Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

HavaHeart What do I do? So unsure...
  • replies: 2

I thought we were forever we have been together since I was 16, going on 18years, married 10, kids, house and a whole life. It came crashing down in December, my world I knew was a joke. December 13th the kids and I went back to our home town to for ... View more

I thought we were forever we have been together since I was 16, going on 18years, married 10, kids, house and a whole life. It came crashing down in December, my world I knew was a joke. December 13th the kids and I went back to our home town to for my mum 60th whilst my husband stayed home for 2 days; when I got there my parents told me dads battle with cancer was not going well and there was nothing the doctors could do he may have a few weeks. After crying to my husband on phone he told me to stay to spend time with my dad. This was strange to me as he lies alot. I would monitor his messages on Facebook. 17th Dec after saying good night I read the most painful thing. He had a girl we Knew 12 years ago an old neighbor stayed Over they fooled around (no sex just for play). I was broken! I wrote back telling them I was reading their story for few days. husband called 1 min later denying it but I sent him a screenshot of all they had said The next few days were a blur he was sorry he wanted us. it was awkward when we got home, he didn’t say a thing. Then we started fighting every single day I wanted answers he didn’t want to give, I wanted the story and he gave more lies, I wanted him to change and he thought he shouldn’t have to he thought isolating himself from us and ignoring it will make it all ok. He shouted at me, he blamed me he called me names he just didn’t want to hear anything I had to say. Things were not good but not bad but The kids and I went back home at the start of January and my dad passed away on the 15th I was the strong one of my family and had to hold it together But when home I wanted to know the truth and we had a huge fall out I was done and I expressed that if he can’t be honest with me I would help him pack his bags. He stuck to his story. As usual he turned it round on me and made out I was loosing the plot needed to calm down and work on myself, sadly this worked for I started to change myself while he changed nothing. I still did absolutely everything round the house and kids whilst working while he changed nothing. I did whatever he wanted while he still yelled and called me names. I had enough so I messaged her for her side, no reply until today. my heart broke again as it turned out he lied about so many things and they had done this 12 years ago when we were neighbors. what to do? what to say to him? my life I know has ceased to exist I am wonder about other times I thought he had cheated!i am lost! Help

Takingtime Small but now big
  • replies: 1

I have been with my partner for over 10 years. It is difficult to explain how life effecting it is when your partner repeatedly can not remember/ denies/ says you are making up things/changes his mind when referring to important conversations. This h... View more

I have been with my partner for over 10 years. It is difficult to explain how life effecting it is when your partner repeatedly can not remember/ denies/ says you are making up things/changes his mind when referring to important conversations. This has meant that he dominate any life plans we make together because nothing we bring to the table in partnership is able to be considered relatively solid. I feel like an idiot for taking 10 yrs to wake up to how crippling this has been to my life. It means everything runs to a dead end ... I could see him always making changes for himself but just realising being in partnership with someone who isn’t understanding partnership and the importance of communication holding meaning - means I barely exist and have been always thinking we would be able to eventually make plans that considered us both. I don’t know what to do.

Beach26 Lost feelings and super confused
  • replies: 3

I am struggling and don’t know who to ask for help! I’m engaged however my relationship hasn’t been one for a while, only when it really suits him He can be very horrible in how he talks to me and controlling, I believe he suffers depression but won’... View more

I am struggling and don’t know who to ask for help! I’m engaged however my relationship hasn’t been one for a while, only when it really suits him He can be very horrible in how he talks to me and controlling, I believe he suffers depression but won’t get any help. I have tired for almost 2 and a half year to bring us back together but now they he is trying, I just can’t I feel no connection anymore , we just moved into a new house and I thought he would relax a little but just turns to drinking to help the problem, in which I get put down and he will turn a situation into making me feel guilty. One of my super close male friends has helped me through seeing that isn’t how it’s meant to be. He has also confessed feelings a few months ago in which I didn’t think I had for him . However as I pushed them to the side I have realised how much I do care about him and how it is meant to feel loved by someone. I have kissed my friend it just happened and no words will explain it. However since then he said he cant talk to me as it hurts him to much hearing all the nasty comments my fiancé makes towards me and knowing I am still with my fiancé because he knows the truth. I really do want to leave my relationship but I’m scared of hurting my fiancé.im scared of being left with nothing. Even though for the first time in my life I need to put myself first and follow my heart. I just really don’t know what to do anymore

