My relationship with my sister

[Ace.x-ray]

My sister, who is 3 years younger than me (she is 28 y.o and I am 30) and I are very close since childhood we would always hang out together in her room because she has a huge smart tv, watching videos on youtube, playing video games or watch movies. But last night (4th May) after dinner I went to her room so we can watch some tv together but as I sat down she told me that I don't need to hang out with her and that I don't need to watch whatever she is watching on tv and that I can do whatever I want. I just felt confused that this was our thing we would always do and now she just wants to get rid of me.

This upset my so much, she has been there through my tough times even with my anxiety and depression, but this just made it worse as I was already having one of those days when I feel blue and down. I don't know if she is sick of me hanging around her or that she needed some space because due to covid-19 she has to work from home and I know her job is hectic.

So I decided to leave her alone and go to my room sat down on the floor next to my bed and started crying uncontrollably. I have been rejected before due to not finding work and people who don't understand my shy and quiet personality. No one would want to talk to me as I kept quiet and to myself.

This has happened before but In decided to stay and watch tv with her which she didn't mind but this time it got to me and I don't know what to do. I still feel depressed and sad, today she went to her friends house. So I am not going to hang out with her in fear of her telling me off politely and will keep to myself in my room.

We still get along very well and never fight but I think that she would abandoned me, or that I need to live my own life and be independent which I still struggle to do as I lost my job and can't find one thanks to this pandemic. In just need some space to sort out my emotional state and maybe talk to my GP about this. When I was bullied at high school I had no friends and turned to her for comfort.

[ecomama]

Dear Ace.x-ray

I am so sorry you feel so sad about your sister's words last night. I know that some times I see the worst in someone's words, when they didn't mean it that way at all. I mostly feel that way when I am having a bad day or rough time of things. If I am feeling lighter then I take similar words in a lighter way.

Recently this happened with my children. Afterwards I wrote them a letter and left if for them to read when I went to work. It helped a lot. They opened up and talked to me about what has been upsetting them. It turns out they were reacting to things going on with THEM and I just happened to cop it a bit, but it wasn't about me. It's hard for me to open up about feelings that are difficult for me but this was a non-confrontational way that worked this time lol. Not sure if it will work next time but I'll stick with what works for now.

When I am sad about something that happened in a relationship, it sometimes helps for me to write a gratitude text or letter or card to that person. I want people around me to know that I value them. I know I don't show that nearly enough, so it's something I am working on. I guess we all want our favourite people to know how much we appreciate them. It is very warm receiving that kind of thing.

I am also sorry you lost your job ugghhhh, awful. Do you want to return to the same field or are you thinking of retraining? You don't have to answer my questions lol.
I hope you know that this is NOT your fault. The chaos in so many people's lives because of covid19 is quite immeasurable atm because everyone's at home but I am sure we will understand the impacts more over time.

I know we don't know each other but I am sure we'll get to know each other more from these forums. I am going to put it out there in case it helps, have you tried growing some food? Herbs are awesome to grow and yummy to eat too. It's so fun (and can be a little bit frustrating at times) but another lovely thing to get involved with is local community gardens. They are lovely places to visit and pick some food to take home for free. We have lots locally and there are lots of opportunities within them.

I will be thinking of you and hope you feel better soon.

Yours in a happier world.