Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Jhc Unable to stop crying
  • replies: 13

Hi, my partner of two years who I love so much has broken up with me this week. Two months ago, out of the blue he told me he wasn't happy. We met in another State to where I live. When we met it was like a film, romantic and perfect. After calling a... View more

Hi, my partner of two years who I love so much has broken up with me this week. Two months ago, out of the blue he told me he wasn't happy. We met in another State to where I live. When we met it was like a film, romantic and perfect. After calling and messaging each other for months he then drove from one side of the country to the other to move in with me. He got a job here and seemed happy. I thought we were happy. We talked about and made plans for the future. I met him when I was 48. I felt so lucky to meet him and felt it was meant to be. Neither of us had children or previous relationship baggage. We shared many goals and values. Then out of nowhere he told me he wasn't happy and his feelings for me had changed. He wanted to go back home and see how he felt but didn't want to break up. I was away for work for two weeks and he told me he would wait until I got home. But at the airport he messaged me to say he had already left because it was 'easier for him'. It broke my heart. I came home to an empty apartment with all trace of him removed. Then the next week he called to tell me it was over. Like so many others here on the forum I can't understand how he can just switch off. Only two weeks before he first told me he was unhappy he had pointed to an old couple holding hands and said that will be us one day. I've been through relationship breakups before but at the time I knew that person wasn't right for me. But this time I just feel so incredibly sad and empty that he is gone. I feel I didn't get given a chance to fix it. Now I'm 50 and the future just looks so empty and bleak as I know I'll never meet someone like him again.

Justme67 Son gave me impossible choices
  • replies: 3

I had a good relationship with son. Normal ups and downs however always good. I admired the man he became truly felt blessed. Night before Xmas I found out my ex was invited to Christmas lunch. explained I can’t be there to my son, my ex and I mainta... View more

I had a good relationship with son. Normal ups and downs however always good. I admired the man he became truly felt blessed. Night before Xmas I found out my ex was invited to Christmas lunch. explained I can’t be there to my son, my ex and I maintained a friendship leading up to Christmas I helped him it was also an opportunity for the granddaughter to see him, quality time with her may help. it didn’t. he had taken her to ride her scooter, on the way lends her scooter to another girl so they could go where He was taking my 5 year old granddaughter. Whom he returns home with taking her nowhere and giving her scooter away . She was upset and told me what he done, he then lied infront of her, about what happened inwas furious by what he done.Wrong to be angry ? was I wrong not to be able to enjoy Xmas with him.?Am I wrong to be hurt my son chose him over me.? A man he never has a kind word for. Whom has not been an issue before. I need advice to try move past this. Things can’t be as they were with my son whom normally would understand. I can’t even bring myself to look at him. I have never been hurt like this and don’t know how to deal with it

SeekingInsight Some perspective please ...
  • replies: 4

Hi Everyone, My situation I'm sure is by no means unique and surrounds a dispute with my sister - I'd really appreciate others perspectives to give me some clarity. I'm a 40 YO F from the UK, had a great upbringing and have an older sister (43YO) who... View more

Hi Everyone, My situation I'm sure is by no means unique and surrounds a dispute with my sister - I'd really appreciate others perspectives to give me some clarity. I'm a 40 YO F from the UK, had a great upbringing and have an older sister (43YO) whom I was very close too. In 2014 I left the UK after a turbulent relationship moving to WA where I've been lucky enough to meet my soul-mate and partner for life. We've been together for 4 happy years. My family visited last year (2018) for Christmas and New Year meeting him and his family. During this time; they stayed with us (boyfriend and me) in our home for a protracted length of time, we went travelling on a road trip together and had frankly what I thought was a fantastic time! My family all said how great my partner was and he purposefully used all his annual leave up just to meet and spend time getting to know them ... the issue arose however when my family left. My sister created a wall of photographs of their time here with us in her home but cut my partner out of any photo he was in! When i asked her about it she said he wasn't part of our family and it was her house and wall and she could do whatever she liked. I told her I thought it was nasty and hurt by what she'd said I bit back and told her she should only have her photo up as she clearly had no care for anyone else - she hung up and we haven't spoken since (it's been over 3 months now). I have been hurt by this and out of care for my partner haven't told him - he'd be gutted! My Mum and Dad think I'm being silly. I feel my partner is family and I did the right thing defending him but ... where to from here? I'm feeling stuck and pretty sad how things have gone ... over the years I have done many things for my sister including paying for her trip here and also for my entire family to go to Disney world in Florida just so I could see them - sometimes I feel like she has a short memory and I'm doing all the work. Am I being too sensitive and silly? Would you have defended your partner? - all comments / advice welcome and I can clarify any bits if needed ... I'm a 1st time poster so please be kind. Thanks for reading.

