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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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ReeCar123 Partner's Ex, how to move forward?
  • replies: 1

Dear All, I have been in a long-winded on/off relationship with a person that has had attachment challenges stemming from his childhood and his very toxic marriage with an aggressive alcoholic wife. He separated from her 20 months ago but it was a re... View more

Dear All, I have been in a long-winded on/off relationship with a person that has had attachment challenges stemming from his childhood and his very toxic marriage with an aggressive alcoholic wife. He separated from her 20 months ago but it was a really drawn out process until he finally kind of let go. He had a breakthrough a few months ago when he finally could get rid of a lot of guilt. He is finally ready to move forward and commit more to me and us but still needs to go through the financial separation of property etc. with his ex. She has regularly manipulated him, guilt-tripped him and become very irate or distraught. Every time she reaches out, she becomes emotional and my partner feels drawn back down into sadness again. Not because he misses her but sadness because his childhood attachment is triggered. He is fully aware of it and ok at getting himself out of the slump again. I am also trying to be a positive counterweight and to be understanding. When we are together, it is wonderful but over the 20 months of the constant on and off with him, I have developed quite a high degree of anxiety. I am working through that with a psychologist. But the difficulty I experience at the moment is that my partner sent his suggestions for a financial separation and consent order to her a few weeks ago. Initially, she became emotional, then angry and said she would arrange a meeting with her lawyers. Now, for the last two weeks, she has constantly postponed the meeting with the lawyers. When he asks, she becomes irate and claims he is pressuring her. I suggested he start meetings with his lawyers and then they can talk to hers but he wants her to have the first pick and move. I feel he is still letting her run his life and she may forever postpone and manipulate. I want him to do his own thing because it is his matter but I am feeling very powerless and my anxiety is high as long as she is around. Every time she reaches out to him, he may end up down in the dumps. I don’t know how to deal with this. We are trying to build a future for ourselves but I feel there is a constant potential for everything to fall apart again in case this draws out forever. In the past, she had so much power over him that he often felt not ready, hence why we broke it off a few times. I don’t want this to happen again but how do I cope with this situation until he can finally make the next move and hopefully soon get to a level of no contact after the consent order is done?

Kchris06 Separated man hoping to reconcile
  • replies: 8

Hi Married 22 years She’s 44 I’m 51. Two teenage sons. She ended the relationship last month as she didn’t love me anymore and loved another married man. They’d been in a sexual relationship. She has Clearly said she doesn’t want to reconcile. I move... View more

Hi Married 22 years She’s 44 I’m 51. Two teenage sons. She ended the relationship last month as she didn’t love me anymore and loved another married man. They’d been in a sexual relationship. She has Clearly said she doesn’t want to reconcile. I moved out to a nearby suburb where I’m quite happy. But I’m miss her and want to reconcile. I Initially suggested coming Back for late night cuddles but she rejected that. I respect her rights but I want to create the best impression I can to change her stance on her+me =NO! Recently I was around there and she’d said she’d told other guy to go away but She didn’t want to elaborate and I don’t if they’ve Fixed it up but I could tell she was hurting. A few days later I helped out with picking up the kids and I was there and she wasn’t and I left her flowers. She texted me thanking me and then said, it was a lovely surprise. Since then I have put her on a ‘dont contact’ so I haven’t texted her at all. She’s initiated the last texts but it’s neutral stuff about bills and her weekend plans but at least it’s something. If I keep leaving flowers it will lose its impact. Does anyone have any ideas about how I should behave or respond to get her Positive attention back, Regarding starting Over? Many thanks

Over_thinker Broken heart 💔
  • replies: 3

I discovered my husband open a tinder account a month ago. He says he did it as a friend at work told him how funny some of the bios and comments were. (Hubby favourite show is first dates) When I first discover the tinder account and approached him,... View more

I discovered my husband open a tinder account a month ago. He says he did it as a friend at work told him how funny some of the bios and comments were. (Hubby favourite show is first dates) When I first discover the tinder account and approached him, he said he only had it for a day and that he only looked at it for 5mins. But I knew that wasn’t true. He did eventually admit that he had it for longer but he still insists that he wasn’t on there to find anyone or communicate it was just to look at peoples funny bios. How do I move from this and do I believe what he is telling me? so confused