Soconfused Feeling helpless
  • replies: 4

My family and I decided on a relocation from one state to another last year. Since that decision my youngest son who is 16 got his first serious girlfriend. He has alienated himself from his entire family and all his friends. When I arranged to do th... View more

My family and I decided on a relocation from one state to another last year. Since that decision my youngest son who is 16 got his first serious girlfriend. He has alienated himself from his entire family and all his friends. When I arranged to do things with him she was always upset about one thing or another so he would cancel our plans to be with her. He would often stay at her house and the nights I would make him come home all he did would sit on his phone to her. I also found out she has all his social media logins and checks his accounts regularly. My son was accepted into a specialised sports program in the new state and was so excited about pursuing a possible career in the sport he loved and worked hard for. A lot of things happened and he kept telling us he didn't want to move away from her. We had a meeting with her parents to explain that he needs to be with his family and pursue his dreams. Her parents shook hands with us and promised they would not allow him to live with them. A week later they went back on this promise and to cut a long story short myself, my husband and my 22 year old son all moved states as planned. My 16 year old remains with his girlfriend and her family. He has changed from a caring, loving, sweet and loyal person to someone I no longer know. Prior to moving he got physical with both myself and my husband, which is so far out of his usual behaviour we were totally blown away by it. Her family also got physical with my husband when he went to their house to try and pick him up. My son doesn't think they did anything wrong in the situation. Prior to meeting them he would have defended his family against anyone. My eldest son wants nothing at all to do with him. I am trying to keep a connection going because despite everything I still love him and miss him every single moment of every single day. He doesn't respond to messages or phone calls. I send him simple messages to say I love him more than the world and I get nothing back. I don't know how to move on or live without him. I have to try and hide my emotions in front of my husband and son because they are so angry about the situation but it's literally tearing me up inside. I can feel myself starting to lose it and I don't know if I can stop the free fall into god knows what. Has anyone else gone through this that can provide me with some much needed help because I can't do this on my own.

RainbowGlases Bitter about my sister in laws wedding
  • replies: 3

Hi all, I've been feeling quite horrible about this and I wish with everything to not feel this way. I AM excited for my sister in laws wedding but I'm also really bitter about it. I've been married to her brother for 4 years now and we have 2 beauti... View more

Hi all, I've been feeling quite horrible about this and I wish with everything to not feel this way. I AM excited for my sister in laws wedding but I'm also really bitter about it. I've been married to her brother for 4 years now and we have 2 beautiful girls, so it's not a case that I'm jealous she's getting married and I'm not. However, nothing for my husband and I have ever been easy. For the first say 6 months of mine and my husbands relationship, she didn't like me. She resented the fact that I pulled him out of his suicidal depression and his family didn't. She hated me more the day we got engaged, just 5 months into the relationship. I get it, we were only together a very short time and she was with her boyfriend at the time for 1 or 2 years. However, what was supposed to be a happy day was made about her when she stormed off and had a fit. The day she got engaged, it was a big surprise affair at my inlaws. Her fiance proposed infront of both of their families and celebrated. It was lovely. My wedding caused a lot of family drama, my dads side of the family started simply because I wanted my mum to walk me down the aisle not my father who had been absent most of my life. Some rather digusting words were said from my fathers side to my inlaws who were trying to stick-up for me. Majority of my family didn't show up, it was a day filled with anxiety and angst. For my bachelorette party, my best friends left early because their boyfriends were leaving the city. My mum left early as well. It was just me and the inlaws. So what was supposed to be a fun night with everyone I cared about, turned out to be a flop. Her bachelorette was a huge success, lots of fun. She's having a big beautiful wedding. Everything has been smooth sailing, like a fairytale. She's got everything she could want, her dream day, the beautiful home and family that gets along well. For my husband and I its been a struggle from getting together, getting engaged, getting married, having children (I had 2 miscarriages before my first child), getting a home that just feels so small at this point with 2 kids and we can't sell. So yes, I'm resentful that it has all been smooth sailing and one big celebration when she was part of the reason why the first 6 months of our relationship was so damn hard. We love each other now, I consider her a true sister but I just can't forget. My husband has admitted feeling the same way but I haven't talked to him about it in length as I'm ashamed.

