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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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LoveFlowers Verbally abused by transgender relative
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone, Just posting on here to gain some help with understanding a situation I have never encountered. At the beginning of this year, my transgender Uncle (born as a woman, now identifies as a male) separated with his partner of 5 months. Since... View more

Hi everyone, Just posting on here to gain some help with understanding a situation I have never encountered. At the beginning of this year, my transgender Uncle (born as a woman, now identifies as a male) separated with his partner of 5 months. Since that time we have not heard anything from him or had an opportunity to catch up with him. 2 weeks ago, my partner and I sent out our wedding invitations. As we are paying per head, we simply cannot afford to give all of our guests a "plus one". Last week, my Uncle contacted me to mention that he had received our wedding invitation and wanted to know if the invite included his partner (which we thought they had broken up). As the invites had already been sent and numbers already determined, I mentioned to my Uncle that we will need to wait for others to respond and if people decline then we are more than happy to invite his partner. My uncle didn't like my response and went on to verbally abuse me by insinuating that I am a homophobic and that I was "de-legitimizing" his relationship. After copping a backlash of horrible text messages, I said to my uncle it would be better to resolve this over the phone rather than texting. Geez, I wish I hadn't bothered. After giving my Uncle the respect to voice his concerns by actively listening until he had finished, he couldn't give me the same respect to hear me out. After copping the abusive text messages the day previous, I was also feeling hurt by the comments he had made towards me. I also wanted the opportunity to voice that I didn't like the way he spoke to me, however he kept interrupting me with defensive comments and not admitting to his own mistakes. It does take two to tango after all. The conversation was not going well and it felt extremely one-sided. My uncle was acting entitled to bring his partner to our wedding, however as we are paying per head the decision is up to myself and my partner. Not him. Which he doesn't seem to understand or have any concern about. After expressing to my Uncle that at the time the invitations were sent out, we had no idea that he had gotten back together with his partner, he also shut that down and called me a liar!!! My uncle then went on to call me a B****, hung up the phone on me and blocked me on all social media. This reaction has come as a complete shock to my partner and I, we really don't understand it. Is there anyone who can shed some light on this situation for us? Thanks in advanced!

Broken4 Broken
  • replies: 3

It’s been 12 months since I discovered my husband of 3 years and partner of 19 years had been having an affair with whom I thought was my best friend for 12 months. i do not know how to handle my feelings , I chose to stay as my husband was very apol... View more

It’s been 12 months since I discovered my husband of 3 years and partner of 19 years had been having an affair with whom I thought was my best friend for 12 months. i do not know how to handle my feelings , I chose to stay as my husband was very apologetic and has tried everything to save our marriage. he has cut all contact with her. we have two children that are not aware of the situation as they are to young to be exposed to this situation. i am tired of people telling me how strong I am as I do not feel strong. i am sorry if my thread doesn’t make sense as this is my first time ever writing this down, but I would like to speak to people that have experienced this terrible thing. some days I am good but other days the thought of what they did to me hurts so bad that I cannot bring myself out of it

amy1987 finiancial woes
  • replies: 3

i’m 32 low income and i have made the mistake of having a credit card debt. yep i know don’t need to tell me twice. but my parents just found out the extent of it. i have nothing to show for it, that’s not the bad part.. the bad part is now my dad wo... View more

i’m 32 low income and i have made the mistake of having a credit card debt. yep i know don’t need to tell me twice. but my parents just found out the extent of it. i have nothing to show for it, that’s not the bad part.. the bad part is now my dad would like to have access to my login bank account details and see my spending. yes i know i have made a mistake in trying to rectify it.. i was going so well mentally and now all of a sudden i can’t sleep, i can’t be bothered to go to work and i have stopped studying.. the moment i feel happy someone comes along and tears it down. and i’m back where i was. how do i make a parent understand that yes i have made incredible shit on my finances.. i was prob depending beyond my means .. just wanted to be like others in my life... i rarely socialise and spend my time at home other then working. i have only slept 2 hours tonight and about to call in sick for the 3rd time this week, i can’t be bothered to drive there serve 300 people and hear there woes. but i’ll prob get up and go and fake it. call the bank and close two accounts. i know i should of been upfront. and now hear i am contemplating maybe everyone would be better off debts suck, going from a high income to a low income sucks.

