Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

Roxas Can't keep going on
  • replies: 4

So last couple months have been tough. Been feeling so constantly down and worthless with nothing making me feel better. So for context in the last 12 months I've been working a new job which I love however its 12 hour shifts 3-4 days in a row someti... View more

So last couple months have been tough. Been feeling so constantly down and worthless with nothing making me feel better. So for context in the last 12 months I've been working a new job which I love however its 12 hour shifts 3-4 days in a row sometimes and can be stressful somedays. Wife of nearly 10 years is a stay at home mum who hates the fact shes home all day even though she wanted to quit her job and I told her at the time she would regret it. We have an 8 year old son together. So lately all we seem to do when I step in the door is fight and all my days off she would rather complain and argue then actual spend time together. We have had the talk and both have said that neither of us are happy and if it wasn't for our son we probably wouldn't be together anymore. We also have a house that will start being Built in 2 weeks so we're not sure what we're going to do with that. Nothing I ever do seems to be good enough, nothing makes her happy. Haven't felt emotionally connected to her in as long as I can remember. Feel trapped in a miserable marriage to be honest. Then out of nowhere a new girl starts working in my area. We instantly connect and become really good Friends really quickly. I find myself forming a deep emotional connection with her . At this point I start to try and distance myself from her as much as I can which is very difficult When you spend 12 hours a day working with someone. She starts to bring me in coffee and home cooked meals to work just so we can talk and spend time together. I had started working out at the gym to try and cheer myself up and then decided it would be a good idea to invite her to become my gym buddy as well. So at this point other coworkers and friends had pulled me aside and asked if there was anything Going on to which I told them no. Sure we had a deep emotional connection And flirted alot and spent alot of time together but I didn't want anything but friendshipfrlfriendship. A close friend told me that maybe I should ask her directly if shes into me or just being friendly to which I did. She said that shes into me hard but the timings Just bad because I'm married. After hearing her Say that I realise that I've been crushing hard on her as well. We still talk about it, spend time together, hug, do dinners. I feel everythings So easy with her and its pointing out all the flaws with my unhappy marriage. So thats my headspace. Unhappily Married, crushing hard on coworker, pressure is building up. Trapped

Bee27 constant panic attacks
  • replies: 11

Hi all, This is my first post on here so I hope it works! I have GAD and am most of the time under control. I also have panic disorder which doesn’t appear to affect me most the time. But once I have a panic attack, everything seems to unravel and I ... View more

Hi all, This is my first post on here so I hope it works! I have GAD and am most of the time under control. I also have panic disorder which doesn’t appear to affect me most the time. But once I have a panic attack, everything seems to unravel and I am left trying to pick myself back up again and get out of the fight/flight mode that seems to riddle me after I have an attack. It feels as though another panic attack is just around the corner. These panic attacks often last for hours on end and I struggle to even function. i am married with 3 young kids and life with husband has become rather dull. We seem to be less interested in each other and barely talk to each other unless it involves discussing the kids. about 5 months ago I started a physical and emotional affair with another married man. This was like nothing I had ever done. Is something I never ever thought I could possibly do...but I became addicted. I did suffer pangs of guilt here and there but was so caught up in the new feelings of being wanted and heard that I was always able to override the guilt. this weekend however, the guilt has hit me like a freight train. I don’t want to lose my husband or my children and I don’t want to break up my family. I know if I tell my husband that our relationship would be completely done. But the guilt is so heavy it makes me want to confess. In the past when having a panic attack, confessing to something I’m guilty of has helped me get over the panic... usually it’s something very silly such as a thought that popped into my mind or a tiny white lie I might have told. My husband usually laughs and says don’t worry about it. And then I can move on. im worried that telling him this is more for my benefit of being able to confess and feel better rather than benefiting him. I know that it’s not ideal hiding this from him but to tell him would tear my family apart, and my kids and he would suffer. im hoping I can learn to get out of the panic cycle without having a “confession” and looking for any guidance. I know that having an affair is truly an awful thing to do and I’m sorry that I ever got into it. I’m still trying to figure out how I even got there when it is so far out my normal thinking to even consider one. please don’t post any negativity about the affair as I already feel guilty enough and am just looking for help. If youve come this far, Thanks for reading.

