. As I grew older I realised what he felt. This "pressure" has got worse... View more

I recall my father (now dec) when he was under pressure his face would always go red followed by throwing his cigarette on the ground. That's as far as he'd ever go with reaction. As I grew older I realised what he felt. This "pressure" has got worse over time and for me it is trying to think of more than one thing at a time. A man's disease? Snapping at my wife occurs many times daily. A post I read tonight was similar where a wife has a depressed husband with a short fuse. There is really no good time to interrupt some of us men. If we are self servicing our car or hammering a nail in a piece of wood, we are too busy to listen to a simple request for our partners. Sad isnt it? Sadder still for our partners whom are simply asking us to do something for them. So, what can we do? Well my first response is that the male cant do anything about it. That his initial reaction is his natural reaction to huff and puff and answer in a grumpy manner everytime his wife asks him a request. Not so. Like every problem we sufferers and our carers face - it takes two to solve it and requires patience and planning, to achieve a partial improvement. So once you have such an agreement you can both start on the plan. Approach techniques play a huge part. Remember ladies, the guy is concentrating. he may only be hammering a nail in a block of wood but unbeknown to you he has 5 or more tasks running in his head. His day is planned, actually it was planned the day before when lying in bed gazing into space....you know, that moment you thought he was ignoring you. His projects fill his mind. So in this case you yell out "Tony, can you take the garbage out to the naturestrip". And it tips him over the edge. "Oh, yeh alright". = grumpy reply. At this point you throw a tantrum because this answer combined with another grumpy reply early in the day and you've had enough. Argument follows. Tears, hopefully apologies and that cycle goes on and on because the technique doesnt change. Try this. Approach your guy and ask him how his project is going. Then say "when you get a chance darling, can you do ...."? It will work. The man has responsibility to. "Thanks sweetheart for taking an interest..." and "I can fit that in between that job before I get on the roof..."= friendly teamwork Approach is the number one. Another thing men should do is to realise that women still do (as the stats prove) much of the housework. Discuss what you can do to share chores equally. Understanding = less upsets