Lost_in_reality Has my marriage expired?
  • replies: 2

I’ve been married 3 years and we have a 2yo son. We had issues before our our son was born but they seemed minor. Since then we’ve had issues on repeat since the birth, it was traumatic for me and even in the delivery room I didn’t feel like I was ge... View more

I’ve been married 3 years and we have a 2yo son. We had issues before our our son was born but they seemed minor. Since then we’ve had issues on repeat since the birth, it was traumatic for me and even in the delivery room I didn’t feel like I was getting the full support I needed. Once we got home it seemed my husband didn’t think his life needed to change. He’d go out most Friday nights and wouldn’t be home when he said and wasn’t very responsive to my messages. This happened before bub but I’d hoped it was going to change. Over time I was no longer able to rely on him even when he stopped going out and was home more. I have been the one to look after our son even on weekends I get little support besides bath time. I’m left to do 95% of cooking and maintaining the house “because I’m home all day”. In my “free time” I’m doing chores while he watches tv and drinks or is on his phone. We don’t have any emotional connection as I just don’t feel it at all as I don’t feel supported in any other part of our relationship. We’ve argued about everything over and over and it ends up in attacks. I’ve worried about his mental health as he’s so distant but he refuses to get help. I can’t say anything to him anymore without him going on the defense so we rarely talk now. We’ve mentioned splitting a lot but it just never happens. We never resolve anything we just go on like it hasn’t happened. My tipping point to writing this is that we went out to the pub the other afternoon, I met him and his mates there with our son. He was drunk and kept leaning up to me and and trying to get close but I hated it, I felt so uncomfortable. Im not longer upset by things he does or fights we have, I’ve shut off and I’m not sure that can be fixed or if I can put in the effort as I’ve been trying for so long. I can’t think of anything we have in common anymore. I’m just scared to leave because of our son. No one in my family has ever separated so I don’t know what it would be like if we did. I’m lost and not sure if I should bring this recent realisation/feelings up to my husband.

Jazz32 I am stuck with a 38 year gap and yet free to go!
  • replies: 1

Hi there . Let me start by saying this is amazing and thank you for listening. i am 32 my partner 70. She is a trans woman I am a woman , she has been married twice before and has three children to both wife’s I have taken on a sum what codependency ... View more

Hi there . Let me start by saying this is amazing and thank you for listening. i am 32 my partner 70. She is a trans woman I am a woman , she has been married twice before and has three children to both wife’s I have taken on a sum what codependency on her. We have been together 2 years and living together 1 year . I was a binge drinker and she is a chain smoker ,she was always against me drinking so I gave it up 4 months ago and she still smokes , she is still set in her ways. She is very kind and caring but is getting too old to do anything at all now! I started seeing a psychotherapist and tomorrow is my fourth session at $150 per session and honestly don’t think she can help. I am just living for her and not with her . I am stuck and can’t find my own path , and am only happy when I get attention off her , nothing else is beautiful unless she is with me and laughing . So deep down I need to go and search the world but I don’t want to leave her. I need help in leaving. How do I go about this ? I have another place I have sorted. I just can’t bring myself to leave her , I love her so much but it hurts to be here and anxiety and depression has set in

654bno Anxiety - discovery of husbands porn use.
  • replies: 1

My Dr has prescribed Antidepressants for Anxiety. I have come home from a week away and found that my husband had been using porn. At first I thought it was ok as I hadn’t been at home. I wanted to talk about him being careful so that our kids did no... View more

