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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Dlsth0708 Is using porn cheating?
  • replies: 3

I would like others feelings on the matter. If you found out that your partner is secretly masturbating to porn while you are sleeping in another room do you consider it cheating. I do, my partner obviously doesn't and says that all men watch porn. I... View more

I would like others feelings on the matter. If you found out that your partner is secretly masturbating to porn while you are sleeping in another room do you consider it cheating. I do, my partner obviously doesn't and says that all men watch porn. If we had a healthy sex life I probably wouldn't care but he shows no interest in me except for pity sex maybe once every 6 weeks or so. I'm no supermodel but I consider myself to be a reasonably decent looking thirty-something woman. How would others handle this situation?

Speaking_truth Another relapse
  • replies: 1

My partner has adhd psychosis but it has been years since his last episode so he stopped taking his medication which has led to him having a relapse 5 weeks out from us having our first child while he was in another state for work which has resulting... View more

My partner has adhd psychosis but it has been years since his last episode so he stopped taking his medication which has led to him having a relapse 5 weeks out from us having our first child while he was in another state for work which has resulting in him being hospitalised in that state and finding it hard to get him closer to home. sometimes these episodes can take weeks to months to recover from which makes things harder for me being so close to giving birth when I spoke to him he couldn’t even remember who I was I’m just finding it really hard to stay focused and hoping that he comes out of the delusion soon but seems unlikely. I’m trying to be patient and I know he just isn’t in his right mind at the moment but it doesn’t make it any easier.

StrongWoman I do all the work in the relationship. Is he using me or are we just too different?
  • replies: 6

We have been together for 5 years. We love each other but we are both not happy anymore. We moved in together after 2 years. He was constantly at my place anyways, so I thought it's just fair if he moves in officially and starts doing his fair share ... View more

We have been together for 5 years. We love each other but we are both not happy anymore. We moved in together after 2 years. He was constantly at my place anyways, so I thought it's just fair if he moves in officially and starts doing his fair share of housework and paying bills. It was nice at first. I started realising that I do most of the chores myself. If I didn't put the bins out on bin day, no one would. I started to feel resentful and to not enjoy being intimate any longer. I told him that I don't want to be the one doing all the work and it got a bit better afterwards for a while. Still, there were so many things that were left up to me. I was working 40-55 hours a week. He only did 40. Last year we went on a big holiday. I did all of the planning and organising (working out the route, booking hotels & transport, day trips). While I enjoy planning holidays, it felt strange to do it pretty much by myself. When I mentioned to him that I do all the planning, he asked: "But what do you want me to do?" I have been looking at buying a house and doing a lot of research in the last 3 years. I have also been working very hard to be able to save. At first I was believing that we would get a house together, but due to him not showing much interest in the topic and his inability to save money, I eventually bought the house by myself. The deal was that it is my house but our home and that he will only pay very low rent, in return for helping me with renovations. Eventually I got frustrated because again he was not showing much interest in anything. It was meant to be our home, not just mine! I get enthusiastic when I have a great renovation idea or find a great bargain but when I run it by him, he only points out the downsides. When I told him that I finally bought the flooring materials, his first reaction was : "Oh no, you should have bought 10% extra for offcuts, not just 8%." Small things add up. On the bottom line, I put a lot of time and effort into things (holidays, home, tidying up) but he hardly contributes anything. I ran out of energy. Are our personalities just not compatible, me being someone that is constantly trying to improve myself, the house, my fitness VS him being more passive? He doesn't have any plans for his future either. He is a good person, but he is not coming from a very 'sophisticated' background. Am I asking too much, is this just the way he is? Are all men like this? Or is he using me and I am just being a complete fool?

