Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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HowdyBird Friendship ended with ___, now overwhelming guilt is my best friend
  • replies: 2

I've got a close friend who has harboured this long time crush on me that I recently discovered bordered on an obsession. He's been struggling with depression and I was trying really hard not to lead him on while still supporting him, but I think he ... View more

I've got a close friend who has harboured this long time crush on me that I recently discovered bordered on an obsession. He's been struggling with depression and I was trying really hard not to lead him on while still supporting him, but I think he took it the wrong way. My group of friends decided that we'd pretend I'd gotten a boyfriend so he could get over it. But he took it really badly and ended up saying some disgusting things to another one of our friends about how he 'deserved me' and that he 'didn't think I was the kind of girl to go after anyone else'. I could have forgiven this in that it was said in the heat of the moment, but it's come to light that he's been saying some really sexist things and generally bullying people on reddit and other places too (he doesn't know we know this). We recommended he get some help, and I think he has, but I don't think I can forgive him enough to be his friend anymore. He doesn't have any other friends outside our group and he keeps saying some really depressing things. I feel really guilty that while I want him to get happier and find a support network, I don't really want to have to talk to him knowing what sort of person he was while I trusted him, and neither do most of our other friends. Should we tell him what we know and how we feel about this? I feel really guilty and I don't know what to do, but I'm not even in a good enough headspace myself to be able to deal with him.

Foxy_82 I'm not Lying ..
  • replies: 2

Something is really confusing me at home at the moment, and it's causing me to be quite anxious when I go to sleep. I also feel rather embarrassed by it and also extremely alone, as I don't even know if anyone else has had a similar issue.. and if yo... View more

Something is really confusing me at home at the moment, and it's causing me to be quite anxious when I go to sleep. I also feel rather embarrassed by it and also extremely alone, as I don't even know if anyone else has had a similar issue.. and if you have, please let me know how or if you fixed it. Bare with me as I try to explain - because for me, it's quite hard to pop into words. I've been with my partner for 10 years, and over the last 6 months or so we've been having a few issues, but in the last few weeks, something is coming up to which I see as paranoia, but my partner thinks i'm lying. At night as I try to go to sleep, I am at that point of drifting off, when my partner accuses me of , in no uncertain terms, "getting myself off". Apparently he can here things, I am moving my legs, and my hand, even though I sleep with my hands under my head because that's the most comfortable, and the only time they move is if I need to scratch my leg. I get angry, of course I do, because he always wants to talk about it when i'm about to go to sleep. The problem is, he thinks he's right and I am lying. It's gotten to a point that I now sleep with the light on, to prove nothing is going on. He says "why won't you just discuss it with me and talk about it".. to which I reply " there is nothing to discuss, because there is NOTHING going on." He gets offended that I would even say that nothing is happening, and then gets angry , slams doors and storms out of the house. Saying he feels used and that he feels like i'd rather do that, then have sex with him. Here's the thing, i'm not doing anything, all I want to do is sleep. That's it. So usually the next day I wake up to 10 or so text messages where he accuses me of all a range of stuff. I know that I am telling the truth, I KNOW that nothing is going on. I KNOW that when I go to the toilet i'm actually GOING to the toilet and I actually DO flush cause well if you don't that's gross. I'm just at a loss, I don't know what to do. No matter what I say, OR what I prove he still doesn't believe me. Please help .... because it's getting out of control.

Totally_lost They really don’t care
  • replies: 1

Hi ive been married 28 years but I can safely say I’ve been living a single life whilst married he give me no support at all mental or emotional Facebook is more of a partner to him than me. mt husband shows signs of not giving a damn about me. I hav... View more

Hi ive been married 28 years but I can safely say I’ve been living a single life whilst married he give me no support at all mental or emotional Facebook is more of a partner to him than me. mt husband shows signs of not giving a damn about me. I have cancer he never asks how I am he is more interested in everyone else. my family don’t care I have put off treatment to look after my mum n dad and no one asks I get judged and abused everyday and I’m very sick too sick to care about what happens next. I had a mini stroke in front of my husband and he did not even notice. I cry everyday automatically I’m unhappy all the time. I’m sick and can’t leave my parents Cos my siblings are living the dream wow what did I ever do to deserve this there is so much more but I’m just wasting my energy I suppose some family members are so stupid. There are signs of serious problems in front of their face and they refuse to see it I suppose they will when it’s too late. don’t know how much more I can take. I really don’t know why km still doing this. stupid I guess

