Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

Mr K Accepting that separation from wife is a matter of when and not will, what are my first/next steps, I have two young children that I cherish.
  • replies: 55

After a long time of fluctuating between hopelessness and hope I've finally started the process of accepting that my marriage is over and separation is only a matter of when not if. I don't know where to start though, I've been so reliant on my wife ... View more

After a long time of fluctuating between hopelessness and hope I've finally started the process of accepting that my marriage is over and separation is only a matter of when not if. I don't know where to start though, I've been so reliant on my wife for years that I don't know how to manage money, super, tax etc. Never mind how do I tell my beautiful children? How will I cope with being a single Dad hopefully with at least shared custody. How the hell do I manage working full time and dropping kids at school and day care it seems impossible and terribly hard on the children. I'm so time poor whereas my wife only works two days each week and has had a much longer time to process this stuff. I don't even have family here in Australia as I'm a permanent resident, does that status make a difference? I don't know where to start and I desperately want to do the best thing for my little girls. I earn a decent wage but i'm completely naive about how Super works, my wife has always taken care of stuff like that and I never dreamed we would separate. I know other people cope and hope that some informed advice will help me process this nightmare. I've told my parents which was very difficult and a huge step in accepting things but being overseas they are unable to help. How do I get through this and minimise any harm to my kids. I'm 45yo but feel like a lost child myself.

Just_me85 Help about Child Custody and Separation
  • replies: 2

Please help me with my situation. I need to know what to do. I am an Asian and I don't have any family here. I want to leave my husband because I had enough of all the stress that he cause to me and our kids. We bith sleep in a different room and nev... View more

Please help me with my situation. I need to know what to do. I am an Asian and I don't have any family here. I want to leave my husband because I had enough of all the stress that he cause to me and our kids. We bith sleep in a different room and never had sex since January. Everytime I talk to him about our relationship problem he is always says he is busy or he is tired from work. If I said I want seperation he always says I can leave anytime I want but I'm not allowed to take our kids. I want to make the seperation properly like child custody and stuff like that. I don't care about the child support, money or anything from him, I just want my kids, my happiness and my freedom.

Realityunknown Online spending
  • replies: 2

I’m a mother of 2, and have been in a relationship going on 11 years and both first relationship and we fell pregnant with 1st daughter 3 months in. I have for some time considered he is Narcissistic, as soon as I was pregnant he changed. I cook, cle... View more

I’m a mother of 2, and have been in a relationship going on 11 years and both first relationship and we fell pregnant with 1st daughter 3 months in. I have for some time considered he is Narcissistic, as soon as I was pregnant he changed. I cook, clean, do the laundry and do all the driving(he does not drive never tried to/wanted to). Without recognition. We have had past issues that led to Him having regular outburst that were quite extreme and lasted with days of what I can only describe as absolute emotional and psychological torment. Made me feel like I was going crazy. For the past 3 years he has been at his best in regards to no more extreme outbursts this is due to me separating from him for 6 months. Still has moods but sorts it himself Until 4 months ago, he has his online game That he puts money on, use to be $150 a month. But it now becoming numerous times in a week, he is competing with people who are spending tens of thousands of dollars, but it is all about being the strongest and toughest and this game is consuming his life, you cannot talk to him when he is on his game as he does not even notice you. He has two others he knows in his life that play it too, one who does not spend and the other who does but can afford to do so. It usually goes like this he will buy one deal worth the $150 and he will be happy for a while but he will start sending me screen shot pictures of these other deals and saying “if you love me you would buy it” but still making it as a joke and usually will use and comments like “if we can’t that’s fine”. But when I don’t and he knows we have some money left, he will Start to get moody and make remarks like ”I’ll have to just spend more now ” or ” dont complain when all my pay Has gone on the game because I have to catch up to others. etc. if I question him too much about his spending and all the bills we have to pay he turns it on me saying I’m acting crazy and that he said if we didn’t have it not to worry. then completely ignores me with a silent treatment with my responses, turns things on me, constantly messages me, then goes of topic with something else and accuses me of Other things. starts saying I do more for everyone else and not enough for our family. I wake up to him saying things throughout the night about me. He does not see he is doing anything wrong. He says others can drink alcohol or buy caravans why can’t he spend money on his game if he enjoys it. what can I do??? Any advice?

