Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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tanner456 My partner keeps putting me now .. maybe I’m being over sensitive
  • replies: 2

I’ve been with my guy for 8 years and we have one son together.. Our relationship has been great for the most part having a child definitely makes things harder.. Recently I haven’t been feeling connected to him ... an example of our fights start he ... View more

I’ve been with my guy for 8 years and we have one son together.. Our relationship has been great for the most part having a child definitely makes things harder.. Recently I haven’t been feeling connected to him ... an example of our fights start he wanted to go to a work event and told me about it, the next day I asked if food would be provided and he got upset and said “why don’t you ever listen when I say something don’t talk back to me just do it “ He makes a point in very argument to tell me to listen him and just do it (whatever he requests or tells me) then would I do try to respond by saying I’m just trying to start a conversation with you or tell a joke it only makes it worse I feel like I can’t have an opinion and it’s his way or not way with I don’t feel like an equal to him and then get very hurt ... I’ve tired to explain to him but I also get defensive and stubborn which probably doesn’t help any advice? we are recently engaged and I have a fear of being a wife to someone who demands things from me

Penna 43 and perpetually single
  • replies: 8

Im 43 and have never had a single relationship. I’ve never had sex. I’ve had a single blind date over 10yrs ago. I feel ashamed, humiliated and am in fear people will find out. I lie about it. I have down pat stories ready to go of an exboyfriend, lo... View more

Im 43 and have never had a single relationship. I’ve never had sex. I’ve had a single blind date over 10yrs ago. I feel ashamed, humiliated and am in fear people will find out. I lie about it. I have down pat stories ready to go of an exboyfriend, longterm relationship and how it ended, loosing my virginity and other life stories that everyone else has. This only works with people who haven’t known me for too long though. I’m not saving myself till marriage or religious. I don’t think I’m overly ugly. I have many friends. Im comfortable with men. I know I have no self confidence and poor self esteem but this is heightened by failure to be liked by someone romantically. I’ve really liked a few men (and one woman) over the years and have told them and tried to have something happen.....but never happened. Feelings were one sided. People think im a private person and closed book. Im not, I just have nothing to say when conversation is about life with a partner/kids/love/ dating. Is anyone else at all in this situation. I really don’t think anyone is.

Maricia Should I leave or stay for my child? Emotionally distant spouse
  • replies: 7

Hi there, I’ve been married for 7 years and have one child, my husband has always worked away and he came back after our child was born, we instantly had difficulty being around one another as we were not used to it, we also had our son and the stres... View more

Hi there, I’ve been married for 7 years and have one child, my husband has always worked away and he came back after our child was born, we instantly had difficulty being around one another as we were not used to it, we also had our son and the stresses of sleep deprivation, sleepless nights, and not being able to do much as our child was full on, we started to argue, fight about things, my husband has always been emotionally distant, even when I told him I was pregnant he sat there angry for a couple of hours and kept asking me if this was for real, he didn’t hug or congratulate me, since then I felt distant from him. We became more and more distant as we had this child and didn’t spend time together, we both worked hard but forgot about ourselves. I started to workout to get my frustrations and sadness out and met someone and we instantly clicked, we have similar values, morals and are basically exactly the same in every way, he is very caring, nurturing, kind and considerate. My husband altho a hard worker he has never shown me love, and I’ve had no affection from him. He would often see me cook and clean and when he saw me sit down he would ask why am I not cleaning or cooking. I felt very unloved. He was constantly cruel and would never ever appreciate or thank me for my efforts. I come from a traditional family where marriage means ‘for life’ but since I’ve met this person and we’ve become good friends I feel like I need to find happiness again however I am very nervous to leave this marriage due to my child and us being married. I separated from my husband one year ago however we live under the same roof, he wants to make it work but I’ve given up hope. Should I continue to be separated and stop talking to this other person who I feel I may have a future with or should I give this other person a go who is exactly like me, caring, nurturing, kind. Our families are alike too in every possible way hence why we have clicked. We both don’t know what to do but we do realise it may be best to end for our son. I would have never thought I’d ever be in a situation like this ever and here I am. I’ve been so lost. Anyone in the same situation please help!