SoyLatte Feeling lost and lonely
  • replies: 3

Hi All, this is my first time posting and I guess I just need to let some things out. So to start off I am married with two young kids. My marriage has been on the downward spiral for many years now and we just keep trying. I know I haven't been the ... View more

Hi All, this is my first time posting and I guess I just need to let some things out. So to start off I am married with two young kids. My marriage has been on the downward spiral for many years now and we just keep trying. I know I haven't been the best wife and I also learnt that my husband had been cheating on me (sending nudes and messaging other women) back in January 2020. I also have a very close male friend and the friendship has always been more than just platonic. We both know we like each other and things have been physical. I have been wanting to leave my husband but I cant seem to work up the courage to tell him as I know it will hurt him and other people around us (being Asian there is a lot of pressure from parents etc). So recently my close friend has told me that he cant keep seeing me as I am still not a free woman and that it has started to affect him by making him a bit resentful. What he wants is a proper relationship with me. He's told me that he will wait for me until the end of this year for me to be available. This has left me feeling very alone and lost. My friend was someone I would message everyday and talk to about all I am feeling. I feel like I have lost my biggest support and this has motivated me to finally be honest and leave my husband. The issue I am having is that there is a lot of guilt. I haven't told my husband yet and I really don't know how to as I have never broken up or left someone. Also my other close friends haven't been there for me and I guess I'm just seeking someone to talk to and to help give me strength. Any advice or a chat would be helpful. I know I've done wrong and I'm definitely no angel. I just want to be happy and to live my life freely.

Joey28 Runaway 14yr teenager.
  • replies: 1

My 14yr daughter has been running away from for the last month, but now she is refusing to come home. Yes there is some conflict in the household. But hard to resolve is she keeps running away. We are working with the school and resources that we hav... View more

My 14yr daughter has been running away from for the last month, but now she is refusing to come home. Yes there is some conflict in the household. But hard to resolve is she keeps running away. We are working with the school and resources that we have in place but my daughter is refusing to accept the help. She still trying her hardest to be with boyfriend who by the sound of it trying to groom her and offer the world but they are both young. I'm giving her the time she needs to allow her to see this through. She is with a family friend at the this point but I do know in the long term this is not the best place for her. I don't want to give up on my daughter I love her very much but I just don't know what else to do as this taking a toll on my own health.

JoC18 Husband's career
  • replies: 7

Hi all, My husband is a chef and his career is the major issue in our relationship. He does not have time with me, he is not paid well. I have suffered as no family support, as well as financial pressure. Now I really hate his career. I know it is no... View more

Hi all, My husband is a chef and his career is the major issue in our relationship. He does not have time with me, he is not paid well. I have suffered as no family support, as well as financial pressure. Now I really hate his career. I know it is not fair to him as he does well in his job and he has the passion with his career. I have couple conversations with him but cannot sort out the issue. Now I do not even want to see his sister who suggested him to become a chef from the first place. I feel like she is the person destroying my life. I know it is unfair and horrible thinking. But I cannot stop it.

MentalHealthismypriority Help! Caught in a crossroads with mentally ill partner
  • replies: 14

Hi all, ive spent a lot of time working on my mental health in my life and been through a lot in the process but feel as though I am in a good place - finally. I’m going to be starting some study soon and have re built relationships with family. unfo... View more

Hi all, ive spent a lot of time working on my mental health in my life and been through a lot in the process but feel as though I am in a good place - finally. I’m going to be starting some study soon and have re built relationships with family. unfortunatley - my partner who I have been with off and on for 4 years is really mentally unwell. This is taking a toll on my mental and physical well being. I have seen this happen with him time and time again and he seems to not learn from his past patterns. He looses his job and then gets extremely self distructive and self harms threatens suicide if I leave him, manic episodes, hallucinations etc he has been diagnosed with schizophrenia and has been able to manage his mental health quite well for the past year without medication. I feel like I am on a roller coaster with him. I am scared all the time. We are engaged to be married and it’s like the reason why he lives is because of me and nothing else. It’s a lot of pressure. He refuses to get help even though I have begged him because he believes they won’t say anything he doesn’t already know. To make matters worse it’s his 30th birthday in a couple of weeks and I don’t know what to do. I can’t go on like this for the rest of my life. He has been there for me many times when I’ve needed him and I too for him but this keeps happening and he isn’t learning. I don’t know whether to end it or stick with it. Any advice would be appreciated!