My Dr has prescribed Antidepressants for Anxiety. I have come home from a week away and found that my husband had been using porn. At first I thought it was ok as I hadn’t been at home. I wanted to talk about him being careful so that our kids did not see it (our son regularly uses my husbands IPad). I also thought that this may be something that we could explore together. I went online for advice on how to talk to my husband about it and whether this could be a good thing for our marriage. Almost all information pointed to how addictive it is and how over time users need more to get off, they become unsatisfied with their partners and it can lead to looking for more outside of the relationship. That hit me because my husband has an addictive personality, we have had issues in the past with drug and alcohol use. I spoke to my husband and he said he uses it to help him get to sleep and that he has done it for years. He says he is not addicted to it and would have sex with me every day of the week if that was an option. I am now in a position where I feel like I may have caused this. We have “date nights” 2 scheduled nights a week for sex. We had 4 children under 3, I had no desire at all so I suggested date nights to ensure that I was also looking after his needs. He also said that he hated asking for more because he can’t handle rejection. Our children are aged 10-13 now. The reason that I found this in the first place is that I had noticed my husband facebook searching women that attend his gym and that he had started going to the gym twice a day. He seemed to have a genuine explanation for the facebook searches. He says that he started going to the gym twice a day because he is committed to getting fit this year for his sport (I know that is true as he has struggled for years with this). I feel like he is being honest with me and he is a good man/husband/dad otherwise. We have been together for 18 years. I told him how all of this makes me feel. I did not ask him to promise that he won’t use porn and he did not promise it. We are currently ditching date night, he is setting the pace for our love life as a trial. I just still feel a compulsion to check his IPad and I know that this is not healthy for me. He uses the IPad to stream things to the tv in our bedroom and even seeing his iPad in our room seems to be a trigger for me. Has anyone experienced similar?

Jess99 Alone and confused
  • replies: 3

Hello, this is my first time posting on here. I’m hoping that this will help me in getting some kind of advice, or just feel a little better to get things off my chest. I’ve been in a relationship for about a year and a few months with this guy, and ... View more

Hello, this is my first time posting on here. I’m hoping that this will help me in getting some kind of advice, or just feel a little better to get things off my chest. I’ve been in a relationship for about a year and a few months with this guy, and of course there’s been ups and downs. However as of lately there’s just more downs than anything else, and I’m finding myself struggling to keep it all together. He has a very bad temper so when we fight that comes out, and his emotional abuse is beyond words can describe. He also is very controlling and treats me like a child. Saying things to me like wipe your feet before coming inside, go to the toilet before leaving the house and takes over when I try to cook in his kitchen. He has a child with his ex wife and when i got in this relationship I was told a lot of bad things about him, but I chose to ignore them to make my own decision. A few months ago I fell pregnant with him and had an abortion. He knew about it and basically wanted the abortion so that was that. I’ve now found out I’m pregnant again with him, but this time I haven’t told him. I regretted having an abortion last time so if worse comes to worse and he wants one again, I want to tell him no and keep the baby. Even if it means raising it on my own.Is that selfish of me? I have 2 kids already with my ex who I was with for almost 10 years. We built a house together and everything (never married). When we broke up I moved out of the house and back to my mothers. I wanted the kids to come stay with me, however his parents got involved and forced my hand into having the kids at the house and that I would only be seeing them basically on the weekends. At the time I agreed to it because I was vulnerable and thought it was the best interest for the kids so it wasn’t disrupting their every day living, however I’ve been forced to now take legal action against my ex due to miscommunication and him now keeping them away from me (for almost a year now). Lawyers have been going back and forth and trying to get into the court now, but it’s just taking its toll on me and making me want to break almost every day. Especially not seeing them on Christmas, birthdays, Easter and the worst for me was Mother’s Day. Anyway that’s basically all of what’s happening with me. So thank you for reading!

hbolt5 My Boyfriend Ended Our Relationship Due to Mental Health Issues but Still Loves Me
  • replies: 1

Hi all, I have recently broken up with my boyfriend due to his mental health issues. We are both currently unemployed however I still have some money. Him on the other hand doesn’t. He decided that it was best for him to be on his own and sort his li... View more

Hi all, I have recently broken up with my boyfriend due to his mental health issues. We are both currently unemployed however I still have some money. Him on the other hand doesn’t. He decided that it was best for him to be on his own and sort his life out. However he still loves me and hates that he has to do this. How do I talk to him about giving it another chance? We see each other everyday and I am willing to stop that and only see each other on weekends if need be. I love him to death, and he tells me he loves me too and I just want to be there for him instead of making him do this on his own. We are having some space for the week however he has agreed to sit and talk with me about things. What are some things I can say to help him understand that it doesn’t have to be like this? He came and got his things this morning, we sat and talked for a little and I asked him; “do you want to leave?” And he said “no, but I have to because Dad needs me back at home for things” and then he hugged me and left. I truly love him and I want to try and work things out. I want to help him get a job. Find money and overcome his illness. Any advice would be appreciated.