Emma930 Self confidence and feeling my worth
  • replies: 2

I am really struggling lately with self confidence. Heres the thing, I have been bulled from 9 years old up until I was about 17 and now I'm nearly 20. I have the worst self confidence and have no idea how to remotely fix it. I read things saying "te... View more

I am really struggling lately with self confidence. Heres the thing, I have been bulled from 9 years old up until I was about 17 and now I'm nearly 20. I have the worst self confidence and have no idea how to remotely fix it. I read things saying "tell yourself your pretty" and everything but I just am not going to believe that. I have been going out with friends a little bit more lately and can't help but get so much anxiety surrounding if I am actually wanted there. I believe I have always done this and always have a fear that people are inviting me as a joke or just to be nice or something. This really messes with my head as I want friends, I want to go out but I can't help but think no one actually likes me and its all just a joke. I don't know if I do this because my self confidence is low or just because I am silly.I am very lonely so I am trying not to just accept people in my life because I am lonely but feel like I am just accepting anyone and everyone because I like the company, even if it isn't the best company or im not getting treated the best. I feel like none of this makes any sense, my mind is just in overdrive lately sorry.

UpNDown Declared my problem... then she called it quits
  • replies: 3

I have been with my wife for 10 years, married for eight and have a pre-school aged son. After battling my demons for years, by myself, I finally took the step. I got referred to a psychiatrist. My guess is somewhere in the world of anxiety, depressi... View more

I have been with my wife for 10 years, married for eight and have a pre-school aged son. After battling my demons for years, by myself, I finally took the step. I got referred to a psychiatrist. My guess is somewhere in the world of anxiety, depression, PTSD, possibly bipolar (symptoms and family history). I'm an emergency services worker of 15 years. We have not been intimate for six months and getting distant before that. I had closed myself off from all social situations to the point when my wife and son would be going out somewhere she wouldn't bother asking me if I wanted to go because I'd always say no. I cannot remember the last time I felt genuine joy or pleasure in anything. I sit up late at night, while she goes to bed, killing time to avoid the sleeping panic attacks and nightmares. A week ago, just days after getting the referral, I had my anxiety triggered. She returned home after a night out with work colleagues at 5am (VERY unusual as she doesn't want to be hungover or anything for our son) and I woke up as she was getting out of the shower and felt terrible that I'd fallen asleep so wasn't awake to at least make sure she got in the door safely. I'm very protective of my wife and, thanks to the job, I hear about bad things happening to vulnerable (drunk) women all the time. I found out she needed the taxi driver to help her with her keys to unlock the door! That evening I declared to her that I was sorry for being a terrible husband and I had made the step by having the conversation with a GP. What sort of response was I expecting? "That's terrible, I'll support you" is what I thought I was going to get. No, it wasn't. I was floored to hear the words: "I'm not sure it's going to fix things" I could feel myself imploding from the inside. Not just the words, but our entire conversation that followed contained no emotion or empathy apart from "I don't mean to kick you while you're down". She revealed it started last year when she found herself having to talk to her GP about how she felt in her marriage and took anti-depressants for a while. I had to wake up next to her the next morning with that sinking feeling that it wasn't one of the bad dreams I often have. I'm now a wreck. I've had to go back to the GP to get something to calm the anxiety and help me sleep while I wait to see the psychiatrist. I am seeing him this coming Tuesday with all these developments to add to my problems. The term 'gutted' doesn't describe how I'm feeling. I should also point out that she immediately agreed to marriage counselling that I arranged through work the following day. We're in for a three week wait. In the meantime we have had text message exchanges while I'm at work where she sort of has acknowledged what affect it's had on me. She still encourages me to get help that's it's the main priority. I remain hopeful, but keeping my expectations realistic. The other evening she was going to her work Christmas function and I noticed she was wearing her wedding ring. That lifted my spirit a little. This evening however we went to a Christmas public event and I noticed she wasn't wearing it. But, that could be me reading into it too much. My brain just won't stop with all the emotions running through it. I'm scared to death of what is to come. The pain I'm going to have to endure only to end up alone and have lost everything. I've already been through it before with a previous relationship that produced my two teenage sons but that was different - I hated her and was glad to be free from it.