theo-m avoiding being in the same house as family member?
  • replies: 3

this is 80% vent and I'm being deliberately vague while also trying to give a clear view of the situation one of my family members is staying with us, but I was having stress nightmares in the lead-up, and took the (really challenging) decision to ex... View more

this is 80% vent and I'm being deliberately vague while also trying to give a clear view of the situation one of my family members is staying with us, but I was having stress nightmares in the lead-up, and took the (really challenging) decision to explain that i would not be in the same house as this person. I'm willing to see them elsewhere, had family christmas and all no problems, but I made it very clear that I'm not going to be in my house at the same time as them. The plan was kinda that they would stay for a night or two at home and then go stay with other members of our family. But they're kinda terrible at organising and have decided that they don't really feel like staying with other family. I'm staying at a friend of my others, which is fine but I'm kinda imposing due to not being sure when I'll leave, as well as the obvious looming issue of only having brought a couple of changes of clothes. Even though I keep making it clear that I'm fine interacting with the person, and spending time with them, SO LONG AS IT'S NOT IN MY HOUSE, people keep on interpreting it as opposite? or just going like "it'll be fine, you won't have to interact much, it would just be nice to have you two in the same place". Me and my therapist both agreed that keeping my emotions/memories about my house separate from my memories/emotions of this person was really important for my continued mental health, and we also discussed that I would feel guilt about it, but I didn't anticipate how guilty about this I feel, and I also feel like I'm beginning to impose on my mum's friend. Advice? Thoughts? Has anyone been in a similar situation and how did they deal with this?

Ronny_K Marriage help at breaking point.
  • replies: 19

When we got married it was really the best day of my life. And for the first 3 days it was pure heaven. Affection , love , speaking softly and kindly. But on the morning of day 3 she began with her sarcasm and attitude. I cannot for the life of me fi... View more

When we got married it was really the best day of my life. And for the first 3 days it was pure heaven. Affection , love , speaking softly and kindly. But on the morning of day 3 she began with her sarcasm and attitude. I cannot for the life of me figure it out. Its like a switch flicks. Sarcasm , Criticism , Judgement and Jealousy. Its been constant since then for 20 years. It was then hot and cold for the first few years. Arguments would usually end in with her extreme and erratic yelling and screaming to the point I would have to leave. Red faced bloood boiling up in my face anger. Or I would just beg to get along. .. .I would always admit it was all my fault … even if she was 100% wrong. Sometimes I was scared of her self harming of harming me. Several times I was tempted to call the police as she could not calm down. Her soloution to discussing issues with me , was tototally ignore me, then get dressed up and go out partying with friends leaving me alone at home. That happened many times.Only once or twice after a big argument she actually apologised … but it was a strange apology. She was in tears in my arms saying to me 'I'm so sorry I'm like this … I don't want to be like this I just cant help it…" This only happened twice I think. I have reminded her of these comments she made long ago... but she has since denied it. She has inherited the angry gene from here dad. Her uncle has it too. Uncontrollable anger. For the smallest thing she can explode and cannot be calmed down. More often even the smallest thing would piss her off she would go into shut down mode. That could be anywhere from a few hours to over a week. AS per usual I have to apologise and make things better. I must say to her at least 5 times per week…. 'stop getting angry'. .. Which can also makes things worse as it makes her more angry. She will get angry when driving. She will sometimes speed up to cut people off if they upset her. I don’t know if its split personality ? Or manic depressive ? Or if there is a name for it ? But she only does it to me. And sometimes to the kids. She has a very very short temper … It can ignite and explode at anytime. I feel most calm when the kids and I are alone I can just be myself with them. The kids and I can spend the whole day together . We get along very well. As soon as she is there she becomes a disruptor. Complaining, lecturing, sarcasm. If there is another person with us during any activity … she will refrain from disrupting.

