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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Marnielou Newbie
  • replies: 2

Hi all, I'm hoping there are some people out there going through similar. To try and give the run down in a short space, I have been married 9 years and have two children. I had an unplanned pregnant almost 2 years ago and my husband freaked out abou... View more

Hi all, I'm hoping there are some people out there going through similar. To try and give the run down in a short space, I have been married 9 years and have two children. I had an unplanned pregnant almost 2 years ago and my husband freaked out about the financial implications. We ended up having an abortion and put simply,it has destroyed me. The guilt is imeasurable and I have never forgiven myself in spite of the fact that I had extensive counselling in the lead up and after and felt as though it was my own decision. I've since been very disappointed with my husband's handling of my grief and subsequent diagnosis of depression and feel unsupported and unhappy. We haven't had sex for 2 years and fight constantly. I want a trial separation but we can't afford two places. I've really struggled to manage my depression since and the medication I've been prescribed has little ef effect. I need a way to pullmyself out of the sadness.

TC_1 Partners behaviour
  • replies: 2

Hi All I’m Tracey I live on the northern beaches with my partner and daughter I’m getting increasingly worried snout my partner he goes out on drinking binges take drugs if they are available he has no stop button he goes out for 10 hour sessions he ... View more

Hi All I’m Tracey I live on the northern beaches with my partner and daughter I’m getting increasingly worried snout my partner he goes out on drinking binges take drugs if they are available he has no stop button he goes out for 10 hour sessions he doesn’t think it’s a problem!he can hardly function the next day...he either drinks to excess or stops all together when he stops he is a different person Over the last few years he has lost interest in sex he has outbursts of anger over nothing he can’t sleep at night (he usually drinks at weekends) he falls asleep at dinner time he is very controlling over money checks my phone questions everything I do our daughter has started to pick up on his moods and calls him grumpy I’m not sure if he is depressed but it’s getting worse and worse it’s breaks my heart to see him the day after a session if I question him he goes mad and turns it on me saying I’m an idiot and to leave him he calls me names during a argument and ignores me for a few days I’m at a loss what to do I would never leave as it would break my daughters heart I think he needs some kind of help but he’s to proud to admit it he sometimes says he feels down. any help or suggestions would be appreciated Tracey

Jon80 Wife cheated my fault
  • replies: 4

Well start by saying I have a son to previous partner it did not work out no I have been with my new partner 11 years and I guess she has wanted to see a councillor for a while I didn't. we have had a lot of problems .i have neglected her and the kid... View more

Well start by saying I have a son to previous partner it did not work out no I have been with my new partner 11 years and I guess she has wanted to see a councillor for a while I didn't. we have had a lot of problems .i have neglected her and the kids. I shut my self out being selfish I guess just not helping with the kids much or just ignoring everybody .i work long hrs 6 days we have a nice house. Now she has lost love for me and has been having an affair with her boss I found out when I took the our 2 kids this Christmas for a month over seas to ski and see family. We got back now I begged her for one more chance she said yes but she resents me still say she is not in love with me any more Now I'm doing everything giving her all my love and the kids and hoping she will stop seeing this guy out guilt. I know it's still happening. I am so destroyed I want to see these kids grow up so I'm giving my soul away hoping it all works out her parents said its my fault but said they don't want a broken family. They said just keep giving your love and she will soon stop cheating out of guilt. ...is it my fault should I stay or should I go into crazy mode and say she cheated I'll keep house and get kids once a week and she can live with this older man

Mmmcoffee Relationship Abandonment
  • replies: 2

Hi, I am going to use this forum to tell my story, happy for anyone to comment, advise, or people to add similar experiences, or lessons learnt, but all in all I just want to talk and describe where I have been and where I am at the present moment. S... View more