Ghr29 Signs of depression?
  • replies: 5

Hi everyone! My partner of 9 years has recently come to me and said he is no longer happy in our relationship. This come as a total shock to myself as we never fight/ argue (sometimes bicker) and things have always been good or so I thought. We have ... View more

Hi everyone! My partner of 9 years has recently come to me and said he is no longer happy in our relationship. This come as a total shock to myself as we never fight/ argue (sometimes bicker) and things have always been good or so I thought. We have a 3 year old son also. He is saying he loves me and will always love me and care for me etc but just isn't happy anymore? He has undiagnosed sleep apnea which he refuses to do anything about so is forever tired. I feel like this has contributed to how he is feeling but I'm wondering if he could also be depressed? He has lost interest in things he enjoyed doing, everyone around him frustrates him including close friends.. He is going through a stressful situation at work (prior to the covid 19 pandemic) and am wondering if maybe everything has become to much for him and I am taking the brunt of it? I have suspected that he may have depression for the past few years. Starting with a job that was extremely stressful. Once he resigned from this position he was a different person. Then he slowly slipped back to his old self when our car blew up. He drove a cheap car for a few months and then we got him a new car as he said this was making him down. Once we got the new car things were good again for a little while. Now he is saying that everything he thought was the reason behind his depressed feelings wasn't and that it must be our relationship. Could he have depression? Or does it sound like maybe our relationship has taken a toll on his mental health? Sorry I know there are so many parts to my question!! Thanks!

Blue_Adriatic Overwhelmed
  • replies: 5

Hi everyone I’m feeling so sad and overwhelmed and so alone. I’m a single mum and my job was made redundant recently. I finish in May so, I have some time left, but the jobs I had on the boil have all been cancelled due to CV-19. I’m currently workin... View more

Hi everyone I’m feeling so sad and overwhelmed and so alone. I’m a single mum and my job was made redundant recently. I finish in May so, I have some time left, but the jobs I had on the boil have all been cancelled due to CV-19. I’m currently working from home and managing my kids plus putting heaps of work into trying to find a job. I’m not spending any time with my kids and other mums are baking, playing etc.. I feel like a failure. I don’t have my parents anymore and my ex has not wanted to see the kids for two weeks. He’s scared of getting CV-19. They aren’t sick. Perfectly healthy. I’m so worried about not getting a job and am so sad and feel alone in all this. The weight of being fully responsible for absolutely every single thing is too much. None of my friends understand as many don’t work, have husbands, parents helping. I feel myself becoming jealous and that is a terrible way to be. I’m also feeling like I’ll never have a partner to love or who will love me again. Just so alone and miserable and can’t pull myself out of this place. I have seen a psych for a number of years, on and off, but can’t afford it right now. Also have been on anti depressants before. Maybe I need them again?? Sorry to go on about it all. Thanks for reading xo.

Jorji Depression and lack of intimacy in relationship
  • replies: 1

Hey! So long story short I've been super stressed out lately and got diagnosed with depression after an abortion. I haven't really been feeling intimate with my boyfriend, hes expressed his concern about it and I've been trying really hard to get pas... View more

Hey! So long story short I've been super stressed out lately and got diagnosed with depression after an abortion. I haven't really been feeling intimate with my boyfriend, hes expressed his concern about it and I've been trying really hard to get past it but I've been in a bit of a rut lately (since Feb) and I genuinely don't know what to do, I communicate to him how I'm feeling etc but he seems to not understand. Please help if you can.

Izakwinsor He photoshopped porn with a girl who isn't me. Why did he do this
  • replies: 8

I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years, I'm 22 and he's 23. But yesterday I discovered he had sent around 8 photos to himself on face book of photoshopped porn photos with some girls face in it who we don't know well but he clearly finds hot ... I... View more

I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years, I'm 22 and he's 23. But yesterday I discovered he had sent around 8 photos to himself on face book of photoshopped porn photos with some girls face in it who we don't know well but he clearly finds hot ... I confronted him about it he 1- lied straight away and made some story up and then he admitted to it and said it was just a once off thing and meant nothing and he's extreamly embarrassed about it. He then keeps telling me to stop talking about it as he's sorry and doesn't want it to be turned into a big thing as he PROMISES me it was a one time stupid thing. I feel extreamly degraded and confused as he's not like this and I'm just in shock.... Why do that if you have a girlfriend of 4 years you could ask for nudes from?. I feel this is the end as i don't trust him and he doesn't get why this is such a large issue for this relationship. I then found out today he follows a girl he's meet ONCE at a party in January on his spam/funny Instagram and literally doesn't know her? those two things happening in 24 hours has just made me think he clearly doesn't want me and thinks I'm not good enough. And he has the audacity to tell me to stop going on about it and to stop attacking him, when I don't I'm just hurt and wants answers. We are on a break now and i don't see a future with him anymore .

