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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Ceedant Been seeing a new person, feeling anxious and I'm not sure why
  • replies: 4

Hi all, I've recently met a new person on an app. We've been talking for about 3 weeks and have now gone on three (virtual/video chat) dates. All went well. We're both pretty quiet people but enjoyed each other's company and played games together for... View more

Hi all, I've recently met a new person on an app. We've been talking for about 3 weeks and have now gone on three (virtual/video chat) dates. All went well. We're both pretty quiet people but enjoyed each other's company and played games together for a few hours. Despite things objectively looking good - I should be feeling over the moon - I've been feeling really anxious about this since the 3rd date. Normally, I'm not an anxious person, even in dating. At the end of the 3rd date I wanted to ask her to meet up in person but I couldn't get the words out! I instead sent her a message on Facebook (where we had been talking/checking in with each other once a day or so) asking to meet in person, telling her I've been enjoying spending time with her, but haven't got a reply. She was exhausted from a pretty big day, so put it down to that. The following morning, I messaged her to wish her a good day (as we've been doing that) but still no response. I feel I just want to pour my feelings out to her - let her know how I feel about her, that I'm really liking her. It wouldn't be the right way to go about it, especially through a Facebook message and especially given it's very early days. I'm also mindful that I don't want to smother her. Am I being anxious over nothing here? Any advice/reassurance would be amazing.

jemma09 Making new friends online, family 'concerned'
  • replies: 8

Hi everyone, Hope you're well! I have been going to therapy this year to work through some traumatic experiences (one being an ex partner who stalked me for a while) that caused me to shut down all social relationships and hide myself from the world.... View more

Hi everyone, Hope you're well! I have been going to therapy this year to work through some traumatic experiences (one being an ex partner who stalked me for a while) that caused me to shut down all social relationships and hide myself from the world. I was paranoid for a long time. Through therapy I have been challenging myself to make connections with people again and become more confident. My therapist gave me steps and challenges I could take. One being trying to do a voice call with someone I met online. Which I did do and felt very happy about the conversation. The person I spoke to is very kind and I felt happy I could challenge myself. I speak to the person regularly now and think they would be a nice person to be a friend. When I talk to people online I enjoy conversation about a range of topics, but ensure to keep some things private for common sense reasons. Such as my hometown, address, workplace and last name etc. However, my family have very strong opinions and seem to be pushing this mindset onto me that I should not be talking to people online. I have made really good progress through therapy yet when my family says something negative about my progress... it makes me feel defeated. One of my parents even said to me today that they are 'concerned' who I could be talking with online, that I need to be careful and they could be a stalker. On the other hand, one parent isn't too bothered by it, they have said to me I'm not a child anymore and I can speak with who I like. Some context here, I am 24 years old so I know how to look after myself. I just feel defeated that my family are not supportive of my social progress. Their negative opinion seems to be igniting my overthinking and makes me want to shut myself away again and not speak to anyone at all. But shutting myself away I know will only have negative effects on my mental health. I don't want to go back to that place, it's very lonely. Has anyone got any experience or advice on how to tackle differing opinions/pressures from family? Thank you for reading this! Take care!

Thefeels I just need new friends
  • replies: 3

Does anyone else out there feel like they need a new set of friends? I hardly have anything in common with mine anymore. I feel like mine are all so selfish and toxic. I think this lockdown (im in melbourne) has really made me think about what brings... View more

Does anyone else out there feel like they need a new set of friends? I hardly have anything in common with mine anymore. I feel like mine are all so selfish and toxic. I think this lockdown (im in melbourne) has really made me think about what brings me joy and putting myself first. Ive suffered with anxiety and depression since i was 10, not many people would ever know. Out of all of my friends i feel like no one shares my interests. How does a 27 year old find new people? Sorry if this doesnt make sense. Its just irritating me today more than usual

Zigs0101 New and Needing Support
  • replies: 6

I am reaching out to im not sure who, but reaching out all the same. I am ending a long term toxic and abusive relationships. I know it’s the right thing to do but why can’t I know that deep down? It’s been nothing but emotional and mental abuse and ... View more

I am reaching out to im not sure who, but reaching out all the same. I am ending a long term toxic and abusive relationships. I know it’s the right thing to do but why can’t I know that deep down? It’s been nothing but emotional and mental abuse and turned physical last night. I have no one to turn to except for him. So how do I move forward ?