Just_me85 Need an advice
  • replies: 8

I need some advice please. When me and my husband fight, he always raise his voice and calling me names and swearing at me infront of our kids and telling the kids that I'm evil which the kids does'nt believe him. The kids will tell him to stop getti... View more

I need some advice please. When me and my husband fight, he always raise his voice and calling me names and swearing at me infront of our kids and telling the kids that I'm evil which the kids does'nt believe him. The kids will tell him to stop getting angry but he will just continue raising his voice and blame me for everything. He always threatens me that if I will take the kids away from him he will call the police for kidnapping my own kids. My question is will I get in trouble if I take my kids away from him? I'm planning to get a divorce because I can't really live with him anymore after 10years of being together. I'm stress allday and losing alot of weight because of the problem that I'm going through with him. He said I'm depressed person and I should blame myself for being depressed.

Guest_9043 Need to vent and be heard.
  • replies: 12

This is not ANY type of relationship. It's one of my housemates. She treats me like dirt. She treats everyone like dirt, even her husband. She manipulated and betrayed me to moving in here. She told me that I could recover here, was really kind and s... View more

This is not ANY type of relationship. It's one of my housemates. She treats me like dirt. She treats everyone like dirt, even her husband. She manipulated and betrayed me to moving in here. She told me that I could recover here, was really kind and said she cared about me. It took me a while to trust her but I finally relented and moved in. As soon as I moved in she completely changed towards me. I absentmindledy left a take away coffee cup out instead of throwing it in the bin. I just forgot. She left it there for days. On Saturday she picked it up and said to me, this has been sitting there for days and I've been waiting for you to throw it away. Since you won't I'll do it. I was gobsmacked. Yesterday she asked me to get a Pepsi for her out the Pepsi box so I did. No thank you. Then she said to me by the way I don't like people wearing shorts with their underwear showing. If that's how people were to dress we would wear our underwear on the outside. I was wearing shorts with some of my underwear showing and not on purpose. I had a cup in my room and I got in trouble for that. I had to wash it immediately. She yelled at me to keep my voice down the other night when I was on the phone. Then at 6am she made a call right outside my room on loudspeaker and woke me up talking loudly. The washing machine drum is out so it's mine and everyone else's fault because we don't put our washing in evenly. It's broken! I'm too scared to do my washing. If I'm helping someone with something I'm doing it all wrong and she is right. She is right about everything even when she is wrong. She LOVES the I told you do game. She humiliates you in front of people. She sets people up she doesn't like. She wants to be treated with respect but doesn't have to do the same in return. Her life is worse than anyone's else's life and no one has a right to speak about their life without her comparing it to her life. There's so much more. I pay rent and clean but she is the boss do to speak. I've not spent time in the house for 48 hours now. I'm down in the shed and am sleeping here to get away from her. I know I have to move. I'm making steps, I just can't go right now. I just can't be around her. I know it's abuse. I can't stand up for myself but she will kick me out. I can't have that as I will have nowhere to go.

Hurtinginsilence I left my marriage for him and he went back to his marriage
  • replies: 22

Hi everyone this is so hard to write as I have so much to explain and no energy to explain as I'm hurting, I was married and It wasn't a healthy marriage - my husband neglected me and emotionally was abusive... I had an old crush message me via inter... View more

