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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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The-misunderstood-girl We're so messed up its pass toxic
  • replies: 2

Hi. We have both had our run in with drugs when we were just friends. He went to jail and I lost my child to services, however since we ended up saying yes to being together we have built each other up immensely. We both dont drink, dont do drugs, I ... View more

Hi. We have both had our run in with drugs when we were just friends. He went to jail and I lost my child to services, however since we ended up saying yes to being together we have built each other up immensely. We both dont drink, dont do drugs, I have my child and hes changed from doing stupid things that would end him in court. He works and I started home school until it became unbearable due to my mental health not being fixed since the drugs. However we have the worst lash out moments i blame it on our messed up mind from the drugs and actions we done in our past. Its like an uncontrollable rage of anger that comes with heavy anxiety and depression, I find mine to be worse at I get to stages I cannot even get out of bed but hes able to get himself up for work somehow. A lot of our fights was who we both can and cant talk to, who we can have on social media, what kind of social media we can have, were we can go etc. It was as if one person started on something they didnt agree with that the other would ask for it to be that way for them also. Its feeling like a massive toll but we both wont let it go and try to build from it i guess we dont know how to either. He refuses to acknowledge that he also needs help and says that it is all me. I feel completely stuck too.. I dont have anywhere else I can go, I have no money, nothing as he would argue if I tried to get a job. I can only apply for certain ones that he thinks is appropriate for our relationship. Now in saying all this i have never done anything for him to not trust me I have always been completely honest with everything but ive come to find that everything he use to say he was and things he would never do has made me question everything now. We have had two to three physical domestic and too many emotional i cannot count, thing is this is someone i have changed for I am just so confused with what is going on. How can I fix this? Is it mainly me? I cannot keep feeling like this everyday i am so tired.

Shelby123 Husband verbally abuses me, feel so alone
  • replies: 2

I recently had our first baby. My husband works in emergency services and his mental health has been deteriorating in the past 2 years. I feel like I’m his emotional punchbag, he holds it together at work and bends over backwards to help other people... View more

I recently had our first baby. My husband works in emergency services and his mental health has been deteriorating in the past 2 years. I feel like I’m his emotional punchbag, he holds it together at work and bends over backwards to help other people, however when he comes home he let’s rip at me over the tiniest thing. His rants are becoming more and more intense and the things he says are unforgivable. He will start at me over something insignificant, but will end in him saying he detests me, hates me and that he is leaving me. He did this regularly during my pregnancy and told me numerous times that he is only staying because I was pregnant and that he hates me and everything about me. He will never apologise ever for anything he does or says. I feel so sad all the time and worthless. I want more than anything to leave but I don’t want our child to be from a broken home. I thought having a baby would heal him somewhat but it has escalated. If I ask him for help with something to do with the baby when it doesn’t suit him he loses it. He will tell me I’m a bad mom. He will repeat things to our baby like ‘your moms an idiot’ or ‘your mom couldn’t be bothered picking you up’ if I ask him to help me with her when I’m breast pumping milk for her and can’t immediately go to baby. No matter what I do it’s the wrong thing. If he is holding the baby and it cries, if I don’t immediately rush to help him he accuses me of not caring about the baby and leaving everything to him. If I do rush to help he tells me to stay the f* away from him, that I’m the reason the baby won’t settle for him & that he doesn’t need my help. Everything ends in him having a meltdown and blaming me. I feel like I’m on eggshells and i feel so alone. He isn’t close with his family and we live overseas, he doesn’t have any one else but me and the baby. I feel like either he will make my life hell if I leave, or he will hurt himself. I don’t know what to do, I feel like I can’t live like this, and I don’t want our child to grow up thinking how he talks to me is normal. Everytime I try to talk to him about it he has a meltdown and ends up screaming at me that I don’t understand. He won’t see a doctor as he is worried that he won’t b able to stay in his role if he is diagnosed with depression. I sweep all his behaviour under the carpet and just put on a facade for everyone else. Everyone we know thinks we are in a happy marriage. I came from a loving home and I just want the same for our baby.