Juliet_84 Job anxiety of just plain old anxiety?
  • replies: 4

Hi, I’m struggling really badly with anxiety at the moment and I can’t tell if my job is causing the anxiety, or my anxiety is making me think it’s my job. To give a bit of context, I left university and walked into my dream job. It was rewarding, en... View more

Hi, I’m struggling really badly with anxiety at the moment and I can’t tell if my job is causing the anxiety, or my anxiety is making me think it’s my job. To give a bit of context, I left university and walked into my dream job. It was rewarding, enriching, and interesting, and I managed to find the warmest people in the world there, who accepted me for me and made me laugh all the time. I was there for 7 years but people left and things changed, and I decided to have a minor career change (I wanted to work from home and thought I’d like more money). Since then I’ve struggled to find my niche. A few years ago I found another company I liked and stayed for 5 years. But my manager left and they never replaced him, so work just kept getting busier and busier. My old manager contacted me and told me about this job, more money, working remotely for a team in Japan. I started at this job 6 months ago and since then my anxiety has been through the roof. I’m terrified of making a mistake. This is compounded by the fact that Japanese people are very intolerant of anything less than perfection and so make a huge deal over very minor things, such as a full stop in the wrong place. I’m dreading going to work every day even though it’s just in the next room and over email. I’m in a constant state of panic and I just keep repeating in my head “I hate my job, I hate my job”. But I’m unsure if I’m just going through a bad patch and will get through it or if it’s something deeper. At the same time, I’m paid well and work from home and have no idea what else I would do.

Fiona7990 Husband has started hiding alcohol from me
  • replies: 2

I don't know what to do next. My husband has always drunk a lot, has suffered from bouts of depression and anxiety - using alcohol to cope with it. He is never abusive toward me, but goes into spirals of self doubt, blaming himself for things that ha... View more

I don't know what to do next. My husband has always drunk a lot, has suffered from bouts of depression and anxiety - using alcohol to cope with it. He is never abusive toward me, but goes into spirals of self doubt, blaming himself for things that haven't even happened or beating himself up mentally over the littlest things. When he drinks or has has a long period of binge drinking his reactions to certain circumstances are way over the top, like he can't check or control himself emotionally. We've made great progress, not drinking on weekdays and cutting back on weekends. I've gone back to work in the office full-time after working from home together during COVID. Last night when I got home he said he caved and bought beer (just a 6 pack) but I could tell he was drunk. He was also being really depressed. I just thought it was an episode. Tonight I came home and he was visibly upset, crying uncontrollably and saying he has been so strong but has let himself down. After comforting him, he made dinner and came to sit beside me on the couch. He was swaying and couldn't keep his head up. After I repeatedly asked what was wrong, it clicked that he was wasted. With no evidence of alcohol in the house I asked him where it was. He had hidden it up high in our cupboard, the 1litre bottle of bourbon almost gone from last night and today. He has never hidden it from me before. Im terrified this is the start of something worse. I don't know where to go from here.

JeanyC Fiancé can’t seem to commit
  • replies: 3

I have been with my fiancé for 5 years. We have had some ups and downs, notably him cheating late last year. We have been working through that, and though he says he regrets it deeply, he is still having desires to sleep with other people. He tells m... View more

I have been with my fiancé for 5 years. We have had some ups and downs, notably him cheating late last year. We have been working through that, and though he says he regrets it deeply, he is still having desires to sleep with other people. He tells me that the thought of sleeping with someone else turns him on. He says he doesn’t want to cheat again, he loves me and doesn’t want to leave me but he does have these urges and desires. im stuck on what to do. I feel very unwanted and like I’m just not enough. I’m hurting. But I also don’t want to just throw in the towel.

Blurred_Lines Navigating "steps"
  • replies: 2

My partner and I have been in a relationship for around 8 years. We were colleagues. He was separated (acrimonious relationship>many years). Though the separation occurred prior to us connecting, I've always been treated like the "other woman" & caus... View more

