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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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TNS Supporting my 19 yo daughter with anxiety and depression when I suffer with low mood as well
  • replies: 3

Hey there I just need some help to try and navigate this new tricky period in my and my daughter's life. My daughter is 19 yo and amazing. She initiated going on exchange in yr 10 and spent a year OS doing her entire year in another language. A few m... View more

Hey there I just need some help to try and navigate this new tricky period in my and my daughter's life. My daughter is 19 yo and amazing. She initiated going on exchange in yr 10 and spent a year OS doing her entire year in another language. A few months before she left she sought support for anxiety - received psych support and counselling and learnt to self manage really well. Now 3 years on she has finished high school (did brilliantly) and embarked on a gap year. In the last few months of school her anxiety and now depression crept back in - very understandably. She sought a doctor, counselling, psych support and started meds. Now she seems to be struggling still and we are having some difficulty navigating this new stage of life. She is working, frequently exhausted with very low energy. We clash and I get a little frustrated with the lack of help around home and we don't flow like we used to. I suffer from low mood intermittently and probably don't help matters. Im really unsure how to navigate this new path. I want to help her through this next stage in life but im not sure how. She also has a lovely boyfriend but he too suffers with depression and I fear she is using her positive energy for supporting him and not so much herself. She says this is soo not the case and he actually helps to lift her mood. I would be super grateful for someone who may have walked a similar path Thanks in advance

Emjai Marriage breakdown - what do I do now?
  • replies: 6

My husband and I realised a year or two ago that we’d slipped from the routine of parenting into a huge rut. We talked about back then, as we were both feeling bleh, & knew we needed to work on our marriage, & change things up in our life in general.... View more

My husband and I realised a year or two ago that we’d slipped from the routine of parenting into a huge rut. We talked about back then, as we were both feeling bleh, & knew we needed to work on our marriage, & change things up in our life in general. But for whatever reason (tired, busy, out of ideas,etc), we didn’t change anything. He has been distant for most of last year (which I stupidly put down to work stress & tired), but the last few months he was shutting me out, barely talking to me & hardly ever touching me. One morning recently he was super cranky at our daughter, so after drop offs I sent him a text asking what was going on (wasn’t sure he’d say much cos I had asked him regularly if he was okay over the last year). And he said he couldn’t keep going the way things are. We went to a marriage counsellor on Friday last week, & he opened up & said he wanted out of our marriage. Things haven’t changed & he can’t do it anymore. The counsellor basically said there’s no point doing more sessions cos he’s clearly made up his mind that this is over... I think that hurt nearly as much as him verbalising it. I’m devastated, & now I’m the one who is shutting down. I don’t even know how to talk to him now. He seems lighter now that the elephant isn’t in the room, which is good & I am genuinely happy that he seems happier. It’s been the longest of long weekends ever though. Somehow so far our daughter hasn’t asked any questions, but she must have noticed I’m sad cos I have been getting lots of hugs & I love yous from her. But what the hell do I do now? We’ve been married nearly 12yrs - every part of our lives are pretty entangled! We’ve got invitations to parties or events & I can’t bring myself to respond if they’re more than a week away I can’t even figure out if I want to tell anyone yet (& how do I do that?!), cos that will make it real.

crybaby2 constant pressure from mother
  • replies: 3

hey, this is the first time i’ve ever done anything for the benefit of my mental health, but i think if i write this out and seek for advice it would help me a lot. For some context, i’m vietnamese with typical asian parents. Lately my mum has just b... View more

hey, this is the first time i’ve ever done anything for the benefit of my mental health, but i think if i write this out and seek for advice it would help me a lot. For some context, i’m vietnamese with typical asian parents. Lately my mum has just been adding so much more pressure on me and i don’t know what to do. she’s always put pressure on me to do better than everyone else at school and get the best grades possibly. At times i’m certain she doesn’t even care about my mental health. it’s my final year of high school and i just failed a test in human biology. My teacher called my mum about it, which is understandable, but my mum had a whole fit. she yelled at me for a good 30 minutes on how i should’ve studied harder and how other kids are doing better and that i need to be the best. i can’t, i’m just not the best in that subject. in fact its not even a topic that i will need in any of my desired careers in the future. i get that she wants the best for me, but she doesn’t need to be adding this extra stress? what truely hurts is that i cry myself to sleep sometimes because of it. i think about what it would be like if i was just dead, but i know i’m too scared to actually do that to myself. i just can’t take it anymore. i feel so taken for granted because i really am trying and it’s just not enough for anyone, especially my mum. She thinks taking my phone or making me break up with my boyfriend or even talk less to my friends will help make me smarter and bring up my grades, but what she fails to understand is that they are the only things right now that make me feel like life is worth living. they are the only outlet i have from the constant school work. How do i tell her that this is my life i’m living and not follow how she wants me to live? also regarding the pressure, she wants me to go to university through a direct atar pathway when i have told her multiple times that there are many ways to go to uni now. She really doesn’t seem to care for my mental health and see that i’m just not coping well right now. i’m just exhausted at telling her how i want to live and how things can be so much simpler. i really just don’t know what to do. please send any advice

Who_am_i_ How am I you ask!
  • replies: 4

Always worried about how others are and always asking how I can help them, sometimes I would like to be asked the same. Sometimes it’s nice to be told your loved or missed! Why, how and what can I do for people to ask me for a change? No one seems to... View more

Always worried about how others are and always asking how I can help them, sometimes I would like to be asked the same. Sometimes it’s nice to be told your loved or missed! Why, how and what can I do for people to ask me for a change? No one seems to listen when I even try to start. Where does the conversation start?