Van_demon Toxicity 101
  • replies: 6

My girlfriend from the 1st month started making accusations of cheating though I barely have a social life outside of our relationship. And that was the start of a toxic relationship. i have done everything humanly possible to show her my full love t... View more

My girlfriend from the 1st month started making accusations of cheating though I barely have a social life outside of our relationship. And that was the start of a toxic relationship. i have done everything humanly possible to show her my full love trust and support. we have gone on holidays and everything runs sweet and both enjoy the time away from the rush of city life and work. we live in separate homes but I spend most of my time at her place and basically rent my place for storage. theres constant arguments and I'm blamed for most of our issues and in the flip of a coin supposed to accept it. i have no social life I don't go anywhere besides (work-appointments-or home for a few days) she can be so caring loving often but when things are not what or how she wants them she turns very nasty abusing me and saying alot of hurtful things. I'm your typical guy that just takes it puts it away inside my head and padlocks the door. but now I'm at a breaking point because I'm tired of the blame game the abuse her bad domestic behaviour and constant accusations. she constantly during her arguments with me reverts to our main problem is no sexual interaction. how many times can a man or woman go with out being fully fulfilled before they give up wanting it. i have given up!!! I've tried telling her how it makes me feel being left out to dry.. but she says it's all my fault and sees no issue from her side. even when I explain to see it from my view/shoes. my mind is almost gone

caitmden Mental and emotional manipulation from my Mother
  • replies: 1

My Mum struggles with depression and tends to only ever take it out on me. I visited her for my birthday a week ago, and at the dinner table with my family and boyfriend included she abused me and told me I don't deserve to enjoy my 20's because I ru... View more

My Mum struggles with depression and tends to only ever take it out on me. I visited her for my birthday a week ago, and at the dinner table with my family and boyfriend included she abused me and told me I don't deserve to enjoy my 20's because I ruined hers for being born. She constantly guilts me because at my age she was "unhappy" and "stuck" with raising me. I've never once received support from my parents ever since I got a part-time job at 15 and I decided a year ago, (I'm now 20) to move cities and study at university. Now all I hear is how selfish and worthless I am for leaving her and only thinking of myself because she never went to university. I've dealt with this since I was young and I've gotten to the point where it has made me feel numb and pathetic. I don't know what to do someone please help me

elevatormusic84 Struggling with parenthood...
  • replies: 3

I love my 15 month old to bits but parenthood has really obliterated my enjoyment of life. Every day and every little thing is a struggle - the paediatrician has observed that she is what he terms as 'high needs' - which in baby terms, generally mean... View more

I love my 15 month old to bits but parenthood has really obliterated my enjoyment of life. Every day and every little thing is a struggle - the paediatrician has observed that she is what he terms as 'high needs' - which in baby terms, generally means an otherwise'normal' baby that is more demanding and sensitive than the average. I'm merely surviving through the days - it's chaos trying to change her, dress her, take her anywhere...she won't sit in her pram and will twist and scream until I'm carrying her in one arm and pushing an empty pram with the other. Similar scenario with the car seat, the high chair... I see people with 2, 3 or 4 kids and I think - I'm missing something or doing something wrong because if people are signing up for this multiple times, there must be something about parenthood they really love. I don't know if I'm depressed or just exhausted...I don't really know how to maintain a positive mood when each and every day is spent in damage control. The tantrums just leave me feeling blank at this point. Sorry for the vent...I just needed to put it out there because it's getting to the point that I dread each day.