Luambery Losing a family member to a narcissistic partner
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone, I am posting as a concerned sister. My brother has been with his girlfriend for nearly three years. My brother was a very affable and social guy. Had the thousands of friends on social media, always came to family events with a smile, dr... View more

Hi everyone, I am posting as a concerned sister. My brother has been with his girlfriend for nearly three years. My brother was a very affable and social guy. Had the thousands of friends on social media, always came to family events with a smile, dropped in to see me and my children at least once every two days, went past Mum and Dads nearly daily for a run with Dad and to raid Mum's pantry. When he started dating his now fiance, we all welcomed her warmly. We loved her independence and confidence in her seemingly responsible life. We thought it would be a good influence on our show pony. However as time went on, little things happened like my brother forgetting a birthday, my brother not attending dinners because her brothers or family were having something, my brother not attending family business meetings (he has asked previously to be in our family business). He then moved out with her, fairly normal for their age but concerning as the control of his time began to tighten. His job was changed, his sports stopped, his involvement with the family business cut off. There were attempts of sabotage where she would tell him in front of my parents not to sign director documents until she had gone over them fully. Then, she got pregnant. My little family was cut off. I wasn't allowed to celebrate the birth of my niece and my mother and sister had to 'book an appointment' to visit. After seven weeks, my mother was told off for sharing photos of her granddaughter. 1 month after that she wasn't allowed to have any photos at all of the baby. The child turns one next week. My brother has completely cut himself off from my parents, he has blocked us all on his phone and he has deleted his social media. He doesn't catch up with friends or return grandparents phone calls. He lies as to why he is 'busy' to cover a lot up. He has threatened a restraining order on our mother if she tries to ever contact him. My parents are devastated, my father cant see past that this is mental abuse rather than bad behaviour. I am deeply concerned for my brother and for my niece and what they are subjected to. Through mutual friends, I met her exboyfriend. He got out, he said. He didn't see his family for 4 years and the reason they broke up, was because he wouldn't have a baby with her. What can I do or offer or anything to make this situation shift? I'm not a do nothing person, I can't close the door on him... Thank you for listening L

prickly_cactus I need some advice on my relationship
  • replies: 3

Me and my boyfriend have been being together for almost 3 years. Things were ok for the first year and a half of our relationship but argument started especially from last year. Most of them are because of his negativity towards his job and life in g... View more

Me and my boyfriend have been being together for almost 3 years. Things were ok for the first year and a half of our relationship but argument started especially from last year. Most of them are because of his negativity towards his job and life in general (things like politician's attitude can piss him off). That makes him a constant low energy level and he fails to commit things that he promised to do with me. There are several nearly-breakup moments over our relationship mostly because of our argument about his attitude. However he regretted saying breaking up afterwards but I was heartbroken every time he did that. Last year on my birthday, we were watching tv and chilling in the house and the atmosphere were fine but later we separated for a while and he ended up with a reluctant attitude when visiting me at night. He said " I wouldn't be here if today it's not your birthday". Even the next day he apologised, it hurt me so much. I tried to communicate to sort what he need and how he is feeling and we did ok for the next 2 months. However his strange attitude has started again lately. I invited him to our family dinner as me and my family are living in different country currently and I think it is a great chance to introduce him to my family and build the bond. He agreed to attend the day before when I asked him and on the day he said he felt shit from work and with low self-confidence and anxiety that makes him unwilling to socialise. He confessed the fact that he has been pretending to be kind to me. I was so upset with what he said cause he has been using an excuse of "not feeling great" to refuse to do what he has promised. We have just agreed to have another break on our relationship but I am not really sure if that will work if his attitude going around in-circle. There are small difficult moments that I don't mention there. I still love my boyfriend so I dont want to give up so easily but I am also heartbroken at the same times. His mood changes so often that makes me feel so insecure about the relationship. I doubt he has any mental issue as there's a depression issue in his family history (his dad and brother suffered from depression before).

cmargaret I don't know how to help my partner
  • replies: 6

Hi all, I have been noticing many changes in my partner for a while now and no matter how hard I try he keeps getting worse. He talks about struggling to see his worth and has admitted to me that he feels like passing on whenever a problem arises. I ... View more

Hi all, I have been noticing many changes in my partner for a while now and no matter how hard I try he keeps getting worse. He talks about struggling to see his worth and has admitted to me that he feels like passing on whenever a problem arises. I have tried suggesting strategies I have used in the past for similar feelings but he only gets mad and says nasty things towards me whenever I bring it up and refuses to acknowledge any problems. He has started becoming insecure about his job, family and our relationship. He is always angry coming home from work because his bosses have made snide remarks about him and I know he holds onto it for weeks, making him feel useless. His father has a problem with drugs and I have witnessed how this effects his communication and temper with his wife and my partner, calling them horrible names and yelling degrading things about them. He told me that it has always been like that. As a child his parents favoured his younger brother and wouldn't let him do any after school activities with friends because all their money, time and attention was spent on his brother. To this day he doesn't say anything at social events and he cannot hold a conversation, even being on his phone for the whole time we visit his grandparents. I have caught him going through my phone messages and he gets mad at me when he sees that another man has liked one of my photos on social media, I have to constantly reassure him of my love. I am studying engineering so most of my uni friends are male and this really bothers him, he cannot stand the fact that I am in required group chats with boys for my projects where we only discuss our course, but if I try to talk to him about the intimate messages he has sent to other girls during our relationship he tells me I'm being crazy. He expects me to sit around while he works on his car for hours and gets angry and ignores me when I say that I can't make it. Whenever I bring up things I would like to discuss about our relationship he gets so defensive and victimises himself and blames me for his unhappiness. He constantly dwells on the fact that I have had a boyfriend before him and has told me that he will never be able to get over it. He only ever uses his childhood as an explanation for his insecure behaviour and I don't think he has ever grown into someone seperate from those experiences. I know he is an amazing person and I absolutely love him, but I am scared of loosing myself again. How can I help?

