Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

scully78 How to identify what is depression or what is lack of interest
  • replies: 14

Hello, I recently met a man who I think is really kind and sweet. We have had only one date together and were in daily contact via text message ever since. He told me he suffers depression and ptsd due to recent trauma. We met up about 3 weeks ago an... View more

Hello, I recently met a man who I think is really kind and sweet. We have had only one date together and were in daily contact via text message ever since. He told me he suffers depression and ptsd due to recent trauma. We met up about 3 weeks ago and his messaging has decreased, especially in the last week. I messaged him 3 days ago and haven't heard back from him. We are not in a relationship and are still at the friendship stage, but how do I know if him ignoring my message Is a sign of disinterest or his depression? He seemed very interested at first and was planning to do things together in the future, but nothing has eventuated. Now communication is scarce and I don't know what to do. I know he is struggling and probably needs space, so I won't message him back until he responds to my last text, in which I made my interest in him clear. Have I potentially scared him off? How do I know if im being a burden? How do I know he even wants to keep communicating with me. I know he has been online, but isn't reading my last message and this isn't the first time he has done this. Its the second in 3 weeks. Is that a bad sign?

Guest_598 Falling back in love when love is gone?
  • replies: 28

Hi All, when someone has fallen out of love with a person, has moved out a year ago, says the trust and attraction are gone, wants to move on but feels obligated to do the right thing (i.e. giving the old partner a chance to talk through all issues),... View more

Hi All, when someone has fallen out of love with a person, has moved out a year ago, says the trust and attraction are gone, wants to move on but feels obligated to do the right thing (i.e. giving the old partner a chance to talk through all issues), told their old partner they wouldn't date or marry them given the person they are today, and there is another person they have feelings for, is it likely that the love for the old partner comes back when they spend a few (2-3) weeks with together? Or is this likely the end and the meeting serves more the purpose of showing it's over and planning a clean separation?

MJthrice Losing weight
  • replies: 2

So I had a medical issue recently and the Dr advised I could loose some weight , get fit and cut back alcohol. So I joined a gym and started exercising every day, cut down in sugars and alcohol. i hit my target weight loosing 8% of my body weight in ... View more

So I had a medical issue recently and the Dr advised I could loose some weight , get fit and cut back alcohol. So I joined a gym and started exercising every day, cut down in sugars and alcohol. i hit my target weight loosing 8% of my body weight in 2 months. Thought my partner would be happy for me as she has been saying for a while I needed to loose weight. in fact I thi me the words were ‘your obese‘. Except the best I got was ‘ you still have all that belly fat’ Feeling very depressed that all that effort is going unnoticed it not recognised , was expecting some encouragement .

Pharaohess I think my partners too controlling?
  • replies: 4

Hi First of I've never done something like this before so please bear with me I have been with my partner currently for 5-6 years. But I have known him for much longer. We met at work in teen years he was new and we just clicked talked most nights me... View more

Hi First of I've never done something like this before so please bear with me I have been with my partner currently for 5-6 years. But I have known him for much longer. We met at work in teen years he was new and we just clicked talked most nights messaged each other constantly and then we didnt. Years later we reconnected after he moved away and came back and been in a relationship essentially ever since. Now I do love my partner dearly. we have 2 young children. But I feel lately he has become way more selfish and everytime I try to bring something up he shoots me down and turns everything into my fault. Eg hell clean one room of the house once a month and if I don't give praise straightaway he gets very annoyed and says that I don't appreciate his help. He doesn't praise me when I do more or less. It's true I don't clean every single day but I do most days but I'm exhausted. He works during the night and even on his days off doesn't change his sleeping pattern demands his 8 hours sleep so is asleep most of the day and is missing his kids grow up. I do everything I feel. I have to organise the house, the clothes, the kids because I also work but during the day and lifts for my partner because he doesn't drive. He won't organise his own lifts because he won't go to work. And it's so hard. Everytime I try to bring up something he claims i grew up in mess and he doesnt need to learn but I do and doesn't help. Or brings up I just need to exercise more for more energy To this day I haven't had a full over 7 hour sleep since well before my youngest was born. However I cannot go to bed any earlier because he doesn't get out of bed until he has to leave for work but doesn't set an alarm I have to wake and dress him. And have a coffee ready and not speak alot or he'll be angry. He has gone so far to say I can't have the washer on when he is in bed co it'll wake him and he'll explode. Or our kids too loud. One time our eldest and i were playing they were laughing I was laughing it was normal volume. It woke him up sent them to bed in angry tones and proceeded to scream at me and minorly pushed and grabbed me degraded me. While our child was crying in bed. This happened while I was pregnant with our youngest before I returned to work he changed our youngest nappy countable on one hand times and I was off for months. I just want him to help and do more. Sometimes I weep about it because I'm so exhausted. But I just feel I don't have a voice but I love him so much.