Paisley1516 Overwhelmed
  • replies: 13

Hi everyone, thanks for reading my post bit of a long one and titled overwhelmed because that’s how I feel. I just want to cry but can’t. currently in Vic under stage 4 restrictions. My situation is I am separated (under one roof as we both on the mo... View more

Hi everyone, thanks for reading my post bit of a long one and titled overwhelmed because that’s how I feel. I just want to cry but can’t. currently in Vic under stage 4 restrictions. My situation is I am separated (under one roof as we both on the mortgage and neither can afford to move out until I go back to work). My marriage was 15 years, we’ve been separated 5 months. Have two children under 4 yrs old. i feel in a good place and do not want to get back together with my ex husband (he cheated numerous times amongst other issues) but I’m struggling sharing the house with him even if we don’t stay in the house at the same time (we literally leave as soon as the other is home). the days are long and isolating with my children by myself at home. I love them and adore them but it’s so hard and they’re being affected by our separation, so coping with their emotions especially our eldest is difficult (I have 75% care). a positive is I have finally found a job in this pandemic climate so going back to work next week, but stressing over settling the children into childcare and finances now I’m relying on myself. I'm also in a new relationship (3 months) with a man who is absolutely wonderful to me, so supportive, kind. He has respected my boundaries around my kids but he has his own issues. He is also separated with two older children but his ex has taken out an interim IVO and he cannot see his children until they go to court. He has taken full responsibility for his marriage breakdown and been very transparent with me. He has depression and ADHD, is on anti depressants and seeing psychologist/psychiatrist. I’ve just come back from visiting him where for the first time I witnessed him being angry (Not towards me or a person) and to be honest it made me second guess is this the right relationship or person to introduce to my own children? I realise we are in the “honeymoon phase” of a relationship but I really love being with him, I just feel he I has a lot going on right now. We had a massive chat yesterday which was really helpful but now I’m home I just feel flat and down and like everything I’m going through is just too much to deal with. i wish there was no coronavirus restrictions going on, my children were happy, I was working and living by myself and my new relationship was smoothly going but all I feel is everything is so difficult I’m seeing a psychologist which is helpful and have some support around me which is good.

Man with no name Shift work
  • replies: 1

Hi all, My partner has recently had to start shift work at her job. This means I am alone with our kids (9&12) a lot each week. It can be a real struggle and my mental health suffers. Don't get me wrong, I love being a father and enjoy doing everythi... View more

Hi all, My partner has recently had to start shift work at her job. This means I am alone with our kids (9&12) a lot each week. It can be a real struggle and my mental health suffers. Don't get me wrong, I love being a father and enjoy doing everything with the kids. While I enjoy time to myself I cant help but feel that i am doing so much as a single father. I feel that I do not have much support, i'm alone. I don't know what to do to change it. Her work can't change. Feeling stuck.

sadmum Losing the fight against my partner’s mental illness.
  • replies: 1

Partner and I have been together for 20 years, we have 4 kids together, a mortgage and a lot of history. He has always had issues but for the last 5 years they have been destroying our relationship and his relationship with the kids. He can’t or does... View more

Partner and I have been together for 20 years, we have 4 kids together, a mortgage and a lot of history. He has always had issues but for the last 5 years they have been destroying our relationship and his relationship with the kids. He can’t or doesn’t want to see it and is cycling between denial, anger, hopelessness and suicidal ideation. I have taken him to multiple Drs, Psychologists, Psychiatrists, I’ve talked him down from being suicidal more times than I can count, I monitor his medication (that he frequently misuses) and spend my life smoothing his and other people’s feathers that he has ruffled. I am exhausted and feel that this is not what I signed up for. I get treated like a housekeeper and a sex object. If I don’t do exactly what he wants I am “mistreating” him, if I do exactly what he wants I still get criticized. I am trapped by years of being stuck at home as a slave and the fact that he doesn’t have a single other person to turn to. I am embarrassed and ashamed by what my life has become and I have nobody I can talk to about any of it. I feel like all his Drs expect me to “take care of him” they don’t seem to realize the toll it is taking on our kids (and me). I just feel hopeless and want to scream and cry but I am the one that everyone depends on, so I have to keep it together.