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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Nothappyuni What does "I love you, but I'm not 'In Love' with you" mean, seriously?
  • replies: 6

My partner of 25 years kept telling me "I love you, but I'm not in love with you". She insisted I was foolish to leave, and should "get over the abuse". I, however, am still wondering just what the phrase literally means. Ideas??

My partner of 25 years kept telling me "I love you, but I'm not in love with you". She insisted I was foolish to leave, and should "get over the abuse". I, however, am still wondering just what the phrase literally means. Ideas??

Waban67 Get down about being single
  • replies: 2

Hello all, I am a single mother of two teenage boys. I have predominately been single since their father and I split 10 years ago. I am outgoing, have great friends, work and play music in bands an generally have a good life, although I do find being... View more

Hello all, I am a single mother of two teenage boys. I have predominately been single since their father and I split 10 years ago. I am outgoing, have great friends, work and play music in bands an generally have a good life, although I do find being the primary carer all the time exhausting. I am possibly a little fussy about who I get involved with. I take care of my physical and mental health. I'm not a massive drinker and enjoy having hobbies. Communication is also really important to me. I had hoped I could meet someone who also cared about their health, liked being active, was an open honest communicator, was affectionate and had a love for music. I have a few failed attempts at relationships over the last few years and I get so incredibly down when they don't work. I go to such dark places and I don't want to be like this. My boys need me to be OK. My eldest son who is 17 has recently started having mental health issues, which he is thankfully open about and we are seeking help. I know with all that is going on with him, I shouldn't be thinking about relationships, but I don't want to be on my own forever. I would love to be in a relationship. I am an incredibly independent person in so many ways, but I think most of us need someone special in our lives. I have just ended another failed relationship. We were only together a few months, but I am doubting myself and would love to just have a general chat online about this if possible to help me work through my thinking.

Bee_009 Am I really an awful person?
  • replies: 2

Hi all, I don't even know where to start, so a bit of background, I was seeing this girl for about a year now but we had never been 'official'. We both had/have been going through a lot as individuals. For me it was the end of a previous relationship... View more

Hi all, I don't even know where to start, so a bit of background, I was seeing this girl for about a year now but we had never been 'official'. We both had/have been going through a lot as individuals. For me it was the end of a previous relationship which was partially ended because I developed feelings for her while I was still with him. I had and still do feel so much guilt around how things ended. For her, she unexpectedly lost her dad six months ago. So, we decided that it best if we work on them before entering a relationship. In saying this, we were saying I love you and acting like we were together. When we had this converstation, the topic of exclusivity came up and we obviously got very different things out of that conversation. Although I wanted to be with her and did not have the desire to 'date' other people, physically I was not exclusive. At the time I honestly thought that is what we had agreed on, otherwise I wouldn't have been with anyone else. She discovered that I had been with someone else and was really hurt. I explained that I must have misinterpreted the conversation we had and that I sincerely apologise for hurting her. Although difficult I believed that we were moving past it. This past week it was brought up again, somewhat out of the blue and she was upset with me again. I apologised once again for hurting her but said that I didn't want to live my life as the bad guy, we either need to work through it or not. Again, the road was going to be rocky but I felt that we were getting somewhere. Then last night we went out with my friend and while I was in the bathroom my friend reached out to her and said that she knows we've had our ups and downs but shes rooting for us to work out. The girl I was seeing apparently became very defensive asking what my friend knew then asking for details of a night I'd been with someone else, accusing her of covering things up. When I came back from the bathroom she asked when that night was so I told her and she left. She walked out, I chased after her with no luck. Minutes later she sends me probably the most hurtful text I have ever gotten. She highlighted that the night was the same month as her dads funeral and that I am a 'piece of shit and she wants bothing to do with me'. My heart is aching, I can't believe it's over and that she has so much hate towards me. I feel sick, I can't sleep...am I really this awful person?