Clear82 Vicious cycle of dating
  • replies: 3

Anyone else get tired of dating. This is the third time this year where I let my guard down when dating a guy. Think it’s going well and then he calls it off. Anyone use any mantras or Advice to deal with this constant heartache?

Anyone else get tired of dating. This is the third time this year where I let my guard down when dating a guy. Think it’s going well and then he calls it off. Anyone use any mantras or Advice to deal with this constant heartache?

Nomes6 Feeling lost and like it’s never getting better..
  • replies: 4

Hi guys, this is my first post here.. I just feel so lost my mother died suddenly a couple of months after I found out my partner of 14 years was having an affair.. I struggled with mum getting sick suddenly and taking over her car she went from well... View more

Hi guys, this is my first post here.. I just feel so lost my mother died suddenly a couple of months after I found out my partner of 14 years was having an affair.. I struggled with mum getting sick suddenly and taking over her car she went from well to dying within 2 months when I was told she would be ok but the cancer she was supposed to be okay from but it suddenly spread.. the my brother couldn’t cope so he committed suicide.. I promised my mum I would look after him.. my dad moved on with different woman straight away so much so he wanted to bring one to my mums funeral.. I had to put my foot down and say no my brother wouldn’t cope... even when my brother died he refused to pay for a funeral... I had to fight him over it as he had the money as he takes his girlfriend all over the world... this Xmas is my first one without anyone as my brother isn’t here and my dad is spending it with his girlfriend in another state... I feel so lonely and even though people are nice to me etc I can’t shake the feeling I don’t want to be here anymore... I wish I had a family Xmas like others.. I don’t know how to spend it.. I would like to help people who are alone but not sure how.. it’s the only way I think I can bring any meaning to my life ...

MJthrice Trust issues
  • replies: 2

I have trust issues... yes and most likely they arise from how our relationship started... whilst o was in a relationship already. however I recent saw messages from someone on my partners phone wishing they were in their appartment joining them for ... View more

I have trust issues... yes and most likely they arise from how our relationship started... whilst o was in a relationship already. however I recent saw messages from someone on my partners phone wishing they were in their appartment joining them for a bottom of wine’ When I confronted my partner they were very upset and angry that I had looked on their phone ... spying on them as they say and that I am trying to control them . since then I am the bad one who needs to constantly applologise... they were merely trying to set a friend up and the other person must have got the wrong idea . fast forward 2 weeks - I come home midday from work and they go out to meet a former college for a drink c 2pm ... don’t turn up to go to kids sports. At 4pm ...then Send txt saying going to meet up with other friends back ltr tonight was our date night so I cooked dinner... candlelight dinner 930pm get a txt saying had enough missing you, hoping in taxi now....it’s a 15 min drive home 11pm No one has arrived home, not answering phone, There is the taxi fare on credit card. start to panic that something has happened. ring like 2-3 times every 10 min. No answer call police and ask what to do... Police call and send txt..... and then the phone rings OMG ... Someone is like furious with me for calling the police .... I’m worried out of my mind but they Are so mad now wants a divorce ... as I’m a manipulating and controlling person. i thought I was a concerned and caring person..... How different can the 2 views be ??

