Overwhelmed and feeling alone
I have been feeling so overwhelmed and confused with what to do. My emotions are like a roller coaster. I have 2 kids (2 1/2 and a 5 month old). After having my last one my sex drive has basically gone away and my partner has a high sex drive, he is always wanting something different every time. He knows I am a very low drive now and doesn't need to have sex every night and he is happy with I just please him sexually but its starting to not be enough for him. He said I never start anything, I only do something cause he asked. I have read that I should take my time, give myself time to heal mentally but I feel like I don't have time to heal or wait. He doesn't want to wait and I feel like he doesn't understand what I am going though even know he has depression too. Not from the same thing. He asked if he should get a side chick. I feel like I am alone right now. I have no friends and I don't have the best relationship with my parents. I don't know what to do. I feel like everything is getting to me right now.
I'm sorry if this doesn't make much sense!
Thanks for any help!
Hello there Diddle
Welcome to the forum. I'm sorry if this doesn't make much sense!
Your post makes perfect sense and I'm sure that hundreds of women and men reading it will understand and be sympathetic to your plight
Okay, first things first. He asked if he could get a side chick. I'm assuming you said no but please correct me if I'm wrong. Bringing another person into the marriage would normally mean the end of most marriages. My advice is don't consider it even for one second.
Does your husband lend you much support with the children? You say your libido dropped after the birth of the second child. Prior to the arrival of the second child was the mismatched libido between your husband and you a problem?
I'm sure you understand that libidos wax and wane throughout life and big events like the birth of a child can and often do affect a woman's libido. It is your right not to have sex if you do not want to and your husband should respect your decision. He needs to understand that and if he can't or won't, then he is failing as a husband. Explain to him that you are not rejecting him at an emotional level but you need time for your body and mind to settle down. He needs to be patient and focus on being a good father and a supportive husband. His family's needs have to take priority over his own, it comes with the territory.
I doubt whether your words alone will convince him so you may need couples counselling to help in guiding your husband through this phase. Please post here again if you would like to talk again.
kind thoughts better now
Thanks for replying! I did tell me no to having a side chick. I don't think he really meant anyway.
He does play and spend time with the kids but I would like him to help out more. I feel like its not his top priority or at least that's how I see it.
I didn't think the mismatched libidos were a problem before and he didn't show them to be a problem. But he has told me now they have been and even before kids, he said it wasn't to good. We have been together for 9 years.
There is no way he will do counselling.
I am sorry you are feeling overwhelmed and alone.
Your story makes sense to me, and even resonated with me at some points.
I was in a relationship where my partner had a higher libido then me and he needed to have sex every day with me. When I became depressed, he would push me to do it more and at times I feel worse about myself more than ever. It came to the point I realised that my partner at the time did not respect my decision to not have sex when I'm depressed. I told him that and I need the emotional support more than the sexual things. Do you feel your partner respect your decision for your time to heal emotionally and mentally first? I think that's an important question to ask yourself that too.
I hope things will get a little better for you though.
Feel free to share more on this thread. Your story is most welcomed here.