Matchy69 Why is No such an hard word to say
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I have all my life struggled to say the word no to people and if i do i feel so bad and hate my self for saying no. I find it so hard to say no to my ex like her asking me to have the kids when she is supose to have them and just say yes even though ... View more

I have all my life struggled to say the word no to people and if i do i feel so bad and hate my self for saying no. I find it so hard to say no to my ex like her asking me to have the kids when she is supose to have them and just say yes even though i had plans or an appointment and just change them or cancel them. It is really hard to say no to the kids i give them everything they ask for.I feel like a bad parent at times but feel worst if I do say no as my son starts crying and it breaks my heart and makes me feel so bad. Why is this one little word so hard to say?

Lynkennard Trust issues in my marriage
  • replies: 14

Hi everyone ive been married for almost 10 years this year. And 3.5 years ago my third child was born and my husband had started talking to a girl from football (he plays football but that year he wanted to play mixed with men and women) without tell... View more

Hi everyone ive been married for almost 10 years this year. And 3.5 years ago my third child was born and my husband had started talking to a girl from football (he plays football but that year he wanted to play mixed with men and women) without telling me as he knew I wouldn’t be comfortable with it. I found out and I also found out he was talking to a girl from the team She was calling him about her problems and he was trying to be there for her and telling me it was nothing. He changed so much and we fought for months about her it wasn’t until I spoke to his mum and his mum spoke to him (and his brother as he played football with his brother also and he would’ve seen their chemistry) that he stopped talking to her. I don’t know if they’ve ever met up outside of football but I was left betrayed and shocked as he saw how much it affected me but only stopped when I got his mum involved. My problem over3 years later is I can’t let it go. We have tried to get better our sex life is amazing we try to take out our kids Out often and overall we are happy. But every night I get negative thoughts and I question him about his phone and when he tells me where he’s going I question him about who he speaks to and why. Every week we get into arguemwnts and he tells me I need help and I have trust issues because I won’t let it go. He told me u didn’t catch me in bed with anyone we were just talking and I get that but my insecurities have taken over and I feel subconsciously I want him to leave so I don’t have to deal with it anymore even though I love him and I know he loves me but I canT seem to forget how he hurt me. He tells me I need help or counseling as he’s over it I know I’m pushing him away and I don’t mean to but when I get thoughts in my head I need to speak to him and need reassurance. How have u dealt with a partner that hurt you like this I believe with all my heart there wasn’t anything sexual but I just felt betrayed and how can u heal as a person.

Roxas Can't keep going on
  • replies: 4

So last couple months have been tough. Been feeling so constantly down and worthless with nothing making me feel better. So for context in the last 12 months I've been working a new job which I love however its 12 hour shifts 3-4 days in a row someti... View more

So last couple months have been tough. Been feeling so constantly down and worthless with nothing making me feel better. So for context in the last 12 months I've been working a new job which I love however its 12 hour shifts 3-4 days in a row sometimes and can be stressful somedays. Wife of nearly 10 years is a stay at home mum who hates the fact shes home all day even though she wanted to quit her job and I told her at the time she would regret it. We have an 8 year old son together. So lately all we seem to do when I step in the door is fight and all my days off she would rather complain and argue then actual spend time together. We have had the talk and both have said that neither of us are happy and if it wasn't for our son we probably wouldn't be together anymore. We also have a house that will start being Built in 2 weeks so we're not sure what we're going to do with that. Nothing I ever do seems to be good enough, nothing makes her happy. Haven't felt emotionally connected to her in as long as I can remember. Feel trapped in a miserable marriage to be honest. Then out of nowhere a new girl starts working in my area. We instantly connect and become really good Friends really quickly. I find myself forming a deep emotional connection with her . At this point I start to try and distance myself from her as much as I can which is very difficult When you spend 12 hours a day working with someone. She starts to bring me in coffee and home cooked meals to work just so we can talk and spend time together. I had started working out at the gym to try and cheer myself up and then decided it would be a good idea to invite her to become my gym buddy as well. So at this point other coworkers and friends had pulled me aside and asked if there was anything Going on to which I told them no. Sure we had a deep emotional connection And flirted alot and spent alot of time together but I didn't want anything but friendshipfrlfriendship. A close friend told me that maybe I should ask her directly if shes into me or just being friendly to which I did. She said that shes into me hard but the timings Just bad because I'm married. After hearing her Say that I realise that I've been crushing hard on her as well. We still talk about it, spend time together, hug, do dinners. I feel everythings So easy with her and its pointing out all the flaws with my unhappy marriage. So thats my headspace. Unhappily Married, crushing hard on coworker, pressure is building up. Trapped