Purple_butterfly_89 Looking for some kind of reasoning
  • replies: 1

My ex broke up with me a year ago (he gets anxious and it seems that he just ran from our relationship when it started to get serious….I am guessing, never really had much of an explanation over the whole situation. I was aware of his history with de... View more

My ex broke up with me a year ago (he gets anxious and it seems that he just ran from our relationship when it started to get serious….I am guessing, never really had much of an explanation over the whole situation. I was aware of his history with depression and anxiety before the relationship happened. After the break up, we tried to maintain a friendship and, at times he was leading me on. After a couple of months later I said something that he may have found hurtful. He never said anything to me and a week after this he blocked me on social media everywhere, which was quite hurtful to me. I don’t know if it was what I said that prompted him to do it or something else. My mental health went downhill quickly after this. I was an absolute mess. I kept putting him before me, even when we weren’t in a relationship anymore. When he started to spiral, he blamed work and said it wasn’t me. This went on for about 3 days and he seemed to be ok again for a couple of days and then started spiralling again. He found it hard to talk to me. He kept apologising. I asked him a week into this if he still wanted to be with me and he said that he did. I attempted to have a talk but he said that he just can’t talk about it. With that, conversation over. I should have seen the red flags but I didn’t. I just seemed to trust what he was saying to me. It was 2.5 weeks from the start of the spiral to the break up and he was hurtful a few times but I always put him first and put my own needs aside. It was starting to make me anxious, but I was always kind, respectful and caring. During the break up to now, I have said 2 things to him that he may have found hurtful (was probably a little bit immature of me). Then I hear that some people yell and scream and hate each other during a break up and I wonder why I get this kind of treatment when I have done barely anything to him. Perhaps I should have done that as I may have gotten some answers and he ended up leaving my life. Any attempts to message him has pushed him further away (I have tried 3 times over the space of 8 months, 1 time he responded to a message with 1 line and another 2 times I was completely ignored with the last attempt resulting in me being blocked on his phone) and he pushed our mutual friends away. I guess you can say that he is a runner and doesn’t confront anything in the hope that problems just go away. I never really got an explanation on anything.

spaceboots Boundaries, Family Estrangement and Disownment
  • replies: 12

Hi, I was recently confronted by my father for the personal boundaries I had put in place to protect my children and myself from my mother, who I believe suffers from undiagnosed borderline personality disorder. While I am understanding and accept he... View more

Hi, I was recently confronted by my father for the personal boundaries I had put in place to protect my children and myself from my mother, who I believe suffers from undiagnosed borderline personality disorder. While I am understanding and accept her for who she is because she had a very traumatic childhood, I am not willing to allow her to emotionally and psychologically manipulate and abuse my kids (fighting and screaming with my father in front of them, swearing in front of them and trying to play favourites between them). As a result of these boundaries, I have become emotionally distant from my parents, do not allow my children to be with their grandparents alone, and we do not visit their home as they have made it clear that we are not welcomed. My parents see this as a grave insult for the life sacrifices they have made for me; accused me of being ungrateful, and disagreed that their behaviour is harmful. They have used their older age (50s and 60s) and their culture as reasons to ask if they deserve to be treated like strangers and criminals. Long story short, I told them that my children need to be protected and that if I had to choose, I choose my children over them. They believe I chose myself and "my way" of doing things. At the end of the conversation, my father told me that every choice has a consequence, and that the consequences of my choice means that we are now strangers. He doesn't feel that "strangers should benefit" from the financial success that he and my mother built together, and we can now be "exes" and should only communicate on a "need-to" basis. He emphasized that he was not using money to manipulate me, but has no other choice and believes that this is the normal "human response". He also added that should he or my mother pass away, that they will not inform me and I will not need to attend their funeral. I told him that he had a right to his decisions, but my door was always open if they changed their minds and want to get help (family therapy). Obviously this has been a very distressing event for me but I want to know, what happens now? How can I respond in a loving way when I feel so betrayed and angry? Did they HAVE to do this? Was I wrong in setting boundaries? Why can't they hear me? Is it better now that my parents have disowned me? Why bring up the fact that they wouldn't tell me if they passed away? Is this another manipulative abusive tactic? What is the best thing to do? Thanking you in advance.