Missunderstood_01 I need some advice.
  • replies: 2

Ive been in this relationship for 4 years now. We moved up to the country when my partner lost his job and my family couldnt help but his dad could. So we moved in with him. It was only suposed to be for a few months this till we both got work and co... View more

Ive been in this relationship for 4 years now. We moved up to the country when my partner lost his job and my family couldnt help but his dad could. So we moved in with him. It was only suposed to be for a few months this till we both got work and could find our own place. I got fulltime work and he could not. So he was on the dole untill recently. This was then nearly a year and a half. We needed to move out of his fathers rental as it was being sold. I figured we would find our own place but he said his dad couldnt afford to live on his own. I didnt want him to come along but he begged and i agreed. Weve all signed into a two year lease and he keeps promising his dad will travel and go and we can be left alone. This changes every so often to he has to stay because he is to old to look after himself and he is too depressed. This id a man that only now after years of crime, alchole abuse and dug abuse thats decided to somehwat take care of himself. I grt it's his father but i didn't sign up to have him around 24/7 because he abuses smoke all the time he wont have anyone around to look after him. Ive tried to get along and ive tried to be ok with it but my biggest problem is, I'm in this relationship with his son not him. I want his son my partner around. I cant be myself with someones parent around 24/7. Hell i can't even do anything without it being wrong becauae its not what he would do. His dad dispite knowing how i feel wont leave. Threatens too when we ague but wont leave. Ive even asked if i could move out into my own place but if i do that then he says i dont care or love him and just want to leave. We argue so much money is tight and even harder to watch when he goes out of his way to pay for stuff for his dad then has the nerve to tell me off if i dont have money to contribute more. I know its his dad i get that but why csnt he do this in his own home? I'm so upset all the time and i hate coming home because i know ill see him and hes always running around doing shit for him. I just want to know if I'm overeacting or if what im feeling it ok.

Clare72 Alcoholic son
  • replies: 3

Don't know if I am in the right area but my son who is 50 is an alcoholic. He lives with us and causes us such stress as he calls us all sorts of names. He has not been violent but can be very abusive. We took him in several years ago after his wife ... View more

Don't know if I am in the right area but my son who is 50 is an alcoholic. He lives with us and causes us such stress as he calls us all sorts of names. He has not been violent but can be very abusive. We took him in several years ago after his wife left him and he had no where to go. I have asked many times for him to leave but he just ignores me. He has been having treatment for PTS for many years but there has been no improvement. The doctor just keeps giving him more and more heavy drugs. I don't know what to do.

Nikkibear He doesn’t understand
  • replies: 4

Both my partner and I suffer from anxiety and depression and work in progressions that deal with mental health. a few weeks ago I told my partner that I have been feeling suicidal again which I didn’t want to do because I don’t want extra attention f... View more

Both my partner and I suffer from anxiety and depression and work in progressions that deal with mental health. a few weeks ago I told my partner that I have been feeling suicidal again which I didn’t want to do because I don’t want extra attention from him, I just want to be me. He has been asking me how I feel since and my responses have been “ok” or “good” he keeps reacting to this as me keeping my feelings inside. I tried to explain to him that me being ok is me actually being ok because I’m alive today. I feel like the best I can be is alive right now. We have also been fighting heaps and he keeps throwing it in my face that I am not fighting for us anymore. I told him I have no fight in me for anything at the moment. I love him and no doubt I am pushing him away because right now I don’t want to be alive let alone fight to be alive. I just want him to be there and be normal. Why can’t he give me that! It takes a lot for me to open up. Maybe I need to let him walk away so he doesn’t have to deal with my depression. I always feel like it’s not ok for me not be ok when I am around him.

Summer_Time_Rain Homesickness/Separation Anxiety as an Adult.
  • replies: 1

I moved out of home this time last year (to a different state) and really struggled with homesickness. It has now been 12 months and I thought the homesickness would have pasted, but it honestly feels exactly the same as when I first left. I feel lik... View more

I moved out of home this time last year (to a different state) and really struggled with homesickness. It has now been 12 months and I thought the homesickness would have pasted, but it honestly feels exactly the same as when I first left. I feel like crying when I'm alone and think about home or my family, I have nightmares and trouble sleeping and often feel super anxious for no reason. Part of me is telling myself to go home because I will be alot happier there, however I will be giving up a massive career pathway. I don't want to leave if this homesickness phase will end but at this current point in time I can't see myself being happy here. I live everyday counting down til the next time I get to go home or see my family again, which I feel is an unhealthy way of living - Counting down rather than enjoying every day as it comes. Has anyone experienced this and found ways of over coming it, or any general tips to making my days a bit brighter? Thank you!