Bee27 constant panic attacks
  • replies: 11

Hi all, This is my first post on here so I hope it works! I have GAD and am most of the time under control. I also have panic disorder which doesn’t appear to affect me most the time. But once I have a panic attack, everything seems to unravel and I ... View more

Hi all, This is my first post on here so I hope it works! I have GAD and am most of the time under control. I also have panic disorder which doesn’t appear to affect me most the time. But once I have a panic attack, everything seems to unravel and I am left trying to pick myself back up again and get out of the fight/flight mode that seems to riddle me after I have an attack. It feels as though another panic attack is just around the corner. These panic attacks often last for hours on end and I struggle to even function. i am married with 3 young kids and life with husband has become rather dull. We seem to be less interested in each other and barely talk to each other unless it involves discussing the kids. about 5 months ago I started a physical and emotional affair with another married man. This was like nothing I had ever done. Is something I never ever thought I could possibly do...but I became addicted. I did suffer pangs of guilt here and there but was so caught up in the new feelings of being wanted and heard that I was always able to override the guilt. this weekend however, the guilt has hit me like a freight train. I don’t want to lose my husband or my children and I don’t want to break up my family. I know if I tell my husband that our relationship would be completely done. But the guilt is so heavy it makes me want to confess. In the past when having a panic attack, confessing to something I’m guilty of has helped me get over the panic... usually it’s something very silly such as a thought that popped into my mind or a tiny white lie I might have told. My husband usually laughs and says don’t worry about it. And then I can move on. im worried that telling him this is more for my benefit of being able to confess and feel better rather than benefiting him. I know that it’s not ideal hiding this from him but to tell him would tear my family apart, and my kids and he would suffer. im hoping I can learn to get out of the panic cycle without having a “confession” and looking for any guidance. I know that having an affair is truly an awful thing to do and I’m sorry that I ever got into it. I’m still trying to figure out how I even got there when it is so far out my normal thinking to even consider one. please don’t post any negativity about the affair as I already feel guilty enough and am just looking for help. If youve come this far, Thanks for reading.

Luambery Losing a family member to a narcissistic partner
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Hi everyone, I am posting as a concerned sister. My brother has been with his girlfriend for nearly three years. My brother was a very affable and social guy. Had the thousands of friends on social media, always came to family events with a smile, dr... View more

Hi everyone, I am posting as a concerned sister. My brother has been with his girlfriend for nearly three years. My brother was a very affable and social guy. Had the thousands of friends on social media, always came to family events with a smile, dropped in to see me and my children at least once every two days, went past Mum and Dads nearly daily for a run with Dad and to raid Mum's pantry. When he started dating his now fiance, we all welcomed her warmly. We loved her independence and confidence in her seemingly responsible life. We thought it would be a good influence on our show pony. However as time went on, little things happened like my brother forgetting a birthday, my brother not attending dinners because her brothers or family were having something, my brother not attending family business meetings (he has asked previously to be in our family business). He then moved out with her, fairly normal for their age but concerning as the control of his time began to tighten. His job was changed, his sports stopped, his involvement with the family business cut off. There were attempts of sabotage where she would tell him in front of my parents not to sign director documents until she had gone over them fully. Then, she got pregnant. My little family was cut off. I wasn't allowed to celebrate the birth of my niece and my mother and sister had to 'book an appointment' to visit. After seven weeks, my mother was told off for sharing photos of her granddaughter. 1 month after that she wasn't allowed to have any photos at all of the baby. The child turns one next week. My brother has completely cut himself off from my parents, he has blocked us all on his phone and he has deleted his social media. He doesn't catch up with friends or return grandparents phone calls. He lies as to why he is 'busy' to cover a lot up. He has threatened a restraining order on our mother if she tries to ever contact him. My parents are devastated, my father cant see past that this is mental abuse rather than bad behaviour. I am deeply concerned for my brother and for my niece and what they are subjected to. Through mutual friends, I met her exboyfriend. He got out, he said. He didn't see his family for 4 years and the reason they broke up, was because he wouldn't have a baby with her. What can I do or offer or anything to make this situation shift? I'm not a do nothing person, I can't close the door on him... Thank you for listening L

prickly cactus I need some advice on my relationship
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Me and my boyfriend have been being together for almost 3 years. Things were ok for the first year and a half of our relationship but argument started especially from last year. Most of them are because of his negativity towards his job and life in g... View more