Pintsa Husband refuses treatment
  • replies: 1

My husband is 38 years old. I am 32 and we have a 19 year old daughter (My step daughter) and 3 more girls 5, 3 and 2. We have been married for 8 years and he is my world. I adore him. He has suffered server depression for nearly 3 years now and he i... View more

My husband is 38 years old. I am 32 and we have a 19 year old daughter (My step daughter) and 3 more girls 5, 3 and 2. We have been married for 8 years and he is my world. I adore him. He has suffered server depression for nearly 3 years now and he is declining even further at an alarming rate. I do all I can to ease his pain, stress and troubles but I feel like a complete failure. He refuses to see a doctor to seek help. Tells me he will get over it. He won't even consider treatment of any kind. I finally got him to a doctor after 2 years but he was put on 2 different anti depressants that didn't help and now refuses to ever try again. Al13 ofour little girls have tourettes and ADHD. My husband can't handle noise with his illness so all my energy is trying to keep 3 young kids who can't sit still, scream, yell, all with mental illness as quite as possible while also trying to give them structure and do all the work, and also do what I can to help hubby. At times He is angry and mean, so so heart crushing mean (we never used to fight). And although it deflates me I try and remember its not him, its the illness. While also letting him know it's not ok. He is suicidal But tells me he always stops and wouldn't do it because of our kids, but I believe that less ans less Now and am on constant suicide watch I'm exhausted, I'm tried and im out of answers and ideas to get him through. I have even tried different crystals or natural therapy even though I'm not a believer in it because I'm desperate. I will keep trying until the end of my days until he is better but I'm silently starting to suffer too but just suck it up because my whole family need me. Can anyone offer advice. At this point it would be easier to Cure world hunger than get him to accept help

Hayes_Hazard Can it get worse ..?
  • replies: 6

Hello, I’m a first timer here, I’ll need to explain a few things, I’m a mum of x2 teen girls.. family of 4 (Mum, Dad & 2 girls) 4 years ago my family separated due to my partner having an affair, it all fell apart, the woman having an affair with my ... View more

Hello, I’m a first timer here, I’ll need to explain a few things, I’m a mum of x2 teen girls.. family of 4 (Mum, Dad & 2 girls) 4 years ago my family separated due to my partner having an affair, it all fell apart, the woman having an affair with my partner was also using and grooming my oldest daughter to her benefit, the affair ended - never lasted. This also destroyed the relationship I had with my oldest daughter. She is 17 soon to be 18 and we have never recovered, she simply has no respect, no love for me yet I try to show interest and love and support back but feel it’s all thrown back in my face. My family is back together .. my partner and I are best friends however we don’t see eye to eye when it comes to my oldest daughter .. I feel helpless and alone.. not respected and hated I my own home .. I have a good relationship with my youngest and concentrate on that as I feel I have lost it all with my oldest.. I have no idea how to mend or salvage any type of relationship with her and sadly feels like I really dislike her completely for the hatred and disrespect she shows me.. I’m lost and so very alone ... at the very end of it all it could quite possibly ruin our family unit again.. it has consumed me and is making me very depressed

Overitt How to fake being happy
  • replies: 4

I need to be strong I need to keep it together for my kids I need to push the negative crap away and at least pretend I’m ok so how do I do that

I need to be strong I need to keep it together for my kids I need to push the negative crap away and at least pretend I’m ok so how do I do that

white knight Talking to men: some tips
  • replies: 6

I recall my father (now dec) when he was under pressure his face would always go red followed by throwing his cigarette on the ground. That's as far as he'd ever go with reaction. As I grew older I realised what he felt. This "pressure" has got worse... View more

I recall my father (now dec) when he was under pressure his face would always go red followed by throwing his cigarette on the ground. That's as far as he'd ever go with reaction. As I grew older I realised what he felt. This "pressure" has got worse over time and for me it is trying to think of more than one thing at a time. A man's disease? Snapping at my wife occurs many times daily. A post I read tonight was similar where a wife has a depressed husband with a short fuse. There is really no good time to interrupt some of us men. If we are self servicing our car or hammering a nail in a piece of wood, we are too busy to listen to a simple request for our partners. Sad isnt it? Sadder still for our partners whom are simply asking us to do something for them. So, what can we do? Well my first response is that the male cant do anything about it. That his initial reaction is his natural reaction to huff and puff and answer in a grumpy manner everytime his wife asks him a request. Not so. Like every problem we sufferers and our carers face - it takes two to solve it and requires patience and planning, to achieve a partial improvement. So once you have such an agreement you can both start on the plan. Approach techniques play a huge part. Remember ladies, the guy is concentrating. he may only be hammering a nail in a block of wood but unbeknown to you he has 5 or more tasks running in his head. His day is planned, actually it was planned the day before when lying in bed gazing into space....you know, that moment you thought he was ignoring you. His projects fill his mind. So in this case you yell out "Tony, can you take the garbage out to the naturestrip". And it tips him over the edge. "Oh, yeh alright". = grumpy reply. At this point you throw a tantrum because this answer combined with another grumpy reply early in the day and you've had enough. Argument follows. Tears, hopefully apologies and that cycle goes on and on because the technique doesnt change. Try this. Approach your guy and ask him how his project is going. Then say "when you get a chance darling, can you do ...."? It will work. The man has responsibility to. "Thanks sweetheart for taking an interest..." and "I can fit that in between that job before I get on the roof..."= friendly teamwork Approach is the number one. Another thing men should do is to realise that women still do (as the stats prove) much of the housework. Discuss what you can do to share chores equally. Understanding = less upsets