Bliss72 Feeling Lost and Confused
  • replies: 7

A week ago my partner of 7 years asked for a break as we have been having a few problems. He says the spark is gone and he doesn't know how to get it back. He said he is unhappy and that we need to work on ourselves to get back to a good place before... View more

A week ago my partner of 7 years asked for a break as we have been having a few problems. He says the spark is gone and he doesn't know how to get it back. He said he is unhappy and that we need to work on ourselves to get back to a good place before we concentrate on us. I moved out and I am feeling more alone confused and hurt then ever. I love him more than anything and want to make it work as we have so much in common and have so many good memories together. Our intimacy did go down the drain due to a few bad things happening in my life and he was always there for me. Our parting ways is for about 6mths which is what he asked for. I want to hold onto hope but it hurts so much.

Shannelle Living with my BIL is creating tension, anger and anxiety
  • replies: 5

My husband and I recently eloped, and a few weeks before the elopement he said that his brother from overseas was wanting to live in Melbourne, and that he said we would let him live with us. I was so shocked and against the idea from the beginning, ... View more

My husband and I recently eloped, and a few weeks before the elopement he said that his brother from overseas was wanting to live in Melbourne, and that he said we would let him live with us. I was so shocked and against the idea from the beginning, but my now husband comes from a traditional family helps family upbringing and he didn't really allow me room to discuss fully, and before we knew it, his brother was living with us. Fast forward to 2 months later and my brother in law, 19, now is living in our spare room. He is respectful, quiet and a little bit reclusive and awkward. He has applied for jobs online but other then that he spends 24/7 in his room, sleeps in until 3pm, wakes up and plays video games, assumes when i cook its for him and doesn't leave the house unless its with me or my husband. As context, I am a product of my environment, and my house is my sacred place. Before BIL moved in, my husband and I were happy with little arguments and my anxiety, stress and overall mental well being was the best it had been in a while. Now that my brother in law lives with us, everything has came crashing down hard. I'm irritated, anxious and my husband and I argue about him living here every single day. I've asked my husband on numerous occasions to give him a set date to move out, to give him house rules to follow - simple ones such as cook your own food, contribute to house work, don't spend all day in you room etc His brother has issues of his own, but this was another reason I was against him moving here, as we work full time, and we don't have the capacity to nurture and school him through adolescence. My husband comes from a history of mental health issues too, and I know that this is something I see in his brother everyday, but it's rarely discussed. I'm at my wits end. Every day I'm irritated - irritated at my husband for allowing this and irritated at the situation. I'm scared that if this is not resolved, I will want to end my short lived marriage and I'm even MORE scared that even after this event in our lives is gone, I will still be angry that my husband allowed this to go on, knowing very well how I felt and how it was affecting me, his brother and our relationship. If he only thought about the consequences this could have all been avoided and I feel a better outcome for everyone. His brother can't find a job, so he is looking to move home, but again there is no set dates or hard lines here. Suggestions welcome.

Lost27 Healthy relationship feelings, unsure?
  • replies: 2

Hey everyone, So I have never been in a healthy relationship till the one I'm in now. I have a few questions. Firstly what should or do other people feel in such a relationship? Because sometimes I feel as though I could be without him or when we fig... View more

Hey everyone, So I have never been in a healthy relationship till the one I'm in now. I have a few questions. Firstly what should or do other people feel in such a relationship? Because sometimes I feel as though I could be without him or when we fight I'm fine if we just broke up or maybe I'm looking for a way out? I'm not sure. I know i have trust issues because of my last relationship so i dont know of i am just over thinking and just trying to get out of it or we shouldn't be together. Because i love being around him, i see a future, I want to move in with him and love cuddling etc but then I dont know where these feelings of I guess if we broke up I could see myself with someone else etc. So half so me is like i love him and hate that I'm feeling this than half of me is like i probably dont actully love him and dont want to be with him. I don't know of I should feel more pull or being content and happy is corrwct? I also have anxiety and depression. Thank you