Hi everyone this is so hard to write as I have so much to explain and no energy to explain as I'm hurting, I was married and It wasn't a healthy marriage - my husband neglected me and emotionally was abusive... I had an old crush message me via internet and we started what was an emotional affair ... he was also married and un happy we both have kids to our husband/wife. Things turned up after months of being emotionally reliant on one another, it turned physical and we would risk seeing each other late at night after work or briefly on weekends at the shops ect, I left my marriage for him, got a rental left all my furniture to my husband, my lover left his wife and moved in with his parents not too long after, his ex has power over him (their kids) that she use so to bring him back to the house (two times he has ended it with me and gone back to the house to be with his kids and he comes back after a week or so totally hurt because she's controlling him and he loves me) he's recently ended it with me but on the basis that he can't handle being away from his kids and he doesn't want them to think he abandoned them for his own happiness .... he's torn but his kids come first... none of my friends or family know my situation so I feel my heart is shattered and I can't even reach out to vent and I'm still in love with this man, what do I do if he leaves her again (for good) and how would I know it's for good... can I trust him... we have been vey honest and real with each other even confessing when we slept with our husband or wife and sharing how we felt about it ect... he's not lied to me.... so I trust him still.... tell me am I crazy and alone? Has anyone ever been in his situation or similar and ended up dumped and alone? Or has it ended up with u and ur lover being together and sticking through it hard times and all? Please help I'm a broken mess with a poker face on infront of my friends!

Pancake Pancake - supporting husband through depression and anxiety
  • replies: 1

Hi I’m new here. I want guidance as a wife supporting her husband through depression and anxiety. I need ways to cope with his mood swings so I don’t fall apart. I’m the breadwinner and a mum. I’ve put myself last as he isn’t helpful or supportive. I... View more

Hi I’m new here. I want guidance as a wife supporting her husband through depression and anxiety. I need ways to cope with his mood swings so I don’t fall apart. I’m the breadwinner and a mum. I’ve put myself last as he isn’t helpful or supportive. I feel so alone in this journey but I want ways to cope with it so I don’t burn out. Thank you for listening.

SeekingSupport2019 Do I tell my partners family about his mental health and addiction problems?
  • replies: 5

Hi Everyone, I am completely new to this forum and looking forward to getting some different perspectives! My partner and I have been together for about 5 years, after a short period of knowing him I knew he suffered from a level of anxiety (not an i... View more

Hi Everyone, I am completely new to this forum and looking forward to getting some different perspectives! My partner and I have been together for about 5 years, after a short period of knowing him I knew he suffered from a level of anxiety (not an issue for me at all). I always thought he drank a bit too much alcohol but I also thought his family did too and because I don't drink very much I never read into it. A year ago we moved to a different city together for my work, he definitely struggled with the transition and trying to find work but after 8 weeks he got a job he liked. Six months ago I discovered (he didn't bring it forward) that he had spent all our savings on alcohol and gambling. He owned the bank account so I didn't have regular visibility and trusted him. He had been drunk almost everyday for six months and this was a concern for me, moreso than the money so I was quick to take the supportive route. He has since been seeing a psychologist/psychiatrist and is trialing different medication for anxiety and depress - they believe the alcohol/gambling has been his coping mechanism for the mental illness. Since this all happened I said to him the most important thing was he had to be honest with me, that a relapse was possible but being upfront was what I needed in our relationship. I then caught him lying and buying/drinking alcohol 2 months ago and I gave him the ultimatum that if he lied about it again I would leave (in my mind it was strike two). I have now caught him again, not drinking, but gambling ... and its been going on for a couple months! I'm so torn on what to do - I don't feel I am respecting myself by staying in a relationship where I am lied to and emotionally manipulated (which I don't think he even realises he is doing). I have told him this and asked him to tell his family what is going on, so I am not alone in this as a supporter. He won't do it and says it will make everything so much harder for him... Given I have caught him out every time, he hasn't confessed the addiction abuse, I just don't think he is really admitting/dealing with these issues. I don't know if I am going to stay or go but I feel his family need to know. I need their support and I feel his best chance of recovery lies in there not being this big secret. My questions - do you think I should tell his parents?... has someone done this to you and what was the pros/cons? any thoughts? Any help is greatly appreciated, so thank you in advance!!