Me and my boyfriend have been being together for almost 3 years. Things were ok for the first year and a half of our relationship but argument started especially from last year. Most of them are because of his negativity towards his job and life in general (things like politician's attitude can piss him off). That makes him a constant low energy level and he fails to commit things that he promised to do with me. There are several nearly-breakup moments over our relationship mostly because of our argument about his attitude. However he regretted saying breaking up afterwards but I was heartbroken every time he did that. Last year on my birthday, we were watching tv and chilling in the house and the atmosphere were fine but later we separated for a while and he ended up with a reluctant attitude when visiting me at night. He said " I wouldn't be here if today it's not your birthday". Even the next day he apologised, it hurt me so much. I tried to communicate to sort what he need and how he is feeling and we did ok for the next 2 months. However his strange attitude has started again lately. I invited him to our family dinner as me and my family are living in different country currently and I think it is a great chance to introduce him to my family and build the bond. He agreed to attend the day before when I asked him and on the day he said he felt shit from work and with low self-confidence and anxiety that makes him unwilling to socialise. He confessed the fact that he has been pretending to be kind to me. I was so upset with what he said cause he has been using an excuse of "not feeling great" to refuse to do what he has promised. We have just agreed to have another break on our relationship but I am not really sure if that will work if his attitude going around in-circle. There are small difficult moments that I don't mention there. I still love my boyfriend so I dont want to give up so easily but I am also heartbroken at the same times. His mood changes so often that makes me feel so insecure about the relationship. I doubt he has any mental issue as there's a depression issue in his family history (his dad and brother suffered from depression before).

cmargaret I don't know how to help my partner
  • replies: 6

Hi all, I have been noticing many changes in my partner for a while now and no matter how hard I try he keeps getting worse. He talks about struggling to see his worth and has admitted to me that he feels like passing on whenever a problem arises. I ... View more

Hi all, I have been noticing many changes in my partner for a while now and no matter how hard I try he keeps getting worse. He talks about struggling to see his worth and has admitted to me that he feels like passing on whenever a problem arises. I have tried suggesting strategies I have used in the past for similar feelings but he only gets mad and says nasty things towards me whenever I bring it up and refuses to acknowledge any problems. He has started becoming insecure about his job, family and our relationship. He is always angry coming home from work because his bosses have made snide remarks about him and I know he holds onto it for weeks, making him feel useless. His father has a problem with drugs and I have witnessed how this effects his communication and temper with his wife and my partner, calling them horrible names and yelling degrading things about them. He told me that it has always been like that. As a child his parents favoured his younger brother and wouldn't let him do any after school activities with friends because all their money, time and attention was spent on his brother. To this day he doesn't say anything at social events and he cannot hold a conversation, even being on his phone for the whole time we visit his grandparents. I have caught him going through my phone messages and he gets mad at me when he sees that another man has liked one of my photos on social media, I have to constantly reassure him of my love. I am studying engineering so most of my uni friends are male and this really bothers him, he cannot stand the fact that I am in required group chats with boys for my projects where we only discuss our course, but if I try to talk to him about the intimate messages he has sent to other girls during our relationship he tells me I'm being crazy. He expects me to sit around while he works on his car for hours and gets angry and ignores me when I say that I can't make it. Whenever I bring up things I would like to discuss about our relationship he gets so defensive and victimises himself and blames me for his unhappiness. He constantly dwells on the fact that I have had a boyfriend before him and has told me that he will never be able to get over it. He only ever uses his childhood as an explanation for his insecure behaviour and I don't think he has ever grown into someone seperate from those experiences. I know he is an amazing person and I absolutely love him, but I am scared of loosing myself again. How can I help?