Guest_3256 Why do some Partner's throw away a broken Partner for someone in better condition?
  • replies: 9

Hi all. I have recently joined the forum and really enjoy reading some of the threads which tend to be quite interesting, especially seeing what others are experiencing in their lives and through others viewpoints. I have noticed that there seems to ... View more

Hi all. I have recently joined the forum and really enjoy reading some of the threads which tend to be quite interesting, especially seeing what others are experiencing in their lives and through others viewpoints. I have noticed that there seems to be a trend in the replies of others when it comes to relationships issues. Obviously depending on ones relationship circumstances, I'd like to get peoples opinions on why so many partners are able to through in the towel and look for alternative options, rather than working with their partners to build a better relationship. Why do some partner's throw away a broken partner for someone in better condition? Best wishes, Jsua.

Cookie39 Alcoholic husband
  • replies: 3

I'm feeling completely lost in my relationship at the moment. My husband has been drinking alot and spends alot of money on his habit. He often gets wasted and drinks until all hours of the morning which has recently gotten him into trouble. We have ... View more

I'm feeling completely lost in my relationship at the moment. My husband has been drinking alot and spends alot of money on his habit. He often gets wasted and drinks until all hours of the morning which has recently gotten him into trouble. We have two young children at home and I feel like all of the household duties fall onto me and I get very little help from him. I have spoken to him dozens of times about how this is affecting us yet he just continues to do it. I feel like it is selfish behaviour on his part with all the money being spent and the lack of time he spends with our family. I have been empathetic, tried to ask what is going on, told him I support him etc yet there is just no sign of changing. I feel anxious, sad, stressed and tired. I dont know where to go from here.

Larlar ALL ABOUT THE MATES ! They are his priority.
  • replies: 10

So I have been in a long term relationship with my partner . We have 3 kids and are both in our mid 20s . When we had our first bubs we were very young and my partner would constantly go out . Spend all the money and do whatever he wanted . I use to ... View more

So I have been in a long term relationship with my partner . We have 3 kids and are both in our mid 20s . When we had our first bubs we were very young and my partner would constantly go out . Spend all the money and do whatever he wanted . I use to tell myself it's because he was 18/19 andhewould get passed it but he has not . He still is constantly with his friends and leaves me and the kids to our own plans etc. I have had the discussion with him that it would be nice if he spent more time with us but am always greeted with the same agitated responses and excuses as to why he can't or doesn't want to . I'm confused because I can't understand why he wouldn't want to spend time with me or the kids and also as to why his mates are so appealing ? Side note he genuinely doesn't think that he doing anything wrong and asks why I care so much . He never comes to my family events and I go to all of his and he always says we come first but we never actually do. Will he ever grow up or see that he is not spending enough time with his children ? I'm so over him being out every day and me doing all the caring and house work and kids stuff. I work part-time too and he hardly even watches them when I work ....

Jazzyt I’m an adult, so why are you still treating me like a child?
  • replies: 2

When is enough enough. I’m a 26 year old female. My father still controls what I’m doing. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about it, and there is a long list of narcissistic traits. I’ve realised I’ve dealt with it my whole life, so I’ve always just... View more

When is enough enough. I’m a 26 year old female. My father still controls what I’m doing. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about it, and there is a long list of narcissistic traits. I’ve realised I’ve dealt with it my whole life, so I’ve always just dealt with it. But now it’s different because it’s starting to affect my relationship with my fiancé. My father gaslights, will not engage in a conversation with me if he doesn’t like what I’m saying. I’m not allowed to stay over at my fiancé’s house (we aren’t financially ready to move out). If I go out more nights in a week than I’m home he gives me the cold shoulder, knowing I’ll feel guilty for it. But I don’t think I should. When I’m feeling alone and then try to speak to my mum or sisters about it, it’s like everyone just wants to please him. I can’t really speak to my mum cause she just shuts me down but always has time for my sisters. They have bestowed an abundance of responsibility on me on top of my uni work & full time job. If I don’t do what they want I’m called ungrateful and told I’m asking for too much. I’m so scared to stand up to him because I still don’t want to displease him what do I do? How can I be free?