Abbie121 extra loneliness and helplessness around holidays and new year's eve..
  • replies: 21

I've been struggling with loss and grief from a long-term relationship breakdown last year, and now find myself in isolation with deep loneliness and sadness.. made worse by looking back at my life this time last year where it was full of people and ... View more

I've been struggling with loss and grief from a long-term relationship breakdown last year, and now find myself in isolation with deep loneliness and sadness.. made worse by looking back at my life this time last year where it was full of people and things to do. I find I reach out to friends to try and connect but I get nothing back - they are too busy with their families or don't even reply. I want contact with my ex just to try to re-live some of the connection and affection we had, which I know is unhealthy but he has moved on and doesn't want anything to do with me. I struggle to understand why I can't form lasting relationships or why people have no interest in spending time with me, or even checking in on me to offer a kind word or support. I have no one to talk to or spend time with. I'm dreading tomorrow new year's eve when everyone else will be spending it with people and I want that too, but can't seem to get it. I don't know what to do..

Deecee88 Long term isolation and emptiness :(
  • replies: 1

Hi there, this is the first time I’m trying to speak to people that are outside of my life because frankly, I have no one left. For the past 5-6 years, since my mother has passed my family has broken down and I’ve been completely left on my own. my d... View more

Hi there, this is the first time I’m trying to speak to people that are outside of my life because frankly, I have no one left. For the past 5-6 years, since my mother has passed my family has broken down and I’ve been completely left on my own. my dad has been absent since she died and got a gf straight away and moved out. I stopped working and spent all my money shopping to try and cope with being on my own. I was numb and assumed dad would catch me if I fell. Anyways, as time went on he grew colder and colder. Sold our family home and as I was in so much debt and Broke, I’ve been nothing but a burden to him ever since as I cannot get back on my feet. I’m not allowed to live with him because his gf doesn’t want me there and I’ve been struggling to pay rent and debt repayments to the point where I have no food. I haven’t spent a birthday, New Years or Xmas with anyone as everyone’s too busy. I don’t know what’s happened but it breaks my heart every xmas, new year and birthday when not 1 single person reaches out. I haven’t been out for dinner, on a holiday, had a laugh with any friends or family in multiple years after I have tried so hard to keep people in my life. My heart physically hurts, I hate waking up, I can’t get to sleep and I’m being evicted on Sunday as I have been late a few times with the rent as I finished my law degree 2019. im physically broken because I’m lonely. I’m smart, I’ve had my own business before and I am usually a social butterfly. But watching Netflix everyday because I have nothing to do for 5-6 years is so painful for someone who is usually super positive and motivated. I don’t know what I’ve done wrong and I feel like my dad breaks me just so he can complain about him being the one to help me. I have been emotionally abused to the point I don’t know why i wake up anymore. I want the pain to stop

merry301 Suffocating!
  • replies: 2

I don't even know where to begin other than being in a relationship with someone who suffers from mental health is bloody exhausting. I'm 25 and have been with my fiance for 7 years. Many of those years beautiful, however, this past year has been rea... View more

I don't even know where to begin other than being in a relationship with someone who suffers from mental health is bloody exhausting. I'm 25 and have been with my fiance for 7 years. Many of those years beautiful, however, this past year has been really hard and it's showing on us as individuals and as a couple. We should be having the time of our life yet we spend almost every weekend arguing for hours, we live in server financial stress as my partner hasn't worked for 12 months, our relationship lacks intimacy and we barely speak with each other about our feelings or important matters (mostly because I don't know what reaction I will receive). My partner suffers from GP diagnosed anxiety and depression. He's been on a course of medication but after the 4th one and a bad experience with a psychologist completely stopped and has no immediate intention of seeking any more help as he believes he can do it...or we can do it. He also has a heavy drug addiction to weed and whilst he admits he is addicted, shows me no intention of stopping. I have recently visited a psychologist for myself and they confirmed something I've probably tried to hide from my family and close friends...that I'm in an abusive relationship. I've always been very certain in my feelings and thoughts and considered myself to know when I'm being treated poorly, yet I'm at the point where I'm second-guessing everything I say, questioning if I should be doing more (as I'm so often told I'm not doing enough to help) and feel as though all the problems are because of me, If I just did a little more we wouldn't have these issues. If I just didn't get so defensive maybe he wouldn't raise his voice. I love this man so dearly and am holding on to the relationship we had years ago and the man he was before, but I feel as though I'm suffocating and the word hate starts to enter my mind when I think about my feelings for him. He seems to take no responsibility for his actions and finds a way to turn things back on me but then asks why I'm so defensive or why I don't want to ever talk with him....everyone else can see it, why can't he?!?!?!? It frustrates me so much and I'm sitting here feeling guilty about writing this, guilty about making him out be a horrible man, guilty that after our argument this morning I have no intention of working it out (right now at least) and guilty of having no intention of being around him... I guess I just wrote this because I want to know I'm not alone!