Blk77 Separation??
  • replies: 3

My husband and I have been together 12 years, married for 10. We dated in high school and reconnected in our 30’s. He lived a couple of hours away and because of his situation with his children I moved to be with him. We both have children from previ... View more

My husband and I have been together 12 years, married for 10. We dated in high school and reconnected in our 30’s. He lived a couple of hours away and because of his situation with his children I moved to be with him. We both have children from previous relationships and one child together. Raising stepchildren has been hard but rewarding as well. Both have felt that the other could have done better at times and there is blame and regret involved. 6 years ago we bought a house with his sister. I did not want to do this and tried very hard to talk him out of it. This situation did not end well and neither of us speak to his sister anymore. We sold the house and had planned to buy another on our own. As his children are older (youngest turns 18 in Feb) I had asked to move back up the coast where my family was and I thought he agreed to do this. He denied that this was ever his intention. I agreed to stay where we were but was full of resentment. (He never wanted to move away from his children as his own father moved away when he was young and he felt abandoned). This said, he saw his kids once a month at best and they lived with their mother full time. We started looking at houses to buy together but he soon got cold feet saying he wasn’t ready to buy again and wanted to rent for another 6 months as he didn’t feel the relationship was strong enough. I agreed but again resentfully. He didn’t put effort into trying to repair the relationship but just withdrew from me and the household. He ended the relationship just before Christmas and I have moved 2 hours back up the Coast. A week later I went down to help clean the rental house and he asked if we could have a break rather than ending the relationship and that once he sorted himself out he would move up to be with me. I agreed as I would like to still be together and I think we still have a future. There are no other parties involved ie no cheating and neither of us wants to have another relationship. I have asked him for a time frame and to set the rules for a separation but so far he hasn’t done this. He has been coming up on the weekend and being great but it is hard when he leaves. He works full-time and barely communicates during the week which leaves me upset and anxious. The children and I are living with my mother and I’m not coping all that well. I feel like I’m in limbo and not sure whether to trust that we can rebuild the relationship or whether to just get on with life as if I’m single.

bramble116 Depression is ruining my relationship - do I not deserve one until I'm 'better'?
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone, this is my first post here. I'm looking for some advice or maybe just kindness. Some background information: I'm 23F and have suffered bouts of depression and anxiety since I was 18 or so. I think I might also have BPD but this is undiag... View more

Hi everyone, this is my first post here. I'm looking for some advice or maybe just kindness. Some background information: I'm 23F and have suffered bouts of depression and anxiety since I was 18 or so. I think I might also have BPD but this is undiagnosed. I struggle with abandonment issues, poor self-esteem, emotional dysregulation. Over this summer I'm dealing in particular with the stress of trying to build my career, and the suicide of my first partner who I dated as a teenager. I was seeing a psychologist last year but am currently facing financial difficulties which make it difficult to access regular help. My current partner (30M) and I have been together about 5 years. There are times when the relationship feels supportive and caring. But things have been tumultuous when I've raised that certain needs aren't being met and he grows angry and defensive. The main issues are his poor communication skills - he's often away and only wants to talk on his terms of convenience (won't call or msg for days, calls me clingy if I object). Another issue is that we're both facing potentially big moves next year but he refuses to talk about long-term commitment, planning our futures, marriage or even moving in together. The latest issue is that our sex life has become very poor where it didn't use to be - for the past year we've had sex maybe once every 2-3 weeks and only when I ask first after a dry spell. When it happens, it's in the middle of the night in the dark. If I try to talk about sex while he's away, he ignores the msgs and calls me insecure if I object. He returned from a 5-week trip a week ago but hasn't even touched me. None of this used to be a problem. I brought this all up today as kindly/calmly as I could and it backfired. He's often suggested that my depression is the root cause of all issues and compares me to his 'happier, more uplifting' exes, but today he told me outright that depression is the reason he doesn't want to have sex, or talk about the future, or communicate when we're apart. "The problem is you; your sadness and negativity". He said sex is a chore and dealing with my depression is a job and I should stop playing the victim card. Am I truly undeserving of a relationship, love, sex, commitment until I'm no longer depressed? I've always been acutely conscious of being a burden. But I feel like depression robbed me of so much. It took so much away from me, held me back from so many things. Does that include this relationship?