Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

pkr00402 I keep pushing people away
  • replies: 1

I feel like I am incapable of being in a relationship. Almost every relationship I’ve been in, it’s like I suddenly drop off from it out of nowhere. Like I can be really into someone one week, then the next I just don’t have any feelings at all and t... View more

I feel like I am incapable of being in a relationship. Almost every relationship I’ve been in, it’s like I suddenly drop off from it out of nowhere. Like I can be really into someone one week, then the next I just don’t have any feelings at all and they don’t come back. This is causing me to really hurt the people I’m with, but I feel like there’s nothing I can do about it.

Just_me85 Need advice about family 
  • replies: 1

Please can someone help me. I'm done waking up early in the morning stress because my husband is just yelling and swearing at me. I had enough! He is an angry monster when me and our kids will not worship his daughter who is 28 and his grandkids. He ... View more

Please can someone help me. I'm done waking up early in the morning stress because my husband is just yelling and swearing at me. I had enough! He is an angry monster when me and our kids will not worship his daughter who is 28 and his grandkids. He even swear and call our kids a liar and a traitor because our girls is on my side not his side everytime we have a fight. Everytime we have a fight because of his daughter(28) he always say I'm the worst person/wife in the world. I woke up 5AM just to prepare his food and his stuff for work. Give him a massage when he goes to bed after his work because he is tired, wash his clothes and work clothes and more just to take good care of him. He doesnt appreciate that and I'm so done with this situation. My plan is to take the kids with me and then I will do all the custody stuff after we moved out. Will I get in trouble for doing that? I asked him if we could talk but he just shut me out calling me names when I tried to talk to him. I do have a phone recordings of him swearing at me and to the kids.

Andy_G How to undo designated role of Family scapegoat Identified Patient or Symptom bearer
  • replies: 5

Hello I was raised as the Identified Patient, Symptom Bearer (Bowen Family Systems Therapy), and family Scapegoat - a serious family dysfunctional problem in which one member of the family a child is blamed, shamed, bullied for small things, picked o... View more

Hello I was raised as the Identified Patient, Symptom Bearer (Bowen Family Systems Therapy), and family Scapegoat - a serious family dysfunctional problem in which one member of the family a child is blamed, shamed, bullied for small things, picked on and constantly put down. It's a generational pattern of abuse that is passed down to the children. As I suffered hidden abuse, my family see my mental illness as proof I am a black sheep and insane. my large extended family enjoy my suffering and take great pleasure in my mental illness. They act normal around normal people Mum is a Nurse Manager Dad a successful business owner I chose to be homeless to avoid them but it was difficult. I do love them but they are genuinely hooked on shaming me, how do I overcome this and stop family scapegoating of me, I really need restorative justice and resources or specific strategies to make my family acknowledge the past so I can heal and please have a healthy future relationship with them?

Sunshine981991 Finding it really hard to go no contact with my mum
  • replies: 3

I’m finding it really hard to go no contact with my abusive mum, it is heart breaking my heart but she has always been very nasty and makes me feel awful about myself so I feel it is the best decision to never talk to her again but I don’t know how t... View more

I’m finding it really hard to go no contact with my abusive mum, it is heart breaking my heart but she has always been very nasty and makes me feel awful about myself so I feel it is the best decision to never talk to her again but I don’t know how to cope with that. Feeling extremely anxious, sad and mixed emotions. Does anyone have any suggestions to get through this and to cope? Feeling isolated and like no one else understands as their mother would never do what mine has. Thank you

zunflower Separation is the best answer for everything? Just need someone to talk or listen
  • replies: 5

Hi Everyone. my husband and I married for almost 9 years now. I am not sure if im suffering from depression or self esteem i feel lost i dont know what im feeling right now. When we started i let him control everything because i taught that is best f... View more

Hi Everyone. my husband and I married for almost 9 years now. I am not sure if im suffering from depression or self esteem i feel lost i dont know what im feeling right now. When we started i let him control everything because i taught that is best for us, because most of the time i dont wanna have fight so i didnt fight back or talked about what i want. Just go his way, but now i feel lose. I feel like he stole something from me, my independence i guess or who i want to be? But i let it happened right and at somehow i deserve this because i didnt speak out sooner. But everytime ill speak out where just going to have a fight and he makes me feel guilty and put in a corner. Because whatever he decides i dont have the rights and blames me with evrything goes wrong. When we go out, he preffered to go to casino and play. So i let him because i believe he will be good in card games and yes while waiting for him i will play the pokies. Just buying sometimes. Most our visit at the casino i need to wait for him til he finished playing like 3-4 am in the morning. we go for travel like boat cruised thats all he wants to do drink and gamble. I tried to control him, and tell him i want him to spend time with me. When he does hell sit with me for an hour makes me feel guilty that is bored then he will left me at the bar and go to the casino. so much more to talk about i guess. Sorry if im mimicking, because i am evaluating myself right now. Thank you for ur feedback.