istad I've virtually no friends left
  • replies: 1

I've been wanting to explain my situation for a while now but I haven't found the opportunity to. I just really want to get it off my chest Earlier this year i was pretty good friend wise but my small group began to fall apart after a key member foun... View more

I've been wanting to explain my situation for a while now but I haven't found the opportunity to. I just really want to get it off my chest Earlier this year i was pretty good friend wise but my small group began to fall apart after a key member found new friends and left. I was getting frustrated and in an effort to prove to myself that my 'friends' still cared I left our groupchat and waited to see how long it would take for them to notice. They never did. At this point I didn't really have anyone and I felt so alone. I tried going back to the friends I had before I joined the group but no one was interested in welcoming me. Then after a month my girlfriend got into an altercation with the key figure I mentioned before which resulted in that person badmouthing me and my girlfriend to every possible person I could have built a friendship with and blocking me after I tried to resolve things. It's bad enough that I'm cut off socially from everyone outside of school but everyone insists on acting like nothing is wrong inside of school. I'm starting year 11 next year and my only hope is that maybe I can make new friends in my ATAR classes or I'll have to wait it out for two years until uni. I'm not completely without relationships, I have my girlfriend who is going through the same thing I am, but there's only so far one person can get you, socially wise. I feel especially bad for my parents who have no idea what's going on and are constantly worried about me but I feel as though I can't tell them anything. So now I feel alone and incredibly isolated. This is now hitting hardest during the Christmas holidays (even just normal school holidays in general) and I feel trapped and I'm so painfully aware that no one actually wants to be my friend.

ConfusedNanxious My need for independence, but the voice inside my head is my Mum's
  • replies: 24

I am currently going through an anxiety episode, and what exacerbates things is that I have a lot of self doubt, and I feel that it comes from my inner values which conflict with my Mum's own values. My mum is more of a realist and values independenc... View more

I am currently going through an anxiety episode, and what exacerbates things is that I have a lot of self doubt, and I feel that it comes from my inner values which conflict with my Mum's own values. My mum is more of a realist and values independence over everything else. And I am more of a dreamer who values love and forgiveness as my core values. Whenever I am confronted with a decision that requires me to follow my head and heart, I often get anxious because what I want can often conflict with my mum's ideal picture for me. The case in point is me contemplating reuniting with my ex (we separated due to the effects of his depression on our relationship, but he is now seeking treatment). i even doubt whether some of my own thoughts are my own, or are influenced to a large degree by what my Mum wants. I am not overly sure why I have become conditioned to act this way, it may be because my Mum has taken a more proactive (possibly overbearing) role in my life because she was (is) a child with 11 other siblings and she wants me to have the things that she never did. I just want to be able to develop my own self confidence to be able to be comfortable in my own decisions, for my own life. I initially thought the way I was feeling was my need to move out of the family home again, and just have my own physical independence (which would help to a certain degree because I wouldn't have her looking over my shoulder all the time), but her opinions and influence are really deep seated within my subconscious and it causes so much inner conflict. Any similar stories, or advice? It would be greatly appreciated.

MJthrice Christmas Sucks
  • replies: 2

Went out to dinner with in-laws on Xmas eve, I was driving so nothing to drink for me.Wife had more than enough for both of us. We planned to stay at the in-laws that night with the kids so we got home c10pm and put the kids to bed and stayed up to c... View more