Hi, I am going to use this forum to tell my story, happy for anyone to comment, advise, or people to add similar experiences, or lessons learnt, but all in all I just want to talk and describe where I have been and where I am at the present moment. So here's my story: I am a 52 year old male, married with two young boys, 10yrs & 5 yrs. My wife and I have been married for 13 yrs and been together for 17 yrs. We have had some major challenges in our time together which changes the person and I guess in this case their relationship with each other. Our first born had to have an emergency surgery at 2 yrs of age, he had a tumour on the top of his lung, and the operation was a nasty one due to his age and the size of the tumour, when his surgery was completed he was on support for his lungs as they had collapsed due to the nature of the surgery. I spent 5 days and nights beside his bed as the doctors slowly reducing the dependence on the lung machine as it was important that his lungs operate by themselves, if they did not his lungs would collapse and he would had died. After the bedside vidual the machine was turned off and his lungs did the rest, I was able to finally let go and fall asleep. My wife at the time was 7 months pregnant and I did not want her to have anymore stress than there was. Unbeknownst to us our 2nd born had a condition called biliary atresia, basically his liver was not functioning normally, and required multiple surgeries until a liver transplant. We spent the next 9 months living in the hospital system, hoping and waiting for a cadaver transplant. Whilst waiting and knowing time was running out as a baby was living in a toxic world, I was "worked up" to be a "live" donor. The Doctor who did the tests on me was surprised I was 100% compatible. he was prepared to do the surgery on me, but the children's liver team were not keen as our child was too sick to do a major operation. Everyone at some point in time look for their purpose in life, I truly believed that this was my purpose in life to share my liver with my son to save his life, however at 9 months age he eventually died in my arms before any donor transplant could be done. I went to counselling and told them my story and they said I had similar conditions as Vietnam Vets, - sleep deprivation, see futility, blood and gore, desperation, and then death, before being dropped back into society to live a normal life, smile, laugh at peoples jokes, whilst inside you are totally destroyed. So my wife and I have suffered immensely during this time, we had a third child who is now 5 years old and healthy. What is not healthy is our relationship with each other. Since the birth of our third child we have grown distance and struggle to be a couple again, seem to live separate lives under the same roof. I struggle to get my wife to communicate with me, and try to understand what I need to do to get out lives back together. This is the relationship abandonment- my wife doesn't seem to want me anymore. I have as recent explained to her that I love her and that together we need to be kind, caring, mindful to each other and that we need to learn how to love each other again. So now that you have a background into my story, this thread is about me trying to save my marriage and help my wife and myself be together again, I will add to this thread the day to day outcomes, learnings wins/loses as it helps me talk about things as I don't have anyone else to divulge with. Thankyou

kmoz90 Breakup - unsure what to do
  • replies: 1

My ex partner of six months broke up with me very suddenly just before Christmas. She has been a victim of childhood abuse at the hands of her mother. As such she had not had any emotionally intimate relationships until she met me (she is 28). I am h... View more

My ex partner of six months broke up with me very suddenly just before Christmas. She has been a victim of childhood abuse at the hands of her mother. As such she had not had any emotionally intimate relationships until she met me (she is 28). I am her first partner in over 3 years and the first person she felt she was truly in love with. She has been experiencing emotional burnout at work - she has inherited a family business which is failing, and has been putting in 12ish hours a day, sometimes 6 days a week in order to try and survive and keep the business afloat. She has been extremely tired, not exercising correctly and suffering from insomnia. The break up seemed very rash and odd. I was away on holiday for two weeks, and while I was away she was freaking out with anxiety. She broke up with me over a Facebook message, and subsequently a phone call where I was blasted with a lot of anger and blame for her well being. I have attempted to reach out to try and have a face to face conversation to try and resolve differences but she has found excuses to push me away and told me I am not hers to worry about anymore. I am worried about her mental state - obviously I have to maintain a certain level of distance and try to be delicate in any communication attempts moving forward, but there are at the very least some loose ends we need to tie up (she has keys to my house which she has not yet returned). Unsure how to approach this! It is hard when someone you love is suffering and they have pushed you away or they feel that you are the source of their unhappiness, when you want to be part of a support network for them.

BillieJo Parent divorce causing anxiety as an adult
  • replies: 1

Hello online community, this is my first post on here and am hoping to gain some insight into fellow member experiences of parent divorce and anxiety. Very recently my mother found my father with another woman, they are starting their process into di... View more

Hello online community, this is my first post on here and am hoping to gain some insight into fellow member experiences of parent divorce and anxiety. Very recently my mother found my father with another woman, they are starting their process into divorce and selling our family home, I am 27 and no longer live with either of my parents but I still find this a sad moment for our family. My father continuously seeks to blame others for everything, including myself, he brings up my past experience of sexual abuse by a stranger for ruining his and my mothers marriage. He continually texts me rambling on and on about his other woman and tries to explain himself and his actions through several texts a day. Three days ago I had what I think is my first ever panic attack, his messages and blaming all got too much and I had a further 2 attacks all about 12 hours apart. I am still feeling extremely anxious, I tried to work today but couldnt due to the shaking and emotions. As much as I am angry towards my father for making me feel this way I cant not talk to him as I still love him despite his actions. But talking to him just makes me more anxious. On top of all this with him I am also dealing with hearing my mother flirt with other men and she even asks me about contraceptive methods. I am just completely lost and feel like im drowning in this process but no matter how much I try to ignore I still have a part of me that wants to be there for them. Has anyone else had a similar experience? Or have any suggestions on how I can stop this anxiety from becoming worse? Thank you so much for taking the time to read this!

