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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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SquidJoy26 To stay or leave?
  • replies: 1

I have been with my boyfriend for 13 years and I have just turned 30. We were very similar when we first met and I was rather passive with some self-esteem issues. These things have improved drastically over the years and I have finally found my plac... View more

I have been with my boyfriend for 13 years and I have just turned 30. We were very similar when we first met and I was rather passive with some self-esteem issues. These things have improved drastically over the years and I have finally found my place. Last year I had a small health scare and there was a chance that I would not be able to have kids, turns out I am fine! But, this made me start to think about if I would want to have kids with him or not and for the last 10 months, I am constantly day-dreaming of a life without him (every day). Now every little thing he says and does annoys me sooooo much. The way he talks and dresses annoys me, he has no desire to improve the house and it annoys me, the things he owns being in my space annoys me. It's like I have suddenly lost all patience and will to compromise in our relationship. I feel like I just want to be on my own, with my own things, and in my own space. I'm not sure if this is normal or if I might be experiencing depression.

kikik Two months post break up and lost
  • replies: 3

Hi, Two months ago I was in a relationship I never thought would end. I was ready to marry him and spend the rest of my life with my best friend. He left because he claims he fell out of love. I want to hate him for it so badly, but I can’t. I have f... View more

Hi, Two months ago I was in a relationship I never thought would end. I was ready to marry him and spend the rest of my life with my best friend. He left because he claims he fell out of love. I want to hate him for it so badly, but I can’t. I have friends and family who support me and I’m so grateful for that, but it’s this constant ache that’s there. He’s gone and he promised he would never leave. Some days I feel so strong and grateful for how much I’m learning about myself through this whole process but other days feel like nothing will ever feel good again. The person you wanted to share your life with is gone and not coming back. How do you lose a best friend and boyfriend in seconds. I’ve been in love before but not like this. This person made everything feel so easy and simple and as cliche as it sounds, it feels like he took part of me with him. Ive tried everything I can to stay positive and keep pushing past the worst of it but the longer it’s been the worse I’m starting to feel. I never thought I would have to feel like this. Not because of him

Nomoreblue Where to begin!
  • replies: 5

Hi everyone. I relinquished a child over 20 years ago. I was 22 at the time and not much support around me. Her birth father never knew. Therefore I made the decision to relinquish her so she could have the best life that I could not give her. At the... View more

Hi everyone. I relinquished a child over 20 years ago. I was 22 at the time and not much support around me. Her birth father never knew. Therefore I made the decision to relinquish her so she could have the best life that I could not give her. At the start I had a little contact, but as my life moved I felt it best to let her live hers. Not a single day has gone by where I don’t think of her. My life moved on, and I really didn’t talk about my past, basically suppressed it. Travel, work, house, marriage and two beautiful children and unfortunately a divorce followed. So in dealing with all that I was getting my life back on track and my first born walked back into my life. It has been an emotional roller coaster ride ever since. She pressed to contact her birth father and they have since developed a wonderful relationship, which I am extremely happy about. However I put the wall up and walked away, as our relationship was still being established all I could see was how wonderful theirs was. I feel anger, guilt, hate, envy, and have such deep seeded issues I can’t seem to find the happiness in any of this or within myself. She has since contacted me and she’s frustrated and hurt which I totally understand, I just feel overwhelmed and want to run again. I have struggled to find proper counselling to address all of this complex mess. So here I am as a starting point.... hoping to find any help I can. Thanks in advance

Warhorselilly Husband cheated on me with another man what now?
  • replies: 3

I have been with my husband for 16 years. Married for nearly 12. He cheated on me with a woman many years ago when I was suffering from ptsd and depression. I had to forgive him then. Since then I have struggled with confidence. He is quick to blame ... View more

I have been with my husband for 16 years. Married for nearly 12. He cheated on me with a woman many years ago when I was suffering from ptsd and depression. I had to forgive him then. Since then I have struggled with confidence. He is quick to blame me for my lack of sex drive. There are so many factors. I have one child with him, now nearly 3 yo, and I have struggled with my sexual confidence and weight since his birth. This is my husband’s reason for being unfaithful. He went online and met up with at least three men and had sex with them. He told me it was because he needed excitement and I wasn’t interested. I don’t know what to do. I feel it is completely my fault that he was driven to such desperation.