Went out to dinner with in-laws on Xmas eve, I was driving so nothing to drink for me.Wife had more than enough for both of us. We planned to stay at the in-laws that night with the kids so we got home c10pm and put the kids to bed and stayed up to chat and have a few drinks. Around 11 we call it a night, but wait there is still presents to wrap. In-laws go off to bed . I get setup wrapping, however wife can’t remember what present she brought for what kid and starts raising her voice. Dad comes down and tells us both to shut up as mum can’t get to sleep. wife then picks up her bag and the car keys calls me a few expletives and says she is going home and walks outside starts packing the car. i go out and tell her she can’t drive ( drunk as) she insists she is Dina and is taking the kids and going. short story - father in law eventually comes down and a yelling match ensues which turns into a scuffle. I step in and break them up. She calls police . Police come and she explains she is trying to take her kids home. police tell her she is drunk and can’t take the sleeping kids .... and she needs to go else where and sleep it off. Not happy Jan !!!! All of a sudden it’s become my fault for the whole incident ... I should have protected her , knowing she was drunk , and woken the kids up once in-law told us to be quiet and driven my family home. after the kids woke up I packed up the car and drove them to her at 9am Xmas morning. now she is refusing to let me in the house, has changed all the locks and said she will never forgive me and wants to seperate.. of course there are other factors here. Christmas the day every kid looks forward too, a time for celebrating with your kids and family has just become the saddest day of my life. I am truly gutted ... don’t know how I’m going to move past this.... it’s the small things - cuddles first thing in the morning from the kids, reading books at night before they go to bed, there the things I miss the most ... Im so emotional .. can’t stop crying every time I think about my family. I can’t understand how she can just project all blame onto others, accept no responsibility and be prepared to break up our family so flippantly, so cold, clinically with no emotion. in her eyes there are no other options, not willing to discuss or go get any counselling... it’s just how it needs to be ! Christmas is forever going to be the worst day of the year !!

Steves_87 Re New Relationship
  • replies: 7

So what I’m after is more advice than anything. Over a week ago I decided that I had to move on from the girl that I was with for 3mnths after she just ended things abruptly. I was going to do a casual set up with thing with girls but in reality I’m ... View more

So what I’m after is more advice than anything. Over a week ago I decided that I had to move on from the girl that I was with for 3mnths after she just ended things abruptly. I was going to do a casual set up with thing with girls but in reality I’m not that type of guy. I want to find love again especially after my marriage breakdown this year. I want to feel that love with someone again I love the whole concept of love. So I met this really awesome girl on a dating site and we’ve been chatting for over a week and Friday just gone we had our very first date and I was completely blown away by her. I felt instant chemistry and attraction with her. We went out to dinner and then a movie and after being nervous the whole day about meeting her once we met and starting chatting everything just felt natural. It was the most amazing night I’ve ever had. It was really special so much so she said she wanted to see me again to which I was so excited that it went so well. I feel this girl is someone I can build something really amazing with. I guess I’m impatient and want things to happen quickly and I know deep down I need to take it steady but she’s on my thoughts constantly. We’ve organised to see each other again next Wednesday and I’m planning on something really amazing for New Years. I guess the advice I’m after is should I just go with the flow. Do I tell her how I feel. Do I ask her if we are a couple. I think she has feelings for me and is comfortable after the first date. Thank you for reading

Darkfairy91 Struggling with husbands depression
  • replies: 2

My husband and I have been through so much together so I thought we would make it through this one but I am really struggling with his attitude towards everything. In March my father in law left a note on our front door which I saw first saying he is... View more

My husband and I have been through so much together so I thought we would make it through this one but I am really struggling with his attitude towards everything. In March my father in law left a note on our front door which I saw first saying he is moving back to England (where he was born) and not coming back. I was the one who had to tell my husband his dad has just up and left everyone without warning. My mother in law a few years ago was diagnosed with early onset dementia, she is 54. She is currently at a stage where she tries to cook toast on a hot plate. It took me months to convince my husband to see a psychologist. Now it is December, he has been angry all the time, he sleeps as much as he can and the romance has gone out the window. I have been through depression myself I know it’s hard but no matter how I try and help him it doesn’t change a thing. It feels like sex is the only thing we do together anymore and after stumbling on his porn a couple of nights ago it feels as though I am not good enough for him in that respect either. All I feel the last 2-3 months is unwanted and not good enough. Since I have been feeling like this I feel I have been less of a mother to my children. I don’t know how much longer I can keep taking it all. Part of me feels it would be better if my husband and I separated.