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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Nervybella Flaky friends, or am I over- invested?
  • replies: 2

Hi all Havent posted here for a while. I’m feeling pretty sad about a recent situation. I have a friend (been close friends for over 20 years). We catch up semi regularly and I would say have a good relationship. however... this friend often cancels ... View more

Hi all Havent posted here for a while. I’m feeling pretty sad about a recent situation. I have a friend (been close friends for over 20 years). We catch up semi regularly and I would say have a good relationship. however... this friend often cancels or changes plans on me last minute and for seemingly poor reasons. Latest example: due to meet for dinner at 6pm. It’s 5:30 so I am dressed and ready to meet up. Get a text to say “mum needs my help with something at home so can we meet at 9pm instead”. I answer and say sorry but no, I have work tomorrow to that’s too late for me... so we plan to reschedule another day I can’t help but feel like I am more invested in this relationship. If I say I’ll do something, meet someone etc I keep my word. Doesn’t having plans mean you don’t then take on another plan with someone else? Do you ditch the plan because something better comes up? Id love to know if anyone else has had friends like this and if so, what have you done? im not a confrontational person but really feeling like something needs to be said... best Bella

Ashh1 He'd rather lie to me than leave me
  • replies: 3

It started on Saturday with me taking care of my partner cause he was sick and yet again cancelling the first pair of his friends that I was ever going to meet. We have been talking to each other since Jan'19 and started dating in June'19. Because he... View more

It started on Saturday with me taking care of my partner cause he was sick and yet again cancelling the first pair of his friends that I was ever going to meet. We have been talking to each other since Jan'19 and started dating in June'19. Because he had gastro, Sunday morning i had some gut instinct that told me he had eaten crap and was lying to me, so went to check his uber eats. Then came across snapchat which he claimed he didnt know to use, we would always do funny ones on my phone. So i thought Id surprise him and add me on his chat and send him funny pics. But boy when I opened the snap chat i saw that there were a trail of messages and photos sent to his ex as recent as Jan 3rd (Now you have to know it is very uncharacteristic and against my own principle to snoop through someone's phone) The messages were not innocent at all, he was calling her a dirty bitch, both were claiming to have feelings for each other and the kick in the gut was the day before I left to Vanuatu i told him that i might be pregnant as I was late. After consoling me that we would deal with it together and that I should take care of myself and enjoy my holiday etc, the same day he sends her messages of wanting to spoon her. Now he had told me that he had broken up with this girl in Sept'18 and the last time he met was Jan'19. He was leading his ex on, she didnt know I existed, so I thought I should tell her that he has been lying and cheating to both of us. But when I did, she ended up covering up a fair bit for him. Later when we were in the car, she called up and said that they only broke up in August and the last they met was in September during which time he made her meet his granny. You see I had met his granny in October, so for his granny to meet 2 girls within a span of 1.5months - just not done! wrong! This is also when i realised that when we had started seeing each other back in June, he was still dating his ex, and was probably readying me as a back up. When in september we decided to be exclusive, he had made me uninstall all my dating apps, claiming to have done the same. except i later found out that he had still been flirting with other women until 2nd week of october. he reached out to his ex end of october. Dug even deeper, found out that his friends had set him up with another woman who he dated between June to July, so essentially he was involved with 3 of us.

Mads_ Friendships with someone struggling with an ED
  • replies: 2

Hi all, So I have a close friend who has an eating disorder. It's pretty bad, but she's in recovery. I help her through it a lot, she often comes and tells me what she's feeling / has done (she used to do this regularly, but hasn't in a couple months... View more

Hi all, So I have a close friend who has an eating disorder. It's pretty bad, but she's in recovery. I help her through it a lot, she often comes and tells me what she's feeling / has done (she used to do this regularly, but hasn't in a couple months and instead goes to another friend who she went to from the start anyway). Anyway, I've found that its starting to impinge on my mental health and I'm starting to get the feeling that I no longer want to continue a close friendship with her. However, if I do this I know she'll just think its her fault and feel worse, and I doth want her to have more on her plate. I'm about to start my last year of high school and we are planning to go to different universities, so I assume we will lose contact in that gap, as I will with most of my friends anyway. So, if anyone had any advice on what I can do (so I don't hurt her or my feelings) that would be great.