Mel-ancholy I deserved to be cheated on because I had depression
  • replies: 2

I wish I could go back in time to my younger self and punch myself. To not stay in a relationship for 7 years with a serial cheater. I hate this guy now, because even though I am with a great guy now (together for 5.5 years, married with a kid) I sti... View more

I wish I could go back in time to my younger self and punch myself. To not stay in a relationship for 7 years with a serial cheater. I hate this guy now, because even though I am with a great guy now (together for 5.5 years, married with a kid) I still have moments when I look too much into stuff. He used to blame his behavior on the fact I suffer with depression! WTF! He made it worse!. I am also pregnant, so I know that I plays a part, but I wish I could tell my ex what a number he did on me. I have no feelings for the guy, other than negative ones haha, and have no contact since we broke up over 6 years ago. But why do I find myself thinking that my husband will do it too? That he somehow will find a way to ruin our relationship, and I will end up looking stupid again, with a toddler and a newborn.

CountryMum91 Living with Depressed Father
  • replies: 1

Hi, bit of a story but I’ll try keep it short. my father has had depression for 25+ years due to many life factors. 2 years ago he moved to a country town and his depression got worse as he is lonely. my husband and I and our 2 kids recently moved st... View more

Hi, bit of a story but I’ll try keep it short. my father has had depression for 25+ years due to many life factors. 2 years ago he moved to a country town and his depression got worse as he is lonely. my husband and I and our 2 kids recently moved states and into dads house with him to support him and care for him. i knew it would be hard but I’m really feeling like I can’t do this anymore. Lately, my dad has been more angry, depressed and sad than usual, he is snappy and take his moods out on me mainly, sometimes the kids. I have tried to talk to him but nothing works and nothing changes. My dad drinks alcohol, he has cut back but still drinks and it makes his depression worse. I have tried talking to him numerous times and I’m always careful with what I say because everything is getting worse. Nothing I say seems to matter or change anything. And when I do talk about it he goes straight on the defensive. there are other things too, like if we go away for the weekend it’s like dad can’t cope without us or he gets anxious and mad but I need a break sometimes from him and I can’t take him everywhere with me. its taking a huge toll on my health and I’m worried it’s going to affect my kids. I feel like I should move away to protect my family but in doing so I’m worried it will hurt him immensely. All I want to do is help him but he doesn’t seem to care enough to try. I’m here doing my best to be a supportive daughter but I don’t want it to affect my kids or rip apart my family. Any advice? I can elaborate further if needed. thank you

Clear82 Scared of rejection second time around
  • replies: 2

I gave my ex a second chance. First time we were dating, all seemed fine and then out of the blue he messaged me saying he can’t be with me anymore. Now we have been dating again for a month and everyday I live in a state of anxiety that he going to ... View more

I gave my ex a second chance. First time we were dating, all seemed fine and then out of the blue he messaged me saying he can’t be with me anymore. Now we have been dating again for a month and everyday I live in a state of anxiety that he going to do it again. I lose sleep over it now and read over our texts all the time and think oh maybe cause he said that he isn’t happy or it’s been long wait for text etc. How do people cope with the fear of rejection?

Sezzybear Opinions please-In laws insist on buying expensive uneeded gifts
  • replies: 3

Hi all, I'm in an agonizing position with my inlaws and I just dont know how to best handle it anymore. Anytime its a birthday or xmas etc a very large (we live in a small rental) very expensive gift arrives that I very gratefully thank them for - bu... View more