megan123 ROCD or something wrong with relationship
  • replies: 1

Hi, Ive never written something like this before but reading some of them have really helped me in the past. I've been dating my current boyfriend for a over a year now, and so far it was great, we met overseas and he decided to come to Australia to ... View more

Hi, Ive never written something like this before but reading some of them have really helped me in the past. I've been dating my current boyfriend for a over a year now, and so far it was great, we met overseas and he decided to come to Australia to live with me around 7 months ago. It couldn't have been better. His visa is only for a year so we've always had the issue of what happens later over us but we always knew that as long as we loved each other we could make it work. I'm about to begin studying so we also had to factor in that maybe it would be our life here in Australia or maybe it would be moving to Europe and me studying there. Over time this began to cause me more and more stress, I've been dealing with what I believed to be moderate anxiety for most of my life and I started to notice my symptoms were becoming slowly worse and worse. Our relationship was great until one evening we were discussing what to do about his visa and a thought came to my mind like "you don't love him you have to break up right now", it felt like someone had shot me and I then went on to have the worst panic attack I've experienced to date. I knew I loved him so much but I just couldn't shake this thought. I didn't even realise but I started to do little routine checks to see how I felt about him, none of them helped though and over time I began to feel more and more anxious just at the sight of him. I couldn't touch him, ever night I wake up at 4 am in sweats, analysing why I didn't dream about him and if that means my relationship is over. Its gotten to the point I can't even see the point anymore. Some days are worse than others but none are good, on the not bad days I'm still not happy, or even sure I want to be around him. It sucks so much because before all of this I was so sure I would have such a bright and happy future with him and now I don't know what to do. I tell him about how I'm feeling and he stays strong but I can see I'm breaking his heart, I just want to feel happy with him again and for these thoughts to stop. I cant distinguish between thoughts and feelings anymore everything just feels grey. I'm scared I found out about ROCD too late and that maybe I've already let it ruin my relationship and the way I view my partner. Any help would be so appreciated I have no idea what I should do

Brando442 Help me understand?
  • replies: 2

My sister and her partner moved away 2 years ago in that time they had a child and they have decided to come back in with my parents. Since being here my parents have forked our 11 grand most of that was a car my dad got my sisters partner so he coul... View more

My sister and her partner moved away 2 years ago in that time they had a child and they have decided to come back in with my parents. Since being here my parents have forked our 11 grand most of that was a car my dad got my sisters partner so he could start work as a courier, he’s had the job for 20 days and has taken 8 days off in that time, He’s come home because it’s ‘too hot’ he has over 1000 dollars in fines and his mentality is “let them come after me, they can’t make me pay it” and my sister views everything he says as he wrote the bible My sister stays in bed all day whilst my mum and dad cook, bath, baby sit and shop for my niece. The parents don’t do a single thing for her. They put her to bed and then go out and smoke weed My mum always enjoyed a drink but since they’ve moved back in she’s drinking all day everyday my dad is unhappy most of the time. My sister and her partner don’t do anything around the house, you can’t say anything to them because I’m their eyes “they do stuff, and do look after their daughter” My dad loses it whereas my mum says she just switches off whilst she downs another drink. This all stresses me out because they keep giving and giving and getting used, treated like garbage but won’t put a stop to any of it because they’re scared to lose their grand daughter, which I understand but how far can they go with no money? I’m 26 with a partner of my own and we stay in between houses, we pay our way etc. it sucks I don’t want to be in my own home anymore. I feel like distancing myself from my family and not getting involved. I don’t know what I can really do. Nothing seems to change.

Natnicmac Rollercoaster of depression Vs life
  • replies: 2

Newbie here. Having a bad week & found these forums. I have battled depression for 16 years... probably longer. I am in a rut this past few weeks, ya know when every moment is filled with dread. Getting dressed is only so i can go out to earn a wage ... View more

Newbie here. Having a bad week & found these forums. I have battled depression for 16 years... probably longer. I am in a rut this past few weeks, ya know when every moment is filled with dread. Getting dressed is only so i can go out to earn a wage to pay the never ending bills. My relationship is now suffering. I feel so much resentment toward my husband for doing nothing wrong. I have gained 15kg in 2 months trying to eat myself happy... i cannot stop! The result is shitty self esteem & no interest in intimacy at all. I know this makes my partner feel rejected but i can’t seem to pull myself out of the black hole. If i didnt have my kids I would act on my self sabotaging thoughts. I tried to explain to hubby but i feel like he must be sick of putting up with this shit from me after 15 years. I want to care about myself enough to stop the binge eating that i know is so self destructive. I am now starting to have anxiety attacks after 12 months without them. Who or what can help? Gp’s just up my antidepressants or send me toa counsellor who wonders why i am there because i know the tools to be better, i just can’t do them when i am this low?