HowdyBird Friendship ended with ___, now overwhelming guilt is my best friend
  • replies: 2

I've got a close friend who has harboured this long time crush on me that I recently discovered bordered on an obsession. He's been struggling with depression and I was trying really hard not to lead him on while still supporting him, but I think he ... View more

I've got a close friend who has harboured this long time crush on me that I recently discovered bordered on an obsession. He's been struggling with depression and I was trying really hard not to lead him on while still supporting him, but I think he took it the wrong way. My group of friends decided that we'd pretend I'd gotten a boyfriend so he could get over it. But he took it really badly and ended up saying some disgusting things to another one of our friends about how he 'deserved me' and that he 'didn't think I was the kind of girl to go after anyone else'. I could have forgiven this in that it was said in the heat of the moment, but it's come to light that he's been saying some really sexist things and generally bullying people on reddit and other places too (he doesn't know we know this). We recommended he get some help, and I think he has, but I don't think I can forgive him enough to be his friend anymore. He doesn't have any other friends outside our group and he keeps saying some really depressing things. I feel really guilty that while I want him to get happier and find a support network, I don't really want to have to talk to him knowing what sort of person he was while I trusted him, and neither do most of our other friends. Should we tell him what we know and how we feel about this? I feel really guilty and I don't know what to do, but I'm not even in a good enough headspace myself to be able to deal with him.

Foxy_82 I'm not Lying ..
  • replies: 2

Something is really confusing me at home at the moment, and it's causing me to be quite anxious when I go to sleep. I also feel rather embarrassed by it and also extremely alone, as I don't even know if anyone else has had a similar issue.. and if yo... View more

Something is really confusing me at home at the moment, and it's causing me to be quite anxious when I go to sleep. I also feel rather embarrassed by it and also extremely alone, as I don't even know if anyone else has had a similar issue.. and if you have, please let me know how or if you fixed it. Bare with me as I try to explain - because for me, it's quite hard to pop into words. I've been with my partner for 10 years, and over the last 6 months or so we've been having a few issues, but in the last few weeks, something is coming up to which I see as paranoia, but my partner thinks i'm lying. At night as I try to go to sleep, I am at that point of drifting off, when my partner accuses me of , in no uncertain terms, "getting myself off". Apparently he can here things, I am moving my legs, and my hand, even though I sleep with my hands under my head because that's the most comfortable, and the only time they move is if I need to scratch my leg. I get angry, of course I do, because he always wants to talk about it when i'm about to go to sleep. The problem is, he thinks he's right and I am lying. It's gotten to a point that I now sleep with the light on, to prove nothing is going on. He says "why won't you just discuss it with me and talk about it".. to which I reply " there is nothing to discuss, because there is NOTHING going on." He gets offended that I would even say that nothing is happening, and then gets angry , slams doors and storms out of the house. Saying he feels used and that he feels like i'd rather do that, then have sex with him. Here's the thing, i'm not doing anything, all I want to do is sleep. That's it. So usually the next day I wake up to 10 or so text messages where he accuses me of all a range of stuff. I know that I am telling the truth, I KNOW that nothing is going on. I KNOW that when I go to the toilet i'm actually GOING to the toilet and I actually DO flush cause well if you don't that's gross. I'm just at a loss, I don't know what to do. No matter what I say, OR what I prove he still doesn't believe me. Please help .... because it's getting out of control.

Totally_lost They really don’t care
  • replies: 1

Hi ive been married 28 years but I can safely say I’ve been living a single life whilst married he give me no support at all mental or emotional Facebook is more of a partner to him than me. mt husband shows signs of not giving a damn about me. I hav... View more

Hi ive been married 28 years but I can safely say I’ve been living a single life whilst married he give me no support at all mental or emotional Facebook is more of a partner to him than me. mt husband shows signs of not giving a damn about me. I have cancer he never asks how I am he is more interested in everyone else. my family don’t care I have put off treatment to look after my mum n dad and no one asks I get judged and abused everyday and I’m very sick too sick to care about what happens next. I had a mini stroke in front of my husband and he did not even notice. I cry everyday automatically I’m unhappy all the time. I’m sick and can’t leave my parents Cos my siblings are living the dream wow what did I ever do to deserve this there is so much more but I’m just wasting my energy I suppose some family members are so stupid. There are signs of serious problems in front of their face and they refuse to see it I suppose they will when it’s too late. don’t know how much more I can take. I really don’t know why km still doing this. stupid I guess