Bec2014 Partner always away for work, stress taking a toll on relationship and mental health
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone, my husband travels a lot for work, domestically at least twice a week and internationally about five times a year. I’m a self-employed mum who works at home while looking after our two-year-old, and another baby on the way. Husband has j... View more

Hi everyone, my husband travels a lot for work, domestically at least twice a week and internationally about five times a year. I’m a self-employed mum who works at home while looking after our two-year-old, and another baby on the way. Husband has just returned from two weeks abroad and I have found it extremely difficult on my own. Our two year old is going through a rough patch and not sleeping, which in turn means I have sleep deprivation and that seems to make my morning sickness worse. As such, I haven’t been able to complete work and deadlines are piling up. He’s come home and just completely oblivious (or unwilling to see) that I am extremely rundown, and this happens after most trips. Our intimacy is non-existent and I often feel alone. Because I freelance and work largely from home, he really doesn’t take my employment seriously (as I’m also not breadwinner), but the work is more for my mental balance than anything! He maintains that he truly does believe in an equal parenting balance, but it doesn’t happen. I do all the running around and am left to do work in whatever night hours I can steal at the moment. When my husband is home, he’ll be on his computer catching up on work. I’ve sat down with him several times to explain my health is affected and I’d appreciate a cut down on work travel, at which point he gets defensive and quite sulky. I’m well aware there are other parents In his company and flexibility would be available if he asked for it. I am absolutely terrified at the thought of not being able to handle two children and as such, feel incredibly incompetent. I’ve also suggested counselling but admittedly there’s been no follow-through from either of us. Thank you to those who have read my rambling thus far. I’m just trying to get some advice on partners in a similar situation - how did you make the parenting balance truly equal for both of you? I do find it quite hard at the moment and the lack of balance or respect for my needs is really making me resentful and I do worry that I might be better off alone. I’d hate for our relationship to end on account of his work. thank you

Courtlee Feeling out of place and relationship troubles with my mum
  • replies: 1

So I have recently enrolled in to tafe and it will take up 5 days a week from 9 to 5. Leaving me with only the weekends to work. Before enrolling I asked my mum if I could live with her until tafe has finished(6 months). Now all of a sudden she has t... View more

So I have recently enrolled in to tafe and it will take up 5 days a week from 9 to 5. Leaving me with only the weekends to work. Before enrolling I asked my mum if I could live with her until tafe has finished(6 months). Now all of a sudden she has told me that she is planning to move to a 2 bedroom house that will only fit her and my sister. It’s made me really upset as I always feel like she loves my sister way more than me and does not care about my feelings or me at all. It has really upset me and I don’t know what to do about it. I would not have started to study if I knew she was going to move and I thought she should of let me know before I started my course and made a life changing decision.

Sufferinginsilence Not sure what to do
  • replies: 4

This is my first time reaching out like this. Not sure what to do, long story short my wife has family in NSW we lived in WA. She wanted to be closer to her family we went to visit over christmas and in that time she accepted a transfer and stayed th... View more

This is my first time reaching out like this. Not sure what to do, long story short my wife has family in NSW we lived in WA. She wanted to be closer to her family we went to visit over christmas and in that time she accepted a transfer and stayed there with my 2 kids 2 year old and a nearly 1 year old. We had planned to move together but instead she decided to move straight away. A week after i got to perth I recieved a really long text message saying that she has decided that she no longer wants to be with me anymore and its not worth doing long distance. I have tried to work this out. Now because of this i very intermitantely get to speak to my kids. She rings me every night just to keep the peace. It seems like she had planned this and not told me. If i want to see my kids i have to move over east to try and reconcile things, its crushing me as we were happy while on holiday. When i call her she is always "busy" and i just recieve one word answers to everything. I cant move until april but im at a loss what to do. I love her but it seems like she doesnt love me anymore.