Echoes Feelings of guilt leaving an alcoholic
  • replies: 4

Hi everyone, I have an overwhelming feeling of guilt after separating from my wife of 10 years. She succumbed to alcohol and was often violent and emotionally abusive towards me when drunk. Despite the suffering and abuse I was under I still feel lik... View more

Hi everyone, I have an overwhelming feeling of guilt after separating from my wife of 10 years. She succumbed to alcohol and was often violent and emotionally abusive towards me when drunk. Despite the suffering and abuse I was under I still feel like I have let her down by leaving her as she has no means of support after losing her high paying job due to alcohol. I know that I was only enabling her to continue her drinking by being there and I feel like I have wasted the past 10 years. I feel like less of a person and a failure as a husband. After several stints in rehab and having to clean soiled sheets and clothes often I lost hope in our relationship. I was totally miserable and after leaving her I am in a slightly better place now. I am now alone and have taken action to protect myself from her by moving away. I am thankful I have no children and sometimes think about what I could have done to help her while crying alone. I know things will get better and I am doing my best but sometimes I think that I will never get over this. My self esteem has been battered and I can’t see how it will ever rebuild. It feels good to write this and I hope that people in similar situations can see that they are not alone in this struggle.

Liseyy Hi All, Anxiety ruining relationship
  • replies: 1

Hi all, i guess I am seeking some comfort in that I’m not alone, i am finding that my anxiety is ruining my marriage and family. I have good days and bad where I find I am not down and anxious but other days are terrible, there are days where I think... View more

Hi all, i guess I am seeking some comfort in that I’m not alone, i am finding that my anxiety is ruining my marriage and family. I have good days and bad where I find I am not down and anxious but other days are terrible, there are days where I think this is too hard for my husband, to have to deal with my anxiety and panic attacks and and I guess I push him away as I do not want him to have to put up with how I am, I don’t want to be alone but I don’t want to have the guilt of having anxiety and not knowing how to ‘get better’ my husband has worked fifo for many years and this has possibly made my anxiety worse, So he came home for a while and now we fight a lot about different things which also triggers anxiety.. sorry for the ramble, I guess what I’m asking is how do you not let anxiety consume your relationship, and move forward? Or did you find it better to go separate paths? thanks xx

Beach26 Super confused lost and anxious
  • replies: 6

Hi, I’m female in my 20’s I’ve been with my partner for almost 5 years ,we are engaged due to get married this year. Recently have moved into our new house. Our relationship was great until we got engaged and I feel like I’m owned. My partner I belie... View more

Hi, I’m female in my 20’s I’ve been with my partner for almost 5 years ,we are engaged due to get married this year. Recently have moved into our new house. Our relationship was great until we got engaged and I feel like I’m owned. My partner I believe suffers with depression and has anger bad when he drinks in which he will not get help . And I become the target over the years I’ve had a lot of mental abuse to which has lead to me having anxiety and depression from this. I’m now a lot stronger than I was 2 years ago, as he has said a lot of nasty comments towards me over the years and his anger worry’s me. I have realised I don’t love him the way I used to and feel like it’s more a friendship . As he only wants to be intimate when it suits him. I have made an ultimatum that he needs to go and speak to someone otherwise I can’t get married. I’m so anxious and stressed and I have no idea how I would go about our house. I can’t really talk to friends and family as I don’t want anyone to know yet. Wondering if someone had any advise when it comes to the house, as he is super money driven loves money more than me sometimes. And I know it will get nasty hope someone has some advise x x

