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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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KylieP01 My husband told me he doesn’t care about me.
  • replies: 3

Yesterday I fainted at home, I messaged my husband and asked if he was able to come home from work. He messaged back and said no, as if he did he’d be pissed off as he was under the pump at work. I messaged back that I understood. He then came home l... View more

Yesterday I fainted at home, I messaged my husband and asked if he was able to come home from work. He messaged back and said no, as if he did he’d be pissed off as he was under the pump at work. I messaged back that I understood. He then came home later in the day to drop our 9 year old home as I was unable to drive, he then returned later to pick up his laptop etc to go to a Tafe course. He never once asked how I was after fainting. When he returned from Tafe he was still aggravated and pissed off, as he stated he was over it, when I asked what he said this,-marriage. I asked why he hadn’t asked how I was after fainting and he stated because he didn’t care, he stated he didn’t care about my health or what I’ve got to say and that he’d rather sleep in the car than in a bed/house near me. I’m not sure what happened but it’s not the first time he’s said these kind of things to me. I just don’t know what to do?

Guest_9043 Couples therapy, unsure about therapist's motives?
  • replies: 18

My partner and I started couples counselling. I have never been through this. We both had our first session together, then we had to have an individual session alone on another day with another therapist from the same place. I went with it and truste... View more

My partner and I started couples counselling. I have never been through this. We both had our first session together, then we had to have an individual session alone on another day with another therapist from the same place. I went with it and trusted we were in the right hands. I did not know until yesterday and nor did my partner that there was a heavy focus on Domestic Violence in her session. There was not so much for me, however there was for my partner. I have been with my partner for quite some time now and I have never once displayed any Domestic Violence (any forms of abuse) whatsoever. I left a really horrid DV relationship last year. My current partner has been through DV before. The therapist my partner saw asked some questions which out of line. I did not seek out therapy because I felt I was in a DV Relationship. We have been asked our goals for therapy and we have been very clear about our goals for therapy. (Mainly to strengthen our relationship and learn now to communicate more with each other as we know we need some of those skills to better our relationship) A long story short, at the end of both our individual sessions, the therapist said, if I want to see either of you again for another individual session, I shall call. If you do not hear from me just come in to see me together for your next appointment. I never expected we would get a call. So today, we both got a call. We missed it as we were out for an afternoon stroll and left our phones at home. It was the therapist asking us to call her back but by the time we got the message they had shut. She said on the message she would call us on Tuesday when they re opened. I have told my partner IF she is ringing for me to go into another individual session I do not feel it is right for me. I will absolutely not choose for my partner. If she wishes to go to it, I will not stop her at all. I just can't especially now that I know the line of extensive questioning my partner had to face. The questions strongly suggested how would she escape if I was to become abusive I feel hurt. I genuinely went somewhere for me, for us, for our relationship and to work on things together. I did not go to be portrayed as a Domestic Violence Perpetrator. I am certainly not. I treat my partner with love, respect, compassion, gentleness and kindness. I have a huge heart. Being painted out like this truly does hurt especially with no evidence or real story why this could even be imagined. Feel disheartened.

MelissaTurtle Partner with mental issues & drug abuse broke up heart
  • replies: 1

My partner recently broke up with me after saying he had doubts about a future with me & that he loved me but was not in love with me. We had been dating on & off for 3.5 years. The first time we spoke we had this unbelievable connection that I had n... View more

My partner recently broke up with me after saying he had doubts about a future with me & that he loved me but was not in love with me. We had been dating on & off for 3.5 years. The first time we spoke we had this unbelievable connection that I had never felt before, at that time it felt like fate. We dated causally for 19 months, not my doing, I was in love with him. He didn't know if he was in love with me, so I left. 5 months later he realised that he did love me & asked for me back. I was over the moon, I loved him. Since getting back together we moved in together, I grew so much, I became a better person, I fell more in love. The relationship blossomed to an amazingly beautiful place were we spoke about future together even having children, it just felt that we were finally there, that this would work & we would be getting married and starting a family, we were happy. After 15 months of being together again & what I thought we were in love & would work through anything together, he broke up with me. My partner has issues. He has never dealt with the death of his mother 6 years ago which felt like he had developed commitment issues & that he didn't want to get close to someone because he didn't want to deal with a pain like that again. His drug habits became worse over the last 6 months, he was smoking weed every night, several times a night, he would break promises to me every night when I would ask him "please just not tonight". He would drink every night too, on average 5 beers a night & 1-2 glasses of wine. He was told he has liver problems & had to stop drinking for a month to see if there was any improvements. So more weed was needed to compensate for the alcohol. He also did cocaine, to a point where his nose ran like a tap the next day. He would do it at home, when it was just the two of us hanging out or when he was home alone. He developed some sort of stomach ulcer where he would wake up needing to be sick. He has a very stressful job & has a lot of pressure on himself. When he broke up with me he had a panic attack the next day, he may be suffering from depression & anxiety too. He stopped wanting to be intimate with me for the last couple of months. Which made him believe he isn't in love with me. It's so hard to believe that he doesn't love me like he says. It just seems like these emotions were brought on by all his issues & he became depressed & it was easier to get rid of me than to give up drugs & now has thrown everything away.