Hi all, I'm in an agonizing position with my inlaws and I just dont know how to best handle it anymore. Anytime its a birthday or xmas etc a very large (we live in a small rental) very expensive gift arrives that I very gratefully thank them for - but will never use because as horrible as it is to say - the gift has not been given with me in mind, is generally a status symbol for them - and generally is a version of things hubby and I already researched and spent savings on, as if to say "we know better" its my birthday soon and hubby disclosed to me that they have bought me an expensive appliance - after he and I did alot of research and bought one 8 months ago for about $400, a big amount of money for us. He wanted me to be prepared for the implyed insult that the inlaws knew we already bought this appliance but bought us one they thought was better suited. My love language is gifts and am absolutely loath to express any of this to them (my psychologist says to just return the gift for money) but the inlaws are around frequently because of grand children and would notice the gift not being used. What do I do? This is causing me so much anxiety I cant get it out of my mind! We need money like crazy - and its just so toxic that instead of giving us something we need and consulting us at all - they just keep buying us different versions of things we already have. I feel so awful about this situation and how ungrateful I'm being that I now get panic attacks before birthdays and xmas etc All advice is welcome (even if its to tell me Im being horrible) - thankyou in advance lovely people

Lost_in_love Lonely husband
  • replies: 2

Hi. I don’t know what to do or think anymore. I feel I am in a marriage that is over. This is my second marriage my wife’s firs. I work interstate and only make it home every six weeks or so to see our four kids and my “wife”. We have been married 15... View more

Hi. I don’t know what to do or think anymore. I feel I am in a marriage that is over. This is my second marriage my wife’s firs. I work interstate and only make it home every six weeks or so to see our four kids and my “wife”. We have been married 15years and lately I am being treated like an ex. My wife no longer appreciates the sacrifice I have made financially for the family to survive. She does not like my senses of humour, my opinions mean nothing to her she is over critical of everything I say and do. Sex is non existent as well as her affections towards me. She now tells me she hates the way I touch her and I am always being the one to initiate any intimacy which is met with I can’t give you what you want. My feelings have changed due to this but I want our marriage to work. Any suggestions?

Saddenedheart Depression breaking down relationships. Anyone got some advice?
  • replies: 4

Hi all, My partner has been battling depression after the passing of both of our parents less than 1 year apart. He developed stomach issues, his work was was missing payments, he was grumpy and drinking more socially. He went on stress leave and qui... View more

Hi all, My partner has been battling depression after the passing of both of our parents less than 1 year apart. He developed stomach issues, his work was was missing payments, he was grumpy and drinking more socially. He went on stress leave and quit his job. He went from working 3 days to working 5 days a wk. I moved in at this point. Within months I was "frustrating". I tried to understand given the grief process. I then went into hospital and he got agitated. I then got made redundant. I was so distracted that I didn't notice my partner's changing behavior. His social drinking was out of control. On NYE he said he doesn't know what he wants anymore, maybe me. He said he wasn't coping with all the changes in our lives. He felt terrible. He was put on anti-depressants. His drinking decreased for 3 months. He got a work promotion. We were so happy and thought this would be "our" year. He told me he loved me more than words could ever explain and was looking forward to creating a lifetime of memories with me. The days went from 8-11 hours. The drinking increased and got out of control again. I asked him if he was still on the same page with our goals and he was just 3 short wks ago. He promised to be the boyfriend I deserved. We had been looking for houses and tying off loose ends. 1 wk later he told me he was weening himself off the anti-depressants. He asked me to bear with him. He had all the withdrawal symptoms. Last week he had a bad day and told me he wanted to be left alone. He went to bed at 7:30pm. The next day he apologized and said he shouldn't be taking things out on me, it wasn't fair. Days after I decided to do the housework so he and I could relax. He came home seeming pleased but then criticized me for using too much bleach in the bathroom and I regrettably got mad. He was in bed again. This time he woke with no apologies. He then told me that he didn't think he wanted the same things anymore and it had been building for a while. He wants to talk but I have heard that his mind has been made up. I came home to grab some clothes to find that he has gone back onto anti-depressants since the break up. What does that mean? Can someone really make such life-changing decisions when they are in this state? Can the withdrawal symptoms change their way of thinking? We were always so happy and in love before all this tragedy rocked our lives. Is there anything we can do to try and salvage our relationship? What are your experiences with this?