Jason_B Please Help
  • replies: 6

I would like to say thank you for your help and comments posted back in 2016. Over time it has been up and down. We both agreed to get help through Relationships Australia. However things have gotten worse. I am crying for help..as I do not know what... View more

I would like to say thank you for your help and comments posted back in 2016. Over time it has been up and down. We both agreed to get help through Relationships Australia. However things have gotten worse. I am crying for help..as I do not know what to do. I want to fight to keep my marriage and family together. Like I stated in 2016, I am not writing this to make me sound like an angel. My wife is angry, hurting and can’t bare to look at me or at times be around her. We have been married for just over 16 years and have 2 beautiful children. I met, fell in love and knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life and want to grow old together. I will say up front that I lied to my wife on our wedding day and I acknowledge what I have done was wrong, stupid and I never gave her the choice of knowing and was arrogant into thinking of hiding it. I am gutted and wish I could have changed it but I can’t. My wife knew I was previously married and divorced. I hid information about a debt and bank account and did not disclose the information until after the birth of our first child. I am not excused but I was embarrassed about failure of a marriage and I took the debt to get rid of my ex out of my life. Through my stupidity of not telling her about the debt has caused the rocky path we have taken ( a form of affair) a lie, deception and lost trust between us. I have also failed my wife over the past 15 years by not taking her out on date nights, going to some work functions by my self, not including her at times. My ‘Actions’ of what she expects from me I have let her down. She is hurting or I have hurt her deeply, to the stage when we argue, I am constantly reminded that I have never put her first in our marriage. Additionally we have not been able to buy our house or I have not taken my family on holidays. These are key needs of my wife. Again my ‘Non Actions’ has failed my marriage. I know I am a failure and failed her. By me being around her makes her ill . Seeing me reminds her how I have failed as a friend, husband and I lied on our wedding day by not disclosing the debt. I know I have not been her ideal husband who has made mistakes in the past and regret. It’s hard when you are judged on every ‘action’ or failure to act. I am loyal and faithful to my wife and children. I do not want to lose them. But I do not know what to do to save my marriage

_today_ Need some advice
  • replies: 6

Hi all, I really need some guidance as i'm completely lost as to what to do. A few days ago my wife told me that she is not in love with me anymore and that we should stop to pretending that we are not unhappy in our marriage. She gave herself 12 mon... View more

Hi all, I really need some guidance as i'm completely lost as to what to do. A few days ago my wife told me that she is not in love with me anymore and that we should stop to pretending that we are not unhappy in our marriage. She gave herself 12 months to decide whether we could be happy with each other or not. To be honest i know what she is saying is the truth, neither of us have been happy at all for years now. But we kept on going for the sake of the kids and our own comfort. I feel i am no where near where she is in her head given how much time she has had to process it all. We have both made individual efforts over the years to try and fix things, but we are both bad communicators and have never tackled the issues head on. Plus we both have issues with depression and anxiety and it seems like when one of us is good the other is bad. She has already taken her wedding ring off and is sleeping in a separate bed, which i'm finding very degrading on my self worth already. I have spoken to her about marriage counselling to see if there is anything we can do to try and salvage it. My main worry is that if we don't do it i will regret not trying the rest of my life. She didn't seem to think it would achieve much as she has absolutely no romantic feelings for me anymore, but hasn't ruled it out completely just yet. But it does seem like she has made up her mind. My head is filled with so much regret and so much fear. Yesterday i spent a lot of the day crying wondering how we are going to tell the kids, just the thought of having that conversation with them gives me the same feeling as when someone close to you has died, so sad about the fact that i wont get to put my son to bed and wake him for school everyday. I'm lost as we have been each others best friend since the day we got together and going to counselling may destroy that as well. It just sucks and i have no idea of what to do. My world feels like is just imploding in on itself and any experience or advise would be much appreciated.