Quercus Adoption
  • replies: 16

Hi everyone, Last week driving my son to school there was a story on the radio. I burst into tears and all of the feelings of worry, guilt, grief, fear, anxiety and wanting won't leave me. Ryan Jon posted a thank you to his biological mother on mothe... View more

Hi everyone, Last week driving my son to school there was a story on the radio. I burst into tears and all of the feelings of worry, guilt, grief, fear, anxiety and wanting won't leave me. Ryan Jon posted a thank you to his biological mother on mother's day to thank her for putting him up for adoption. The story spread like wildfire because it hit home to so many. But me... It left me feeling crap. Why? Because I asked my Mum (who was adopted in a closed adoption) to ask for her medical records. This means court because when she was very sick as a young Mum they refused to allow her access to records. I have medical issues noone in my family has. And I have two kids of my own and I want to know if I have to worry. I don't want to know them. Maybe I'm a terrible human being but unlike Ryan Jon I don't have any compassion to give them. Now I'm pushing my own Mum away. Because four months later the discussion has been ignored. Nothing has happened and I feel like I don't have the right to demand the records myself because I wasn't the adopted child. My Mum made it clear she has never discussed it even with my Dad. That the issue is a giant can of worms that I'm too scared to force open and hurt her even more. I admire the bloke on the radio. He has a much bigger kinder heart than me. Just had to get this out. It feels like poison in my head and heart.

AnnaJean24 Alone with no more support
  • replies: 2

Hi, I’m new here. A lot has gone on in my life and I’ve come to a point where I don’t know where to go. Ive suffered from severe anxiety, depression, insomnia and phobias growing up. What seemed to be a one year battle ended up being eight years. As ... View more

Hi, I’m new here. A lot has gone on in my life and I’ve come to a point where I don’t know where to go. Ive suffered from severe anxiety, depression, insomnia and phobias growing up. What seemed to be a one year battle ended up being eight years. As a result, I had to drop out of school, I lost my friends and my ability to function within society. I have managed to recover and get back on my feet but things aren’t the same - which has been a huge struggle for me the last few years. To help put things into perspective it’s like waking up from a coma and having to relearn everything again. i thought when I got better I’d make new relationships but I was wrong. I try going out and be social but I can never make connections with people. I’m always the odd one out in the group. On top of that work isn’t easy and the companies I apply for keep shutting down. I’m not getting any younger and I feel like I’m not moving. The last few months have been hard. I got into a car accident, a family member almost died and my partner had been looking at other girls. On top of that my NDIS plan isn’t accessible due to a stuff up so I’m unable to see a psychologist right now. All I do is cry all the time. I tried reaching out to my mum and my partner but they’re so sick of hearing me cry. They just look at me and walk away. I have no one now. I don’t know what to do or who to talk to. I feel so worthless to the point my only option now is giving up. I’m here hoping for some advice or to hear from someone who’s been through something similar.

R210616 Pregnancy Blues
  • replies: 2

30 weeks pregnant and feeling so low. A FIFO husband who has no time for me and gives no empathy for how I am struggling as he always “has it harder”. I don’t know how to put on a smile or be excited when I feel I don’t have the support. Sometimes I ... View more

30 weeks pregnant and feeling so low. A FIFO husband who has no time for me and gives no empathy for how I am struggling as he always “has it harder”. I don’t know how to put on a smile or be excited when I feel I don’t have the support. Sometimes I wonder if I would be better off doing it alone. It is hard when the other half is spending his only time home out wasting money on drinking and other things don’t know what I hope to gain from posting, will I feel better when the baby comes or will it be harder with 2 kids to look after feeling alone thanks for listening.

Tigerlily87 Family members in addiction- how to cope
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone, Im so new to this so not sure if im in the right forum (please direct me if im not!). My partner is a recovering drug addict and has had a recent slip (relapse? one time use, not sure the correct terminology). Im really struggling to pro... View more

Hi everyone, Im so new to this so not sure if im in the right forum (please direct me if im not!). My partner is a recovering drug addict and has had a recent slip (relapse? one time use, not sure the correct terminology). Im really struggling to process this, work through it, the trust thats been lost, how to support him while maintaining my own strength and not become absorbed in the situation. Its only very very recent so Im still up and down with emotions. Has anyone else had a partner go through drug addiction and recovery? I really need advice, to hear positive long term recovery stories and support- not looking for negative opinions, or advice to walk away, as at this point, its not something i want to consider but my heart is breaking....