Alejandra78 11 year old psychotic episode
  • replies: 3

My 11 year son woke up feeling terrified. He was asking me what was happening to him. As far as I could tell he wasn't in reality. He was saying things like my eyes are my hands. He'd then start jumping, then he put his head to the floor. He was terr... View more

My 11 year son woke up feeling terrified. He was asking me what was happening to him. As far as I could tell he wasn't in reality. He was saying things like my eyes are my hands. He'd then start jumping, then he put his head to the floor. He was terrified and asking me if I could help him wake up. This lasted about 10 minutes. He spoke about his hands feeling really heavy and about hearing the music from the muted piano. Although he was also aware that there was no music. My partner who was with me at the time said, that it looked like a psychotic episode. It was as he was clear enough to know he was actually hallucinating. He later said "I felt crazy mum". I have reported this incident to the psychologist and we are going to monitor to see if it happens again. He is on the spectrum (high functioning) and has ADHD. Has anyone experienced anything like this with a child?? He was experiencing some stress just before the incident. He witnessed an accident and I announced we were moving in with my partner. He also had a slight fever that evening.

Noir Surviving Separation From Narcissistic Spouse
  • replies: 2

Hi, I am new here and this is my first forum experience. It's been just over a year since my spouse discarded me after more than 16 years of marriage. I have been hoovered twice within this period and am slowly getting stronger. It's just so hard whe... View more

Hi, I am new here and this is my first forum experience. It's been just over a year since my spouse discarded me after more than 16 years of marriage. I have been hoovered twice within this period and am slowly getting stronger. It's just so hard when this has been my life for more than 18 years. When you become conditioned to the emotional, mental and psychological abuse over a long period of time, you are like a dog waiting for a bone to be thrown to you and I am co-dependent. Can anyone relate?

FeelinSoBlue Why should I love myself when it’s clear nobody else does?
  • replies: 6

Lately I’ve been feeling great, over the past couple of weeks I’ve been working with peer support workers from a mental health organisation and finally feel like getting myself back out in the world. But with that, I am single and looking to find som... View more

Lately I’ve been feeling great, over the past couple of weeks I’ve been working with peer support workers from a mental health organisation and finally feel like getting myself back out in the world. But with that, I am single and looking to find somebody in my life. I have been single for many years. I downloaded tinder yesterday and have spent money on gold profiles, super boosts, all that stuff. Swiped through hundreds and hundreds of profiles. No real matches to speak of. Either I’m being swiped no by 99% of the women out there, which makes me feel incredibly depressed, or the app is broken. It’s not just this that has me feeling down. It’s the fact that whenever I upload a photo to Facebook or post a comment. Nobody replies. It’s like I’m a ghost, a complete social lepar. And I know all this must seem so petty, but it really has me feeling the lowest of lows. It’s as if I’m of no interest or value to anyone’s life, women don’t find me attractive, I’m 29, single and lonely as hell. And all this makes me less inclined to go out and meet people when I feel like nobody is interested in knowing me. I just needed to vent this frustration and didn’t know who else to turn to out of sheer embarrassment.

LazyJane Supporting a partner starting anti-depressants
  • replies: 2

Hello. I hope everyone is well. Any thoughts would be wonderful. I've been dating my partner for a year and we are new and shiny in many ways. He is not comfortable being vulnerable - we nearly ended very early on, when I assumed he wasn't very inter... View more

Hello. I hope everyone is well. Any thoughts would be wonderful. I've been dating my partner for a year and we are new and shiny in many ways. He is not comfortable being vulnerable - we nearly ended very early on, when I assumed he wasn't very interested. When I pressed him on it, it became obvious he had great feeling for me and was genuinely struggling to express it. We communicate well, but I lead it. He is very physically affectionate, present, and a kind and gentle man who I care for very much. He is intelligent, but very insecure. He has had depression in the past, including a severe bout. He has been on anti-depressants before, though not while we've been together. Recently, he has been closed off and distant. He would tell lies of omission that caused some confusion and stress (cancelling dates without explanation leaving me feel strange and thinking he was pulling away, and then confused when it would be followed up normal texts/communication, and he would get very frustrated when when I enquired about why he had to cancel). I did think he was seeing someone, as the behaviour was hard to marry with anything else. A few weeks of this resulted in an argument, when I explained what I needed emotionally to feel secure, and that it was hard to know how support him, if I'm not sure what the problem is (or if the problem is his feelings towards me). He could not bring himself to respond. I was sad, so left. He spent the weekend with family, and took a day before revealing he had been struggling with what he thinks is depression of late. He said he had seen a psychologist, and has been prescribed medication. I was surprised, but we had a good talk about communication. What he needs from me, and likewise. We were both very relieved, though I felt he made the situation worse/much more stressful than it needed to be. We both travel a lot for work, which puts pressure on things. Though we text/call often, it is often superficial. I want to support him, but I am not sure how. Physical intimacy is a lovely part of our relationship. Obviously, a person's happiness is more important, but physical stuff plays an important role in a relationship. Has anyone experienced the drop in sex drive from medication? I need some education about how to support this man, while not losing myself in his journey. Any advice would be highly appreciated. Apologies if this is in the wrong spot. Jen.