sharkfinn5 Worried about a friend
  • replies: 2

Hi all, I am really worried about a friend of mine who I have been best friends with for 8 years. We did a lot together and it was a very solid relationship. During the course of our friendship she would often go quiet for a few weeks into what she c... View more

Hi all, I am really worried about a friend of mine who I have been best friends with for 8 years. We did a lot together and it was a very solid relationship. During the course of our friendship she would often go quiet for a few weeks into what she called her 'hermit' stage. I learnt to accept this and just kept checking in. I wasn't overly concerned about it at the time. She was also very moody and irritable, but again I wasn't alarmed. The past year she was more distant than usual. We only saw each other once during the entire year, but I tried to keep up text conversations (From the beginning I always had to text first and she often didn't reply - so again this wasn't unusual behaviour). I texted for Christmas and New years with no reply. Then messaged on other social media sites asking if she was okay and that I was worried. I still did not hear back. I decided to call this week and she was very rude. She said she was on her way out and so I asked if she could call me back later. She said "Maybe" and hung up. That is really out of character for her. I then texted asking if she didn't want to talk could she message me back because I was worried. She told me that she's good and that our friendship has run its course. Then she thanked me for the friendship. It was all very business like and very unlike her. She has a family history of bipolar disorder and I am really worried that she is maybe suffering with mental health issues. I was hoping people who have more insight on this could give me some advice on what to do. I have been really flat and anxious since it all happened. It was so unexpected. Her friendship means the world to me and i'm really worried about her.

aidyl Loss of my mother
  • replies: 10

I've just recently lost my mother after being her carer for the past 10 years. The emptiness is almost unbearable - she was my entire life for so long. She fought many health battles over the years, but always managed to rally back to life, sometimes... View more

I've just recently lost my mother after being her carer for the past 10 years. The emptiness is almost unbearable - she was my entire life for so long. She fought many health battles over the years, but always managed to rally back to life, sometimes almost miraculously. Consequently, it seemed (absurdly, I admit) that she would never die. Now that she's gone, it just doesn't seem real, it doesn't seem right - that someone with so much courage and strength should die. How do I go on? Stephen

Mmmcoffee Relationship abandonment
  • replies: 6

In my relationship abandonment, separation and divorce is not an option. I will not be a weekend dad, or see them on every second Xmas. Financially this would ruin us and remove any plans to have my kids an inheritance to look forward to. I want this... View more

In my relationship abandonment, separation and divorce is not an option. I will not be a weekend dad, or see them on every second Xmas. Financially this would ruin us and remove any plans to have my kids an inheritance to look forward to. I want this relationship to be mended, I am throwing everything and the kitchen sink at this, my struggle is the lack of communication, acknowledgement, my wife will not talk to me about our relationship, or on a personal basis, it’s just the normal day to day conversations. One of the needs from Maslow’s hierarchy is belongingness, love, to feel needed. Relationship abandonment leaves me without this need and it is taking its toll on me. I work hard 5 days a week, pay the bills, prepare the dinners, organise the kids showers etc, active Dad with my kids, and I often say to my wife “is there anything you need” hoping that I can get some sort of togetherness, but it generally falls flat on its face with a nonchalant reply – nope. I am not sure what else I am supposed to do, I have no close family or friends to talk to for advice and I don’t know what to expect, my stress levels and anxiety is hard to ignore.