NGE Share Mortgage, mental and emotional at home not stable, verbal abuse
  • replies: 2

Married and have a toddler now, I want to get out the house so bad...don’t know how... if I do move out now, I still have to pay mortgage because he can’t afford to pay the house we are living in... he have another property that is rented out ... I’m... View more

Married and have a toddler now, I want to get out the house so bad...don’t know how... if I do move out now, I still have to pay mortgage because he can’t afford to pay the house we are living in... he have another property that is rented out ... I’m so stuck ... no one can help me... I do have a job ... we don’t not talk or have conversation at all at home, is been nearly a year... he makes me feel so useless

Fruitsnacks is closure worth it
  • replies: 2

I'll keep my situation to the point and as vague as possible. I've been suffering on and off with mental health problems. I've only since the start of this year started to open up. I first opened up to my gf and then a friend and then parents. Not to... View more

I'll keep my situation to the point and as vague as possible. I've been suffering on and off with mental health problems. I've only since the start of this year started to open up. I first opened up to my gf and then a friend and then parents. Not too long ago from me writing this my gf broke up with me. It felt very out of the blue and the reason vague. We have since been in contact and we are on good terms but there are so many built-up problems and thoughts and I just want to feel some closure to help me move on. I guess I'll be honest, I still love her and miss her. I don't know if I truly want her back but I definitely know that I want to move on from this pain and get on with dealing with my mental health and the rest of my life if that includes her or not I don't really care anymore. So my plan is simple, I've written up a few paragraphs telling her how I feel and I was going to wait for a certain time, deliver the message and then just be done with it. I expect to get nothing out of it but this is just something that I feel I need to do to help me move on. is this a normal or even healthy way of dealing with this kind of stuff? this is my first breakup so I guess I'm just going by my gut feeling. thankyou for reading.

Lostcoin Supporting my wife
  • replies: 2

Hi team, just a quick one. My wife doesn't drink alcohol at all as we both reformed alcoholics. However a few weeks back she had a relaps & got severely intoxicated! Long story short she took a bunch of tablets & ended up in ICU. She returned home an... View more

Hi team, just a quick one. My wife doesn't drink alcohol at all as we both reformed alcoholics. However a few weeks back she had a relaps & got severely intoxicated! Long story short she took a bunch of tablets & ended up in ICU. She returned home and we went back to work as normal. We work together as we are growing our own company. My wife owns a horse as she loves caring for animals. Our relationship is ok with only little barnes every now & then. She has been seing a psychiatrist and is receiving treatment for bipolar type 2. She has a history of being sexually abused when she was a teen by her brother & cousin. She is a very attractive & unique lady and I'm certainly bless to be married to her for almost 20yrs. We are only 40yo. However now she has very little motivation to do almost anything! She is putting on weight, spending heaps of time on social media and isn't engaging with myself or our boys. She is so negative about everything! her need to be right is crazy! Her OCD with her horse is financially debilitating to our family & she is getting super tired! She put our boys down all the time "13 & 14yo" also puts me down in front of them and sometimes in front of clients. Her work ethic is getting avererge to say the least. I cant run our business by myself and we cant afford to put anyone else on:( my wife has amazing skills and I do believe 3 tradesman couldn't do the quality she puts out. I couldn't physically get another job to service our financial commitments. We are going to sink unless she comes good. I have tried to talk about this with her and she will go into a meltdown swaring and being hurtful How can I assist my wife? What can I say. I see the black dog institute & also a psychologist. This does help but as we know this is all cognitive therapy stuff. I'm not happy anymore, my hobbys are running a 4.30am to get some peace back into my life. I have a strong understanding about christianity & understand that there is a higher power for me this is jesus. I worry about my wife killing herself all the time, this is so tiring. I blame myself as I cant seem to do or say anything right! Do I put her into some kind or rehab for a much needed rest. Our business would fold! Do I sell all of our stuff to support this move? Do I leave my wife and start again? Either way I feel snookered! Has anyone experienced a similar situation? Or does it get better over time. Thanks for reading my message & putting up with my poor grammar.