Matchy69 Why is No such an hard word to say
  • replies: 22

I have all my life struggled to say the word no to people and if i do i feel so bad and hate my self for saying no. I find it so hard to say no to my ex like her asking me to have the kids when she is supose to have them and just say yes even though ... View more

I have all my life struggled to say the word no to people and if i do i feel so bad and hate my self for saying no. I find it so hard to say no to my ex like her asking me to have the kids when she is supose to have them and just say yes even though i had plans or an appointment and just change them or cancel them. It is really hard to say no to the kids i give them everything they ask for.I feel like a bad parent at times but feel worst if I do say no as my son starts crying and it breaks my heart and makes me feel so bad. Why is this one little word so hard to say?

Lynkennard Trust issues in my marriage
  • replies: 14

Hi everyone ive been married for almost 10 years this year. And 3.5 years ago my third child was born and my husband had started talking to a girl from football (he plays football but that year he wanted to play mixed with men and women) without tell... View more

Hi everyone ive been married for almost 10 years this year. And 3.5 years ago my third child was born and my husband had started talking to a girl from football (he plays football but that year he wanted to play mixed with men and women) without telling me as he knew I wouldn’t be comfortable with it. I found out and I also found out he was talking to a girl from the team She was calling him about her problems and he was trying to be there for her and telling me it was nothing. He changed so much and we fought for months about her it wasn’t until I spoke to his mum and his mum spoke to him (and his brother as he played football with his brother also and he would’ve seen their chemistry) that he stopped talking to her. I don’t know if they’ve ever met up outside of football but I was left betrayed and shocked as he saw how much it affected me but only stopped when I got his mum involved. My problem over3 years later is I can’t let it go. We have tried to get better our sex life is amazing we try to take out our kids Out often and overall we are happy. But every night I get negative thoughts and I question him about his phone and when he tells me where he’s going I question him about who he speaks to and why. Every week we get into arguemwnts and he tells me I need help and I have trust issues because I won’t let it go. He told me u didn’t catch me in bed with anyone we were just talking and I get that but my insecurities have taken over and I feel subconsciously I want him to leave so I don’t have to deal with it anymore even though I love him and I know he loves me but I canT seem to forget how he hurt me. He tells me I need help or counseling as he’s over it I know I’m pushing him away and I don’t mean to but when I get thoughts in my head I need to speak to him and need reassurance. How have u dealt with a partner that hurt you like this I believe with all my heart there wasn’t anything sexual but I just felt betrayed and how can u heal as a person.

Roxas Can't keep going on
  • replies: 4

So last couple months have been tough. Been feeling so constantly down and worthless with nothing making me feel better. So for context in the last 12 months I've been working a new job which I love however its 12 hour shifts 3-4 days in a row someti... View more

So last couple months have been tough. Been feeling so constantly down and worthless with nothing making me feel better. So for context in the last 12 months I've been working a new job which I love however its 12 hour shifts 3-4 days in a row sometimes and can be stressful somedays. Wife of nearly 10 years is a stay at home mum who hates the fact shes home all day even though she wanted to quit her job and I told her at the time she would regret it. We have an 8 year old son together. So lately all we seem to do when I step in the door is fight and all my days off she would rather complain and argue then actual spend time together. We have had the talk and both have said that neither of us are happy and if it wasn't for our son we probably wouldn't be together anymore. We also have a house that will start being Built in 2 weeks so we're not sure what we're going to do with that. Nothing I ever do seems to be good enough, nothing makes her happy. Haven't felt emotionally connected to her in as long as I can remember. Feel trapped in a miserable marriage to be honest. Then out of nowhere a new girl starts working in my area. We instantly connect and become really good Friends really quickly. I find myself forming a deep emotional connection with her . At this point I start to try and distance myself from her as much as I can which is very difficult When you spend 12 hours a day working with someone. She starts to bring me in coffee and home cooked meals to work just so we can talk and spend time together. I had started working out at the gym to try and cheer myself up and then decided it would be a good idea to invite her to become my gym buddy as well. So at this point other coworkers and friends had pulled me aside and asked if there was anything Going on to which I told them no. Sure we had a deep emotional connection And flirted alot and spent alot of time together but I didn't want anything but friendshipfrlfriendship. A close friend told me that maybe I should ask her directly if shes into me or just being friendly to which I did. She said that shes into me hard but the timings Just bad because I'm married. After hearing her Say that I realise that I've been crushing hard on her as well. We still talk about it, spend time together, hug, do dinners. I feel everythings So easy with her and its pointing out all the flaws with my unhappy marriage. So thats my headspace. Unhappily Married, crushing hard on coworker, pressure is building up. Trapped