Carly69 Adult son who is always angry
  • replies: 4

Hi, New to the forum and hoping anybody has some good advice for my issue. My husband and I have 3 adult sons. Our youngest is 22 years old and is always angry. He lives at home and is currently unemployed due to health reasons (suffered two tonic cl... View more

Hi, New to the forum and hoping anybody has some good advice for my issue. My husband and I have 3 adult sons. Our youngest is 22 years old and is always angry. He lives at home and is currently unemployed due to health reasons (suffered two tonic clonic seizures a couple of weeks ago and we are currently undergoing testing, They thing it is due to heat exhaustion). He is banned from driving for 6 months because of the seizures which is obviously frustrating him. He doesn't have any friends as his friends started following the 'let's experiment with cannabis' path which our son thankfully has no interest in. He doesn't have a girlfriend either. He has always been very short tempered and always seems very angry and short. He 'flies off the handle' even with the smallest thing. E.G. He was sweeping yesterday and the wind picked up, blowing the leaves back onto the porch. He lost it, threw and broke the broom. He snaps at my husband and I all the time. I have spoken with my son about this last night and he knows he has an anger problem. He says he just wakes up angry and doesn't know any different. We discussed strategies including, walking away when feeling frustrated; deep breathing; change of scenery etc but he said none of those work for him. Hubby and I are financially supporting him and our son is frustrated about that too. He says he hates the fact he has no financial independence, albeit not being his fault due to the medical issues. He has applied to do his Diploma of Nursing (starting late January) as he has a keen interest in this. However, I feel sick at the thought of him not being accepted into the course. I really am stuck and some sound, logical advice would be fantastic

Sam_K Need your advice
  • replies: 29

Hi everyone i am 34 years old male . I have been married nearly 8 years . I am really depressed and anxious all the time . Going through counseling with psychologist I need your help to understand if I am the only one wrong . 1 - When we got married ... View more

Hi everyone i am 34 years old male . I have been married nearly 8 years . I am really depressed and anxious all the time . Going through counseling with psychologist I need your help to understand if I am the only one wrong . 1 - When we got married . My wife went to a party at her friends house after three or four weeks . I said ok . She said she was dancing without pants in dark with her friends and other men’s . And later a guy claimed she was sexual with him. My wife says she did not do anything wrong because nobody touched her or she never touched anyone . But I was abused because I went to pub with new work mates when I started a onsite job in different city . I don’t go to pubs normally or drink regularly . It was just to socialise . No women’s were involved. 2 - my wife had four kids and I had none when we met . she had freedom to spend her money whenever or whatever she wanted to spend on. She bought her kids whatever she wanted to and I thought it’s her money she can do it . But when I tried to help my mum it was problem. She think I should only spend money in the house and don’t help my mum if she needed. 3 -in 2012 my wife bought a 5 year old commodore with 160000km for $23000 which was originally advertised for 17000. Dealer added extras things . And 23000 was borrowed from a bank on 20% interest rate . She did not ask me anything or discussed anything. When I said please don’t get this loan because it was going to cost $41000 in total . But she said I am going to pay from my pay. In2014 When I got personal loan to help my parents it was a problem. Why did not I discussed with her. Our finances are together but why our finances are together only when I want to do something. She calls me arrogant what I found her arrogant when I ask her not get that car but she did it anyway am I only one wrong or do I have any right to spend money out of my pay wherever I want to after paying most of the bills. Was it ok for my wife To go dance with other men’s or I was wrong to go for few drinks to pub just to get along with new work mates .

donnie123 I need help before year 12 starts
  • replies: 10

Hi im Tom, turning 17 in about 2 days, relationships suck, and no i dont mean to overstep my boundaries because by no means have i experienced any pain or anguish as these divorcees and widows, but i need help, this seems a while back now but back in... View more

Hi im Tom, turning 17 in about 2 days, relationships suck, and no i dont mean to overstep my boundaries because by no means have i experienced any pain or anguish as these divorcees and widows, but i need help, this seems a while back now but back in april i broke up with my girlfriend, why? because she was ill, in the head, she was horrible, and yet i loved her and cared for her and ill i wanted to do was make her happy, as it would appear i do right now. so theres one main issue what do i do with that, she hates me, and uses guys just for fun. My next problem is something a little bit worse, after being servely hurt from the breakup i decided to go for a "rebound" and yes its a horrible idea to get over someone, but something ended up going wrong and i got a girl pregnant, yes yes im horrible and deserve to die, since then she has got an abortion and everything is gone now, but this whole year my friends hate me , everyone hates me, everyone calls me names because the girl i had a half a year relationship was 1 1/2 years younger??! , and with the pregnant things schools just gotten so much worse and i have no clue what to do. To anyone who actually took the time to read this, you are special and amazing and you are worth every bit of love people give you