Nervybella Flaky friends, or am I over- invested?
  • replies: 2

Hi all Havent posted here for a while. I’m feeling pretty sad about a recent situation. I have a friend (been close friends for over 20 years). We catch up semi regularly and I would say have a good relationship. however... this friend often cancels ... View more

Hi all Havent posted here for a while. I’m feeling pretty sad about a recent situation. I have a friend (been close friends for over 20 years). We catch up semi regularly and I would say have a good relationship. however... this friend often cancels or changes plans on me last minute and for seemingly poor reasons. Latest example: due to meet for dinner at 6pm. It’s 5:30 so I am dressed and ready to meet up. Get a text to say “mum needs my help with something at home so can we meet at 9pm instead”. I answer and say sorry but no, I have work tomorrow to that’s too late for me... so we plan to reschedule another day I can’t help but feel like I am more invested in this relationship. If I say I’ll do something, meet someone etc I keep my word. Doesn’t having plans mean you don’t then take on another plan with someone else? Do you ditch the plan because something better comes up? Id love to know if anyone else has had friends like this and if so, what have you done? im not a confrontational person but really feeling like something needs to be said... best Bella

Ashh1 He'd rather lie to me than leave me
  • replies: 3

It started on Saturday with me taking care of my partner cause he was sick and yet again cancelling the first pair of his friends that I was ever going to meet. We have been talking to each other since Jan'19 and started dating in June'19. Because he... View more

It started on Saturday with me taking care of my partner cause he was sick and yet again cancelling the first pair of his friends that I was ever going to meet. We have been talking to each other since Jan'19 and started dating in June'19. Because he had gastro, Sunday morning i had some gut instinct that told me he had eaten crap and was lying to me, so went to check his uber eats. Then came across snapchat which he claimed he didnt know to use, we would always do funny ones on my phone. So i thought Id surprise him and add me on his chat and send him funny pics. But boy when I opened the snap chat i saw that there were a trail of messages and photos sent to his ex as recent as Jan 3rd (Now you have to know it is very uncharacteristic and against my own principle to snoop through someone's phone) The messages were not innocent at all, he was calling her a dirty bitch, both were claiming to have feelings for each other and the kick in the gut was the day before I left to Vanuatu i told him that i might be pregnant as I was late. After consoling me that we would deal with it together and that I should take care of myself and enjoy my holiday etc, the same day he sends her messages of wanting to spoon her. Now he had told me that he had broken up with this girl in Sept'18 and the last time he met was Jan'19. He was leading his ex on, she didnt know I existed, so I thought I should tell her that he has been lying and cheating to both of us. But when I did, she ended up covering up a fair bit for him. Later when we were in the car, she called up and said that they only broke up in August and the last they met was in September during which time he made her meet his granny. You see I had met his granny in October, so for his granny to meet 2 girls within a span of 1.5months - just not done! wrong! This is also when i realised that when we had started seeing each other back in June, he was still dating his ex, and was probably readying me as a back up. When in september we decided to be exclusive, he had made me uninstall all my dating apps, claiming to have done the same. except i later found out that he had still been flirting with other women until 2nd week of october. he reached out to his ex end of october. Dug even deeper, found out that his friends had set him up with another woman who he dated between June to July, so essentially he was involved with 3 of us.

Mads_ Friendships with someone struggling with an ED
  • replies: 2

Hi all, So I have a close friend who has an eating disorder. It's pretty bad, but she's in recovery. I help her through it a lot, she often comes and tells me what she's feeling / has done (she used to do this regularly, but hasn't in a couple months... View more

Hi all, So I have a close friend who has an eating disorder. It's pretty bad, but she's in recovery. I help her through it a lot, she often comes and tells me what she's feeling / has done (she used to do this regularly, but hasn't in a couple months and instead goes to another friend who she went to from the start anyway). Anyway, I've found that its starting to impinge on my mental health and I'm starting to get the feeling that I no longer want to continue a close friendship with her. However, if I do this I know she'll just think its her fault and feel worse, and I doth want her to have more on her plate. I'm about to start my last year of high school and we are planning to go to different universities, so I assume we will lose contact in that gap, as I will with most of my friends anyway. So, if anyone had any advice on what I can do (so I don't hurt her or my feelings) that would be great.

Quercus Adoption
  • replies: 16

Hi everyone, Last week driving my son to school there was a story on the radio. I burst into tears and all of the feelings of worry, guilt, grief, fear, anxiety and wanting won't leave me. Ryan Jon posted a thank you to his biological mother on mothe... View more

Hi everyone, Last week driving my son to school there was a story on the radio. I burst into tears and all of the feelings of worry, guilt, grief, fear, anxiety and wanting won't leave me. Ryan Jon posted a thank you to his biological mother on mother's day to thank her for putting him up for adoption. The story spread like wildfire because it hit home to so many. But me... It left me feeling crap. Why? Because I asked my Mum (who was adopted in a closed adoption) to ask for her medical records. This means court because when she was very sick as a young Mum they refused to allow her access to records. I have medical issues noone in my family has. And I have two kids of my own and I want to know if I have to worry. I don't want to know them. Maybe I'm a terrible human being but unlike Ryan Jon I don't have any compassion to give them. Now I'm pushing my own Mum away. Because four months later the discussion has been ignored. Nothing has happened and I feel like I don't have the right to demand the records myself because I wasn't the adopted child. My Mum made it clear she has never discussed it even with my Dad. That the issue is a giant can of worms that I'm too scared to force open and hurt her even more. I admire the bloke on the radio. He has a much bigger kinder heart than me. Just had to get this out. It feels like poison in my head and heart.