Kayleanne80 How do you know if your marriage is over
  • replies: 3

Hi guys, first post. my husband and I have been together for 22 years, turning 40 this year. we had children young ( 20&22) and we are financially stable thanks to his fifo and my job. a little about us- I am a ‘People pleaser’ and he is ‘selfish’. I... View more

Hi guys, first post. my husband and I have been together for 22 years, turning 40 this year. we had children young ( 20&22) and we are financially stable thanks to his fifo and my job. a little about us- I am a ‘People pleaser’ and he is ‘selfish’. I’m happy if those around me are happy and in genuinely happy to put others first. Husband is very driven, potential ADHD? and always on the go. Setting goals and achieving them. our relationship has been steadily declining over past 2 years and longer. He has brought up open relationships several times and he has a tinder account., says he is either hurting me or himself, saying he needs to be true to himself... says he needs to experience other people and experiences because he missed out on his 20’s- we were having children. says he is missing something- jigsaw puzzle. He is worried to give up what we have to chase the part he is unhappy with. We do have sex but in my opinion it is limited in emotional connection - I’m panicking I’m not going to be able to please him. my weight has been an issue (I’m not that large) and this has frustrated and angered him over the years as he says that I don’t do this thing he has asked etc etc so he is feeling that I dont sacrifice for him. i also think he may be a slight narcissist. how do you know when enough is enough? This is all I have known, but I feel super unloved and miserable. I don’t think I can make him happy anymore. And I’m trying to work out what my deal breakers are rather than be submissive to keep him happy- this is a struggle. i have suggested counseling but he is not keen. any advice appreciated.

Clear82 Relationship anxiety
  • replies: 5

Heya I have had a few bad break ups over the past two years and now I’ve been dating a new guy for 2 months. I can never just relax, I’m always thinking he will break up with me, I over think his text messages, I overthink when I haven’t heard from h... View more

Heya I have had a few bad break ups over the past two years and now I’ve been dating a new guy for 2 months. I can never just relax, I’m always thinking he will break up with me, I over think his text messages, I overthink when I haven’t heard from him. He also has a bit of anxiety and he has said a few times he just wants time to himself because his mind is all of the place. He tells me it’s nothing to do with me but then I ofcourse think it must be me and he will break up with me. sometimes I just think I should break up with him to just get it done with. anyone else can relationship anxiety? any tips? Just wish I didn’t think like this all the time! Have a great day!

PsychedelicFur Emotionally abusive and unavailable parents, what should I do?
  • replies: 14

Hello there, just to clarify before I get into any deeper details my life has not been overly horrible. I am appreciative with the fact that I have a roof over my head, I have food in my belly and I have the privilege of attending secondary school an... View more

Hello there, just to clarify before I get into any deeper details my life has not been overly horrible. I am appreciative with the fact that I have a roof over my head, I have food in my belly and I have the privilege of attending secondary school and going into to complete my last year of VCE. Ok, thank you for hearing in about my disclaimer. Let’s talk about mental health now! Both of my parents have always been emotionally abusive and unavailable. My mother is emotionally immature and unavailable. When I was a little girl I was never taught how to love myself and be confident with who I truly am. I was always taught to dislike ones looks and personality, considering that is what my mother brought forward when I spoke to her about self confidence. She never spoke to me about typical mother and daughter. I did not even properly know about puberty when I entered my early teens. Due to these circumstances I have always been the ‘lone wolf’ and ‘weird girl’ throughout school because I was never taught how to wear makeup, how to dress to fit in or how to behave in a particular way in order to grab the attention from others. There was a brief time in my junior years of primary school where I was getting bullied and I consulted my mother about the situation and she said “just make friends.” just to clarify also my mother had postnatal depression when I was born. So I have never known what proper affection is which actually means I have been exposed to some unhealthy relationships and friendships where people have taken advantage of me in many brutal and unfair ways. Due to the fact my mother taught me to not to love myself I have battled with hating my body, my looks etc in my earlier teen years. My mother would compare my body to other girls. Coming to my last few years of my teenage moments I have learnt how to love myself and I have grown an individual identity which allows me to be quirky and quintessential. I basically parented myself for the most part. on the other hand though my father can be quite emotionally abusive too. From the age of four and onwards because my mother has been emotionally unavailable I have been the “therapist” to assist with how to budget, how to deal with trauma etc. he has always come to me for advice, even at such a young age. This has put an enormous strain on my mental health considering my parents have just recently separated and now he needs me to be here more than ever. What should I do?