My partner and I have been in a relationship for around 8 years. We were colleagues. He was separated (acrimonious relationship>many years). Though the separation occurred prior to us connecting, I've always been treated like the "other woman" & cause of marital breakdown. I have no children. He has adult son & daughter. I get along ok with son (M). I'm all at sea with daughter (F) and daughter-in-law (DIL). I failed to set strong boundaries at the start thru naivete. I focused on being engaging/thoughtful etc to form relationship. F contacts me when I'm using my professional experience to help her. I'm in favour then, ignored other times. Her successive boyfriends have been disrespectful - I suspect supporting her agenda. When visiting, she's super-polite though distant, peppered with asides (for me to just hear). There's a lot of masked exclusion tactics. DIL was an ally for a while but developed into most hostile. Eg, family social situation - I went and sat with the dog the only place I felt accepted. My partner felt he should have joined me. We receive little contact from DIL particularly in relation to grandkids. Attempts to remain involved - treated as total nuisance, contact now periodical. Expectation to "give!" and silently accept treatment dished out. We don't feel welcome at M & DIL home (DIL pass/agg). M doesn't see or doesn't want to see & I haven't drawn his attention to it. Birthdays and Christmas, by nature, I try to celebrate with meaningful gifts (not the most expensive, but cater to their interests). I feel like my efforts are oft taken for granted. To me Christmas is time to celebrate family love & embrace the past year. I feel my efforts are in vain and I want to disengage. There's no appreciation for efforts on my part - barely a thank you, sometimes more like "meh :(". I spend my time with them walking on eggshells in case (often the case) I unwittingly cause them more disapproval. Am I right to disengage? Will this be the final nail in the proverbial? My partner is aware of my exclusion. He gets much of the same treatment and he sees some of what goes on toward me. He's supportive of me. I'm caught between carrying on "being nice" in hopes it'll settle one day, or just disengaging - eg giftcards for b'day & Christmas and not attend events unless necessary to my partner, ceasing assisting F (I'm now treated much like an unpaid employee in that regard). I don't want to harm his relationships (or be blamed) but I'm struggling.

Rumnraisin 25 years of failing relationship but feel stuck
  • replies: 5

Hi there just needed to post something due to frustration & feeling very stuck. My partner and I have been together for 25 years have two teenage children and run business together. it hasn’t been a great relationship as my partner suffers from aband... View more

Hi there just needed to post something due to frustration & feeling very stuck. My partner and I have been together for 25 years have two teenage children and run business together. it hasn’t been a great relationship as my partner suffers from abandonment issues as he was foster child at age 4. In beginning I felt was my responsibility to help him overcome his fears & make him happy, which ended up in my enabling his behaviour in particular with all his addictions, gambling drugs etc etc. he had major episode with a highly addictive drug for 4 years but overcame this addiction 4 years ago. Things became a lot better but still addiction is an issue with another drug. Long story short I moved out beginning of year for 3 months & moved back in because he passed drug tests & did ten hypnotherapy sessions to help him with his childhood issues. 4 months later & he has been back to using drugs, though considerably reduced use I’m still very angry & frustrated as that deal breaker for me. I’ve asked him to do a drug test which he keeps informing me he can’t pass. He promises in 2-3 weeks he will do one then get there says he needs another few weeks & so on. I am now so angry that being around him is difficult and I can no longer even communicate with him. now I’m back to thinking all time of breaking up and having thoughts to end our relationship & business. not sure what advice im even after just a chat I suppose. I don’t like bringing it up with my family as I know it’s difficult for them thanks

jamiel Financially bound by my ex
  • replies: 4

I don't know what to do. I am at a loss and don't know who can help. 11 years ago I bought my first home with my abusive ex. He wasn't really physically, just emotionally and verbally. There was also a lot of gaslighting. My father passed when I was ... View more

I don't know what to do. I am at a loss and don't know who can help. 11 years ago I bought my first home with my abusive ex. He wasn't really physically, just emotionally and verbally. There was also a lot of gaslighting. My father passed when I was a little girl and we used most of my inheritance to secure our first home. 2 homes and 2 kids later i finally had the strength too leave. Now my ex is in the mines as FIFO and earns a decent income but he is terrible with money. Isn't capable of saving, likes to show off and spend money on his mates, holidays all the time. I left him 2 years ago. He is still living in the family home and we have an investment home also that is on the market. Consent order's have been signed and he accepts and is liable for both homes as I was a single mum trying to get through this. He has proceeded to move on, have another baby and partner that lives in my home. He has got himself in such a hole of debt that the bank will not refinance to get my name off any loan. He has used Covid to put halts on our home loans and hasn't paid anything since march. He is going to destroy my credit rating soon as he just keeps spending and spending. We also share a personal loan that he has now defaulted on which has impacted my credit rating. I am just so scared and upset. I suffer anxiety, depression and still trying to overcome the narcissism and abusive way i was treat for 12 years. I dont know how to get out of this. The bank wont set me free and all I want to do is provide a new life for my kids but as long as I'm stuck on the loans, he is going to ruin my credit rating and I'll never be able to get forward. I am just so defeated and have no idea how to get out of this hole. Sorry for the long message. I dont know if anyone has any suggestions but it is good to vent. TiA

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