Miah My partner had an emotional affair !
  • replies: 12

Hey guys, i just wanted to ask a outside perspective of my situation. I recently caught my partner of 12 years having and “ emotional affair” he is assures me nothing physical has happened. I’ll start with the back story, I always trusted him I would... View more

Hey guys, i just wanted to ask a outside perspective of my situation. I recently caught my partner of 12 years having and “ emotional affair” he is assures me nothing physical has happened. I’ll start with the back story, I always trusted him I would drop him off at the pub and pick him up the next day sometimes not till 10am. I never put much thought much into it but up until mid November last year I just felt there was something wrong, he started hiding his phone and would get angry if I touched it, started going out every weekend with a new group of friends he met through his sister ( she was with him as well), was disconnect from me and the kids, stopped calling and texting, didn’t care if we where home or not, was getting angry often all the common signs. This one day I was cooking dinner for all of us at my aunties and he was suppose to stop on his way through he then rang and said he was tired from work and he was going home and going bed he will come down tomorrow. Had a really weird feeling but ignored it later that night I received a phone call and some pictures of him with some chick at a local pub I called he never answered he then ran back about 10 mins later and everything was quite I asked where he was he must have known I knew because he said then he was at pub at this point i went off and we stared fighting he told me where to go and hung up. Throughout the following week was hell and that’s when I discovered he had Instagram and he has been talking to that particular chick( has a family of her own) for weeks. Those messages where of a sexual nature pictures included. He then turned everything around on me stating it was all my fault. In later conversation he said sorry and that it was nothing it started like that but know there are just friends. He refuses to cut all ties with her and still has her on all social media platforms I have gave him an ultimatum but he doesn’t care he actually stated “I choose who I want to and don’t want to be friends with”. Every time I bring it up he gets angry or turns the situation around some how. I have been trying to keep it together was extremely difficult over the Christmas break. Our hole relationship has change there is no trust anymore after work he walks in has a shower walls out goes shopping washes his car or goes for a drive. I feel when I want to discuss how I feel he brushes it off and doesn’t care. He does t seem to be wanting to work for this relationship and I am finding it hard to deal with his lack of trying. Our relationship in the bedroom has changed , I don’t feel he is attracted to me anymore. I have reverted completely back into my shell I was doing the horses with my kids everyday and know I find it hard to leave the house. I I have lost heaps of weight and am finding it hard to eat. I can’t talk to anyone around me about it I know this sounds weird but I do t want them to judge him and I don’t want to feel like a fool. especially because they still have contact in person and over social media. I feel alone and empty I want to sleep all the time and every time I on my own all I do is cry, I can’t stop thinking about it, it makes me feel sick. And I have so much hatred towards his sister for encouraging this behaviour ( seen her messages as well) I feel like an idiot. the worst part was my brother warned me if they way would act when they would go to the pub together and I thought he was just trying to cause trouble. I do all ready suffer with PTSD and severe panic attacks/ anxiety and all of this has just brought it all back to the surface. I already get therapy I would just like to see what other people’s opinions are.

outlander94 confused and don't know what to do.
  • replies: 4

Hi, I'm not sure if I'm in the right forum, or if what I'm feeling is warranted after what I've done. I cheated on my boyfriend before Christmas. I told him and he seemed to want to work through it. Just last Friday he came home and ended it. Called ... View more

Hi, I'm not sure if I'm in the right forum, or if what I'm feeling is warranted after what I've done. I cheated on my boyfriend before Christmas. I told him and he seemed to want to work through it. Just last Friday he came home and ended it. Called me every name under the sun, all deserved though, and kicked me out of his house. I now live at home with my parents, which neither of them will talk to me now. He was more upset that I lied, I initially only told him half the story. But, people who I believed were friends told him the whole story. Did he deserved the truth? Maybe. But I believed that what I did I could live with, because it was a one time thing that didn't mean anything, and he is in a world of hurt because of a mistake that I made. The worst part is is that I didn't mean to do it. I know people think 'how can you not mean to do it?' but I didn't. It was a huge moment of weakness. I love my boyfriend more than anything and I've lost everything. I have hardly any money and he helped support me a lot. So this adds a lot of pressure to the situation. I'm feeling so lost. I can't eat, or sleep. I don't want to see anyone either. I'm having panic attacks and I cannot think clearly about anything. I guess I deserve what I got but I just need someone to talk to. Someone whose been through what I'm going through. I'm giving him space and I'm hoping that sometimes in the near future he'll change his mind and we'll be able to work through this. I'm terrified that it'll never happen though. I'm highly anxious and I'm scared to live without him. I've never felt so down or unhappy in my life. I feel so guilty about what I've done, I've embarrassed myself and my friends. I've lost friends, respect, dignity and I think in some ways, my will to live. My heart is literally aching. I just want to know how I'm supposed to be okay after this. Does anyone think that I have a chance of making it right? Am I a terrible person? Is there any chance of redemption?